July 10, 2009

Some People Need To Practice Safe Swine

In all of their, er, activities

Pigs at risk from people as new flu spreads

LONDON (Reuters) - There is a growing risk that pigs will catch the new H1N1 flu strain -- commonly known as swine flu -- from humans, German researchers said on Thursday.

Widespread transmission from people to pigs could mix up virus strains further, leading to unpredictable changes in the disease.

There have already been a handful of suspected cases of humans passing the current pandemic H1N1 virus to swine. The latest German research confirms it is infectious to pigs and can spread rapidly.

There's something about the phrase "the latest German research" that just gets me nervous...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:45 PM | Comments (3)

And The Worst Tourists Are...

Sacre Bleu!


French tourists are the worst in the world, coming across as penny-pinching, rude and terrible at languages, according to a new survey.

The study by travel company Expedia asked 4,500 hotels worldwide to rank tourists on their behaviour.

But the competition was fierce

France's rivals for the world's "worst tourist" tag, Spaniards and Greeks, came near the bottom of the pack in almost every category.

Well, my invitation to a certain french couple still stands.

I'm big that way.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:19 AM | Comments (4)

July 09, 2009

Lab Vindication!


Oops! Sorry!

Scottish Judges prove their clear-sightedness

A dog walker who was knocked down and injured by a black labrador has failed to convince appeal judges to award her £160,000 in damages.

...Lord Malcolm said: "In my view, what occurred was an unfortunate and unforeseen collision - it was a pure accident.

"If the law was to consider a labrador running in a field as something which is dangerous in itself, this would come close to making dog owners insurers in respect of all injuries and damage caused by their animals."

...Sir David said the question for the appeal judges became: "Are fully grown black labradors, by virtue of their physical attributes or habits, likely, unless controlled or restrained, to injure severely or kill persons or animals?"

The answer is, of course, hell no!


Would it help if I fell asleep on your feet?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:36 AM | Comments (7)

July 01, 2009

Filed Under: Why Celebrities ALWAYS Know What's Best for Us

...and why they tell us so often.

Because they're deep, people. Deep people. Smart and DEEP, like the deepest blue of Gwinnie's eyes, but deeper than that. Deep like the ocean, but only DEEPER. Deeper than the deep happiness she felt when we all voted for Obama because she told us to, but, like even DEEPER. Like deepitydeepdeepdeep DEEP DEEPER.

But deeper than that.

...In a new interview which is sure to irk her American fans, Gwyneth belittles her native country's 223 years of history compared to the older nation of Spain.

The Oscar winner fell in love with the country when she spent a month living with a family in Talavera de la Reina in central Spain when she was 15.

Speaking in Spanish, she said: 'When I was 15, I went to a small town outside Talavera de la Reina and I had the most wonderful experience. It really changed my life.

'Spain became a second home. It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old.
'Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it's from 500 B.C., it's incredible...'

**fans self** "Incredible", indeed!

I read her words and feel something deep, too...rumbling in my bowels.

Excuse me for a minute.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:41 PM | Comments (19)

What Will Quarterbacks Do Now?

If the FDA takes their candy of choice away?

(CNN) -- A government advisory panel voted Tuesday to recommend eliminating prescription drugs that combine acetaminophen with narcotics -- such as Vicodin and Percocet -- because of their risk for overdose and for severe liver injury.

And there was much crying and gnashing of teeth across the NFL...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:39 AM | Comments (6)

June 30, 2009

The Electricution Of Mary Poppins

We've been out of town for a few days at a family get together. We got home at, oh, 9:30 Sunday night and were greeted by this

That's an 8' patio umbrella. Or was, I should say. It seems that on Friday night there was a rather violent thunderstorm that lifted the umbrella up, ripping it out of its heavy stand in the table on the deck in back of the house, carried it completely over the house and deposited it in the power lines in front.

Needless to say I didn't even attempt to get that sucker down; the good folks at JCP&L came by early yesterday and took care of it.

I got to cut up the tree that came down in the back yard.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:00 AM | Comments (21)

June 28, 2009

Kcruella and Us Were in New Orleans All Weekend

I have no idea what Bingley's miserable excuse will be.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:23 PM | Comments (11)

June 24, 2009

Someone Knows Me Too Well

Got an email this morning titled "Enhance your pathetic existence..."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:21 AM | Comments (7)

June 23, 2009

I'm Thinking Our Local Dealership Should Rephrase

...their "thank you" emails...

It was a pleasure servicing you and your 2002 E430.

I must have missed something when I dropped it off.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:39 AM | Comments (4)

June 19, 2009

Well I'm Sure We'll All Breathe Easier Now

At least in one Florida city

A Florida city has written common sense into its employee dress code: Wear underwear to work.

The Brooksville city council recently approved a revised dress code as part of its effort to update existing policies.

The revision instructs employees to observe "strict personal hygiene," including the use of deodorant. It lists "the observable lack of undergarments and exposed undergarments" as "unacceptable attire."

It also prohibits clothing with foul language or messages promoting drug use, "sexually provocative" garments, halter tops and piercings anywhere except the ears.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:23 AM | Comments (7)

June 17, 2009

A Tattoo Primer

What the location means.


(courtesy of Theo Spark)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:02 AM | Comments (5)

June 16, 2009

Sharon, Email Me

Gmail dumped your address.

And I have access to new Russell Crowe as Robin Hood snaps...::swoon:: His Max is a Must.

Just sayin'.

Girlfriends should share.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:05 PM | Comments (1)

Holy Sh*t!!!

And I mean HO LEE SH*T!!!!!!



Win a Phone Call from the Time Bandit Captains!
Every 100th person who purchases Time Bandit gear from the Time Bandit store will receive a call from one of the Time Bandit Captains! At the end of the contest, one person will be chosen from the winners to receive free, personalized gear! Will you be the keeper? This contest is only going to soak until June 19th! For more contest details and to view the rules, visit "On Deck"



Don't even bother dialing, kiddies. Those salty dogs are MINE.


Oh.

Hi, honey....

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:34 PM | Comments (6)

June 15, 2009

Freakin' Terrific

Microbe Wakes Up After 120,000 Years in Ice

After more than 120,000 years trapped beneath a block of ice in Greenland, a tiny microbe has awoken. The long-lasting bacteria may hold clues to what life forms might exist on other planets.


You know...not EVERYTHING in ice needs to be 'woken up'. The bitch is in telling which one.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:24 PM | Comments (9)

Even If I Wasn't Going to Be in New Orleans

...eating and drinking myself into a well-deserved coma ~ and in spite of the fact that she sounds like a lovely girl who wrote just the sweetest email request ~ SOMEthing in my DNA will NOT allow me to paint something so sweet...

...and so completely VILE.

"...My *** is getting married on July ***...as a...present I was hoping to get...personalized toasting flutes...what I am looking for is a Man wearing...
...a Red Sox T-shirt that says groom above him, and a Woman wearing a Red Sox T-shirt that says bride..."



No, ma'am.

THAT I cannot do.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:16 PM | Comments (6)

June 12, 2009

Rachel Lucas Asks The Question We're All Wondering:

Why???


I am so dead.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:58 AM | Comments (12)

June 10, 2009

"What You Smell is What You Get"

"Burger King and piss and sweat."
A slice of the delightful, HILARIOUS lyrics in this potty-mouthed anthem dedicated to striking UK subway workers.

I'd put that sucker up for a Grammy. A warm Swill salute to Wolf Howling for the find.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:27 PM | Comments (3)

June 09, 2009

Don't Bother Applying

I got it in the bag.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:11 PM | Comments (5)

June 06, 2009

Some Holiday Celebrations Are Real

...quack ups. I won't miss it next year.

[June 5] Today is Dead Duck Day. Like last year, the short open-air ceremony is open to the public. Please come and commemorate the sudden and dramatic death of the mallard duck that entered the scientific literature as the first ever recorded victim of homosexual necrophila in this species, and discuss (new) ways to prevent birds from colliding with glass.

Wait...?! What's that you say? Dead ducks doing...what?



Sad, but true.
The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the
mallard Anas platyrhynchos
(Aves: Anatidae)

Moeliker, C.W., 2001 - The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard Anas platyrhynchos
(Aves: Anatidae) - DEINSEA 8: 243-247 [ISSN 0932-9308]. Published 9 November 2001
On 5 June 1995 an adult male mallard (Anas platyrhynchos) collided with the glass façade of the
Natuurmuseum Rotterdam and died. An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously
for 75 minutes.
Then the author disturbed the scene and secured the dead duck. Dissection
showed that the rape-victim indeed was of the male sex. It is concluded that the mallards were
engaged in an ‘Attempted Rape Flight’ that resulted in the first described case of homosexual
necrophilia in the mallard.


Almost sounds like the result of a grant from the NEA, doesn't it?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:56 PM | Comments (6)

June 05, 2009

Stoopid Saturday Video

...late Friday evening. It's only 18 seconds.



Go ahead, cowards.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:05 PM | Comments (9)

With major dad, I've Always Known I Was Lucky Enough to Have Snagged (From His Cradle, Mind You)

...an époux extraordinairement. Wednesday night, without quibble or whimper, not only did he take me out for a divine dinner, he willingly sat in the theater through the re-release of one of my all-time favorite movies. An utter and complete chick flick.



And, as if that wasn't enough, do you know what he did last night? Do YA?!?!

After noting that Polly Walker was HOT, he told me...he had really enjoyed the movie.

Guy's a keeper.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:59 AM | Comments (2)

June 04, 2009

Quote of the Day

..."In the interest of full disclosure," he added, "this did happen shortly after a waterboarding endurance competition, and just before a clothespins-on-your-genitals challenge."

And they claim Gitmo is torturous...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:29 PM | Comments (2)

Now That's Gotta Hurt

A federal judge says deep-sea explorers based in Florida should give 17 tons of shipwreck treasure back to Spain.

Odyssey Marine Exploration said Thursday it will fight a federal magistrate judge's recommendation that the estimated $500 million in silver coins and other 19th century artifacts go to the Spanish government.




Talk about a booty call...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:58 AM | Comments (13)

June 03, 2009

Now THAT Is Government at Work!

Well, shit howdy ~ something useful this way comes. I Googled me a question:

What the F*CK are these frickin' bubbles doing in my manicure?!?!?!

...and Uncle Sam answered.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:24 PM | Comments (9)

From Our Hidden Camera In D.C.

<a href="http://www.grapheine.com">Agence web Graphéine</a>

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:18 PM | Comments (2)

The Spelling Bee

...REALLY bad on these.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:58 PM | Comments (2)

May 30, 2009

I Do Miss Cromarty

There was just something about that town...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 04:26 PM | Comments (4)

May 29, 2009

Searching for Answers Friday

Harken back to the tune of "Paperback Writer" and its first line. Got it? Now, substitute the snappy ~ and descriptive ~

Toilet Bowl Diver

...and you will know what skill that 110 pound, jowly, low-rent, Looosiana swamp dog of ours has suddenly become an expert in.

WTF, over?

Filed under: Whence Cometh Such EEE-ville?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:53 AM | Comments (1)

May 28, 2009

I Felt Bad For Her ~ Right Up

...to the "no such animal*" part.

Reporter Dragged Kicking and Screaming From Near Air Force One

..."I said, 'I'll take my chances if (the president) comes by here,'" said Lee, who identified herself as a Roman Catholic priestess* who lives in Anaheim, Calif. "He became annoyed that I wouldn't give him the letter."

Lee, who was wearing what she described as a cassock...


Her donuts not all being in the same box and discretion being the better part of valour, the 'hauling away' could be described as "a prudent move".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:53 PM | Comments (4)

It Would Be Remiss of Me Not to Send Our Baby Boy

...A BIG "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EBOLA !!!"

SCHMACK!!!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:48 PM | Comments (15)

Wistful Thought For The Day

She was only a whiskey maker, but I love her still.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:17 AM | Comments (24)

May 26, 2009

"Thank You for Flying Church of England..."

"Cake or Death?"
Eddie Izzard: the lost Legos tapes.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:37 AM

May 23, 2009

As We Remember This Weekend...

Let's hope we can recapture the spirit

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:03 AM | Comments (4)

May 22, 2009

Oh, Dear! This Is



...baaaaaaaaa-d.

So horrifying, I hoof goat to take a break.




Mountain goats are packed up and heading for turbine-free Afghani cave sanctuaries, preferring turbianned Taliban love fests over unmolested but sleepless nights in turbine twanged Taiwan.-TPI

Thanks loads, Blair. I hope the goasts of turbines past keep you up at night.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:56 AM | Comments (2)

May 20, 2009

The Mets Play In Flushing

Here's the proof

A hapless Mets fan tried to make a diving catch when her gold tooth fell into a Citi Field toilet -- and got her arm stuck in the commode.

The unidentified woman's bizarre Flushing adventure happened during last Wednesday's game against the Atlanta Braves, sources said yesterday.

It's unclear how long she was trapped screaming in the john, but stadium security guards and emergency medical personnel eventually showed up.

But they could not pry her loose on their own.

There's no word on whether she stepped on third.

(via HotAir)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:20 PM | Comments (5)

President Obama Has "Tough" Negotiations With The Somali Envoy

...about Piracy

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:11 AM | Comments (1)

May 19, 2009

And That's Why They Play the Game

Because you can't be THAT stoopid and a millionaire doing anything else...unless you're Paris Hilton.

When the Super Bowl XLIII champion Pittsburgh Steelers make their trip to the White House Thursday, one of the players largely responsible for their victory over the Arizona Cardinals says he won't be attending.

Linebacker James Harrison said he'll pass on the invite from President Barack Obama.

..."This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl.

As far as I'm concerned, he [Obama] would've invited Arizona if they had won," said Harrison.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:31 AM | Comments (5)

May 13, 2009

Oh, NOOOEESSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fourth picture. Can't be. C.A.N'.T.

Not...



...Dobby?!?!?!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)

You Said "Engage Auto Pilot"?

Silly me! I thought you said Eroto-Pilot


LOS ANGELES — A helicopter pilot who was videotaped receiving oral sex from a woman as he flew her around San Diego acted so recklessly that his license must be revoked, the National Transportation Safety Board said. The actions of David Martz were so dangerous, the NTSB concluded in a written ruling, that they put the lives of everyone on his aircraft and on the ground below him in danger.

...In rejecting his appeal, the NTSB said both Martz and the woman unfastened their safety restraints during the flight and that her body blocked his access to controls vital to operating the aircraft in an emergency.

Let the jokes begin.

Update: We have an exclusive photo from inside the helicopter:

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:02 AM | Comments (9)

Quote of the Day

"The basic rule of thumb is simple: Don’t stick things in your mouth if you don’t know what they are."
Be ye president or peasant ~ truly words to live by.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:43 AM

May 10, 2009

Hey Paco

If Oscar ever needs someone to talk to...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:55 AM | Comments (3)

May 08, 2009

On A Dark Spanish Highway...

Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell from the tapas, rising up through the air
Far behind in the mirror, I saw a blue flashing light
My foot grew heavy and my grip grew grim
Then I flew out of sight
Then he stood by my door side;
I heard the mission
bell
And I was thinking to myself,
this could be heaven or this could be hell
Then he took out the handcuffs and he led me away
There were voices down the corridor,
I heard the magistrate say...

"Taking a drive in your Ferrari California..."


A Scottish expatriate living on the Costa del Sol has been fined more than £3,000 for driving at the highest speed ever recorded in Granada province.

Alan Heron, who is originally from Glasgow, was also banned from driving for 10 months.

Traffic police caught the 56-year-old speeding at 169 mph in his Ferrari California on a motorway near Baza on Wednesday morning.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:36 AM | Comments (12)

May 07, 2009

Sometimes You Just Feel Like Grumpy

Just looking for something to tear apart and eat in my own Land of the Lost...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:18 AM | Comments (2)

April 30, 2009

"I'm So Much Cooler Online"

Heard for the first time today. Hilarious.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:45 PM | Comments (2)

See What Happens When You Kiss Tom Cruise?

He gave her some of his "Maverick"

Fifty-one-year young Kelly McGillis is starting her "life in a whole different phase," she told rocker and SheWired vlogger Jennifer Corday -- ostensibly coming out as a lesbian.

Corday, in her Girl Rock video blog, asks the Top Gun and The Accused star, that since she is single, is she looking for a man or woman, or both?

In no uncertain terms McGillis responded that what she is looking for is "definitely a woman." McGillis, a long-rumored lesbian who starred on The L Word as a closeted Army Colonel trying a Don't Ask Don't Tell case added that she is "done with the man thing."

Cruise is still trapped in the closet.

(h/t to Ace)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:10 PM | Comments (7)

I Got It One Piece At A Time

And it didn't cost me a dime

A Scarsdale mom was busted for stealing $12 million in gold from a posh Queens jewelry store by slipping it out piece-by-piece in her purse lining, prosecutors said.

So the very next day when I punched in
With my big lunchbox and with help from my friends
I left that day with a lunch box full of gears
Now, I never considered myself a thief
GM wouldn't miss just one little piece
Especially if I strung it out over several years.

For at least the past six years, Teresa Tambunting, a vault manager at Jacmel Jewelry, stole 500 pounds of fine gold jewelry and raw gold, which she hid in the suburban home she shared with her husband and three children, prosecutors said.

The 50-year-old Tambunting hoarded her growing treasure trove in 5-gallon buckets in their basement, law enforcement sources said.

...When Tambunting got wind of the audit, she decided to fess up. She arrived at work in early February dragging rolling luggage bags filled with some of the booty, her boss said.

"The first time, she returned one bag with eighty pounds of fine gold. Then, on another occasion (one week later) she came back with another bag," said Jacmel president Jack Rahmey.


Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:14 AM | Comments (5)

April 29, 2009

Just Sit Right Back And You'll Hear A Tale

A tale of a fateful trip
That left from Andrews AFB
Aboard this flying ship

The mate was a mighty sailing man

The skipper brave and sure

They grabbed their cameras and set sail
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour

The coverage started getting rough
Scared people raised a fuss
The "furious" skipper turned and threw
The Air Force under the bus
The Air Force under the bus...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:54 AM | Comments (19)

April 27, 2009

Quote of the Day

"God, get this DOUCHE off my screen!

Well, since douches actually clean something, it's unfair to douches to call him that."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:47 PM | Comments (4)

Ah! Spring Is In The Air!

And that means romance. You know what I'm talking about, guys. Meeting the one you love for a leisurely meal, lingering over that last glass of wine as the warm rays of the sun slowly sink beneath the western horizon. Rising from the table with that knowing glance, reaching for your beloved's hand, her touch all electric and so filled with potential, your pulse quickening as you and her "retire" to the dumpster

On Friday morning, police on Vancouver Island got a call about suspicious activity in a Victoria suburb. When an officer arrived on the scene, he discovered a man and woman having sex in a dumpster, reports CTV News in British Columbia.

"It's 1:45 a.m. so it's dark and he called out to the people in the dumpster and didn't get any response," Police Sgt. John Price told CTV News. "So he went over there with his flashlight and poked his head in at the bottom of the dumpster."

Inside were two people, naked and intertwined.

Some guys just know what the Ladies like.

(h/t to Ace)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:21 AM | Comments (10)

April 25, 2009

Board Of Edjumacashun FAIL

Shockingly, they lost.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:56 AM | Comments (5)

April 24, 2009

Great Headline On CNN

I'm not able to get a screen shot but it says "North Korea To Try US Women, Agency Says."

I can only assume the Russian Mail-Order brides didn't work out...

Update: Here we go

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:19 AM | Comments (4)

April 22, 2009

At Least You Don't Have to Yell

..."Hey A$$hole!! Down in front!!" for that price.

The price of an average premium ticket is $510 for the Yankees and $150 for the Mets.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:42 PM | Comments (13)

Found on Craig's List Just Now

Searching for Human Resources - Several Individuals Required (Pensacola)

National Start Up Corp looking for reliable applicants to fill new vacancies.

Winning temperament needed. Hospitalization.


I need to know where that last requirement fits in ~ before or after?

I hate quibbling over details.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:12 PM | Comments (1)

Everybody HATES

...a quitter.

Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg
in Webster has one of the world's longest place names. It's been spelled many different ways over the years. Some locals have given up...
...and simply call it Lake Webster.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:20 AM | Comments (1)

April 14, 2009

Due To A Translation Error Now Corrected...

We have discovered the boat in the Bible was actually called "Noah's Kwok"

HONG KONG -- This city's three billionaire Kwok brothers have just the answer for the rising waters threatening the global economy: the world's first life-size replica of Noah's ark, built to biblical specifications off the coast of this recession-struck Chinese financial center.

The message in its 450-foot-long hull, its rooftop luxury hotel and 67 pairs of fiberglass animals: "The financial tsunami will be over," says Spencer Lu, the Kwoks' project director at Noah's Ark, which is opening soon.

Actually, there seems to be an Ark-building epidemic

These are just the latest additions to a veritable ark armada built around the world by the devout and the merely driven -- from a 300-foot-long ark built by a pastor in the Canadian town of Florenceville, New Brunswick, to one built by Greenpeace in 2007 on Turkey's Mount Ararat, warning of "impending climate disaster."

Richard Greene, a 72-year-old evangelical minister, began building his full-size ark, in Frostburg, Md., after a vision he says came to him in 1974. Mr. Greene ran out of funds in the 1990s, leaving a giant skeleton of concrete and steel, but he says that 35 years on, he hasn't lost hope, though he can't help but be in awe of the other ark-builders. "If I got jealous of what other people are doing, this whole thing would have sunk years ago," he says. "You just keep on keeping on...But if God doesn't move a lot quicker, I won't be around to see the completion of this ark."

All these Noah count arks...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:06 PM | Comments (2)

Offered Without Further Comment

...BINGLEY and Gunslinger...

Harvey Strother was a multimillionaire with a small empire of Georgia car dealerships, but when his mistress wheeled him into his lawyer's office to change his will one last time, he was a wine-soaked shell of his former self.


...As Strother aged, his alcoholism worsened. A friend testified that when he saw Strother in December 2003 — shortly after he made the final changes to his will — he was drunk, wearing a diaper...
...and filling a 16-ounce plastic cup from a box of wine.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:42 AM | Comments (5)

April 13, 2009

"Pop Tart" Indeed

You know, I'm thinking that someone was kind of asleep at the wheel in Kellogg's art review department...

maybe it's just me.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:53 PM | Comments (5)

April 08, 2009

So the Text Warble on My Cell Goes Off a Minute Ago

...and it's from an 805 area code, saying "Hey sexy".

Well, who wouldn't want to wake up to that, right? But I'm thinking I don't know this person, so I send back:

"Kinda early 4 that. Who this?"

"It's Angela. We met the other night."

I normally forget who I meet during the course of the evening, but I definitely remember whether I was out to meet anyone to begin with. And I weren't.

"Don't think so...where?"

"We met at Harrys bar and grill. we really hit it off and went back to my place. ringing any bells Nick?"

NICK?!?

"Not me, sorry. Check d number he gave u."

"I did. Omfg he fake numbered me after f*cking me! Damn!"

"B more careful. It's dangerous out there."

"Aww ur sweet. What's ur name hun?"

Good grief. (And the asterisk is mine ~ she spelled the whole thing out.) No lights going on with this chippy, bless her poor affection starved heart. Which set me up for my good deed of the day.

"I'm old enough 2 b yr grandma. B careful and not so quick 2 take some nick home. Have a better day."

Man.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:56 AM | Comments (8)

April 07, 2009

"You Know, These Calls Used to Be Kinda Funny"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:34 AM | Comments (3)

April 06, 2009

I First Saw Them on Austin City Limits

...20 years ago, then never heard of them again (although I'd check the "Obscure Shit" section in music racks). It had been a pretty magical performance, but what had stuck in my mind was the last song they'd played. It was so evocative of a desert caravan ~ you could imagine the camels, the swaying of the trade baskets strapped 'twixt dromedary humps, even hear the bells jingling on the traces. Amazing, amazing stuff.

Some years later, major dad came home with a Delta Sky magazine after a business trip. He showed me an article that had intrigued him, about this group of American musical masters who were world class musicians ("virtuoso" gets used a lot), yet chose to play bluegrass. Each had their own group, but they would get together for jams or special appearences. When I saw the names, I sort of shrieked "THAT'S who I've been telling you about all these years!" The group is called "Strength in Numbers", comprised of Sam Bush - fiddle, mandolin, Jerry Douglas* - dobro, Bela Fleck - banjo, guiter, Mark O'Connor - fiddle, guitar, Edgar Meyer - bass . (*Even if the other names are mysteries, you might recognise a twenty-year-older Jerry Douglas as leader of Alison Krauss' band and his voice for this recording.) And I was elated to find they'd put out an album.

But only one.

Ever.

Sigh.

Needless to say, the next visit to the "Obscure Shit" bin yielded a trophy that I cherish. And YouTube has miraculously yielded a segment of that original, enchanting performance, called "Blue Men of the Sahara".


I dig these guys.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:08 PM | Comments (9)

April 03, 2009

Be Verwy Quiet...

It's raining in Manhattan this morning, I went out for a beer and blue cheeseburger and got home way too late after church last night. I'm pooped.

So I'll leave you this as I go off hunting wabbits...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:19 AM | Comments (5)

April 01, 2009

From Ricki's Link Below

I found this classic

I love this routine.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:24 PM | Comments (1)

Mongo In Manhattan

But it was the horse's fault really

NEW YORK (CBS) ―A former New York City police detective who is a TV news reporter for the Fox affiliate WNYW was charged with intoxicated driving after his car collided with a police horse on Monday night.

Michael Sheehan was arrested in Manhattan's SoHo area. Prosecutors said the 60-year-old Sheehan refused a breath test and this resulted in an automatic suspension of his license.

Defense lawyer Thomas Monaghan said the horse slammed into Sheehan's car, "not the other way around." He said the truth will vindicate Sheehan.

On advice of counsel the horse refused to take a breathalyzer test.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:44 AM | Comments (5)

March 31, 2009

I'm Shocked and Heartsick ~ HOW Did Bingley

...miss this?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:12 PM | Comments (5)

March 26, 2009

Why Wasn't The Charge "Prostitution"?

I'm sure he had to put a couple of bucks worth of quarters in to pay for this, um, "service"

SAGINAW, Mich. — A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

I'm going to be very nervous the next time I order "full service"...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:16 PM | Comments (9)

March 25, 2009

Scots Wha Hae...

wi' Wallace shaved

A razor believed to have been owned by poet Robert Burns is expected to fetch £1,000 at auction in Edinburgh.

Auctioneers Lyon and Turnbull said it came with documentation stating that it was once owned by the "bard himself".

Burns is said to have left the razor at a friend's house in Irvine, Ayrshire. An old note lists its subsequent owners.

"The best stropped razors o' mice an' men/Gang aft astray."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:58 AM | Comments (3)

March 23, 2009

In A Related Story...

Boy do I want to emulate this guy.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:47 AM | Comments (4)

March 20, 2009

Talk About Appropriately Named!

TULSA, Okla. — One of the most deadly spiders in the world has been found in the produce section of a Tulsa grocery store. An employee of Whole Foods Market found the Brazilian Wandering Spider Sunday in bananas from Honduras and managed to catch it in a container.
That teeny tiny passport of his has to be quite a read, but, if I were him, I'd be worried about the next "stamp".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:15 AM | Comments (8)

March 19, 2009

Country Mouse, City Mouse

Carl Hiassen exposes the Sunshine State's livestock and legislative underbelly, in all its darkness.

Sometimes it's not easy to admit that you live in Florida.

Last week, our state Senate boldly took the first step toward making it illegal for a person to have intimate relations with an animal.

Although such a law might thin the dating pool in certain counties, it should ultimately serve to protect household pets and domestic livestock, which evidently are at far greater risk than most of us had imagined.

The cry for justice first arose from the small Panhandle community of Mossy Head, where in 2006 a 48-year-old man was suspected of abducting a neighbor family's pet goat and accidentally strangling it with its collar during a sex act.

I wish I were making this up, but the story is true. The poor goat's name was Meg.



...More unwanted publicity came to Mossy Head when a local entrepreneur began selling T-shirts that said,

''Baaa Means No!''

...Shortly after the fatal encounter with Meg, the same man was arrested while trying to sneak off with another goat. This time he was sentenced to 364 days for theft.

...As Rich's bill was being amended to make sure that some common animal-husbandry practices were exempt, Sen. Larcenia Bullard of Miami spoke up in puzzlement.

''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?''

(I fully expect she'll ask about "violins on TV" eventually.) In the comments:

"All of us are being screwed by the donkey, now that Obama is in."

Perspective is everything.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:42 AM | Comments (11)

March 18, 2009

Jet Blue Schools CEO's in 3 Easy ~ and Confidential ~ Lessons

"Jet Blue can get you to many cities where you own homes or hide money."
"There you have it! Easier than writing off a toxic asset!"
Lesson 2

"Well, it's a brave new world out there..."

Lesson 3

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:33 PM | Comments (3)

You Know, When I Saw This Article...

...My first thought was of that squirrel from the Bridgestone Tire commercial

Bat Boy's last moments

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, Florida (CNN) -- A bat that apparently had trouble flying instead tried to hitch a ride on the space shuttle Discovery, NASA officials said.

The free tail bat was last seen clinging to the space shuttle Discovery's external fuel tank just before launch.

The rodent was last seen clinging on the foam of the external tank of the space shuttle moments before the Discovery launched, officials said.

NASA officials had hoped the bat would fly away on its own, but admitted the bat probably died quickly during Discovery's climb into orbit.

I'm sure PETA will start a campaign to get NASA to protect bats...

Update: Sigh. The problem with having a co-blogger and not checking the other entries before hitting post...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:05 AM | Comments (7)

March 17, 2009

An Emergency Technique to Help Survive St. Paddy's Day

We are nothing if not prepared.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:59 AM | Comments (10)

Erin Go Brothel!


Happy St. Pats!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:18 AM | Comments (2)

March 13, 2009

No Shit, Sherlock

Salt Might Be 'Nature's Antidepressant'

Most people consume far too much salt, and a University of Iowa researcher has discovered one potential reason we crave it: it might put us in a better mood.

...Behavior also came to play a key role in making sure we have enough salt on board. Animals like us come equipped with a taste system designed to detect salt and a brain that remembers the location of salt sources -- like salt licks in a pasture.

A pleasure mechanism in the brain is activated when salt is consumed.

You are singin'...

...to the choir...

...my friend.

And NO ONE here needed a grant to tell you that. (Although a bailout would be nice.) Our wisdom is free for the asking.

Second opinion available upon approved salty snacks offering.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:18 PM | Comments (4)

Speaking Of Pushing And Prodding...

File this under "What The Hell Were They Thinking"

Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George's County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office.
Related Stories

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

At times like these I can easily be convinced that a license should be required before certain people are allowed to breed.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:02 AM | Comments (12)

Even in the Midst of an Economic "Catastrophe Not As Bad As We Think" Crisis

...California never ceases to amaze with its penchant for cutting edge innovation, to wit:

The Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles

Ow.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:58 AM | Comments (11)

March 12, 2009

Obama Finally Finds A Job For Bill

Inspired by Sis' post below it seems that Obama has found the perfect place to make use of the former President's, ah, skills


...he signed an executive order creating the White House Council on Women and Girls.

"The purpose of this Council is to ensure that American women and girls are treated fairly in all matters of public policy," Obama said.

The council will meet regularly, he said, and will include Clinton, noted tax cheat Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner, Secretary of Defense Robert "I never really worked for Bush" Gates and Attorney General Eric "Cowards" Holder among other members, Obama said.

"I sign this order not just as a president, but as a son, a grandson, a husband and a father and a horn-dog wanna-bee," Obama said.

"The Cabinet Position? Why Hill, you vixen!"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:15 AM | Comments (3)

March 11, 2009

Doctor, Doctor! Gimme the News!


"A lot of research shows that people who drink moderately flat-out live longer than those who don't," [Dr.]Lloyd tells Page Six.

I got bad case of believing you!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:15 AM | Comments (9)

March 10, 2009

Your "Holy HOOTCHIE MAMA !!!" Moment of the Day

This, believe or not, is being sold as...

...a prom gown.

I'm guessing Bingley will not be allowing Daughter to shop online this year.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:15 AM | Comments (31)

March 05, 2009

Gaia *Hearts* Drag Racing

Why else would she have created nitrous oxide burping worms?

Aquatic animals that feed on lake and stream bottom sediments burp out small amounts of nitrous oxide, a potent greenhouse gas, a new study finds.

While the biological emissions from these critters pales in comparison to the nitrous oxide emitted by fossil fuel burning, their contribution could increase as more and more nitrogen-rich fertilizer runs off into lakes, streams and seas, the authors of the study said.

The Earth Mother Approves

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:52 PM | Comments (4)

Ted Kennedy Has A Knight Cap

And in other news, the sun came up in the east.

I say let's honor Teddy by naming a major sustainable energy facility after him.

(h/t to Eric)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:42 AM | Comments (2)

Ah Bizkit, I Know The Feeling

Via the god-like Rachel Lucas, any of you with dogs will appreciate the dreaming Bizkit

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:06 AM | Comments (2)

March 04, 2009

Quote of the Day

..."Northwest began serving penis this month as its merger partner Atlanta-based Delta airlines has done for years," Verjee said.
Oh, well, why not, considering what the administration's been serving up.

It was only a matter of time.

I do, however, take issue with this quote:

"Georgia is the top penis producing state in the country."

Everybody knows by now that that honor goes to Illinois.

Update: It appears Jedi mind control tricks are at play in the fields of The One.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:49 AM | Comments (9)

One Ticket...Just A Few Miles From Me

Whoever you are, I hope you remember your Bestest Bud Bing!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:34 AM | Comments (1)

March 03, 2009

My Kind Of Stimulus Plan

This would kick start my economy.

Oh yeah.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:26 AM | Comments (4)

February 28, 2009

Good to See the Old Hometown Getting a Little Attention

...somewhere other than me writing about it for the Swilling.

Pensacola Doesn't Look a Day Over 450 Years Old

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Long overlooked in favor of hot spots like Orlando and Miami, Pensacola hopes a yearlong 450th birthday bash will lure visitors to this city on the western edge of Florida's Panhandle.

Festivals, parades, battle reenactments, art exhibits and other events will commemorate Spanish explorer Don Tristan de Luna's 1559 arrival at Pensacola Bay.

King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia of Spain set the tone with a royal visit Feb. 19, touring the city of 60,000 and visiting Pensacola Naval Air Station, home of the world-famous U.S. Navy's Blue Angels aerial demonstration team.

Nice article, really.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:42 PM

Good to See the Old Hometown Getting a Little Attention

...somewhere other than me writing about it for the Swilling.

Pensacola Doesn't Look a Day Over 450 Years Old

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Long overlooked in favor of hot spots like Orlando and Miami, Pensacola hopes a yearlong 450th birthday bash will lure visitors to this city on the western edge of Florida's Panhandle.

Festivals, parades, battle reenactments, art exhibits and other events will commemorate Spanish explorer Don Tristan de Luna's 1559 arrival at Pensacola Bay.

King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia of Spain set the tone with a royal visit Feb. 19, touring the city of 60,000 and visiting Pensacola Naval Air Station, home of the world-famous U.S. Navy's Blue Angels aerial demonstration team.

Nice article, really.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:42 PM

February 27, 2009

So I Took A Flight On Ryanair Yesterday...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:08 PM | Comments (11)

Quote of the Day

The tenderness of the delicate American buttock...

If you've EVER had the misfortune to intimately encounter the rough, fibrous, weirdly waxy cardboard the Brits call 'toilet paper', you'll understand the 'holier-than-thou' in their condemnation of our Charmin soft nation.



I like to think it leaves us in a better frame of mind to deal with the REAL pricks, scrapes and scratches of life, vice welcoming dawn with a stiff upper lip because you have to. NOTHING starts your day right like a soft, sparkling clean bear ass.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:07 PM | Comments (21)

February 23, 2009

It's Carnival!

So naturally Ken

is off to Rio for a few days.

Lucky devil.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:32 AM | Comments (5)

February 19, 2009

Sister Blogging Will Be Sparse Today

...since I'm going to a party.

The latest chapter in Pensacola's 450-year shared heritage with Spain unfolded Wednesday night with the arrival of King Juan Carlos I and Queen Sofia.

Did you know Pensacola's America's first settlement? 1559, baby. And both the handover of Florida from Spain to the U.S. and the inauguration of Andrew Jackson as Governor happened about 50 feet in front of where I work. Coincidentally, a certain king and queen will be there this afternoon.

And I've got to get cracking before they close the streets off.

This is SO cool.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:34 AM | Comments (9)

One Of The Most Glorious Days Of Our Republic

...Was the day Miracle Whip Died


Today we take a sad look back at the dark day in 2006 when Kraft Foods made the horrible decision to change the recipe for Miracle Whip. In one fell swoop they destroyed a classic American tradition and pushed civilization one step closer to the abyss. We’ve never fully recovered.

While those of us who have class and dignity rightly rejoice in the triumph of the one true brand, sadly there are others who cling to their failed and false idol.

(via Insta, who sadly is whipped)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:18 AM | Comments (10)

February 18, 2009

Debbie Gibson Needs A Maid...And A New Realtor

If this really is her house, what the hell was the realtor thinking in publishing the photos? (click on the photo to enlarge)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:06 AM | Comments (3)

February 14, 2009

To All Our Swillers...

Yeah ~ you guys.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:30 AM | Comments (5)

February 13, 2009

Blame Canada!

Their goose is cookedcuisinarted

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Canada geese got into both engines of US Airways Flight 1549 and forced the plane to ditch into the Hudson River last month, the National Transportation Safety Board said Thursday.

The flight crew of the Airbus A320 put the plane down gently on the river, which separates New York from New Jersey, after the bird ingestion caused both engines to lose power on January 15. All 155 people aboard survived.

Adult Canada geese weigh between 5.8 and 10.7 pounds, although birds from resident populations rather than migratory populations can be heavier.

The plane's CFM56-5B/P turbofan engines were certified in 1996 as being able to withstand bird ingestion of 4 pounds.

This invasion of obese tuque-wearing avians must be stopped!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:32 AM

February 12, 2009

A Convincing, Well Reasoned Stimulus Squandering Strategy

...since we're going boldly where no one has gone before, anyway.

...As a time- and effort-saving alternative, you could take all of those billions and set fire to them, like the Joker in The Dark Knight, or--let me suggest--you could invest them in a grand project, something that would employ thousands, lead to astounding technological breakthroughs, and solve a broad range of challenges facing us.

And I have just the thing.

It is time to build the Starship Enterprise.

Yes, I know what you're thinking: that could take a really long time.





Complete with plans, pie charts and phaser examples. And mini skirts, since "they're the future".

Hard to argue and we thank the Vodkapundit for pinpointing its exact location on the Star Charts.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:20 PM | Comments (1)

Quote of the Day

"Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty too"

I sh*t you not. If THIS is the "change" we've all been waiting for, I "hope" he's right...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:01 PM | Comments (2)

I Sense A Cabinet Appointment In His Future

He certainly has the credentials

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Pro golfer Jim Thorpe has been charged with failing to pay $1.6 million in federal taxes.

The charges filed Wednesday in federal court in Orlando accuse Thorpe of failing to pay taxes on income he earned in 2002, 2003, and 2004.

The charges allege that rather than pay his tax liabilities, Thorpe spent about $2 million on the construction of a new home and another $61,000 on a new vehicle.

The golfer's attorney says his client plans to plead not guilty. The attorney says Thorpe didn't willfully intend to violate the law.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:05 AM | Comments (2)

February 11, 2009

Who Says Jersey Ain't Got Class?

We've got a high-falutin' restaurant offering a "Special Valentine's Day Menu" for, er, $69 per head.

Ah, amor.


It's what's for dinner.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:25 AM | Comments (6)

February 10, 2009

Gotta Love The Post

It's got to be fun working there

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:51 AM | Comments (6)

February 03, 2009

Is That A Squab In Your Pocket?

Or are you just happy to see me, Mate?

An Australian traveller was caught with two live pigeons stuffed down his trousers following a trip to the Middle East, customs officers said today. The 23-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage, said Richard Janeczko, national investigations manager for the Australian Customs Service.

They found the pigeons wrapped in padded envelopes and held to each of the man's legs with a pair of tights, according to the agency.

Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.

The bird smuggler, who arrived in Melbourne on Sunday on a flight from Dubai, is being questioned.

Judging by the photo

I'm guessing this guy is half Sasquatch.

I hate undeclared eggplants.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:51 AM | Comments (4)

February 02, 2009

Happy Groundhog's Day!

Everybody sing along!

UPDATE: 6 more weeks of Winter, friends.


PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (AP) - The world's most famous groundhog saw his shadow Monday morning, predicting this already long winter will last for six more weeks.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:00 AM | Comments (2)

February 01, 2009

Oh, Well.

Poo.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:13 PM | Comments (7)

January 31, 2009

Getting Exposed To Nature

This is not quite what I had in mind

A local Swiss government plans to take action against a sudden and apparently unwelcome phenomenon - naked hikers.

Authorities in the canton of Appenzell Innerrhoden plan to introduce fines for anyone found walking in the picturesque mountain region without any clothes.

They decided to act before this year's hiking season began, after noticing a sudden influx of nudists last year - many of them from Germany.

"FKK", or "free body culture", is a popular pastime in Germany.

It's stories like this that remind me that the Europeans are indeed our Betters in so many ways.

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:57 AM | Comments (7)

January 29, 2009

Pop Quiz: WHAT Is This a Picture Of?

No, dummies! It's a drunk white guy riding a white horse through a snowstorm.

("The HELL you say!!")

Got hisself arrested, yessir.

Not to worry, though, my animal loving compadres.

A friend of Daniels picked up the horse.

All's well that ends well, n'est pas?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:47 PM | Comments (4)

Cars Threaten Earth's Very Existence

Via Cullen comes this scary tale of deadly restraint

Toyota is recalling 1.3 million vehicles worldwide because of a seat belt defect. The recall includes more than 130,000 Yaris models sold in the United States.

Toyota Motor Sales USA says it is working with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration to recall 134,900 model-year 2006 and 2007 Yaris subcompact cars. The automaker says in severe front-end collisions, the seat belt is at risk of causing a foam pad in the vehicle to ignite.

I'm trying to wrap my fragile mind about how exactly this would happen, but I just can't.

In other deadly automotive and bleeding-edge scientific developments, Tim inadvertently reveals that the LHC we need to be greatly concerned about does not lie buried beneath Switzerland but in fact is found on the very straight highways of the Australian Outback: the Large Holden Collider


This is what the W427 is all about. Its engine displaces 7.0 litres, the largest on any current road car. And what the Corvette-sourced engine lacks in the latest technology it makes up with sheer brute.

There’s 375kW, or 500 horsepower in the old scale, so it’s hardly lacking in go. HSV claims the W427 can reach 100km/h in 4.7 seconds, which cements it as one of the fastest four-doors on the planet. It’s also the fastest, most powerful road car produced in Australia.

From the moment you start the engine there’s a discerning growl accompanied by just enough rumble to remind you the W427 isn’t your average family car.

Friends, if two of these collide head-on at top speed the Black Hole that will be created by the impact will most assuredly end civilization as we know it.

As well as be one hell of a waste of Aus $300,000.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:53 AM | Comments (4)

January 26, 2009

It's Business Time

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:36 PM | Comments (4)

January 24, 2009

I Saw This Headline On Drudge

"Ebola may have passed from a pig to a human..."

and I thought "Thank God he's finally grown up."

But alas, that's not what the story's about.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:42 PM | Comments (4)

January 23, 2009

GASP! SHHHHHhhh!!!

For Heaven's sake! Nobody tell Sharon...

...The latest problem, according to the New York Post's gossip column Page Six, is that Russell Crowe has simply become too fat to play the lead role.



Crowe's failure to lose the weight he gained for Scott's 2008 thriller Body of Lies has reportedly forced the departure of Sienna Miller, who was due to play Maid Marian, as the svelte actor's presence might have magnified Crowe's corpulence.

Come to think of it, I'm feeling a bit faint meself...

Even worse: "...producers are "looking for an older, plumper actress to play the role so [Crowe] doesn't look like a paunchy grandpa", so someone suggested:

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:41 PM | Comments (10)

January 22, 2009

Butt What If I've Got a Ticket to Asspen?

Air Canada's medical form includes a diagram of how doctors can calculate the width of a patient's behind.
Cheeky me sure wouldn't want to be left behind!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:47 PM | Comments (9)

January 20, 2009

I Went Down To Sandy Hook This Morning

Just to mark the high tide for the last time, as today is the moment when the rise of the oceans will begin to slow.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:03 AM | Comments (7)

January 18, 2009

Re: Bingley's Grill. There's Cold...

...and then there's OLD.

Happy Birthday, oh Brother of Radiant Sweetness and Light.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:37 AM | Comments (21)

January 16, 2009

I Be Lovin' Me Some Obama!!!

After hoping for ALL THESE YEARS?!?

Dunkin' Donuts coming to town; 3 stores planned

...In August, it could be time to make the doughnuts in Pensacola.

Dunkin' Donuts has announced a plan to build three restaurants in the Pensacola area.

That's change I can believe in!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:42 PM | Comments (8)

I Be Lovin' Me Some Obama!!!

After hoping for ALL THESE YEARS?!?

Dunkin' Donuts coming to town; 3 stores planned

...In August, it could be time to make the doughnuts in Pensacola.

Dunkin' Donuts has announced a plan to build three restaurants in the Pensacola area.

That's change I can believe in!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:42 PM | Comments (8)

In a Cruel, Dog Eat Dog World

...girlfriends gotta stick together.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:59 PM | Comments (4)

January 15, 2009

Hmmm, Tempting...

But still not quite enough to get me to move to Peru

LIMA (Reuters) - Peru's top court has ruled that workers cannot be fired for being drunk on the job, a decision that was criticized by the government on Wednesday for setting a dangerous precedent.

The Constitutional Tribunal ordered that Pablo Cayo be given his job back as a janitor for the municipality of Chorrillos, which fired him for being intoxicated at work.

The firing was excessive because even though Cayo was drunk, he did not offend or hurt anybody, Fernando Calle, one of the justices, said on Wednesday.

Although the combination of Pisco Sours and job security is awfully hard to beat.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:12 AM | Comments (3)

January 12, 2009

Well, That's One Way To Launder Money

Probably not quite what he had in mind, though

The body of a Somali pirate who reportedly drowned soon after receiving a huge ransom has washed ashore with $153,000 in his pocket, his uncle says.

The man was one of a group of pirates who seized the Saudi supertanker Sirius Star in November.

They reportedly received $3m (£1.95m) for freeing the tanker but five were said to have drowned after fleeing.

A relative of the drowned pirate told the BBC the family was now trying to dry out the recovered money.

As an aside, maybe we should give all these pirates money; it seems to be the most cost-effective way to kill them.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:47 AM | Comments (5)

Pet Peeve

Just a quick note to you Casual Friday types out there: arriving at work with the collar of your button-down shirt unbuttoned is not "casual" or "relaxed;" it is slovenly.

That is all.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:07 AM | Comments (9)

January 09, 2009

I'm Hoping It's a Previously Unheard Acronym

...for "Federal Judge".

Ky. fudge freezes assets of oil securities firm
Seems a little awkward just the same.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:32 PM

January 06, 2009

Some Good Questions

The Farce that is the BCS system

In what system does an undefeated team that beat six bowl teams, including the No. 1 team for the last half of the season, have no shot at the title? In what system does a former No. 1 team that only played one bad half in September and would be favored to win the national championship by every sports book have no chance to win the championship? And in what system does another former No. 1 team that loses one game on one freaky play get passed over for a title shot in favor of a team it beat on a neutral field by 10 points? It's a system so absurd and illogical that only Paris Hilton might be able to understand it.

8 game playoff system. Let's go.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:33 AM | Comments (10)

January 05, 2009

Maximus

...LIVES!!!!

It's hard to get much cooler than that!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:17 PM | Comments (4)

January 02, 2009

Just Look At Michael Jackson Now

Sad, really

Ok, well actually it's Karl Lagerfeld. They must be related.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:05 PM | Comments (3)

January 01, 2009

Hair Of The Dog

Somebody tied one on last night...

I really need to keep a better eye on him.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 04:44 PM | Comments (2)

December 24, 2008

It IS the Season of Miracles!!!!!

I have no idea WHAT the aliens did with the entire Notre Dame football team, but, wherever they spirited them off to?

I hope they keep them.

Whoever these body snatcher substitute football guys are? The ones currently MURDALIZING Hawaii?

I hope WE keep them.

Have another Scotch on the Irish, major dad!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL our extended family, from Livermore to Walla Walla, from Miami to Minnesota, Louisiana to Australia, East Brunswick to Austin to England and all points in between. We. Are. So BLESSED.

To be a small part of your lives. And we are so very grateful for your friendship.

Biggest Christmas hugs and all our love.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:57 PM | Comments (12)

It IS the Season of Miracles!!!!!

I have no idea WHAT the aliens did with the entire Notre Dame football team, but, wherever they spirited them off to?

I hope they keep them.

Whoever these body snatcher substitute football guys are? The ones currently MURDALIZING Hawaii?

I hope WE keep them.

Have another Scotch on the Irish, major dad!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL our extended family, from Livermore to Walla Walla, from Miami to Minnesota, Louisiana to Australia, East Brunswick to Austin to England and all points in between. We. Are. So BLESSED.

To be a small part of your lives. And we are so very grateful for your friendship.

Biggest Christmas hugs and all our love.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:57 PM | Comments (12)

December 23, 2008

Today in 1823

The Troy New York Sentinel published a well researched, unbiased, first person story called "Account of a Visit From St. Nicholas". Unlike today's New York reporting, the facts were never in doubt, which is why, I'm sure, we still enjoy it so.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there...

Thank you, Clement.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:31 AM

Today in 1823

The Troy New York Sentinel published a well researched, unbiased, first person story called "Account of a Visit From St. Nicholas". Unlike today's New York reporting, the facts were never in doubt, which is why, I'm sure, we still enjoy it so.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there...

Thank you, Clement.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:31 AM

A Christmas Survey

I'm normally not a big 'meme' poster, but I saw this over at Nightfly's this morning and liked it, so thanks to Tracey here we go:

1. Opening presents: Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

Morning. Christmas Eve is Christmas Eve; it ain't Christmas.

2. What do you do with all the paper as it’s being ripped from presents? What about the ribbon?

In Jersey everything goes to the landfill.

3. Do you take turns opening presents or is it a free-for-all?

Turns. My Bride makes sure every gift is properly recorded for the thank yous.

4. Does someone act like Santa, passing out presents?

Daughter puts on her Santa hat and dishes ‘em out.

5. Do you play Christmas music in the background whilst opening presents?

Of course! And whilst we do that we giggle betwixt ourselves.

6. I have just given you a gift of socks. Tell me what you say to make me believe you like them, you really like them.

My socks life needs all the help it can get!

7. Do you like egg nog?

If you define ‘egg nog’ as a delicious cake batter-flavored bourbon/rum delivery system, then heck yeah!

8. Are there any other kinds of nogs that you’re aware of? If not, why not just call egg nog “nog” if it’s the only nog there is?

I think there’s a Nog in LOTR somewhere…doesn’t he work in Bree?

9. Are there any pre-dinner drinks or snacks available at your house on Christmas and, if so, what are they?

Lots of wine, scotch and gin.

10. What do you wear for Christmas dinner? If you wear elastic pants and admit it, please know I admire you deeply and may very well fall in love with you. Please do not panic.

Depends. If we have non-family company I try to be reasonable; I think this year I may pull out the Mr. Jefferson linen shirt Revolutionary War outfit paired with the tartan vest from Castle Atholl.

11. If you’re not hosting the dinner, do you assist in the pre-dinner prep?

I try. The kitchen is where the food and booze are.

12. If so, have you ever considered starting to play with the nearest child immediately upon your arrival at said Christmas dinner, causing him or her to REQUIRE your delightful company up until the very moment dinner is served thereby making it impossible for you to leave the little angel’s side and assist in the kitchen lest a loud, unsightly tantrum ensue? I’m just sayin’ is all. I myself would not do this, oh no, but I would not judge you should you decide to give it a whirl.

I’d much rather be in the kitchen.

13. What’s for Christmas dinner? Along that same vein, what time should I be there?

I’m smoking a 15lb turkey over cherry. I’ll brine it tonight in an apple juice based brine tonight for 24-36 hours or so to enjuicify it. We’ll have mashed ‘taters and baked yams, some type of green vegetable, stuffing, and of course I’ve got a couple cases of wine lying about.

14. Do you have a kiddie table and will I be forced to sit there?

Nope, no kiddie table. Kids eat at the Big Table. The only way the little turds will learn to act like adults is to treat them like them.

15. Who is tipsy at your Christmas dinner, besides me, of course?

Everyone damn well better be, or I have failed.

16. Is there something that is tradition at your Christmas dinner that you cannot stand or simply do not understand?

Nope.

17. Turkey: White meat or dark meat?

I’m a white meat man. My Bride is a dark meat-er. We were made for each other.

18. Turducken: I know what it is. I need to know why it is. Please enlighten.

I made one of those one Christmas. It was…different. (And man was my kitchen ugly back then; thank God we re-did it.)

19. Cranberry sauce: yea or nay?

Yea!

20. What happens after dinner? Napping? Squabbling? Frolf?

Cleaning dishes and more wine.

21. What’s for dessert?

Apple pie, I think.

22. What’s the best Christmas dessert, in your opinion?

I’m not a real big dessert eater, but if you happen to pour me a nice glass of sauterne I’m yours.

23. Now that it’s dessert, who is snockered? You can tell me.

I better be.

24. How many pieces/helpings of dessert do you have? Just know that whatever number you tell me, I will double it in my head to get closer to the truth, ‘mkay, Peaches?

See #22

25. Will Christmas carols be sung loudly and off-key, ad nauseum, until baby Jesus cries?

No, we’re pretty in-key, in a low-key sort of way.

26. Will you be forced to pose for photos at some point by someone making their giddy artistic vision your immediate personal burden?

Perhaps one or two at the very most.

27. Finally … Christmas day exit strategy: What’s yours?

Since it’s at my house I can stumble off to la-la land any time I want…after I’ve done the dishes.


Feel free to expound on your own in the comments.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:42 AM | Comments (9)

December 20, 2008

It IS the Season

...of wonderments.

The Las Vegas Bowl is going to have the burliest, manliest, sexiest national anthem ever, and there's nothing you can do about it. Sure, the matchup of BYU and Arizona may seem like the odd couple of bowl pairings between a middling-to-good Pac-10 team and the third best team in the Mountain West, and that's not even taking the glaring cultural differences into account.

...Davis [sic] Hasselhoff will perform the National Anthem at Saturday's Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl.
And don't you know the *^&$#ING network starts their broadcast AFTER the anthem***?!?!?!? I'm scouring YouTube so I can share it with all my friends...HERE...before they see it anywhere else.

*** In the interest of hopey change and transparency, I must confess that I. AND major dad. Have heard the Hoff warble about "dawn's early light"...before. But LIVE and in PERSON. (Jesus, this is DIFFICULT.)

It's true.

We were in Turn 4 of the Indianapolis Speedway (Known fondly to locals as "The Brickyard".), having lost our collective minds during the introduction of Chuck Yeager as the (HOT yellow Vette) Pace Car driver, when the announcer spaketh yet again over the public address system: "And NOW! To perform our NATIONAL ANTHEM.....David...HASSELHOFF!!!!"

Stunned. Silence. Drunken revelry extinguished in a shocked moment of clarity.

And then damn near all 500,000 souls in attendance cried in agonized synchronicity,

"David...HASSELHOFF?!?!?!?!"

Yup.

I wasn't aware blogging could be so cathartic.

And that I get to share the experience.

Lucky y'all.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:55 PM | Comments (4)

December 13, 2008

And In A Cozy Hamlet In New Jersey...

Nightfly dreams of what could have been

WASHINGTON (AP) -The tall guy holding the camera in the Washington Capitals ' locker room works for the team's Web site.

Two and a half hours earlier, the same guy was sitting on the Capitals' bench serving as an emergency backup goalie.

Dreams can come true...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:47 AM | Comments (2)

December 11, 2008

Headline Of The Day (So Far...)

"Three-way trade sends Putz to Mets"

Another one?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:44 AM | Comments (5)

December 09, 2008

Dear SWEET Baby Jesus

We, your humble (and admittedly, occasionally irreverent: Skyler excepted)(Bill, too) servants on this spinning outerspace sin-globe, beg and entreat Thee ~ on bended knee and scruffy prayer rug ~ that Thou mayest do in all Thy divine power to keepeth our President Elect: Office of, as clean and shiney as Yul Brynner or Bingley's pate. Engage Thy Holy Super Powers to keepest The One free from the slings and arrows of Fitzgerald misfortune, and untainted by the foetid Blagosphere threatening to engulf all the Land of the Illini and suck them into the black pits of Hell. Let not his Changey Spirit have been corrupted by his scurvy friends mentors associates, whom he barely knew knows people he never saw before in his whole life. EVER.

Let The One remain sugar sweet and smoke free as our President, Dear Lord. Let there be-eth (as we say in the Corps) no "Office Change of Command", keeping us safe and MOST IMPORTANTLY...

"President BIDEN" free. (Oh, say aMEN, my brothers!)

Amen.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:51 PM | Comments (8)

Oh, How THOUGHTful, Studly and EXCITING!!!

Presenting a GREAT Christmas present for Kcruella!!!!

Come ON, now! NOTHING could be THAT great!!! (And I wouldn't share, anyways.) No, no, I'm talking about a studly addition to her beloved Mets.

The New York Mets have reached a preliminary agreement with record-setting closer Francisco Rodriguez on a $37 million, three-year contract.

Schmaybe "premature ejac "collapse" will be a thing of the past. And isn't THAT worth celebrating?

"Oh, you betcha."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:42 PM | Comments (3)

December 04, 2008

Looking For A Present For The Person Who Has Everything?

Then this might be the answer for you.

"Caganers."

They're kind of like Dubliners.

Only different.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:42 PM | Comments (13)

November 30, 2008

It's Been a Long Frickin' Week

I wanted to revisit a beloved favorite, but was unwilling to spend the 3 hours doing so. This answered the call nicely...

...UNlike THIS stoopid exercise, which engages braincells I haven't even BIRTHED yet. I mean, really!!! WTF IS that anyway?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:58 PM | Comments (2)

November 27, 2008

A Thanksgiving Story

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to
the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms
and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to
ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, when the bird continued...

"Might I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

(via my F-I-L)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:25 AM | Comments (3)

November 25, 2008

For Skyler

You were right, you know.



And to those of you who haven't seen "Streets of Fire"...do. But make sure you can CRANK the sound. You'll probably recognize quite a few of the fresh YOUNG faces in it, too. Michael Pare, Diane Lane, Rick Moranis, Robert Townsend, Rick Rossivich, Bill Paxton, Willem DaFoe...it goes on and on, with Walter Hill directing and Ry Cooder music. Even has a certain Marine Jahan, who would later do the dancing in a famous Jennifer Beals movie.

It's been a staple in our house since it hit VHS tape and the soundtrack cassette at full volume/base walked a stained glass lamp right off one of the Altec-Lansings.

I always wanted Diane Lane's little dresses. It's quite the prettiest she's ever looked.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:53 PM | Comments (6)

For Skyler

You were right, you know.



And to those of you who haven't seen "Streets of Fire"...do. But make sure you can CRANK the sound. You'll probably recognize quite a few of the fresh YOUNG faces in it, too. Michael Pare, Diane Lane, Rick Moranis, Robert Townsend, Rick Rossivich, Bill Paxton, Willem DaFoe...it goes on and on, with Walter Hill directing and Ry Cooder music. Even has a certain Marine Jahan, who would later do the dancing in a famous Jennifer Beals movie.

It's been a staple in our house since it hit VHS tape and the soundtrack cassette at full volume/base walked a stained glass lamp right off one of the Altec-Lansings.

I always wanted Diane Lane's little dresses. It's quite the prettiest she's ever looked.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:53 PM | Comments (6)

There Are Times When I Really Hate You Tube

Of course, when they show Al Qaeda videos. But mostly, when the reality doesn't quite match up to the fond, 20 year old memory I have. I can only believe that the initial impression was apparently distorted by the amount of alcohol perpetually in my system during a WestPac, because, while the song is still compelling...

...dear GOD, the video sucks. Bad. I guess I don't dare risk another emotional drubbing looking for "Jump".

Oh, what the hell. Cover me ~ I'm goin' in...

Thank GOD!!!

My faith is restored.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:55 PM | Comments (8)

November 24, 2008

Breaking News!

The brutal Barbie murder is solved: they've arrested Ken.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:07 PM | Comments (7)

Testing Testing

1
2
3

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:13 PM | Comments (7)

Maybe It's The Effects Of Sis' Hoffness Below

But when I saw this photo about the mystery piano in the woods

I thought...I've seen that piano before

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:46 AM | Comments (4)

November 23, 2008

So I'm Cruising Up 81 Yesterday In Deep SW Virginia

Aw hell, it was probably only 7:30 or so in the morning. I had the cruise control set right at 65 (well, 66, really) and this black pickup goes flying by me, his rear window emblazoned with a large "Ron Paul: Libertarian For President!" bumper sticker as he proudly displayed his disdain for the crushing, all-encroaching apparatus of the State.

About two miles later I came around a corner and I found him pulled over by a Virginia State Trooper.

Am I a Bad Person™ for finding this deliciously ironic?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:27 AM | Comments (4)

November 22, 2008

VINDICATION, My Friends

...is SCHWEET!!

UNFORTUNATELY, THE SHOW ITSELF SUCKS: Knight Rider’s KITT is a Hydrogen Electric Hybrid. At least, I watched a few minutes of the new Knight Rider a while back and found myself unexpectedly admiring the comparative genius of...
David Hasselhoff.

Oh....

...YEAH.

UPDATE: It IS the Season of Giving! Schweet Baby Jeebus, a gen-you-ine Blogfadda Instalanche!!!! Merci, Professor and a Warm Swill Welcome, gentle InstaHoff-ians! And yes, there is a teensy bit of Hasselhoff history (and ~ bafflingly ~ no small amount of animus on the part of our peevish and distinctly un-Hoff cultured regulars)(I mean, seriously ~ whut up wid dat?), hence my crowing. God BLESS the good Professor.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:24 PM | Comments (11)

November 19, 2008

Talk About Trying to Corner the Market!

4 Illegal Immigrants Found in Wal-Mart Truck

I had NO idea you could put them on lay-away. That Walton family thinks of everything.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:54 AM | Comments (3)

Quote of the Day

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.
And, no ~ "knuckle" isn't the correct answer.

She didn't crash the car when he walloped her, so I'd guess you could call it the "Miracle Whip". However, we'd have to ask our Curdled Cat Piss expert if that'd be an accurate description.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:39 AM | Comments (7)

November 17, 2008

The Economy May Be Glum For You

But things are definitely looking up for me, based on this email:

Dear Friend, Greetings! It's really disturbing and worrying that you will keep mum all these while. I can't get it; I've tried all your numbers without success. Your email doesn't seem to be working anymore, as there are always no responses to my mails. What could be happening please?.

It’s been over one month that the VISA ATM CARD of (USD$750,000.00) was Loaded in your favor and you can Withdraw your money in any ATM Cash Point Machine Worldwide and the Maximum you can Withdraw daily is (USD$1,000.00). Since I did not hear from you, I went and deposited the ATM CARD Package with Access Trust Delivery Company Accra, Ghana before I traveled UK for a year Course that will end on the 6th November, 2009.

You need to contact the Access Trust Delivery Company and request for the immediate deliver of your package. For your information, I have paid for the Dispatching, Insurance and Clearance Certificate charges of the ATM CARD showing that it is not a Drug Money or to sponsor Terrorism.

Thus, quickly contact the Access Trust Express Courier Company for the delivery of the ATM CARD Package with this information bellow.

Access Trust Express Courier Co. Ltd.
Contact Person: Mr. James Michael
Position: Dir. Foreign Delivery Department.
# 117 Sir Arku Korsah Street, Roman Ridge,
P.O. Box, AD237, Greater Accra Region of Ghana.
E-Mail: accesstrustexpresscouriercoltd@gmail.com

Make sure that you provide them with your current delivery details such as your (Full Name, Office or Residence Address and Direct Call Number) to avoid any mistake on the delivery. Try to contact them once you receive this massage for their immediate action. And notify me through (+44- 703-199-5860) once you receive your VISA ATM CARD as I might not be contacting you soon because I am very busy with my course here in the UK.

As a matter of fact, you must contact the above Company by indicating the following Code (CZ-61-42-EX) as the rightful beneficiary of the ATM CARD Package of (USD$750,000.00) to enable them attend to you and deliver the ATM CARD Package to you as they have the code in their record.

Take care and remain Blessed.

Yours really,

Mr. Emmanuel Annan.

Now you'll pardon me if I'm offline for a while as I must rush to take advantage of this most generous offer. It will be a truly wondrous holiday season at the Bingley household now!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:48 AM | Comments (8)

November 12, 2008

Attention Christmas Shoppers!

Like me, I'm sure you've been stumped about what to get our buddy Val at Babalu Blog for Christmas.

Well, wonder no more!

(thanks to Sad Old Goth for the pointer)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:40 AM | Comments (5)

November 10, 2008

I Saw This Frickin' Thing

...and thought it was an election map.

It might as well be, for all the good the 'facts' are gonna do when the Global Warming President gets to town and has to pay for all those promises. The thought chills me to the bone, El Niño not withstanding.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:59 PM | Comments (6)

November 07, 2008

TGIF Sentiments From an Investor Kinda Kitteh

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:42 PM

No Question, the Squeeze Is On

More true for some than others, though.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:38 PM | Comments (2)

Your Zen Shot of the Day

I hope Barney's up on his shots. You never know where that reporter's hand has been.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:03 PM | Comments (7)

November 03, 2008

You Can Have My Twinkies...

When you pry them from from my cold dead fingers

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin (AP) -- Hostess Twinkies are becoming the latest product remade and repackaged into 100-calorie snack packs, a product some analysts say could do well given that more people are packing their own lunches in the slumping economy.

The maker of the golden yellow, creme-filled cake is launching "Twinkie Bites" nationwide in stores on Monday.

I'm thinking "Twinkie Bites" is really not the best name...

Slimmed down Twinkies?

You communist bastards!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:26 AM | Comments (5)

So Sarah Palin Comes Home From Hunting...

With a deer she has shot and cooks it for dinner.

Both she and Todd decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue.

"Well," he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes".

Hearing this, Willow screams to Piper

"Don't eat it, it's an asshole!"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:29 AM | Comments (4)

October 31, 2008

So It's THS's Favorite Day

But she is nobly sacrificing her own personal holiday to work with the veterans; that's the kind of gal she is, the kind who cares about you, Dear Friends.

I'm sure her and Major Dad will sneak out later for a romantic bite to eat


Back at our chateau, Daughter went to school today wearing a big t-shirt and her flannel pj bottoms.

She said she was a "nudist on strike."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:27 PM | Comments (3)

Friday Humor

I don't know about you, but I am so tired of all this election stuff that I just want to laugh, drink, and forget about anything to do with these races. So to lighten the mood I'm going to post a bunch of great (i.e. really bad) puns that I received via email yesterday; to lighten my mood I'm going to see The Capitol Steps in Red Bank tonight.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudal ism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:02 AM | Comments (7)

October 29, 2008

FLIP! Obama's Pre-empting the World Series Pre-Game Show

An indication of how disgusted I am by the whole "Cult of the Almighty Obama Cleanse"? Yes, it's true. And I admit it in spite of everything I've ever, ever indicated before.

I would far rather sit ~ would PAY MONIES with an AVS verified creditcard to sit ~ through a half hour of that insufferable, blithering, blathering idiot, Tim McCarver, than spend one FREE minute SECOND listening to the Messiah lecture and pontificate.

Tuning to "Pushing Daisies" in 3, 2, 1...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:54 PM | Comments (4)

October 27, 2008

Mr. President, BUILD THAT FENCE!

Making a run for the border...

And you thought Obama had terrorist links...

...Suspicious of the chunky diapers, inspectors with U.S. Customs and Border Protection at the international bridge in Hidalgo found several links of spicy pork sausage, or chorizo, inside.

...The Mission resident, who was not identified after the Friday night incident, was fined $300

and her chorizo was seized.

I guess she was trying to pamper her contraband.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:39 PM | Comments (5)

October 22, 2008

How Cool Is This?

Screw the election; today we're all about weird science

NEW YORK (AP) - Just two weeks after a Nobel Prize highlighted theoretical work on subatomic particles, physicists are announcing a startling discovery about a much more familiar form of matter: Scotch tape.

It turns out that if you peel the popular adhesive tape off its roll in a vacuum chamber, it emits X-rays. The researchers even made an X-ray image of one of their fingers.

..."We were very surprised," said Juan Escobar. "The power you could get from just peeling tape was enormous."

...In the new work, a machine peeled ordinary Scotch tape off a roll in a vacuum chamber at about 1.2 inches per second. Rapid pulses of X-rays, each about a billionth of a second long, emerged from very close to where the tape was coming off the roll.

That's where electrons jumped from the roll to the sticky underside of the tape that was being pulled away, a journey of about two-thousandths of an inch, Escobar said. When those electrons struck the sticky side they slowed down, and that slowing made them emit X-rays.

This so far only seems to work in a vacuum., but I could imagine an x-ray device for an area with no electricity: you pop a roll of scotch tape into a chamber, close it and create a vacuum using a hand pump, and peel off tape in the chamber via a hand-turned crank whilst holding the device over the body part you want to x-ray.

Neat, neat stuff.

Insert body part here

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:41 PM | Comments (7)

October 19, 2008

HIP! HIP! HOO

RAYS !!!!!

Rays and Phillies in the Series.

Man, how wild is THAT? And who'd a' EVER thunk it?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:43 PM | Comments (3)

October 18, 2008

Thought For The Day

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:59 AM | Comments (3)

October 16, 2008

I'm Betting On A Winning Season This Year

Via Tim, I'm betting that this team will qualify for the playoffs, get killed in their final regular season game but win the final victory in the Championship game

Christ runs for 232 yards in Catholic victory

With Schuhl out with turf toe, Christ carried 23 times for 232 yards and three scores as the Gloucester Catholic High School football team improved to 4-0 with a 42-7 victory over Woodstown in a Tri-County Conference Royal Division game.

"It's a good opportunity for me to start and show myself as a junior and get my name out there," said Christ. "I just wanted to come out, pursue, win and do what needed to be done."

Christ did a tremendous job running downhill and when he took a hit, he seemed to accelerate. Christ scored on runs of 24, 1 and 51 yards the last bouncing off several would-be tacklers and sprinting to the end zone.

"If they don't wrap me, I'm just going to put my legs out and keep them moving," said Christ.

I actually was at the game and snapped this photo of the epic triumph

"Christ runs for 232 yards in Catholic victory"

Headline of the year, folks.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:35 AM | Comments (8)

October 07, 2008

Bi-Partisan Pop

This is pretty neat.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:30 AM

October 06, 2008

Oh, MAN ~ Islamofascists Have Finally CROSSED the LINE!

Silenced?!?!?! I KILL THEM!!!!!

Comedian Defends 'Achmed the Dead Terrorist' Puppet Routine Against South African Ban

It's no laughing matter.

Funnyman ventriloquist Jeff Dunham is fuming after a ringtone advertisement based on his popular comedy skit, "Achmed the Dead Terrorist," was scrubbed from South African TV because it mocks Islam.

...ASA officials said a South African man, Moegamat Khan, had filed a complaint that the commercial was offensive to the Islamic religion and created an impression that all Muslims were terrorists.

And the ASA agreed. "To associate this divine inspiration to a terrorist is offensive to the people who believe in [Muhammad]," the authority ruled. Muslims make up 2 percent of South Africa's population.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM | Comments (1)

October 05, 2008

Well, If It'll Take the Rust Off Your Car...

IV. Summary and Conclusion:

My conclusions were that Coke and Dr. Pepper dissolved the
most. I found out everything I wanted to know. I expected Coke
to dissolve the most and 7-Up to dissolve the least. I was
right.


...somehow, this isn't that surprising.
A researcher who figured out that Coke explodes sperm and scientists who discovered that people will happily eat stale chips if they crunch loudly enough won alternative "Ig Nobel" prizes Thursday.

Other winners included physicists who found out that anything that can tangle, will tangle and a team of biologists who ascertained that dog fleas jump farther than cat fleas.

...She said she was serious in testing the soft drink because women were using it in a douche as a contraceptive and, later, to try to protect themselves from the AIDS virus.


In THAT case, I'd like to buy the Third World a Coke!

HOLD THAT!!
Schmaybe not...
CHEMISTRY PRIZE. Sharee A. Umpierre of the University of Puerto Rico, Joseph A. Hill of The Fertility Centers of New England (USA), Deborah J. Anderson of Boston University School of Medicine and Harvard Medical School (USA), for discovering that Coca-Cola is an effective spermicide, and to Chuang-Ye Hong of Taipei Medical University (Taiwan), C.C. Shieh, P. Wu, and B.N. Chiang (all of Taiwan) for discovering that it is not.

::sigh:: Who to believe anymore?

As always, the winners' list is seriously hilarious. The extensive research done on Bingley actually won a category!
REFERENCE: "You Bastard: A Narrative Exploration of the Experience of Indignation within Organizations," David Sims, Organization Studies, vol. 26, no. 11, 2005, pp. 1625-40.
WHO ATTENDED THE CEREMONY: David Sims

God bless Mr. Sims. I can't imagine what he went, through considering the subject.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:19 PM | Comments (4)

October 02, 2008

Any Clue WHO This Search Term

...is referring to?

african american hair by iranian bob cute short

"Iranian Bob"?

I only know one Bob: kinda cute, sorta short, but Iraqi.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:06 PM | Comments (1)

September 27, 2008

Your Saturday Morning Electronica

...composed entirely of Mac alert sounds

Once again, the amount of time some people have on their hands never ceases to amaze.

(h/t Insta)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:13 AM | Comments (4)

September 18, 2008

A Lesson to Get You Through the Weekend

"Counting to Four"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:04 PM | Comments (4)

September 16, 2008

Yes, the Swill Campaign Gear You ALWAYS Wanted

...is now available for the discriminating pink patriot OR the patriot confident enough in his masculinity to wear pink. Like, for instance, major dad!

No less an expert than the Vodka Pundit, his OWN self told Bingley to quit being a p-word and let sister sell it to purchase toilet paper the volunteers* desperately need.

Bingley crumbled like a four day old Melba Toast.

Somedays you gotta call in the big dogs to get something done.

UPDATE: *A healthy portion of the SARAHcuda Collection
profits will benefit the Veterans for John McCain ~ Pensacola, FL office, and their ongoing scrabble for monies to purchase toilet paper, bottled water and fatty snacks for the hard working volunteers.

Like tree hugging sister.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:15 PM | Comments (2)

September 11, 2008

Oh, the Horror! Watching My Rutgers vs UNC

...all I can do is channel the groundskeepers from "Major League".

"Dey shitty."

Dey are.

Whaddupwidat?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:56 PM | Comments (3)

September 10, 2008

I Find It Oddly Appropriate...

...That this guy lives in "Nutley"

NEW YORK (CBS) ― A former Verizon technician racked up $220,000 in phone-sex calls by tapping into the land lines of nearly 950 customers, authorities charged on Tuesday.

Joseph Vaccarelli, 45, of Nutley, made approximately 5,000 calls, resulting in 45,000 minutes of call time, Bergen County Prosecutor John L. Molinelli said in a news release.

and that he also made his living on a pole.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:29 AM | Comments (1)

September 09, 2008

I Love To BBQ As Much As The Next Guy

But I don't really want to BBQ the Next Guy; even I draw the line at dry-rubbing someone and hitting them with, er, a sausage

Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

...The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage.

On what I'm sure is a completely unrelated note, someone who just also happens to live in California has disappeared.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:31 AM | Comments (6)

September 08, 2008

Recycling the Baker's Dozen

Dog has 13 golf balls removed during op
'He hunts them down like truffles,' says owner
Guess WHAT kind of dog! What a surprise, right? You know, Labradorks are known as easy feeders. Now I guess we can add "green" to the breed description.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:04 PM | Comments (5)

September 05, 2008

Yes, Yes Yukon

I find it deliciously ironic that the man who chose Joe Biden as his running mate would complain that parts of Sarah Palin's speech were written by someone else.

Maybe it's because she paid her speechwriters.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:57 AM | Comments (1)

August 27, 2008

He Never Would Have Gotten So Long, If He Hadn't LIED About Making It

...well...so long.

WHAT: Steve Warshak, founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, was sentenced Wednesday to 25 years in prison.

"A sleighful of confidence and a sackful of pride!"


Never promise a guy a new thang if you don't have one to give him. Men are so pissy that way.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:23 PM | Comments (3)

Today's Joke

My Dad called a little while ago from his home in northern Alabama. He said that Walmarts all across the state have sold out of rifle ammunition, because

folks heard that the Russians invaded Georgia.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:03 PM

August 25, 2008

Thinking INside the Box

I lasted .03334 secs.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:25 PM | Comments (10)

August 22, 2008

"I Agree With the Kids: Run Away NOW!"

"Anyone can see that's a f*cking carnivore!"
Real Live Dinosaur

Thanks to ebola for the animatronics in the hall.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:12 PM | Comments (1)

August 21, 2008

There's Nothing More Terrifying Than a Mother Protecting Her Cub


...in the face of the unspeakable.

...Lilo [ed:Lindsey Lohan] was texting Billy Bush (???) the other day during Access Hollywood’s interview with Michael’s mom Debbie Phelps. Lilo wanted Billy to relay a message to Michael:

“Tell him he’s f8cking amazing, and I want to meet him.”

Best part is Billy decided to show this to Debbie who looked about as repulsed as a mother can get and spontaneously and hilariously vocalised her repulsion too:

"OK, Lindsay!!! -- Delete! Delete! Delete!"

In other words – get your low classy, child star drama away from my son.


That would be my sentiments, exactly.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:27 AM | Comments (9)

August 18, 2008

I Hope We ALL Heed This Lesson

Authorities cut open a slain bear and found a shoe lost by a Florida man while fighting off a bear that attacked his 8-year-old son in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

The footwear was discovered in the black bear's stomach during a necropsy at the University of Tennessee Veterinary Medical Center, Smokies spokeswoman Nancy Gray said Monday.

It leaves little doubt rangers killed the right bear.


No, not the "ask Manolo about fashion forward forest footwear" lesson. I mean the "don't tease bears when you smell like a bucket o' Popeye's spicy" lesson!

Authorities say the attack was unprovoked, though Pala said their clothes might have smelled like fried chicken from a meal an hour earlier.

Jeez louise, I've got a brain and an opposable thumb, and I'd still bite you for that!

Fried chicken is one of the world's least understood provocateurs. Makes anything with olfactory neurosensory cells lose it's mind.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:26 PM | Comments (12)

ebola Just Sent

...this.

I think the questioner needs to ask Roseanne Barr, as a map would be a waste of time.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:10 AM | Comments (3)

Watching the Track Types on the Olympics Last Night

...I was reminded of a magical vacation we took in the early 60's, when Bingley was just a Brussell sprout. He developed chicken pox while we were there. In answering a customs officer's question about the origin of the puling infant's pustules, mother described them as the result of "swarms of mosquitoes taking tender baby bites". They let us on the plane back to New York. Only afterward did she find out about the machete that Grinch had received as a parting gift from the gardener and tucked ~ unsheathed ~ into his golf bag. How the other customs guy shoved his hand down into the bag and came up with all his fingers is a mystery to this day.

Mountain Man and I, being all of 6 and 9 or so years old, had the best time. For instance, the garbage service consisted of one affable native, an ancient donkey and a well worn but servicable cart with a couple drums lashed to the back. Such as the times were, he offered to take the children and mother duly dumped us in the cart to help him with his rounds. EVERY OTHER DAY. ( I would happily have handed ebola off to the first stranger in a wheeled conveyance, had one wanted him, but none did and now you wouldn't dare. That's a shame.) (That you can't trust the cart man, I mean.) (Not about getting rid of ebola. What kind of mother do you think I am? He only gets given away if they bring him back.) (Pffft. And don't they always.)

So wonderful childhood memories sparked by the Jamaican uniforms.

And now I can't get the damn song out of my head.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:41 AM | Comments (5)

August 17, 2008

Whoa. Wait. Go Back a Minute. WHAT

...was that forecast for Wednesday...?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:17 PM | Comments (5)

August 15, 2008

"A Giant Inflatable Turd"

No, not Al Gore, but the resemblance is striking.

And, on any given day, I'll bet you the turd makes more sense.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:46 PM | Comments (5)

Wanna Know How I Knew This Was a Hoax?

Sasquatch hunters claim hairy corpse is Bigfoot
Two men say DNA will prove that the frozen creature is legendary beast
These guys may have a freezerfull, but any red blooded American should recognize the suit...

(And how can you be a "legendary Bigfoot hunter" if you've never actually caught one?)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:32 PM | Comments (5)

August 13, 2008

Ah...No. We Watched the WHOLE Thing

US team blame stadium official for gymnastics loss
Strange to blame officials, since the Chinese team had just handed you an opening with their own balance beam bobbles.

While a transparent attempt at shifting the blame, it was completely the "falling-on-the-ass"pect that cost the U.S. the gold. And don't nobody do that but your ownselves.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:51 AM | Comments (3)

August 12, 2008

The Most Popular Part In Lower Manhattan

And I do mean "in" and not "of."

Seriously. I walk by here every day, and the crowd of tourists is many deep and never ending...and they are having a great time getting their pictures take next to it...embracing it...caressing it.
And, let's be honest: if you were a tourist in Manhattan, you'd be there too!

You know what I'm talking about...

Yeah baby.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:17 PM | Comments (10)

August 11, 2008

FIGHT! For Your RIGHT!

When the state says neigh "nay"!

Md. woman sues state for right to massage horses


I'd say she's a shoe-in.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:25 AM | Comments (7)

August 08, 2008

More Than Anything Obama Has Ever Said

...THIS has touched my soul and forced me to see my prejudice in a truly new light.

Yub, yub ~ it's ashamed I am.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:48 AM | Comments (12)

A Site That Appeals To The Voyeur In Me

The Real Estalker

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:45 AM

August 07, 2008

The Mostest Studliest Jarhead and Bestest Husband IN THE WORLD

...turns 50 today. And DAMN if he isn't on a business trip to N.C..

But he'll be back here around 5 or so and I've got the birthday cards from his mom and aunt...sitting right next to the AARP membership mailer he got.

He'll get over it.

I love you, honey.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:20 AM | Comments (22)

August 06, 2008

For The Man Who Has Everything

Nice how my beloved Bride conveniently missed this thoughtful gift for my last birthday


1978 MIG 23

* Worlds Fastest civilian owned aircraft - 1978 Mig 23.
*This Mach 2+ speedster has only 1403 hrs since new.
* Only 157 hrs since complete overhaul both airframe
& engine.
* Garmin 250XL.
* King KX155 with GS.
* Intercom.
* Garmin 327 TXP
* HOT SEATS.
* If you want the fastest THIS IS IT
* Check out for Qualified pilots included
* $750,000.00

That would shorten my commute somewhat.

Well, Christmas is coming up...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:53 PM | Comments (9)

August 04, 2008

"And There's a Sort of Magic Man"

Oh, yeah he is.
GAH-RRRrrroowwwwlllllllllllllllllllllllllll

The "Henry V" soundtrack they're using doesn't hurt one bit, either.

Now, if he could only unfreeze Kidman's expressionless mug, I'd add miracle worker.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:03 PM | Comments (1)

August 01, 2008

Let's Start Another Fight: Pop Quiz of the Day

WHAT is this quote referring to?

"...You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid."

Now. Just to make it tougher, eliminate Bingley, Canadians, Rambo, world peace or bus trips from your short list of answers.

Stumped?

You'll never guess*.

*For those MEWLING COWARDS among us, it's a Hasselhoff-free answer. I swear.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:09 PM | Comments (2)

What A Drag It Is Gettin' Old

I played in the church Manna softball game last night, where everyone who plays brings canned or boxed food that the church then distributes to folks in need. This is probably only the second time in 20-odd years that I've played softball (with last year's game being the first) and my 'skills' were...rusty, I guess is a good way to phrase it. Oh, I played fine, really; had three or so hits and pitched for three innings, only dropped one ball in the outfield, etc. Ok, well, it was also the only ball hit towards me. Anyhow, I also managed to scrape the bejeebus out of my knee when I fell. As in totally completely unassistedly tripped over my no longer-fleet-of-foot feet while running from 3rd to home in the top of the second inning. So I played the rest of the game with blood running down my knee, which made me look mighty bad-assed.

I am sore as poop today.

I need a drink.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:06 AM

July 31, 2008

Oh, Good GRIEF!!!

'Montauk Monster' Has Hamptons in a Tizzy

What's brownish-purple, goes to the beach and stinks of rotting flesh?

New York's celebrity-obsessed Hamptons summer season got even sillier this week when a strange-looking, very dead creature washed up on a beach in Montauk at the far eastern end of New York's Long Island.


After sleeping it off, Bingley was fine the next morning...

...and escorting a "none-the-wiser" NJ Sue to market.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:43 PM | Comments (11)

It's a Mystery to Me

Fortunately, these guys are on it.

Discovering How Greeks Computed in 100 B.C.

After a closer examination of a surviving marvel of ancient Greek technology known as the Antikythera Mechanism, scientists have found that the device not only predicted solar eclipses but also organized the calendar in the four-year cycles of the Olympiad, forerunner of the modern Olympic Games.

The new findings, reported Wednesday in the journal Nature, also suggested that the mechanism’s concept originated in the colonies of Corinth, possibly Syracuse, on Sicily. The scientists said this implied a likely connection with Archimedes.


BeYOND cool!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:40 PM | Comments (2)

July 29, 2008

No One Will Thank Me For This, But I'm a Victim

And will blame the NYT for the brain implant. It's their fault.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:37 PM | Comments (3)

July 25, 2008

Quote of the Day

Obviously someone needed to rein in this woman during the wedding planning.

Story here. The whole HILARIOUS blog here, plus another gem they recommend that could be called "When Quotation Marks Go Wrong" (for the geeky wordsmiths among us) (not that there are that many).

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:50 AM | Comments (10)

July 24, 2008

An Hour Ago at the Walmart Proves the Song Is ~ Indeed ~ Correct

"It's the End of the World As We Know It"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:11 PM | Comments (8)

"Moonwalker" Insists Aliens Exist?

Well...

...duh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:40 PM | Comments (10)

July 22, 2008

Change Australia Can Believe In?

Barack Obama, who bows to nobody in his understanding of this world, has some rather important news for Australia: you are henceforth part of Asia

Now to find Australia some Hope.

(h/t to Daughter, who noticed this over my shoulder while I was on Obama's site)
(click post time to see full text)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:17 PM | Comments (10)

July 19, 2008

I'm Doing My Part

Karma is all, my friends.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:50 PM | Comments (8)

Simply Amazing

Greg Norman, at age 53, leads the Open after 54 holes.

Words just can't describe how cool this is. What's very enjoyable is watching the creative shots he's hitting, the unique shots that a links course requires and which so many folks from this side of the pond have no idea how to hit; things like the 5 iron pitch shots from 130 yards.

But that's what you need to do in a constant 35 mph wind.

Best of luck tomorrow, Greg; I would love to see you hang on and pull this off.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:49 PM

July 18, 2008

Go Camilo!

He posts a 65. He's a really nice guy (I met him briefly this Spring); I hope he keeps doing well.

And what a putt by Norman on 18...and 17. Great stuff.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:26 AM

July 17, 2008

Gonna' Party Like It's 1989

Greg Norman atop the leaderboard at the British Open.

How cool is that?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:26 AM | Comments (6)

July 16, 2008

About Time


Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:04 AM | Comments (3)

July 15, 2008

Tired, Lots Of Work To Do This Week: Part Deux

Painting 'til the wee hours.

Art show. New Orleans. Four days.

::sigh::

So tedious, Kcruella is flying in from Jersey to help me suffer.

That is all.

Carry on.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:09 PM | Comments (5)

"God-Like" Isn't What It Was Cracked Up to Be

...any more, is it?

We interrupt the continued deification of Brett Favre -- a first-ballot Hall of Famer and the most durable player in NFL history -- with the following reality check.

Yes, Favre played long enough to throw the most touchdown passes and collect the most wins by an NFL quarterback. But let's examine the second half of No. 4's career. The truth is, Favre did little over the past decade to earn the gushing praise heaped upon him by our fawning brethren in the media.

After beating the San Francisco 49ers in the 1997 NFC Championship Game, Favre won just three of his last 10 playoff games. Eli Manning had more postseason wins in a 29-day span this past season than Favre had in his last decade with the Green Bay Packers.


And reality checks suck. So, enough already with the 'comeback', "Waaaaaaaa, I didn't wanna quit!".

Quit being a selfish prick who believes his own publicity and let somebody else have a shot while you still have some luster.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:41 AM | Comments (7)

July 11, 2008

South Carolina Is So Gay

Oh my goodness. Someone really wasn't thinking when they approved this

South Carolina’s top tourism agency has canceled an overseas advertising campaign targeting gay tourists.

The campaign, tied to gay pride week celebrations in London, included ads that proclaimed “South Carolina is so gay.” A handful of other U.S. destinations joined the campaign, including Atlanta, Boston and New Orleans.

...Employees “exercised extremely poor judgment in approving participation in the program,” Prosser said. PRT, he said, will require more review of future overseas advertising, as it does with domestic advertising.

Gee, y'think?

What about "South Carolina is Beachin'!"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:08 PM | Comments (8)

iDiots

I mean, c'mon, I'm as big an Apple Fan Boy as there is, and there's no steenkin' way I'm camping out over night on the sidewalk...for a phone.

iDiots.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:17 PM | Comments (2)

I Knew It!

Via Insta, comes this encouraging news ahead of the weekend


Ending Moderate Drinking Tied To Depression

ScienceDaily (July 9, 2008) — Scientific evidence has long suggested that moderate drinking offers some protection against heart disease, certain types of stroke and some forms of cancer.

But new research shows that stopping drinking -- including at moderate levels -- may lead to health problems including depression and a reduced capacity of the brain to produce new neurons, a process called neurogenesis.

I have to say, one of the funniest lines I've ever read in one of these scientific articles is this one:

In mice that voluntarily drank alcohol for 28 days, depression-like behavior was evident 14 days after termination of alcohol drinking.

Bottoms up! Be Happy!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:59 AM | Comments (2)

July 10, 2008

I'm Not Sure How This Made a Major News Gathering Place, BUT

...somebody has great taste.

Ooogachaka, baby.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:44 PM | Comments (11)

July 09, 2008

So, I've Used "Dog" Myself For Years Now

"She's a dog", "he's a horn dog", "quit dogging me", "I'm dog tired", "dog gone it"...you get the idea. But like this?

...But its own gay rights group has opposed the move, claiming that cutting back the bushes was "discriminating" to homosexual men who used the area for late night outdoor sex known as dogging.

Never in my wildest imagination. Twisted sort of logic about it, I guess, with dogs, bushes, doggie sex sty...yeesh. Forget it. Won't go there.

Save the little animals. Trim the bushes.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:52 PM | Comments (4)

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

Who says golfers haven't got a sense of humor?

Tiger Woods is out for the rest of the golf season, and so is caddie Steve Williams.

Caddies are a caring group, especially when it comes to their own, so it was only fitting that they take up a collection for a guy who's player won't be earning any more money on the PGA Tour until he recovers from reconstructive knee surgery.

Two weeks ago at the Travelers Championship, the caddies put up a sign in their trailer that said, "Steve Williams Benevolent Fund," offering caddies a chance to donate to the cause.

For a money jar, they used a shot glass.

Hehehehe.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:44 AM

July 07, 2008

Hahahaha! If Someone Else Already Had This

I apologize. (I don't get out much...)

Do-It-Yourself Obama poster.

It's hilarious.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:51 PM | Comments (9)

July 04, 2008

The Tree Rat

Look at this little bastard

A squirrel that has lost his tail.

Pity it wasn't his head instead.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:28 PM | Comments (6)

It's a Masterpiece, I Say! They Will Cheer Every Word, Every Letter!

Let me add my fervent "Happy Fourth of July" to Bingley's.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:49 AM | Comments (4)

July 02, 2008

Once Again, Our Worth is Proven Through Impartial Means

Needs an expert? On almost any subject, you need only consult the Swilling.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:53 PM

July 01, 2008

"Mmmmmm, Burgers!!"

Adequate nutrition at surfing events is always a concern.

Considering the calories expended, there's no qukibbling about it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:54 AM | Comments (1)

Speaking Of The Olympics...

Miss Wang's favorite curative may cause a problem or two for some Chinese athletes

Wang Cheng has the perfect remedy for athletes struggling to recover from injury during the Beijing Olympics. “Deer's penis,” she said, proferring a desiccated sample across the counter of the Tongrentang traditional Chinese medicine store in central Beijing.

“Mix it with some alcohol, take it every one or two days, and you'll soon feel better,” Ms Wang, a graduate in Chinese traditional medicine, said.

When asked what her remedy contained however, Ms Wang was stumped. Therein lies a problem for Chinese authorities anxious to avoid a doping scandal during the Olympics.

Now, I freely admit that my general rule of thumb for healthy living is to mix everything with alcohol and take it for several days, but even I draw the line at desiccated deer dongs (Kangaroo Kastrati bottle openers are a favorite of THS's, however).

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:20 AM | Comments (2)

Won-Ton Sailing

Now doesn't this look inviting

BEIJING: With less than six weeks before it plays host to the Olympic sailing regatta, the city of Qingdao has mobilized thousands of people and an armada of small boats to clean up an algae bloom that is choking large stretches of the coastline and threatening to impede the Olympic competition.

Local officials have initiated an all-out effort to clean up the algae by mid-July. Media reports estimate that as many as 20,000 people have either volunteered or been ordered to participate in the operation, while 1,000 boats are scooping algae out of the Yellow Sea. The official news agency, Xinhua, reported that algae currently covered a third of the coastal waters designated for the Olympic races.

Water quality has been a concern for the sailing events, given that many coastal Chinese cities dump untreated sewage into the sea. At the same time, rivers and tributaries emptying into coastal waters are often contaminated with high levels of nitrates from agricultural and industrial runoff. These nitrates contribute to the red tides of algae that often bloom along sections of China's coastline.

Hmm, is the proper stroke here the Butterfly or the Cuisinart?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:08 AM

June 30, 2008

What Happens When Ken Goes Out For A Stroll

Proof that his exercise is bad for our health


MANCHESTER — - Drivers along I-291 had quite a sight Saturday, as a man wearing nothing but a thong, fake breasts and a wig sauntered along the side of the highway.

Police said they received several calls about the man, which prompted an hour-long search. Police said they found the man, fully clothed and collecting cans behind a business on Batson Drive in Manchester. Police said they found a wig and fake breasts in the man's car.

The Horror...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:05 PM | Comments (7)

Now That's One Heck Of A "Demonstration"

But it sounds like they only hit the "hostages"

PARIS — A military shooting demonstration in southeast France on Sunday left 16 people wounded, including children, when real bullets were used instead of blank ones, officials said.

Four of the wounded were in serious condition, including a 3-year-old child, Bernard Lemaire, chief of the regional administration in Aude, said on France-3 television. Fifteen of the injured were civilians.

A Defense Ministry official said the incident occurred during a demonstration of hostage-freeing techniques at the Laperrine military barracks. The official said investigators will look into why real bullets were used.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:42 PM

June 26, 2008

"Damned Dirty Ape" Is Now

Punishable as "hate speech"

MADRID (Reuters) - Spain's parliament voiced its support on Wednesday for the rights of great apes to life and freedom in what will apparently be the first time any national legislature has called for such rights for non-humans.

Parliament's environmental committee approved resolutions urging Spain to comply with the Great Apes Project, devised by scientists and philosophers who say our closest genetic relatives deserve rights hitherto limited to humans.

"This is a historic day in the struggle for animal rights and in defense of our evolutionary comrades, which will doubtless go down in the history of humanity," said Pedro Pozas, Spanish director of the Great Apes Project, "Plus, I've got my eye on this fine orang-utan for awhile now; she is fumando, amigo."

"This is a wonderful day ooh-ooh-ooh," said Simian Prehensile, as he sat in Madrid's famed Plaza de la Banana enjoying a government-subsidized grooming, "It's time for us to come out of the trees and take our rightful place as complete dependents in society."

California was expected to quickly recognize "evolutionary comrade" unions.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:38 AM | Comments (7)

June 25, 2008

Here's A Nice Range On Earnings

I mean, it's the AP so it must be accurate

Emcor now expects profit between $2.22 and $2.42 per share on revenue of $6.8 billion to $7 billion. In April, the company had told Wall Street to expect earnings of $2.08 to $2.28 per share and revenue between $6.3 billion and $6.5 million.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:23 AM | Comments (2)

June 20, 2008

Reynold's Wrap

I mean, sure, it's an interesting story

The High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program, or HAARP, has been called a missile-defense tool and a mind-control device. The truth is a bit less ominous.

If the paranoid blogosphere is to be believed, every morning a group of plasma-physics grad students wakes up at a research facility in Gakona, Alaska, 200 miles north of Anchorage, and prepares for another day of playing God. It’s cold, dark as a mineshaft in winter, and the day’s work does little to cheer the mood. Depending on the unpredictable agendas of military scientists, this group of technicians must shoot radio waves into the upper reaches of our atmosphere to create missile shields, eviscerate enemy satellites, set off the occasional earthquake, or control the minds of millions of people...

But really the best part of the article are the comments

If this project is so wonderful and has no sinister military applications, why is it funded by the USAF and Navy? And why would DARPA be involved if the research was of a peaceful nature.

and

All he needs to do is keep an open mind and accept that HAARP could be used (or developed further) as a deadly weapon, if placed in the wrong hands. Russia have a similar device, do you think that is used for public protection? Or do you think only foreign governments would use such a device as a weapon?

Anyhow, with those type of fun comments and oh so intriguing theories you would hope that Insta's take would contain a touch more pith.

Alas.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:44 PM | Comments (5)

"This is an Astounding Development - It is a Seminal Event."

Cold fusion at last?

Nope.

Crop circle.

The most complex, "mind-boggling" crop circle ever to be seen in Britain has been discovered in a barley field in Wiltshire.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:31 AM | Comments (8)

June 19, 2008

Oh Damn

I was so looking forward to ordering some "Bean curd made by a pock-marked woman" for lunch today

BEIJING, China (CNN) -- What's in a name?

When it's a local dish like "Husband and wife's lung slice" or "Chicken without sexual life," lots of furrowed eyebrows on famished foreigners.

So, with the Olympics a few short weeks away, China is giving its cuisine a linguistic makeover.

It is proposing that restaurants change the names of exotic, but bizarrely named, delicacies to make them more delectable for the estimated 50,000 visitors arriving in August for the Summer Games.

The appetizer "Husband and wife's lung slice" is taking on the more appetizing "Beef and ox tripe in chili sauce."

"Chicken without sexual life" has been transformed into "Chris Matthews."

Yet another cultural loss for our world.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:02 AM | Comments (7)

June 13, 2008

A. Maze.

ZING.

A 22-gun British warship that sank during the American Revolution and has long been regarded as one of the "Holy Grail" shipwrecks in the Great Lakes has been discovered at the bottom of Lake Ontario, astonishingly well-preserved in the cold, deep water, explorers announced Friday.

Shipwreck enthusiasts Jim Kennard and Dan Scoville used side-scanning sonar and an unmanned submersible to locate the HMS Ontario, which was lost with barely a trace and as many as 130 people aboard during a gale in 1780.

The 80-foot sloop of war is the oldest shipwreck and the only fully intact British warship ever found in the Great Lakes, Scoville and Kennard said.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:47 PM | Comments (11)

We're On To You, Suzette

This explains her Thursday Night Club.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:09 PM | Comments (4)

Holy Sh*t! Does This Mean I Have to Dump

...my Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator?!?!?

A Lakeland man has been arrested after authorities say he had a fake rocket launcher and a fake rocket projectile among his weapons arsenal.

The Polk County Sheriff's Office says Hiram Angus Melvin was charged Wednesday with possession of...

a hoax weapon of mass destruction...

That's a whole new felony category to me, but my plastic Pu-36?

Outta my cold, dead fingers, guys...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:24 AM | Comments (7)

June 12, 2008

Stock Up On Your Bourbon

It's an outrage!

CHICAGO (Reuters) - U.S. corn futures soared more than 4 percent to a fresh record high for the fifth consecutive trading session on Wednesday as flooding expanded in the U.S. Midwest, harming the 2008 corn crop.
ADVERTISEMENT

"There's still no indication that we're getting ready to change this pattern. Concerns continue from planting issues to emergence to crop development," Mike Palmerino, forecaster for DTN Meteorlogix, said.

Corn prices on the Chicago Board of Trade have surged 80 percent over the past year, with nearly 17 percent of that tacked on just this month.

What will Obama do to help drinkers?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:54 AM | Comments (2)

June 10, 2008

If You Recognize Any of the Folks Singing

...it makes it even more cheerful.

The world IS an awesome place.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:01 PM | Comments (4)

Well...I Mean...It IS Cold and Dark, With Nothing

...else to do.

Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness

One of the last shipments to a U.S. research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year's supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper reported Monday.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

The base only has a skeleton staff through the long winter.


I guess that explains "boner"...

-A giddy Antarctic scientist learns of the condom delivery, leaps for joy and chants the Explorer's Theme: What happens in McMurdo stays in McMurdo!


Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:22 AM | Comments (5)

June 06, 2008

Ready? Set?

FIGHT!!!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:20 PM | Comments (3)

June 05, 2008

A Warning About Your Thumb

...sucks.

...Knowledge work isn’t as dangerous as factory work or heavy construction, but the report says it’s the leading cause of one health problem: “BlackBerry thumb,” which comes from over-typing on handheld devices.


(Even though it's now light years ahead, the picture in the article isn't much different.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:37 AM | Comments (1)

June 03, 2008

Bingley Bragged About the 13 Pounder He Smoked This Weekend

Funny. He never mentioned the collateral damage caused by the relatives' rescue attempt.

Wild Turkey Bursts Through Window of New Jersey Family's House

...The bird plowed through the double-pane window of the house...



I hope the murdering carnivore's proud of himself.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:36 PM | Comments (9)

May 30, 2008

How Much Is That Bingley

...in the window?

(The one with the raggedy tale?)

Important UPDATE:

...Peckman said the video was shot by Stan Romanek, a Colorado resident who has claimed more than 100 unexplained experiences, including abduction by aliens. In the footage, a weird-looking face pops up several times from the bottom of a window.

The Denver Post quoted Peckman as saying Romanek shot the video in 2003, while he was living in Nebraska, because he was concerned that a "peeping Bingley" was looking into his house. The Post said Romanek was not present for Friday's news conference, which was attended by about 30 journalists.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:59 PM | Comments (3)

Ken's Finally Getting The Help

He needs

One of the world's rarest otter is receiving help from a Scottish-based wildlife charity.

Ken, a male hairy-nosed otter, is the only one of his species to be kept legally in captivity (the exact charges have yet to be filed by the authorities).


Ken, seen here looking for shrimp, expressed his thanks in a statement to the press.

"What with all the spam I've had to deal with of late, I really appreciate these oysters. And shrimp. And Sierra Nevadas.

Especially the Sierras."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:55 AM | Comments (5)

May 29, 2008

Where'd She Hide The Loot?

I'm just, you know, curious

TAMPA - A nude maid cleaned up good at a Florida man's home.

The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office says the maid stole more than $40,000 from a Cheval home despite not wearing any clothes.

The 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his suburban Tampa home.

Authorities say the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour.

Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter says the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean.

When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.

Police are investigating.

I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when the guy explained to his wife what happened...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:55 AM | Comments (13)

May 25, 2008

Bingley The Hutt Kind Of Day

I was planning on driving over to Geno's today for lunch, but after all we ate and drank last night I may never eat again.* I just want to lounge here on the couch all day, watching the slave girls dance.

Which I don't have.

But I do have a loudly snoring LabraDork next to me, so that's a reasonable substitute, I guess.


*"again" being defined as "until my belly rumbles."

Which it is doing now...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:28 AM | Comments (3)

May 22, 2008

The Fürhrer Never Said "Baby"

But he did sing the "Jefferson's Theme"

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

via that dry cleaning magnate Ken.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:32 PM | Comments (8)

May 19, 2008

Bottoms Up! Or: Sad Kangaroo Tales


"So, mate, there I was, sittin' 'round the bar and asking the sheila behind fer a cold quaff. She grabs 'erself a bottle, then the opener and crikey!!"

"It's like me 'ol body shrieks Danger, Danger, DANGER!!!"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:15 PM | Comments (8)

In All Honesty, I Can See $5 For a Nathan's Dog

But a NINEDOLLAHFITTYCENT BUDWEISER?!?!?!?

• $9.50 for Budweiser on tap.

• $10.50 for Foster's beer on tap.

• $5.75 for a box of Cracker Jacks.

• $8 for Italian sausage.

• $5 for a Nathan's hot dog.



Not even for my boys would I spend that.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:19 AM | Comments (6)

May 16, 2008

An Island

...after my own heart.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:59 PM | Comments (12)

Bumper Sticker Contest

Wunder is having a bumper sticker contest. Go give it your best shot!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:30 PM | Comments (5)

Sorry

I couldn't resist it.
funny pictures

I am weak.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:27 PM | Comments (6)

Obviously, They've Never Read Some Of My Poems

I bet I could give him a run for his money

Poems by the man ridiculed as "the world's worst poet" are expected to fetch up to £6,500 at auction.

Thirty-five of William McGonagall's works - many of them autographed - are going under the hammer on Friday.

The ditties by "The Tayside Tragedian" have been valued in the same league as Harry Potter first editions signed by JK Rowling.

McGonagall, who died in 1902, was often mocked and had food thrown at him during readings in Dundee.

Now here was a real artist, a man who interacted with his adoring public

"He tried to hawk these poems around the streets of places like Dundee and he was notoriously encouraged to give performances just so people could make fun of him.

"Poet-baiting became an ongoing activity, they used to throw vegetables at him and all sorts."

Poet-baiting.

I love that.

Everyone's homework assignment for the weekend is to email me some of the worst, most tortured drek they wrote during those teen angst years and I'll publish it next week. You know you all did it. We're all friends here. We won't laugh.

Well, in fact we will, which is the point.

Go hit those crap scrap books!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:16 AM | Comments (3)

Best Headline I've Seen In A While

I wonder if the guy is auditioning for the NY Post?


Naked Ugg boot ram-raider jailed

A man who ram-raided a supermarket dressed in only a pair of Ugg boots has been jailed for four years.

David Ball, 32, from Tyseley, Birmingham, ram-raided a supermarket and stole about £1,500 of cigarettes.

"Naked Ugg Boot Ram-Raider"

My goodness.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:07 AM | Comments (3)

May 15, 2008

Is Angelina Jolie Canadian?

Via Ace, I mean, I know the winters are mighty long up in The Great White North, and Canadians are upset about polar bear testicles and stuff, but it seems to me that this is carrying their carvingcraving for some Nanook nookie a little too far

A Winnipeg woman who accidentally plunged a knife into her boyfriend's chest during a drunken bout of rough sex received a three-year conditional discharge yesterday.

... Allan said the man and woman had been drinking heavily and were engaged in "rough sex activities" when the man requested she "carve artwork" into his chest.

"He said they engaged in dangerous play, and due to her intoxication, was not precise with the knife and punctured his heart," Allan said.

The man told police the stabbing was an accident and that the two routinely cut and scratched each other with knives. The man showed police several wounds, including a heart-shaped scar on his back featuring the woman's initials.

I wonder if she made him a "get well carve"?

Her teachers always said she was a knife girl from a good family.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:01 PM | Comments (23)

Happy Birthday to Kcruella!!!


My cosmic twin, who ~ oddly enough ~ shares a birthday with...

...the Enumclaw Mountain Man (aka brother-born-between-ths-and-Bingley).

A happy, Happy Birthday to you, sweet little brother!!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:33 AM | Comments (5)

May 14, 2008

Today's Version of "If I Ran the Zoo"

"...said young Gerald McGrew."

...I know it’s all relative, but if I come back as a lab rat in another life, I hope I’m forced to eat powdered drink mixes instead of having a cigarette shoved in my little rat piehole or made to wear experimental lipstick.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:39 AM | Comments (3)

May 13, 2008

In Most Instances, ENORMOUS Faux Pas. But In Bingley's Case

...it's a necessary evil.

• The applicant smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:28 PM | Comments (5)

Oh, GET a GRIP, People!!

Man fined for buckling in beer, leaving kid loose
Police 'shocked and appalled' after Australian leaves 5-year-old on car floor
Everyone KNOWS the the kid's insured but the beer's NOT.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:36 AM | Comments (1)

May 10, 2008

Irish Stink

Well, I deployed the Irish StinkSpring


and got rid of the old bars

Man, the yard stinks so bad now I don't want to go in it...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:19 PM | Comments (10)

Bambi...

You hungry

little turd

Eating away at both my grapes and my Granny Smith tree!

(And someday I'll figure out how to get non-blurry macro close ups...)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:13 AM | Comments (10)

May 08, 2008

"Overweight, Binge-Drinking Reality TV Addicts"

As a famous bloke once said,

“I beseech you in the bowels of Christ think it possible you may be mistaken.”

Unfortunate as 'twould seem, apparently there's been no mistake.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:27 PM

The Next Senator From Pennsylvania?

He's getting the rightresume together

NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. -- A local principal was arrested in a sex sting.

Kim Sean Crummie, the principal of Valley Middle School in the New Kensington-Arnold School District, has been charged with sex crimes.

According to police, Crummie met with the undercover officer in the men's bathroom at Harrison Park in Harrison Township. It was there that Crummie allegedly made his indecent proposal to the officer.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:41 PM | Comments (1)

Shockingly, His Name Isn't McCartney

Though I'm sure Macca was often tempted

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. -- A Florida man is accused of ripping off his wife's prosthetic leg during a fight after leaving a sports bar.

Officers in Port St. Lucie said they found a 29-year-old woman in a sport utility vehicle Tuesday night with a bruised eye and missing a leg and pants.

Police then questioned the woman's husband, Luis Ramirez, 35, who said he was arguing with his wife after leaving a bar, TCPalm reported. He denied stealing her leg.

The woman told police that Ramirez became possessed and started screaming.

Ramirez was jailed on battery charges, Local 6 reported.

For those non-lawyers amongst our readership: "stealing a leg" in Florida is not a felony...it's a "misde-femur."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:24 AM | Comments (14)

May 07, 2008

Because I Need A Laugh Tonight

Via Damian Penny I proudly present this link to our Cultural Superiors in Europe and their leading lights, the Leningrad Cowboys and the Red Army Choir doing "Sweet Home Alabama"

I really love the addition of the "Volga Boat Song" at the end there. Really makes the piece for me.

Remember, folks: it's the high opinion of these folks that our political class is so desirous of winning back...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:57 PM | Comments (4)

"Lick My Swizzle Stick"?

Sorry.


I'm a sucker for bad pick-up lines.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:15 PM | Comments (4)

May 02, 2008

The Accidental Tourist

He really didn't mean to escape...it just sort of happened

An inmate who was discovered outside the walls of an open prison claimed he had escaped from the jail by accident.

William Whitson, 34, said he had no intention of absconding from Castle Huntly, near Dundee, and was simply running away from another inmate.

He was shown mercy by a sheriff after the court heard he was still wandering around near the prison two hours later.

Whitson had an extra three months added to his sentence, compared to the usual eight months for absconders.

One has to wonder how "minimum security" a facility this is where he could run away from another inmate and not be noticed by a guard.

I love this classic bit of understatement by his solicitor

"He accepts, with the benefit of hindsight, that it might have been better to report the matter to the prison authorities."

Hehehe.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:26 AM | Comments (2)

May 01, 2008

Considering The Crap Most Of Us Type...

...this is not surprising

Some computer keyboards harbour more harmful bacteria than a toilet seat, research has suggested.

Consumer group Which? said tests at its London offices found equipment carrying bugs that could cause food poisoning.

Out of 33 keyboards swabbed, four were regarded as a potential health hazard and one harboured five times more germs than one of the office's toilet seats.

Oh, the damage to the atmosphere that will be caused today by people scurrying about to spray Lysol on their keyboards!

Here's an interesting bit of trivia:

They also found that on average women have three to four times the amount of germs in, on and around their work area.

That's because men lift the keyboard when they use it...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:10 AM | Comments (8)

April 30, 2008

I Wonder What They Call Earthen Walls That Hold Back Floods?

Well, it seems that the good people of Lesbos don't like certain uses of the Island's name

Three islanders from Lesbos ... have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word lesbian in its name.

One of the plaintiffs said Wednesday that the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.

"My sister can't say she is a Lesbian," said Dimitris Lambrou. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos," he said.

[Lambrou and two women] are seeking to have the group barred from using "lesbian" in its name ....

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. "But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years," said Lambrou, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek religion and technology that frequently criticizes the Christian Church....

Of course your sister can say she's a lesbian!

Things get interesting when you say it though, Dimitris...

Good thing we have lawyers in the EU to straighten this all out for us.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:23 PM | Comments (15)

It Would Have Been Cheeky To Say 'No'

Ah, kids these days and their text messages

ANN ARBOR, Michigan (AP) -- Thirteen members of a high school lacrosse team have been disciplined for dropping their pants to send a prom invitation from one player to a girl.

The lacrosse players at Huron High School in Ann Arbor, Michigan displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their bottoms, which they bared during a junior varsity game last Thursday.

Officials suspended 13 players for an undetermined number of games and ordered them to perform 20 hours of community service. They also were suspended from school for one day.

The girl accepted the prom invitation.

There's no word if recruiters from Duke were in attendance.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:27 AM | Comments (10)

Dump Your Problems On Someone Else

When nature calls for Phydeaux, it's good to know that someone is On Doody

Enter Lee Bowling, owner of "On Doody." For a fee, Bowling and his staff will pick up what your dog leaves behind.

Bowling bought the business from a friend in 2005.

"We grew 70 percent the first year," he said.

Bowling and his staff now pick up poop for almost 300 customers.

"People these days, they either don't have time to do it, or honestly, they just don't want to do it," he said.

No shit.

Well, I guess that's the point, isn't it.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:12 AM | Comments (9)

April 29, 2008

A Lot Like You

...The regional insurance company Pemco Insurance knows all this, and it’s created a brilliant ad campaign around it.[Ed: hit 'View the Ads'] Using the tagline “We’re a lot like you,” Pemco manages to poke fun at residents of the Pacific Northwest without offending us. (Of course, if you live in the Pacific Northwest, you know most of us would be far too passive-aggressive to say anything even if we were offended).

People who don’t live in Seattle or its environs may not get all of the company’s spot-on “Northwest profiles.” But chances are anyone can laugh at “The Super-Long Coffee Orderer,” “Gluten-Free-No-Refined-Sugar Lady,” “Accidental Tech Millionaire” and, most notably, “Confused East Coast Transplant.”

Also, you don’t have to live in the Northwest to see your friends -- or yourself -- in “Your Friend Who Won’t Stop Talking About Real Estate,” “Art Gallery Crawler” and “Walla Walla Wine Wine Woman Woman.”

Well, not me. I'm from Florida.

They probably mean Walla Walla Real Real JeffS JeffS. Come to think of it, I did see...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:41 PM | Comments (1)

In-Freakin-Sane

Via our amazingly coiffed buddy Jim of Parkway Rest Stop here's the Camino del Rey

I've never felt any type of vertigo from looking at a computer screen...until now.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:38 AM | Comments (4)

April 25, 2008

Bingley

...in his penguin suit.

Literally. It's heart warming.

Plus...he's a Jackass. Penguin, that is.

Hey. I only report the facts.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:04 PM | Comments (6)

Dear Kate P

So's this.

Udderly hilarious, I mean.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:41 PM | Comments (5)

Dear Kate P

This is udderly disgusting

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:56 AM | Comments (6)

He's Been Charged With A Moooooving Violation

Thanks (I think) to our friend Real JeffS for pointing this out

Authorities announced Moorestown Officer Robert Melia Jr., 38, has been charged with four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.

Oh, that's in addition to sexually assaulting three girls, naturally.

What the hell is up with some people, I just don't know.

And I'm not really sure I want to find out.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:49 AM | Comments (18)

April 23, 2008

Happy St. George's Day!!

I damn near forgot!
And this is cheerful news, especially if it signals a trend...

...April 23 is St. George's Day, England's national day. But it's not a public holiday, and for decades it passed largely unnoticed — a far cry from its rowdy Irish counterpart, St. Patrick's Day.

...That may be changing — St. George's Day is experiencing a revival, as is the idea of Englishness itself.

Outside the realm of sport, English patriotism and the St. George flag long were shunned by liberal-minded Britons, regarded as the preserve of right-wing "Little Englanders" steeped in nostalgia and a mistrust of foreigners. Politicians promoted the notion of Britishness — an amalgamated identity open to native and foreign-born citizens, and to English, Welsh and Scottish alike.


Who doesn't love a dragon-slayer?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:49 PM | Comments (5)

So These Three Queens Sail Into A Port...

This wasn't quite what I was expecting when I clicked on this headline

Three 'Queens' in final meeting

Three grand luxury liners have met in their home port of Southampton for the first and final time in their history.

Cunard's fleet of "Queens" - Queen Mary 2, Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth 2 - lined up for the historic meeting at about 1800 BST.

The QM2 and Queen Victoria then left port shortly afterwards, leaving the QE2 in dock.

The QE2 will retire in November when it will be converted into a hotel in Dubai after more than 40 years in service.

I get to see them fairly often when they are here in NY harbor. The Cunard ships still look like steamships of old; they're much more appealing to me then these modern mega-liners that look more like icky ocean hotels on a barge.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:47 AM | Comments (2)

April 21, 2008

MUST See TV

A PLUG FOR YOUR FUTURE CAR

..."Car of the Future," airing Tuesday as part of PBS' "Nova" documentary series, marks the prime-time television debut of Tom and Ray Magliozzi, a.k.a. Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers.



Who are represented legally by "Dewey, Cheatham & Howe". (They're both PHD's who said they'll call themselves 'doctor' when there's dripping blood involved...that's not their own.)

I love those guys. Hope the film version is as hilarious as the Saturday NPR shows have been for...like...EVER.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:45 PM

Don't Worry Ken

This ban wouldn't apply to adults...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:53 AM | Comments (2)

April 17, 2008

Real Compassionate Care

Ah, to retire in Denmark

April 16 (Bloomberg) -- When a male resident at Kildegaarden nursing home in Denmark made an indecent sexual proposal to a member of the staff, the home's director, Inger Marie Kristensen, told a nurse to telephone for a prostitute.

``There was a considerable change in his demeanor after the escort girl had paid him a visit,'' Kristensen said in an interview. ``We do this for our clients just as we offer them other services that they need as human beings.''

Kildegaarden, located 100 miles (160 kilometers) west of Copenhagen in Skanderborg, has about 100 residents, including victims of Alzheimer's disease and strokes. Nurses arranged visits by call girls three times in the past three years.

I love that quote

There was a considerable change in his demeanor after the escort girl had paid him a visit

Gee, ya think?

If this is what we have to look forward to with Nationalized Health Care...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:15 AM | Comments (12)

April 16, 2008

Now Here's My Kind Of International Scandal

Talk about "fightin' words"...

A French MP has said he is outraged that the song chosen to represent the nation in the Eurovision song contest has English lyrics.

Jacques Myard, of the UMP party, has urged the company that runs most of France's TV networks to reconsider.

...Mr Myard told the BBC that allowing an English song to represent France was a fiasco: "The French language is the tool of a huge industry in terms of cultural influence and if we French give up our language, what do you think the others will say?"

Mr Myard, himself a fluent English speaker, said it was not appropriate that, in a European contest, France should "monkey another's culture".

"Monkey"

Baaaad choice of words from an "outraged" Frenchman...


Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:29 AM | Comments (2)

April 15, 2008

Note to Self:

Before asking major dad to use a multi-meter to check AA batteries for juice (since the BRAND SPANKIN' NEW camera won't turn on for JACK, no matter WHAT you do), find some other indication on the camera case where the positive terminal is supposed to be. Or, after repeated attempts to load said batteries according to the diagram you think you see (with no joy) and point out to him, major dad will gently tell you:

"That's a screw."


%$#@*&%!!!!!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:41 PM | Comments (5)

April 14, 2008

Mystery Solved!

So everyone's all a-twitter about this naughty film of Marilyn Monroe's (and let's hope that this doesn't serve as another inspiration for Lindsay Lohan) and the identity of the man involved

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

...There are heavily redacted, declassified FBI documents talking about a "French-type" film.

It was Marcel Marceau!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:16 PM | Comments (6)

Well, Like Millions Of Other Folks...

My Xbox360 has given me the dreaded RRoD. I have to say because MicroSoft was afraid of lawsuits over how many of these things crap out that they've (so far, at least) got the response down to a science: you call the 800 number and a few days later you receive a box to UPS your console back to them, and in a few weeks you get another one back that hopefully works. We'll see.

Anyhow, to tide me over until it returns I've re-connected the PS2.

Man, I really missed playing Rachet and Clank! Especially "Up Your Arsenal" featuring Courtney Gears...

R&C is one of the funniest video games out there.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:38 AM | Comments (6)

Here's A Shocker

100%ALCOHOLIC

(thanks to Theresa)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:42 AM | Comments (6)

April 11, 2008

Reach For The Laptop At Your Peril

It's well protected


Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:50 PM | Comments (6)

American, BA To Merge?

And base all of their MD-80 flights out of Terminal 5 at Heathrow to "more efficiently disrupt the passengers' plans" the CEOs said in a joint statement issued today. "We're very excited by this confluence potential of our experience and demonstrated skill sets; we've coined the term 'Screwnergy' which we think best describes what our valued clients can expect from our combined efforts in the future."

Gosh, can't wait.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:43 AM | Comments (1)

April 10, 2008

My Sentiments


...EXACTLY.
First off, I'll apologize for not noticing this story until I hit my favoritest trashy gossip site today. But the story was so compelling...

Former cycling champion Tammy Thomas seemed to be in the midst of shaving her face when an Olympic drug tester paid her an unannounced visit in 2002, according to testimony Wednesday in her trial on perjury charges.

Tom McVay, a tester for the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, told a jury in U.S. District Court in San Francisco that on March 14, 2002, he was assigned to locate Thomas at the Olympic Training Center in Chula Vista, east of San Diego, and collect a urine sample for a steroid test.

The visit was memorable, McVay said, because of Thomas' appearance when she answered his knock on her apartment door.

"It appeared to be like shaving cream on the left side of her face around her ear," he said.


...and her picture?

This is your face on drugs, kiddos.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:46 PM | Comments (9)

Bring 'Em On!

Via Rachel Lucas and Andrea Harris, and as a gentleman I'm willing to help out both of them fine ladies who seem to need it in this particular instance

28

Maybe I should offer to substitute teach at the local elementary school? Looks like I can handle a full class of the little bastards darlings...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:16 PM | Comments (8)

April 04, 2008

This Is Exactly Why I Only Use...

Certified Witchdoctors for all my needs


NAIROBI (Reuters) - Tanzania's President Jakaya Kikwete has condemned witchdoctors who kill albinos and harvest their body parts in the hope it will bring prosperity.

..."Sometimes, word spreads around that body parts of people with certain physical attributes like bald people or albinos contribute greatly to attaining quick prosperity," Kikwete said in a monthly state of the nation speech late on Wednesday.

"These killings are shameful and distressing to our society," he added.

...Kikwete blamed charlatan witchdoctors, many masquerading as traditional healers, for extracting body parts such as genitals, tongues and breasts.

Really, folks: your families deserve the very best. So always look for the Good Hut Keeping(c) Seal of Approval on your next witchdoctor visit.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:08 PM | Comments (3)

April 03, 2008

History

...repeats its ownself.

::snicker::

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:54 PM | Comments (3)

It's Another Swine Mess You've Gotten Us Into, Olly!

Or should I say Lorry

Pigs have escaped after a lorry carrying them crashed on an Aberdeenshire road.

Drivers have been warned to expect delays after the accident happened on the A92 at Lathallan, Johnshaven, at about 0830 BST.

Injuries were unknown but a vet was called out to attend.

Grampian Police said that the road would be closed for several hours in both directions and that diversions were being set up.

Some of the pigs escaped into nearby woodland, but all were accounted for.

The Archbishop of Canterbury has scheduled a news conference to issue an apology to anyone offended.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:14 AM

April 02, 2008

Am I Wrong...


...here?

These things come to me real sudden-like.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:48 PM | Comments (21)

April 01, 2008

You have to know how to play the game.

bedroom toys
Powered By Shop for Toys

That's right, yo! I'm worth lots for sex yo, cause I like, talk like an idiot, homeslizice!

You also have to realize I'm a cheating bastard, with the exception of my relationships. ::chuckles::

Posted by Ebola at 06:19 PM | Comments (6)

Well, I Wish I Could Say I'm Surprised...

"Sorry, you're worth less in bed than the average ($217.4819755171) person taking this quiz."

bedroom toys


Sigh.

(h/t to Insta...I guess. Bastard.)

Heck, I'd still take the $980 and be happy, though...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:02 AM | Comments (17)

March 31, 2008

I Couldn't Read This News Item...

...and not pass it along to you, Dear Readers, especially in light of this morning's news from Ohio:

A senior council manager who claimed he was forced to quit his job after complaining about workplace sex has won his case for unfair dismissal.

Tom McNeil, 52, said he left his Aberdeen City Council job after reporting two colleagues for engaging in sex acts.

He claimed he saw a woman performing a sex act on then director of sport and leisure Brian Woodcock.

Mr McNeil was awarded £26,028. He said it was "absolutely brilliant".

It is unclear if he was referring to the award or the act...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:15 PM | Comments (5)

Just When You've Thought You've Seen It All

You come upon something like this

(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex.

The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.

My goodness.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:35 AM | Comments (114)

March 28, 2008

11 Words Of Pure Wisdom

And as Allah says, the Best Book Title Evah

A self-help guide called "If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" has been voted the oddest book title of the year.

The book beat off competition from I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen to win The Bookseller magazine's prize.

Cheese Problems Solved took third place in a poll which attracted 8,500 votes.

Joel Rickett, deputy editor of The Bookseller, said of the winner: "So effective is the title that you don't even need to read the book itself."

He added that it "makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes".

Hehehe. The comments on Amazon are rather amusing, as well.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:59 PM

March 27, 2008

How To Speak Australian

And boy did it require a lot of Fosters



SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.


On a completely unrelated note, I have no idea where Ebola was during February.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:57 PM | Comments (7)

Now, I Know Lorena Ochoa Is Good

...but she ain't this good

But Ochoa returned last spring and chased down Norway's Suzann Pettersen with four birdies in the final three holes, a victory that springboarded her to the No. 1 ranking last April.

Even Tiger couldn't do that.

Chuck Norris, of course, has done it several times.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:24 PM | Comments (4)

Ken May Be A Little Short Cash This Month...

But with all his experience you'd think he'd at least wear it correctly

A 58-year-old man who fed pigeons wearing only a skimpy thong which was back to front has been fined £150.

Neighbours spotted David Batchelor in his street in Perth in the underwear which left his genitals partly exposed.

...When officers had turned up to investigate they found Batchelor still partially dressed and with his flimsy thong on the wrong way round.

...Batchelor claimed he had not seen anyone around, but then confessed he looked at everyone as they went past and the "schoolgirls were bonnie."

Sad, really, how quickly our elders lose their grip...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:13 AM | Comments (6)

March 25, 2008

Proof Positive That Incorrigible Bunnies

...who have no positive influences in their lives, escalate from pre-pubescent petty Presidential provocations...

...and grow into Rampaging Rabbits.

Let the Bunny hit the floor! Let the Bunny hit the floor!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:07 PM | Comments (4)

Great News From Wordgirl!

Yet another reason to toast St. Patrick's Day!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:54 AM

March 19, 2008

The Sub-Prime Mess Explained

High finance forby Dummies.

Well, they're actually not dummies. They're damn smart people. That doesn't mean they're wise or correct, mind you, but they are damn smart.

And that really points to the larger problem that they create and it manifests itself even in my humble commodities business: a lot of these 'structured' deals and 'instruments' are so complex that the people creating them haven't really thought through all the permutations, and the accountants who are supposed to monitor such things don't understand them so they end up, in large part, taking the creator's word that they are ok. So when things begin to slide it can accelerate very rapidly out of control. It's scary stuff.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:06 AM

March 17, 2008

Meanwhile, That Whole 'Work From Home' Thing

...is really paying off for our roving Hungarian-American reporter, Kcruella.

She was on assignment learning about other cultures and stumbled across a strange procession in NYC today. HOW did she know to look there...?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:01 PM | Comments (2)

Take Heart, Sub-Prime Mortgage Types

Misery...

Joe Lewis takes $1 billion hit from Bear Stearns

Even the most successful investors can get it horribly wrong, as reclusive British tycoon Joe Lewis has just found out.

The septuagenarian British billionaire currency trader last year built a stake approaching 10 percent in Bear Stearns, a U.S. investment bank weakened by the subprime crisis and widely seen as a takeover target.

The speculation was half right. JP Morgan set a deal to buy the stricken bank over the weekend, but at a knockdown $2 a share, implying a loss for Lewis of more than $1 billion.


...loves company.
Golddigger Pay Day

Well…she got paid, Heather Mills did. But significantly less than what she’s been angling for. “Only” £25 million, roughly US$50 million which is major cash for people like us… but really not so much for people who live the luxe life. And for someone who was originally asking for over £100, it’s obviously not exactly an ideal settlement – on her terms.


Of course, now that Lady Macca's free, if she hears what old boy's still worth, she'll hot foot it over there.

Bad day on the UK all 'round, eh what? Wonder why...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:50 PM | Comments (1)

An Cailín Rua

A love song to the beautiful red-haired girl. And you know who they use, of course.
No one else qualifies.
Ever.

On the lighter side, but same gorgeous girl:

"Keep Yer Hands Off Red-Haired Mary!"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:16 PM | Comments (2)

So, There I Was, Listenin' to the Clancy Brothers

...and sniffling like a baby. Because they were singing what I used to sing to my baby at night. I found the video so you could hear it, too.
It's the perfect lullaby.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:13 PM | Comments (11)

March 15, 2008

Spring Blog Fest

I'll be there.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:17 PM | Comments (7)

Happy Ides Of March!

Unless, perchance, your name is Julius.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:03 PM | Comments (6)

March 14, 2008

Why We Need To Give Millions To Colleges For Research

Cool stuff like this makes it all worth while

(h/t VarmintBites)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:41 PM | Comments (4)

March 12, 2008

I Saw This Headline

Woman Tries to Bring Skeleton on Plane
...and thought "Who would be with him?"
Mean. I know. And wrong.

UPDATE: Coincidence? Or conspiracy...?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:12 PM | Comments (9)

March 11, 2008

Much Like Spitzer, I Am So Busted

...by this quiz at Caltechgirl's



Find out how totally 80's are you at LiquidGeneration!

Can I wait 48 hours to decide my fate?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:46 PM | Comments (6)

March 04, 2008

Tonight's Bedtime Story

From our good friends at Bloody Scott

A junior schoolteacher, in Wiltshire gave her class a year 2007 assignment... get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. So, the next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Katy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher."

Lucy, now you.""Our family are farmers too, Miss. But we raise chickens for the butcher's shop. We had a dozen eggs at one time, but when they hatched we only got five chicks.
And the moral of this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story, Lucy. Holly, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, miss, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Rod.
Uncle Rod is a Harrier pilot in Afghanistan and he got shot down. He had to bail out into Al Quaida territory, and all he had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and machete. ...Well, he drank the whisky on the way down, so it wouldn't break, and then he landed right in the middle of 100 Al Quaida rag-heads armed with AK47’s. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"


"Don't fuck with Uncle Rod when he's been drinking."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:35 PM | Comments (3)

Coincidentally...

Nude man in gas-mask at large

Police in Massachusetts are hunting a mysterious naked man, who was seen by several witnesses wandering around town wearing nothing but a gas mask.


...Bingley seems to have gone missing.
...The naked man and his gas mask were next reported when a woman heard her doorbell ring. Looking out through her door's peephole, she noticed that the person who'd rung her doorbell was naked, and wearing a gas mask.

Well, what else would one look through at something like that?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:30 PM | Comments (4)

February 27, 2008

"Squeeze My Juicy Melons"

(And then they get mad if you're a fruit lover, right?)

A list of some rules to fly by.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:20 PM | Comments (4)

February 26, 2008

Once Again The Swilling Is Your "One Stop" Knowledge Destination

Are you really that surprised that in all of Google we are the only place to find this?

We live to serve, Gentle Reader.

Live to Serve.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:12 AM | Comments (5)

Well That's Because They Over Estimate The Size Of Something Else...

Here's a shocking discovery

British people perceive themselves to be much slimmer around the waist than they really are, research shows.

Experts fear that by failing to recognise their increasing girth some people may be missing a key warning sign of developing type 2 diabetes.

The University of Leicester study found men under-estimated their waist size by an average of 3.1 inches (7.9cm), women by an average of 2.2 inches (5.5cm).

Who would have thought that people would fub on their estimates of their weight?

funny pictures

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:06 AM

February 25, 2008

The Industrial Version

...of "Feed me, Seymour!"?

BorgWarner expands Hungary plant


Everything's cute when it's little...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:05 PM | Comments (3)

February 22, 2008

Today's Laugh

From the ever great Theo Spark.

Mildly NSFW

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:09 PM | Comments (3)

Chimpster Hasn't Typed "Hamlet" Yet...

But it looks like "Saturday Night Fever" is finished!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:10 AM | Comments (3)

February 20, 2008

Moon Disappearing!

Gaia very very angry with us!

Must pray to powerful shaman to get it back!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:23 PM | Comments (8)

We All Laughed When They Called Chimpy Hitler

Well, Heil! Heil! Heil! Who's got the last laugh now?

You see, our current history is what it is because events played out as we learned them in Social Studies classes. But Codemasters and developer Spark Unlimited have created a scenario in which our history takes a detour in 1931, and the different outcome for this particular event—where Winston Churchill is struck by New York cab in 1931 and then dies instead of going on to lead England in its challenge of Adolf Hitler—alters the course of history that we’ve been following. In this new path, Hitler isn’t defeated in World War II, but rather sweeps over Europe mostly unchallenged. America isn’t drawn into the war by the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor, but instead is pulled into the conflict much later when Germany invades New York…in 1953.


I'm tired of shooting aliens; I want to kill me some Nazis.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:13 PM | Comments (47)

February 19, 2008

Sleep Little Fluffy

Do not click on this link unless you have many hours of your life to waste.


You'll thank me.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:41 PM | Comments (7)

Just One More Reason to Be Glad You're Living

...now.

A frog the size of a bowling ball, with heavy armor and teeth, lived among dinosaurs millions of years ago — intimidating enough that scientists who unearthed its fossils dubbed the beast Beelzebufo, or Devil Toad.

But its size — 10 pounds and 16 inches long — isn't the only curiosity. Researchers discovered the creature's bones in Madagascar. Yet it seems to be a close relative of normal-sized frogs who today live half a world away in South America, challenging assumptions about ancient geography.


I mean, if the frog's that big, what size were the mosquitos?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:11 PM | Comments (12)

February 13, 2008

BeauBeau and Ozzie


...revel in the thrilling and historic Beagle Westminster Victory.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:06 PM | Comments (7)

A Newly Discovered Poem By Chaucer

Found in an abandoned dumpster in, of all places, Iowa

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:12 AM | Comments (5)

February 12, 2008

Just as Well Bingley's Movin' Slow on His Meds Right Now

...or I'd send the authorities over in his direction.

Sheriff: Dude Looks Like Lady

PORTLAND, Maine -- The Cumberland County Sheriff's Department is searching for a man in women's underwear, a garter belt, black high-heeled boots -- and a mustache.

Sheriff Mark Dion on Thursday said his office had received six reports of a cross-dressing motorist pulling in front of female drivers, exiting his vehicle and modeling for them on the highway.

"The behavior is not necessarily criminal in terms of dress,” Dion said. “But the fact he's jumping out in roadways and apparently targeting females who are alone driving their cars seems to suggest to us we have to talk to him."


DEPRAVITY!!!
Our thanks for this breaking news story to Lamplighter, who is also clever enough to figure out how to post the explanatory video I sent him. Maybe it's all a big mistake, capeche?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:45 AM | Comments (2)

February 10, 2008

I Can't Macarena!

Heard they must've killed Gina!
Presenting Part 2 of "Oh, Shit I'm a Butterhead!"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:01 PM | Comments (1)

February 07, 2008

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

The cost is up a smidge.

The New York Yankees' new stadium will have party suites, a members-only restaurant, a martini bar and a price tag to match all the luxury -- $1.3 billion, up from a $1 billion estimate last year, the team said Thursday.

...The granite and limestone exterior is designed to evoke the Yankees' original 1923 stadium before it was remade in the 1970s.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:03 PM

In WhatEVER Language the Thirst for Knowledge Uses

...WE are the the guys to ask.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:59 PM | Comments (5)

So This Whole 'Rat' Thing Got Me Wondering

What's my sign?

Not very flattering, but accurate. Fortunately for me, I married the BEST in show.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:08 PM | Comments (12)

February 06, 2008

Actually, I Read This:

a = sqrt(pir^2) = rsqrt(pi)
As this:
a squirty pirate smiling is the same as a re-squirting pirate
Whom, I suppose, would not be smiling, him being in parenthesis and all things being equal.
Upper math, my a$$. The sh*t's easy.

An 'arrgh' to Instapundit for the brain twister.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:10 PM | Comments (4)

"Is Your Kid a Nose-Picker?"

No, but my brother is.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:10 PM | Comments (10)

February 05, 2008

So The G-Men Get A Ticker Tape Parade Today...

At 11 am. It's in the mid-40s, I guess, with some on and off showers. And there were already a bunch of folks on my boat at 5:45 am to get the "good spots" on the sidewalk to watch. Absolutely insane.

But fun to be able to even consider, none the less.

18-1

God, what a lovely sound that has.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:00 AM

February 04, 2008

Quote of the Day

Again from Kcruella, in an email just now.


Think I made a hillary volunteer cry. I answered the phone and got the Hi this is Julie calling for hillary, told her I would vote for whowever called the least and sent the least amount of mail and hillary was losing on both.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:50 PM | Comments (4)

The Play Of The Game...Year...EVUH!!!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:38 AM | Comments (5)

February 03, 2008

Yeah

...buddy.

Two things to take away from this.

1) Eli doesn't have to be Peyton

2) Tom Brady is not Joe Montana.

Okay ~ three things:

3) Two brothers in back-to-back Super Bowls. Both the winning quarterbacks. And BOTH the MVP's.

Top THAT.

UPDATE: Cheaters never win and winners never cheat. ::snort::

How SWEET it is.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:35 PM | Comments (7)

January 31, 2008

"...But It Featured the 10 Most Shocking Words..."

"...in the history of the Super Bowl:"

“Erections lasting longer than four hours may require medical help.”

I'm supposing the majority of male America wanted to be able to say they had to make that call for help.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:45 PM | Comments (1)

Speaking Of The Debate Last Night

Did any of you catch the Elvis Presley-esque "Viva Viagra!" commercial? How awful was that?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:46 AM | Comments (1)

January 27, 2008

Drink Read Up

...Shriners!

..."If you don't want to exercise too much," asks Dr. Morten Gronbaek, epidemiologist with Denmark's National Institute of Public Health, "can you trade it for one to two drinks per day and be fine?"

A study Gronbaek and colleagues just published in the European Heart Journal suggests the answer just may be yes. That finding, not surprisingly, has proved to be a crowd-pleaser.


And there was much rejoicing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:23 PM | Comments (3)

Why Do I Sense Something

...foul?

Tyson Wins Court Victory Against Poultry Competitors

...Sanderson Farms, Foster Farms and Perdue Farms filed a motion Friday for a temporary restraining order prohibiting Tyson from continuing its "Raised Without Antibiotics" chicken marketing program. They claimed the program, which is in the midst of a transition, contains incorrect information.

However, Judge Catherine Blake of U.S. District Court in Baltimore, denied the competitors' motion...

...Tyson announced in December the company and USDA had agreed to a new and more informative labeling for the company's Raised Without Antibiotics chicken program. The new label will include the following language:

"Chicken Raised Without Antibiotics that impact antibiotic resistance in humans."

Ah. Clarity.

And here I thought they were trying to camouflage something.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:51 PM | Comments (3)

January 26, 2008

"OK, Who Double-Dog Dared Who?"

That was the nurse asking.

...Gavin Dempsey and James Alexander were serving on flag duty at Jackson Elementary School Friday morning, with the job of raising and lowering the school's flags. They decided to see if their tongues really would stick to the cold metal.

Our squadron actually had its own version of this story enshrined in our memories, only it was Osan, -10° and...

...one of the 500 pounders hung on a ready-to-launch Intruder.

That was one lispy-assed plane captain.

Thank God they use hand signals.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:15 PM | Comments (10)

January 25, 2008

Quote of the Day

From Kcruella, who emails to instruct me:

...and if you find me pass out, please call the paramedics before you call one of the olsen twins

I need clarification.
Do you mean call both of them, instead? Call one more than once…or…don’t call them at all?

Who says celebrity tragedies have no impact on the real life of us little people?
We can all learn something.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:01 PM | Comments (6)

Breaking Insider Info On The SocGen Trader

Via an email from our Secret Correspondent:

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.

Kerviel was known to start work as early as nine in the morning and still be at his desk at five or even five-thirty, often with just an hour and a half for lunch.

One colleague said: "He was, how you say, une workaholique. I have a family and a mistress so I would leave the office at around 2pm at the latest, if I wasn't on strike.

"But Jerome was tied to that desk. One day I came back to the office at 3pm because I had forgotten my stupid little hat and there he was, fast asleep on the photocopier.

"At first I assumed he had been having sex with it, but then I remembered he had been working for almost six hours."

As the losses mounted, Kerviel tried to conceal his bad trades by covering them with an intense red wine sauce, later switching to delicate pastry horns.

At one point he managed to dispose of dozens of transactions by hiding them inside vol-au-vent cases and staging a fake reception.

Last night a spokesman for Sócíété Générálé denied that Kerviel was over worked, insisting he lost the money after betting that the French were about to stop being rude, lazy, arrogant bastards.

hehehe

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:32 AM | Comments (2)

January 22, 2008

Jeez

I wish people would make up their minds...


This stuff ain't easy on a shoestring, yo.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:16 PM | Comments (8)

After A Full Generation Of Feminist Policies Women Still Lag Behind

It's scandalous, really, and an issue that i hope Hilary addresses in the next debate

Men are drinking twice as much alcohol as women, figures for 2006 suggest.

Data from the Office for National Statistics suggest men drink an average of 18.7 units a week, compared with 9.0 units for women.

Some 21% of men, and 11% of women had drunk on at least five of the seven days before the survey was carried out.

We need urgent government action to solve this inequity!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:46 AM | Comments (6)

January 18, 2008

So Today is Bingley's Birthday !!

Besides a multiplicity of candleworks, according to Instapundit, he shares it with Cary Grant.
Funny. The two even look alike.


I mean, Bingley looked EXACTLY like this when the guy caught him in his plane...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:53 AM | Comments (16)

January 16, 2008

That Took Balls!

Well, okay.

It only took one.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:43 PM | Comments (4)

January 12, 2008

Fred's Supporters Turn Up The Pressure

Professor Bainbridge has the proof



The "Sick ET" line caused my coffee to go a'flyin'.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:29 AM

January 11, 2008

Ken Is A Bad Boy

Funny as hell, mind you, but still baaaaaad.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:02 PM | Comments (1)

That's PETA for You

Always a tad LATE with their concern.

PETA Requests Vegetarian Diet in Jail for Cannibalism Suspect

But at least they're helping. I supposed it was because no bunnies, moo-cows or piggies were harmed during the making of this particular dish.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:02 AM | Comments (7)

January 09, 2008

"Weekend at Bernie's"

Moron edition.

The corpse in the chair was a dead giveaway

Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store Tuesday and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.


UPDATE: Heh.
“Hell’s Kitchen has a rich history,” said Paul J. Browne, a police spokesman, “but this is one for the books.”

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:49 PM | Comments (8)

Thou Spongy Fen-sucked Vassal...

...Bingley!


(I'd forgotten how much fun this was.)
(That is all.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:18 PM | Comments (3)

For Those People Think Professional Golfers Are Pussies...

This will only serve as more proof

DRUG LIST: Toward the end of the U.S. PGA Tour's anti-doping program manual distributed to players last month is a section that lists examples of medications that are permitted, such as antibiotics, hemorrhoidals and muscle relaxants.

It was surprising to see vaginal preparations as the final entry.

Hehehehe.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:04 PM | Comments (1)

January 08, 2008

I Am Dying

...here.

"Protecting the Earth's environment will require many human sacrifices. But what sort of sacrifices, and by which people?"

Behold, PETA maiden!! The Goreacle approacheth!!!

When my sides stop aching, I'll say thanks.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:06 PM | Comments (1)

Presented Without Further Comment

Ken passed this along to me

Women and gay men are likely to be the worst drivers, a new study has shown. Be afraid: Women or gay men could be behind the wheel of any car

Research has revealed that both perform poorly in tasks involving navigation and spatial awareness when compared to heterosexual men.

The computer-based tests were carried out on 140 volunteers, and demonstrated that gay men, straight women and lesbians navigated in a similar way, sharing the same weaknesses.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:30 AM | Comments (7)

To Get To Tool About Town...

In a 50 year old hand built race car

Call me old-fashioned, but I like a car to have a few niceties about it. I don't expect sat-nav or even electric windows, but seat belts and some sort of heating system I consider the bare minimum requirements – neither of which were found in the 1956 Lotus Eleven Sport I was recently invited to drive.

To be fair, I knew it wouldn't come "suited-and-booted" with a leather and walnut interior. It is, after all, the actual car which was assembled and raced by one the greatest motoring legends of his era: Graham Hill...

...The "Yellow Peril", XJH 902, is steeped in so much history it is impossible to ignore the importance of the role it played in post-war British motor sport. Hill built the car when he was working as a mechanic at Lotus Engineering in Hornsey, London, and raced it in the 1,200cc class of the Autosport Production Car Championship. To save money, the relatively impoverished future world champion would drive it to race meetings, compete in it, and then drive it home.

How cool is that?

Tim will be awfully jealous.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:36 AM

January 07, 2008

Just for Sir Rob of Crab Lane, Appleton:

In the absence of sacrificial poultry, the major and I have stuffed ourselves full of Louisiana's finest...

...to assist (in spirit) the efforts of your favorite team...

...no sacrifice being too great for a friend.

I hope the juju is good.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:15 PM | Comments (8)

January 06, 2008

There Are Rescue Drops

A British deep-sea fishing boat which has been wedged in Antarctic pack ice for two weeks was running again last night after receiving an emergency airdrop.

Two previous attempts to deliver a spare piston had failed...

Yesterday a US air force C-17 Globemaster finally managed to drop the replacement part on to pack ice beside the ship from 120 metres (400ft) overhead.


And there are RESCUE drops.
..."The US air force was fantastic. They offered to drop the package on the deck but I had visions of it smashing through the bridge.


"So they dropped it nearby on the ice with a large buoy and put a 20lb box of chocolates inside."

Life is like that.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:45 PM | Comments (4)

January 04, 2008

Is That Why It Comes

...in a plain brown wrapper?

...That is not what this DVD is about. What it is exactly is hard to pin down. On the surface, it looks like a yoga video – for about the first 15 seconds. It starts to get weird immediately after words proclaiming “Beginning exercises” appear on the screen.

I’ve taken a fair amount of yoga classes and I have to say, most of these poses were foreign to me. Particularly the ones where you need two other naked ladies to be your partners. Particularly if all of the participants are doused in glycerin that is supposed to look like sweat. Particularly if the three of you are on a giant rotating disc. And especially if you have trouble seeing each other because of the fog machine.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:51 PM | Comments (5)

December 31, 2007

When major dad and the Real JeffS Get Done Yakkin'


...they'll wish everyone the happiest of New Year's, too!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:25 PM | Comments (3)

Happy New Year!

Just a quick note to wish all of you a safe and happy New Year.

And my profoundest thanks for your readership and comments.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:25 AM | Comments (2)

December 27, 2007

I Still Hate Spammers

Getting pounded again.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:04 AM | Comments (4)

December 26, 2007

The Pain Is Still Too Fresh

To my dying day I will remember the teaser from Frank Reynolds on ABC's World News Tonight before a commercial break: David 77, Goliath 72.

And there was no Christmas joy for me that year.

Thank you, Sports Illustrated, for twisting the knife in yet again.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:06 PM | Comments (1)

"Tell Ya' 'Bout Them Sobbin' Women..."

Who lived in Roman days..

How can you not love a song that mentions Plutarch?

I am so watching this movie tonight.

Absolutely love it.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:42 AM

December 20, 2007

R. Lee Ermy ~ Still Wearin' Green

...and whipping Santa's slackers into fightin' trim. (Not for tender ears. In any way, shape or form.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:28 PM | Comments (5)

A Nun Walks Into The Mother Superior's Office...

and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted..and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from G-d, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:53 AM | Comments (5)

December 19, 2007

A Special Night

Tonight marks the 20th anniversary of my first date with my Bride.

And to mark the occasion I got her a special gift...


I know what the Ladies like.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:29 PM | Comments (3)

December 12, 2007

Shattered (Sha-Dooby): The Story Of A Mortgage Victim

A heartless tale of woe.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:21 AM

For All Of Us Who Have Wished To Do This

We can thank Michael Schumacher for living out our dream

A taxi driver in Germany was left shaken and stirred after handing his keys over to seven-times Formula One champion Michael Schumacher.

Schumacher, 38, asked to take the wheel as he was running late for a flight.

"I found myself a passenger, which was strange enough, but having 'Schumi' behind the wheel was incredible," said taxi driver Tuncer Yilmaz.

"He drove at full throttle around the corners and overtook in some unbelievable places."

He was accompanied by his wife and children to pick up the puppy and the family were late getting back to the local aerodrome for their return flight.

After giving the cabbie an unforgettable experience, Schumacher also gave him a 100 Euro tip.

Oh I'm sure the Nancies will say "oh he could have hurt someone; how dangerous." Yeah, I suppose.
But what a hoot.

You know Tim or Iowahawk would kill to do this...or even to have been the cabbie.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:05 AM | Comments (2)

December 11, 2007

Wrong

...on so many levels, I know.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:01 PM | Comments (7)

I Wasn't Even Aware

...we were having a contest.

3 finalists named for state song, Floridians now will vote

...- "Florida My Home," music by Carl Ashley, of Boynton Beach, and lyrics by Betsy Dixon, Lantana, including "Moonlight on the Suwanee River, Turns the waters silv'ry bright. ... Fair wins blowing, Flowers glowing, This is Florida, my home!"

- "My Florida Home," music and lyrics by Christopher Marshall, Orlando. The lyrics include "So many travelers arriving before me, Left behind tyranny, poverty, pain ..., Land of the sunshine, by flowers defined."

- "Florida (Where the Sawgrass Meets the Sky)," music and lyrics by Jan Hinton, of Pompano Beach. The lyrics include "Mocking birds cry and 'gators lie out in the sun. Bridges span southward to the Keys and rockets skyward run."



Oy. Nothin' grabbin' me so far.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:31 PM | Comments (5)

Who Dropped It?

It seems the solar system is bent

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- New observations from NASA's long-running Voyager 2 spacecraft show the solar system is asymmetrical, likely from disturbances in the interstellar magnetic field, scientists reported Monday.

Voyager 2 sailed near the edge of the solar system this past summer following its twin, Voyager 1, in 2004.

The discovery came after the 30-year-old unmanned probe sailed near the edge of the solar system this past summer following its twin, Voyager 1, which reached that part of space in 2004.

Researchers have long suspected the solar system was bent, but never had direct evidence until now, said Voyager mission scientist Edward Stone of the California Institute of Technology.

Voyager 2 crossed a barrier in the solar system known as the termination shock in August, some 10 billion miles from where Voyager 1 passed through. The termination shock is the region where charged particles from the sun abruptly slow down as they collide with other particles and a magnetic field in interstellar gas.

The Voyagers are over 30 years old and still sending back useful data. Best investments evah.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:36 AM | Comments (3)

December 10, 2007

Hello Kitty!

Kind of a crappy situation to find yourself in

A man spent four days trapped in a toilet after the door handle broke.

David Leggat, 55, was unable to raise the alarm after becoming stuck in the toilets at Kittybrewster and Woodside Bowling Club in Aberdeen.

Mr Leggat had no mobile phone or food, and used tap water for refreshment and for heat.

Now, far be it from me to cast aspersions on the character and general up-standing moral nature of my Scottish kin...

But I feel that it is my duty to point out to the readership that Mr. Leggat is the Club's Wine Steward.


Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:14 AM | Comments (2)

December 09, 2007

Excuse Me As I Sputter

...in disbelief...

...They’re likely to find opposition from New Jersey wholesalers. Lobbyist Jeffrey Warsh said wholesalers’ concerns are public safety and taxation, and not losing their cut of profits.

“I’m surprised that the public safety concerns are so minimized in favor of commercial interests,” he said.


...and stop just short of calling him a lying sack of "Almighty Cleanse".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:45 PM | Comments (1)

Nancy Pelosi KNEW About WATERBOARDING

...in 2002??!? In this cruel world of lying, hypocrat Democrats, I have that beat for strangeness. So there Kcruella and I were, in New Orleans for a chi-chi cocktail party, where we met (!) and hobnobbed with book writing Brennans, members of the local 'spirit' clubs and gregarious others. A hard night of schmoozling and networking (even afterward at a late working dinner) led to a leisurely hike for breakfast, Royal Street gallery stroll on the return, capped by a scenic ferry ride...

...to Old Algiers Point. (No expense spared for my best friend (in the whole world) when it's MY turn to arrange transport, I tell you!)

(Of course, the actual SCENERY on the way to Algiers rocked.)

So we wander all over creation on our way to another friend's studio
~ I was on a mission for more of his Mardi Gras pumpkins. I'm an addict.
We are laggards, as ever, and wind up sprinting our way up the gangway ("C'mon girls!! You can make it!!") to the one functioning ferry before it heads back across the river to the Quarter. Being the stalwart pair we are, diving into the Shops on Canal was an easy detour before hitting the hotel bar......for refreshment.

Breakfast having been many hours (and 6 or so hiking miles away), we shot up a block to Bourbon for a before dinner snicky snack . (Flash fried oysters. Callin' my name, baby.) Gracious, what a gossip fest! The bartender knew our old B&B owners, one thing led to another and we got all caught up on local dirt PLUS got the guys' new phone number. I LOVE New Orleans, honest to God I do. Anyways, it was one of those 'tide you over' situations, because we were eating dinner here. Former Marine for a chef, winning personality on the numerous Food Network specials we've seen ~ we've had these reservations for months. Yeah. Buddy.

And all we can say is 'WOW'. What a meal. And what company. The couple next to us turned out to be a lovely lady ~ a recent widow, bless her heart ~ accompanied by the family lawyer who had flown in from his new home in Houston to advise her. (Kcruella noted that HER barrister has never taken her out to dinner in such...fashion. Oh, well. She IS in New Jersey...) We so enjoyed our conversation with them and their local 'take' on what ailed this wonderful city and what it was going to take to fix it. Really amazing local perspective. He'd graduated from Tulane's law school and she was closing up the New Orleans house to move to Austin. Which brings me back to Nancy Pelosi, odd bedfellows and strangeness. An incredible visit, unbelievable encounters, a magical meal, dynamite new acquaintances and we wind up...?

Talking about Skyler.

How weird is that, I ask you?

Of course, the hotel is haunted...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:14 PM | Comments (3)

'Tis The Season

Just a reminder before you leave out the usual plate of cookies and milk: Santa would much prefer a nice mug of ale this year...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:11 PM | Comments (3)

December 08, 2007

I Hope They Made Sure God Was on Board With This

...before they paid for the info-mercial programming time.

"Have an Almighty Cleanse! Have a normal bowel movement."

I wish I could say I made this up. And it is everything and every bit as bad as what you thought the second you read it.

Only holier. Drano for Christian colons.

Man, He's gonna be pissed if they didn't get an 'okay'.
UPDATE: Dear Gunslinger: Holy CRAP. Thanks for finding it.

...When leprous Naaman dipped in the Jordan River 7 times (2 Kings 5: 10-14), he was healed through "hydrotherapy." Jesus put clay on a blind man's eyes and cured him (John 9:6-7) and thus sayeth Danny, "...the clay has drawing powers. It's a great absorbent to the alimentary canal of toxins." Vierra proudly announces that the same kind of clay Jesus used is in the Almighty Cleanse product!

And I think in one of the Gnostic gospels Jesus tosses a clump of clay to a guy with smelly feet and tells him, "Blow it out your colon."


And 'Christians' wonder where the bad rap comes from...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:29 PM | Comments (7)

December 07, 2007

A Fun 'Fill in the Blank' For You!!

Complete this sentence:


"A new species of _____ ________ _____ is exciting and reinforces the obvious - that there have to be many other unreported species but hundreds are being lost as their habitats disappear under the continued mismanagement of our planet,"

You get a Chocolate Cream-Filled Dunkin' Donut if you guessed:

"Giant Spitting Cobra"!

But, like, who wouldn't have?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:26 PM | Comments (3)

December 06, 2007

Am I Insensitive When I Wish With ALL MY HEART


...that they CATCH these little egg happy rat bastards? And that, when they DO, they get pelted with dozens of those same avian ovum bomblettes and that their sticky, dripping albumin coated bodies are then strung up on the Tree of Woe?

Am I too harsh, ya think?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:31 AM | Comments (9)

December 04, 2007

The Trojan Moose

But locals wonder: can we a fjord it?

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - With little else to attract tourists, promoters of two Swedish counties are pinning their hopes on a truly gargantuan wooden moose.

When completed, the 148-foot tall, 155-foot-long moose will have a restaurant in its belly, as well as a concert hall, conference rooms and a shop, according to Thorbjorn Holmlund, project coordinator and local tourism promoter.

The monument to the moose will be so big that its massive wooden hooves will be firmly planted in two different counties, Vasterbotten and Norrbotten, about 540 miles north of Stockholm.

Sounds like yet another brilliant publicly funded project.


Bork-bork-bork!

(Antler-tip to the Blogfaddah)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:32 AM | Comments (7)

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These?

As many of you know this summer we were blessed to have a certain friend from Down Under stop by for a weekend, and we had an absolutely wonderful time. I wish I could say the same was true of our latest visitor from Oz...

In a horrid display of Fair Play, last night my subconscious decided that I needed to dream that Kevin Rudd showed up at the house for dinner (quite uninvited, I might add); and not only did Kevin show up but his whole cabinet tagged along...and it pains me to tell you there ain't an Elle Macpherson or Mel Gibson among 'em. Not a handsome bunch at all. So there they all are, wandering around Bingley Manor, helping themselves to all my wine (hmmm, there's a Labor Morality play in that one), and Kevin is just droning on and on with that plastic look on his face, and they decide to play soccer. In my living room. Now, honesty forces me to admit that under the new Labor government of Rudd's my house is far bigger than it was when Tim was here (well, at least in the dream), but, really, it's quite cheeky to invite your whole cabinet over to someone's house and then play soccer in his living room.

And drink up all my goddamned wine!

Bastards.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:09 AM | Comments (3)

November 20, 2007

I Mean HONESTLY...

Delaware State Police have arrested a Chester, Pennsylvania, man who they said was running naked and drunk on Interstate-95 and caused three accidents.
*
What else does a guy from 'BRANDYWINE' do?

*Not having the police video of the actual event, I have substituted this photo of Bingley during his traditional holiday revels in order to illustrate someone causing accidents. They don't call him the 'King of Turd-ducken' for nothing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:51 PM | Comments (1)

The Kobayashi Maru

Arrives in Cleveland.

Is there finally a solution?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:06 PM | Comments (1)

Tell Me There's NOT

...some weird sort of...

...cosmic connectiveness in this world.

I dare you.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:53 AM | Comments (2)

November 19, 2007

"How Is a Itty Bitty 12 Oz. Roll of Sausage Supposed to Feed

...600 pounds of men?"

It's a legitimate question. And the man is demanding some answers.

Stick around for the end ~ he's a little slow ending the call.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:16 AM | Comments (2)

November 15, 2007

Video: Butter Head

(thanks to LGF for this)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:52 PM | Comments (3)

"Punish the Person, Not the Whiskey."

"Jack never did anything wrong, and the whiskey itself is innocent."
I'd say it's like throwing away the money if you were banking without a license, or bulldozing a national treasure. Shoot, SELL that stuff as a fundraiser for law enforcement. They'd sell my house if I was still selling crack and got caught.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:21 PM | Comments (8)

From Our Reporter In Spitzer's Office...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:08 AM | Comments (3)

November 14, 2007

Laugh Of The Day

Now I've often looked around and thought "Bingley, how can you show the world what kind of a committed environmentalist you really are?" I mean, heck, I already recycle by dumping stuff into landfills (since it all was ripped out of Gaia's flesh the most logical thing to do is shove it back in); I try to feed the wondrous flora by generating as much tasty carbon dioxide for them as I can...what else can a concerned fellow do? Well, now I know:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have bought a man-made island in the shape of Ethiopia that is part of an ambitious luxury development off the coast of Dubai, a newspaper reported Wednesday.

The Hollywood couple intend to use the reclaimed piece of land to showcase environmental issues and encourage people to live a greener life, the Emirates Today newspaper said.

The couple's purchase is part of cluster of 300 islands, shaped like a world map, that is gradually surfacing in waters off the booming Gulf emirate.

What says "I care about the environment" better than an artificial island?

And what adjective describes a Middle East country better than "booming"?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:07 AM | Comments (9)

November 08, 2007

Well I guess We Know What's For Dinner

this weekend

URBANA, Ohio -- A barn fire at a fish farm near the western Ohio city of Urbana killed more than 150,000 of the farm's half million fish.

Dave Smith, owner of Freshwater Farms of Ohio, said he moved the fish to the barn and stoked up a stove to stave off the cold. Smith blamed the direction of the wind for sparking Tuesday night's blaze.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:36 PM | Comments (8)

You Know, When I Saw This Headline...

"Clinton Stiffs Iowa Waitress"

I sure didn't think they were talking about Hillary...

But this is one of those stupid stories, as "In fairness to Clinton, the article also notes that the meal was on the house. "

I shudder to think we still have a year of this crap left.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:53 AM | Comments (5)

November 06, 2007

Why I Love My Bride, Part MCMVXII

You've just got to love a gal who, as I type (and drink, natch), is cooking a meal combining organic veggies from the Commie Store and Velveeta.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:12 PM | Comments (6)

November 05, 2007

The Macca Demand

...There is one catch: Mills wants McCartney to tell the world that she’s no gold digger.
...the why...
...According to The Daily Mail, a close friend of the disabled former model said: “Heather thinks that if only Paul would tell everyone she is a nice person, that she’s not a fantasist or a gold digger, then all his fans are going to stop hating her.”
...and the best advice he could ever get, all in the same column.
Sir Paul, if there is any chance you’re reading this, I implore you: Say what Mills wants you to say, then open up your checkbook and make this go away.
You can’t fight crazy.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:11 PM | Comments (3)

"Attend the Tale of Sweeney Todd"

His skin was pale and his eye was odd.

He shaved the faces of gentlemen,
Who never thereafter were heard from again,
Did Sweeney, Sweeney Todd!

The Demon Barber of Fleet.

Street.



I can't believe they frickin' left the ballad out of the movie.

GARRRRR!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:10 AM | Comments (4)

November 03, 2007

Regarding the College Team Closest to major dad's Heart

...and soul: the only thing that covers this year is a quote from the Japanese groundskeepers in "Major League".

"They shitty."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:17 PM | Comments (16)

November 02, 2007

Ozzie Says to Tell Aunt Kcruella

"Thank you VERY much!!"

He thinks it's quite natty.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:15 PM | Comments (19)

At Least You'd Be Safe From Tornadoes

So buy the place and have room to spare.

Previous tenant's houseplants not included.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:06 PM | Comments (2)

You Wanna See an Obscenity? DO Ya?

Well, I got one for ya that's turn your stomach to gouda grits. There's this:

...and then's there's THIS.

...TMZ first reported Brit earns an average of $737,868 per month.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:30 PM | Comments (15)

Goat Sucker Unveiled

Well, we were all on the edge of our seats about this, especially given a Certain Person's* disappearance of late, but rest assured: according to (and I kid you not) KENS-TV

SAN MARCOS, Texas (AP) -- The results are in: The ugly, big-eared animal found during the summer in southern Texas is not the mythical, bloodsucking chupacabra. It's just a plain old coyote.

Biologists at Texas State University announced Thursday night they had identified the hairless doglike creature.

KENS-TV of San Antonio provided a tissue sample from the animal for testing.

"The DNA sequence is a virtually identical match to DNA from the coyote," biologist Mike Forstner said in a statement. "This is probably the answer a lot of folks thought might be the outcome. I, myself, really thought it was a domestic dog, but the Cuero Chupacabra is a Texas Coyote."

Stay tuned for any more breaking announcements on this story.

*The Certain Person's name has been changed to protect the innocent friendly.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:07 AM | Comments (8)

November 01, 2007

Now EVERYONE Will Be Rushing to Buy a New

...vibrator.

...And no wonder, other scientists say. Dr. Rubin, director of the Center for Biotechnology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, is reporting that in mice, a simple treatment that does not involve drugs appears to be directing cells to turn into bone instead of fat.

All he does is put mice on a platform that buzzes at such a low frequency that some people cannot even feel it. The mice stand there for 15 minutes a day, five days a week. Afterward, they have 27 percent less fat than mice that did not stand on the platform — and correspondingly more bone.



You don't even have to shake that thang anymore. It does it for you. And I'm sure it plugs into the wall, so no more environmentally unfriendly batteries.

Bingley's Energizer days are over.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:46 AM | Comments (5)

October 31, 2007

For The Farterland!

Maybe he powered the Hindenburg

It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.

(h/t to Insta...I think)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:01 PM | Comments (3)

The MOST WONDERFUL Day of the Year

...is here!

Have a GREAT one!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:32 AM | Comments (3)

October 30, 2007

Schwinn???

I thought you said schwing

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

No way.

Way.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:59 AM | Comments (6)

October 29, 2007

Funny, I Thought He* Drove...

a Subaru

Police in Zululand say they seized two cows and two goats found squashed into the back of a tiny Fiat Uno.

...Police chased one overloaded Fiat Uno into the night, after receiving a tip-off at around 0300.

The driver abandoned the car after he realised he was being followed and ran off into the bushes.

All the seats except the driver's had been taken out and the cows and goats loaded in their place

Looks like He* had to cancel a party a few weeks ago, too

The authorities say in another instance the rustlers managed to cram two cows and seven goats into a Toyota Tazz before being pulled over.

These poor creatures who escaped His* clutches will get the help they need

Police said they hoped these animals would be given a trauma debriefing - but did not elaborate on what that would entail.

Oh, I'd guess a barbecue will be involved.

*The name has been left out to protect our Dear Friend.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:06 PM | Comments (6)

October 28, 2007

"No WAY!!!"

Way.

Crazy Football Play I`ve never seen so many laterals.

If something done two times is 'twice', what's it called when it's done FIFTEEN?

SI says it's a "Lateralapalooza", whatever the technical term turns out to be. I'd agree.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:16 PM | Comments (6)

October 26, 2007

Probably Not...

"I don't know if we can really understand their experience by wearing the hijab just one day," she said.
LGF reports that, in an apparent attempt to bring the everyday life of a Muslim woman to some fragile minded college co-eds, they've scheduled a day of dress-up. Obviously, while it's difficult to replicate the REAL attitudes of the predominant Islamic world, I have a few easy recommendations that require little in the way of props or expensive overhead.
1) ROCKS: Cheap and easy to fling. The discriminating stoner (leaving out the toking variety) would know exactly which shape goes the furthest or makes the most satisfying thump or crunch or crack on contact. Now, you ARE allowed to grovel on the ground and attempt to cover yourself with however much your hands will shield, but it's gonna be a mess eventually, especially if there are lots of male attendees.



2) FLEXIBLE LARGE BLACK HEFTY BAG: Why stop at hajib when you can have the whole burqua burqua thing going on for mere pennies. Slice a couple openings for peepholes and you're on your way to burqua babe-dom. I believe these also come with a...

3) HEFTY ULTRA FLEX DRAWSTRING: ...saving time and money when your male relatives go on a mercy killing rampage because your brother boinked the neighbor's goat/daughter and ~ good old Islam ~ SOMEBODY'S gotta pay for that shit. If they slice you into little pieces, you're already in the bag. If they've only got enough time to choke the life out of you, they can use the drawstring, keeping with the 'easy clean-up' theme because...? You guessed it. You're already in the bag.

4) DULCET TONED HOLY MAN: These are available online by the bushel load.

You can get tapes of ugly, rotted toothed clergy saying almost anything you heart desires ~ from calling you 'cat meat' (does not include the 'P' word) to railing against Israel to explaining the mundane regulations surrounding WHUDU. Lotsa choices, lotsa imams. Start slowly, because if you get the one who's into stoning, lashes and beheadings right off, you don't leave yourself much chance to further your knowledge.

And you've only got a day.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:44 PM | Comments (3)

October 25, 2007

I Cannot Confirm the Existence of Such a Contest

...but I can sure agree with the expressed sentiment.

The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year’s term: Political Correctness.
“Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end”.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:30 PM | Comments (2)

Someone Found Us Whilst Researching This Most Foul of Manufactured Substances

spoiled miracle whip
...and it got me to wondering.
How would you know?

I mean, it already stinks and tastes like sh*t.

I guess if it starts to eat through yer Cracker, there's cause fer some concern...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:36 PM | Comments (2)

October 23, 2007

Cheesy, I Know, But Hey...

It's home.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:59 AM

October 21, 2007

Whoa...DUDE!

You wanna 'splain this to us?

"nightfly is a clapton album"

Or not, if you feel it's intrusive.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:03 PM | Comments (2)

October 19, 2007

Pardon My Skepticism and Wet Blanketness a la SkylaEr

...on the eve of their first World Series ever, BUT...I hope they turn this down.

Rockies aim to trademark ‘Rocktober’
Slogan describes club's run to National League Wild Card, World Series

Exposing my ancient roots to derision, I have to protest. In the early/mid '80's, "Rocktober" was a big part of the KROQ/KLOS ~but especially~ KMET ('The MIGHTY Met') SoCal FM experience for us ~ stuck in traffic on the 405 heading home, or jettin' out to Newport Beach or Balboa on the weekends.

It's not a Rockies original. So print your t-shirts, fellas, but leave the memories alone.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:20 PM | Comments (9)

October 18, 2007

I've Joined PETA

You too can join here.

You know you want to.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:50 PM | Comments (4)

Today's Chuckle

Comes to us via our naughty friend Theo Spark


A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scumbag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive.Then I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid,mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:07 AM | Comments (7)

October 17, 2007

Getting All Prickly Over a Little

...Tong.

A junior trader suing one of the world's biggest hedge funds, claiming a boss forced him to take female hormones, also says he was the victim of a sexual assault at work, sources told The Post.

Andrew Tong has produced "scientific evidence to corroborate the traumatic events that form the basis of his claims" against SAC Capital Management, said his lawyer, Gerry Filippatos.


(WHAT management?!?! I'm dying here...)

Hormone replacement therapy causes more kinds of trouble...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:38 PM

October 12, 2007

A Little Unintended Hilarity in Today's Dreary Wal-Mart Line

The bigger calenders speak for their licentious selves...

The smaller desktops scattered above them?
The spiral bound version of this...

Praying for the souls of oglers? Praying for deliverance?

Or praying for the delivery of something worth ogling?

I report, you decide.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:14 PM | Comments (4)

October 08, 2007

After All These Years, When I See Him Kick That Leg Behind His Head...

...in those tights...I still just melt. GAH-RROOWWLLLLLL.

That is all.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:04 PM | Comments (4)

October 05, 2007

This Is Your Head

This is your head on potatoes

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- Customs officers discovered nearly 10.5 ounces of ecstasy tablets hidden inside a Mr. Potato Head toy sent to Australia from Ireland, the agency said Thursday.

Upon opening the parcel, the officers were greeted with the smiling face of the popular children's toy, which features a potato-like head and removable facial features. But when they removed a panel from the back of the toy, the officers found 10.34 ounces of ecstasy in a plastic bag.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:41 AM | Comments (6)

October 02, 2007

Overheard On 'Millionaire'

...just this second (as I was drying my hands to change the channel):

Meredith: How many planets in our solar system have one syllable names?

[Pregnant pause as male contestant ponders]



[ponders ponders ponders]

Contestant: I can only think of two right now. Mars and Venus.

Lucky thing for him the audience was on top of that one.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:44 PM | Comments (9)

October 01, 2007

The Perfect Costume to Express Your Non-Dhimmi-ness

Cover all your offensive bases and kill two birds with ONE unclean stone.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:30 PM | Comments (2)

"Pellicula in Interrete Vulgate de Coitu Paridis"

...is probably one entry they could have left out and no one would judge them harshly.

...For those who think Latin means Cicero's orations, caveat emptor. "We're using an ancient language, but we're writing on a computer, not papyrus," says Josh Rocchio, a graduate student and one of the most active editors. "There isn't anything that doesn't belong in Vicipaedia. You can write about Julius Caesar, or you can write about blue cheese."

ALWAYS one of my favorite subjects. The concept is a complete hoot.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:04 AM | Comments (3)

Speaking Of Nunzilla...

She may have taken her vows with Our Lady of the Blessed Pugilist

A convent in southern Italy is being shut down after a quarrel among its last three remaining nuns ended in blows, press reports said Sunday.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:29 AM

Step Right Up And Beat The Mets

While this isn't as awful as the Yankees post-season collapse against the Red Sox a few years ago this was much more painful to watch, a month-long choke of epic proportions.

Glavine's 'effort' yesterday summed up the Met's September.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:19 AM | Comments (2)

September 28, 2007

Where's Its Butt?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:30 AM | Comments (9)

Quote Of The Day

"Let's face it: Leftie girls are easy"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:10 AM | Comments (4)

September 27, 2007

Dear God

This is just wrong.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:23 PM | Comments (17)

September 26, 2007

Why I Love My Fellow Americans, Part 237

This is simply bee-yuuu-tee-full

NEW YORK (AP) -- The ball Barry Bonds hit for his record-breaking 756th home run will be branded with an asterisk and sent to the Baseball Hall of Fame, its owner said Wednesday.

Fashion designer Marc Ecko, who bought the ball in an online auction, set up a Web site for fans to vote on the ball's fate, and the decision to brand it won out over the other options, sending it to the museum unblemished or launching it into space.


Hahahaha!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:06 AM | Comments (8)

I'm A Little Tired This Morning

Damn, can't they release these things on a Friday?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:38 AM | Comments (25)

September 25, 2007

In Case of an Erection Lasting Longer Than FOUR HOURS...

...talk to Robb. People say the strangest things to him...

The reason gun nuts are the laughing stock of the sentient universe is that there is no more transparent intellectual dishonesty than that of pro-gun propaganda. Is it because if you were honest with everyone, you'd be forced to admit you all want guns because you're cowardly bullies consumed by crippling sexual inadequacy, and don't think anyone's life is worth more than your inconvenience? Who can blame you? That doesn't sound quite as noble as all the phony posturing about defending oneself and imaginary rights and bogus cause and effect, does it?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:02 PM | Comments (11)

September 24, 2007

Is That a Lizard in Your Leg?



Or are you just glad to see me?

A man accused of stealing three endangered iguanas from a nature preserve in Fiji and smuggling them into the United States in his prosthetic leg has been indicted.

Or both?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:50 PM | Comments (4)

A Room With No View

But it would make a damn fine wine cellar

A US intercontinental ballistic missile base, equipped with a vast underground network of tunnels and rooms but no atomic warheads, is for sale in a remote corner of the United States.

The warheads and missiles went when the US government abandoned the Titan bases in the 1970s.

Located near remote Moses Lake in the northwest state of Washington, the former Larsen military base includes 4,000 square meters (43,000 square feet) of "usable" space on 23 hectares (56 acres) of land, and the owner is only asking for 1.5 million dollars -- which might buy a small home in Hollywood.

Now if Lotto only cooperates it's mine.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:07 AM | Comments (1)

September 19, 2007

Polish Of'fn Yer Arrrgyle, Ye Slimy Bilgerats

Talk Like a Pirate Day it be,
'n talk like buccaneers will we!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:14 AM | Comments (4)

September 14, 2007

Since It's Friday

...(and the fact that we're heartily sick of Moveon.org, Code Pink and Joe Biden), Bingley, Ken, major dad and I decided to chill out a little. Knock back a couple brewskis...

...eat some wings, solve the problems of the world. ( JeffS 'n That1Guy're out on a re-supply run already.)

So, here we are, just waitin' for the rest of you thugs. There's plenty of room on the carpet.

Copacetic.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:06 PM | Comments (20)

Inmates Want More Sausage

There's really not more to be said

Inmates go on sausage ‘temper tantrum’ N.M. prisoners angry after being told they could only have 1 dinner sausage

HOBBS, N.M. - Some Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum."

No word on how many pigs-in-a-blanket they are allowed.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:18 AM | Comments (9)

September 09, 2007

Well, At Least She Didn't...

...spit on it.

Salty burger lands McDonald's employee in jail
Police officer says oversalted meat made him sick; worker faces charges

UNION CITY, Ga. - A McDonald’s employee spent a night in jail and is facing criminal charges because a police officer’s burger was too salty, so salty that he says it made him sick.

The clown ain't smilin'. (They couldn't just toss it and make another burger? I mean, what do those cost McDonald's ~ about 2 1/2 ¢ a piece?)
I'm thinking I hit the drive through at our local Krispy Kreme and come back a couple hours later for too much glaze on the donut. I'll own them.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:14 PM | Comments (4)

September 08, 2007

So, a Pirate Walks Into the Doctor's Office...

...with a steering wheel attached to his schwanz.

"Good grief!" says the doctor. "What's that?!"

"Argh!!"
says the pirate.
"It's drivin' me nuts."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:34 PM | Comments (1)

September 07, 2007

"Undoubtedly Poetic Stuff..."

"... but do pee-pees really go "doing-doing-doing"?"
That would be the editorial comment on No. 14. For the record (and in spite of Bingley's alleged 'all things naughty' expertise), I personally have no knowledge and therefore will not answer the question based on my 5th Dimension rights.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:07 PM | Comments (8)

I Wonder If They Rented A Fjord

At the airport?

THREE Norwegian tourists who had planned a holiday on the Greek island of Rhodes landed in the southwestern French town of Rodez yesterday after mistyping the destination on an internet booking form.

The trio appears to have been surprised when their Ryanair flight landed in Rodez, which has a mediaeval town centre but no beach resorts.

"We were told of the mistake when the three tourists arrived at the airport and we tried to make their stay as agreeable as possible before they decided to return to Norway," the Rodez tourism chief Florence Taillefer said.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:20 AM | Comments (4)

September 06, 2007

I Feel A Great Disturbance In The Force

As if this great big whale suddenly cried out as if in gastric distress

Grammy award winning producer Quincy Jones, center, Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., left, and country music singer-songwriter Brett James, right, join other recording artists on stage to sing "We Are the World" at the conclusion of the GRAMMY's on the Hill Gala Dinner and performances at the Williard Inter-Continental Hotel in Washington, Wednesday evening, Sept. 5, 2007. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Praise jeebus there's no video.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:04 AM | Comments (8)

September 01, 2007

And the Word This Morning Is

FOOTBALL
And ahhhhhh. It is good.

At 2:30 Central this afternoon...

...it gets even better.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:32 AM | Comments (7)

August 28, 2007

I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

Here at the Swilling we pride ourselves on being Big Tent kinda folks who can't easily be placed into ideological stalls boxes and we also like to provide You, our Dear Reader, with as complete a Service as twenty bucks will get you these days possible.

With that in mind it gives me utmost joy to announce that in response to Google queers queries on the story below that we rank #3 on a Google search for "how to signal you want gay sex" and #1 for "gay under stall signals".

My heart is bursting with pride, and I can never thank you enough.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:19 PM | Comments (7)

August 23, 2007

File This Under "Your Tax Dollars At Work"

Those eagle-eyed protectors of impressionable youth at the FCC strike again

THE call letters KUNT have landed at a yet-unbuilt low-power digital television station in Wailuku, Maui.

Alarmingly similar to a word the dictionary says is obscene, the call letters were among a
15-page list of new call letters issued by the Federal Communications Commission and
released this week.

The same station owner also received KWTF for a station in Arizona.


Imagine their advertising jingles.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:27 PM | Comments (5)

New Jersey

Never has there been a hive of more wretched scum and villainy. It's seductive, septic noxiousness is now seeping from anesthetized communities already wrapped in it's malevolent cocoon towards unsuspecting citizens...across state lines.

Town Upset With Police Trip to Hooters

DEERPARK, N.Y. (AP) - A trip to Hooters by a group of off-duty police officers has some leaders of an Orange County community upset because their town was left without local police coverage for the night.

Several off-duty officers, other law enforcement officials and residents went to the restaurant and sports bar 35 miles away in Franklin, N.J., on Thursday, town of Deerpark officials said.


Islamic fascism isn't the immediate problem, my friends...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:15 PM | Comments (9)

What The Bonnie Glenn Wears At The Beach

The Instakilt

Dalbeattie-based Thistle Products - which also produces See You Jimmy hats - launched the Instakilt a month ago.

Since then sales of the tartan beach towel, which doubles as a kilt, have almost outstripped supplies.

I have to order one of these.

Heh. Not that I'm encouraging anyone with some Photoshop Skills to put a certain Puppy Blender's head on the above picture, mind you...


Update: Thanks Ken!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:37 AM | Comments (6)

August 20, 2007

How Sucky Can Life Get?

Worse than you know.

British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:15 PM | Comments (14)

August 17, 2007

The Top-Selling Horror Story In Australia...

Is a book called "The Signing"

Author Stephen King was mistaken for a vandal when he started signing books during an unannounced visit to a shop in Australia, according to local media.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation said staff at the Alice Springs book store did not initially realise the writer was autographing his own novels.

Bookshop manager Bev Ellis said: "When you see someone writing in one of your books you get a bit toey [nervous].

I would like to thank the Beeb for translating the Australian for us, as well; I fear had I asked some folks what that meant I might have gotten a somewhat different answer.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:12 AM | Comments (1)

August 15, 2007

My Weekend At 'Bama's

Not surprisingly, most of the weekend consisted of this

combined with a lot of this


Mind you, those sad few whose joys are found in somewhat shallower pursuits were also not forgotten

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:57 AM | Comments (4)

August 14, 2007

It's Only A Flesh Wound

Those Japanese bikers are tough hombres

TOKYO, Japan (Reuters) -- A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

My knowledge of motorcycles is somewhat dated, but how did he shift gears or brake?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:48 AM | Comments (15)

It's Not Our Fault, Really

Sure, it may seem rather curious that this issue arises immediately after last weekend where for the first time in 25 some odd years all of us siblings got together. Myself, Treehugging Sister, Crusader and Mountainman all gathered together along with our better halves and the younger offspring in Northern Alabama to enjoy the lovely weather and see how much we could eat and how much alcohol we could consume. It turned out to be a surprising amount on both counts. But really, you can't blame this on us


ATHENS, Ala. - Voters have a chance on Tuesday to return this northern Alabama city to the days of Prohibition.

I don't think.

Hell, we did our best to make it a dry county; these folks should be thanking us.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:22 AM | Comments (20)

August 07, 2007

Steve Banky, Real American

Sir, I salute you

Woods was leading by four strokes Sunday as he stood over his ball far to the left of the fairway after a wild 358-yard drive. He pulled his 9-iron second shot into the trees left of the green and it hit a limb and dropped directly onto Rudy Wittensoldner. The 58-year-old native of nearby Louisville was sitting with friends while covered with a clear sheet of plastic. The ball hit her in the forearm and she pulled her arm up against her body so the ball wouldn't fall, gamely waiting until Woods came up to collect it.

Woods walked around the greenside bunker and laughed when he saw her scrunched down in her chair with the ball nestled against her body. Woods then asked for a ruling and received a free drop, chipping through the green. While marshals went to get ice for Wittensoldner's arm, Woods calmly holed an 18-foot chip for par that was met by a huge ovation.

``It's kind of hot,'' Wittensoldner said of the spot where the ball hit her.

Woods was asked for a blow-by-blow of the hole.

``It ended up right on the lady's jacket, poncho, whatever you want to call it,'' he said. ``I took a drop, hit a terrible pitch over the green, and I holed it from there with a little 9 iron. Four shots.''

Seconds later, after Sabbatini made a double bogey and was walking away from the ninth green, retired firefighter and paramedic Steve Banky casually said to him, ``Hey, Rory. Still think Tiger's beatable?''

Sabbatini wheeled and pointed to Banky, telling a police officer that he wanted Banky removed from the course. He was escorted to the course's front entrance by two officers.

Hehe, go whine some more, Rory, after your latest choke.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:36 AM

August 06, 2007

I'm A Little Late...

But Happy Birthday Crusader!

(yeah, I know they're the same pictures I used last year. So sue me already)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:04 AM | Comments (1)

August 03, 2007

"I Have a Sharpened Carrot!"

Indeed you do, son. Use it wisely.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:33 AM | Comments (4)

July 31, 2007

A Little Doob'll Do Ya

Toke for your health.

A single joint of marijuana obstructs the flow of air as much as smoking up to five tobacco cigarettes, but long-term pot use does not increase the risk of developing emphysema, new research suggests.

...However, the researchers found that the progressive chronic lung disease emphysema, often associated with cigarette smoking, was uncommon among marijuana smokers. Only 1.3 percent of the long-term pot smokers were found to have signs of the disease compared to 16.3 percent of those who combined marijuana and tobacco, and 18.9 percent of those who only smoked tobacco.


But every bit of good news has it's downside...
...Last week, another study published in The Lancet medical journal suggested that using marijuana may increase the likelihood of becoming psychotic, with even infrequent use potentially raising the overall small risk by up to 40 percent.

I dunno ~ I think they may have had latent psychotic tendencies to begin with, because every doper I've ever known was sleepy-time mellow and too stoned to worry about Karl Rove. And who ever heard of a Kiwi killing spree?
...The three-year Thorax study involved 339 people in New Zealand, where pot smoking is fairly common.

That explains why the visuals for LOTR were so intense. Take a little tolkien the pipe...

...and come up with a boss a$$ fantasy.
But there was one last, little info nugget that brought a chortle on...
...Jeff Garrett, president of the Australia-New Zealand Thoracic Society, who was not involved in the study...

RIGHT.....

Dude, you are so busted.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:12 PM | Comments (2)

Your Moment of Zen

Remember this recent post? God forgive me and restore my sight, there's actually a picture of the crime scene. And I've posted it.

I'd say it's NSFW, but it's so far beyond that, that there's no point.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:08 AM | Comments (6)

July 27, 2007

Nice Try, Prince Freddy

Like we haven't heard this from Bingley a THOUSAND times.

Zsa Zsa Hubby Found Naked in Rolls — Claims Hot Girls Carjacked Him

All that money and he can't come up with something original.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:41 PM | Comments (6)

So, IDK, My BFF Kcruella Picks Up My Beloved Nephew Darkstar at Newark

...and all I get is this LOUSY picture...

This is wrong on so many levels.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:23 AM | Comments (9)

July 25, 2007

Those Cheeky Brits!

She seems rather non-plussed by it all.

I guess it happens a lot.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:59 PM | Comments (6)

If Only We'd Known Conquest

...could be so easy.

Giant badgers terrorize Iraqi town
"It ate a cow." "It's the size of a dog, with a monkey's head."

As always, the Truthers have the explanation...
...Some even allege that British forces have planted the beast there to spread panic.

...and this time they're right. TPI© has obtained transcripts from a secret audiotape of the British High Command skulking secretly in a dark closet, planning this latest outRAGEous indignity to foist upon innocent Iraqi citizens.
...Leftenant General Sir BEDEVERE:
"Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:27 PM | Comments (4)

Who Needs Science Fiction

When we've got these weird beasties in our oceans.

Man, there are some nasty looking critters there.

(thanks to the Blogfaddah for the link)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:31 AM | Comments (14)

July 24, 2007

A Shocking Discovery?

Three-million-year old mammal remains found in Greece
I think not. We pretty much already knew...

...it was at least that old.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:49 AM

July 19, 2007

Like I'm Gonna Believe Anything

...a guy with a name like THAT says.

Shark bites diver in the fjord

Odd Ingebretsen told Aftenposten.no on Wednesday that he was diving off Sjøstrand in Asker when he saw what he thought was a large, dead fish on the sea bottom.

"When I touched it, I realized quickly that it neither was dead nor an ordinary fish," he said.

This is what bit diver Odd Ingebretsen.
~ PHOTO: KJETIL PALMQUIST


Shark in the fjord my akterspeilene.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:16 PM | Comments (8)

July 17, 2007

Let Me Not Add to Bingley's Miserable Mood

...by sliding in a little Birthday Shout Out.

So I won't.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:15 PM | Comments (4)

July 16, 2007

"I'm Too Sexy For My Car Bus"

"...too sexy for the bus, too sexy..."
I get that all the time, so I understand completely the burden 'babe-ness' is.
German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the southern town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy, a newspaper reported Monday. "Suddenly he stopped the bus," the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. "He opened the door and shouted at me 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:19 PM | Comments (12)

Ebola

...will be crushed to hear this.

IHOP to buy Applebee's for $2.1 billion

The last time Kcruella and I were in a IHOP, it cost an arm, a leg and three quarts of blood and ~ both service and meal ~ sucked to high heaven.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:59 AM | Comments (22)

July 11, 2007

A Wednesday American Factoid

...Americans typically use twice as much toilet paper as Europeans -- as much as an arm's length each pull, Thorne says. The company decided the best length is about 20 inches -- or precisely five standard toilet paper squares, though the machine can also be adjusted to churn out 16 inches or 24 inches, depending on the demand.
The machine they're referring to is Kimberly-Clark's latest mechanical wonder ~ the TP dispenser ~ which, I am relieved to say, at 5 sheets per whiz (of the mechanical roll, not the act necessitating the sheets) obviously wasn't developed with Cheryl Crowe.

World traveler major dad informs me that such a marvel was already in use in Singapore in 1979, in the form of a little Singaporean responsible for doling out the appropriate amount per pooper. Which was, in this case, very Crowish ~ one sheet. Being Marines, it resulted in major dad's buddy (6' 4" corn-fed redhead) snatching the whole roll from the terrified 'headboy' to use as he saw fit ("You're sh*ttin' me! I can't wipe my NOSE with one sheet!!") and then tossing it over the stall wall to major dad in a text book perfect example of military camaraderie. The unused portion of the roll was gallantly returned to the toilet police, minus more than the alloted two sheets.

(My experience in the Orient has been the exact opposite. Whatever toilet paper I had access to came from what I could fit in my tennies before heading out to the ville, so I am green with envy.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:02 PM | Comments (15)

Happy, HAPPY Birthday

...to a dear friend of the Swilling: Chief Running Tab

WHOOPS! Fat fingers...heh.

That 1 Guy!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:39 PM | Comments (1)

July 10, 2007

So the D.C. Madam Posts Her Rolodex

...and I'm thinkin' 'YAWN', until...!!!!

...NUMBER OF JOHN / JOHN'S NUMBER
#257 / 1-317-RLa-Vitr
#258 / 1-872-867-5309
#259 / 1-800-BIN-GLEY
WTF!!! The wanna-be goobernatorial floozy has some 'splainin' to do...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:21 AM | Comments (4)

July 09, 2007

It Says On Their Website

..."Two faced, but in a good way." I think that's probably open to interpretation.

Sprint hangs up on ‘excessive’ complainers
Drops 1,000 customers who company says call customer service too much

Sprint Nextel Corp, which recently launched an advertising campaign to attract new customers, is disconnecting more than 1,000 subscribers for calling its customer service lines too often and making what the company called unreasonable requests.


My favorite quote:
..."In some cases they were calling customer care hundreds of times a month for a period of six to 12 months on the same issues even after we felt those issues had been resolved," she [Sprint spokeswoman Roni Singleton] said.

Considering how AT&T has jonesed us before and after their multiple Cingular morphs, I can understand a customer who might be hugely annoyed with their wireless company. This last go-round, I've written FCC/AG/BBB letters. How nice they get to decide when a matter is settled. And I'm curious how Sprint would handle you breaking a two year agreement because of 'excessively' annoying, unreasonable, shitty service? I doubt you'd be able to just drop them like they're ditching the problem children. Cost you big time, that would.
...Sprint waived final balances on canceled accounts and gave customers 30 days to transfer their phone numbers to other wireless providers, she said.

"We're working very hard to improve customer service. That's our number one priority," Singleton said.


Oh yeah they are. It's easier to satisfy customers you don't have any more. Like the AT&T supervisor telling me last month after the 15th jacked up bill and BS phone run around, "We appreciate your business."

Oh no, you don't. But when it's my scribbled names and notes from all the phone calls against your corporate computer 'customer care' collusion? I can see how someone could call 40 times a month.

.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:31 PM | Comments (2)

TALIBAN?


I'm guessing the TSA goobers never saw this movie...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:29 PM | Comments (4)

Time For Some Tough Actin'

...Tinactin.

Man's smelly feet trigger police raid

German police broke into a darkened apartment fearing they would find a dead body, after neighbors complained of a nasty smell seeping out onto the staircase.

...But instead of a corpse, they found a tenant with very smelly feet, asleep in bed next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry...



Woof! I hope the cops sock it to 'im.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:04 PM | Comments (6)

At Long

...last.
"Signin My Ballz", indeed.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:45 AM | Comments (3)

July 05, 2007

How Do You Clean Uranus?

With a space sponge!*

One of the strangest moons in our solar system is Hyperion, a Saturnian satellite so pockmarked by deep craters that it looks like a giant, rotating bath sponge adrift in space.

New image analyses suggest the moon's odd appearance is the result of a highly porous surface that preserves craters, allowing them to remain nearly as pristine as the day they were created.

The finding is just one of several new details about the quirky moon revealed in two studies published in Thursday's issue of the journal Nature. Scientists determined that Hyperion is composed mostly of water ice and that the bottoms of its craters are covered in a dark red gunk that could be the key to resolving some of the moon's other strange properties.

*not safe for septic systems

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:26 AM | Comments (2)

July 01, 2007

So Yesterday, There We Were

...hanging out, just down the road.

I thoughtfully emailed this to Kcruella two seconds after I snapped it and what do I get in return?

"Bitch."

Which, sad to say, I had predicted before her terse little text even hit the AT&T server.

Churlish of her, huh?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:01 PM | Comments (6)

June 29, 2007

Well, This Is A Relief

In a manner of speaking

ORLANDO, Florida (AP) -- An attorney for a former astronaut wanted to set the record straight Friday: Lisa Nowak didn't wear diapers during the 950-mile road trip to confront a romantic rival.

"The biggest lie in this preposterous tale that has been told is that my client drove from Houston, Texas, to Orlando, Florida, nonstop, wearing a diaper," Donald Lykkebak said after filing motions to suppress evidence in Nowak's criminal case. "That is an absolute fabrication."

The tidbit that Nowak wore diapers during her trip was written in the police report filed after Nowak's arrest in February. The diaper detail became fodder for late-night TV comics and talk radio and even inspired an episode of the NBC show "Law & Order."

There were toddler-size diapers in her car when she was arrested, but they were several years old, Lykkebak said. Nowak and her family had used them when Houston was evacuated in 2005 during Hurricane Rita, he said.

It's comforting to know that she and her family shared the diapers on a previous trip.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:42 AM | Comments (2)

Some Friday Fun

Hot Air has Cavuto's interview with Tommy Chong up, and it is one of the funniest clips you'll see, a completely burnt-out comedian playing political philosopher.

One of the commentators posted this link

Which made me look and find this one

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:02 AM | Comments (7)

June 28, 2007

You Make Bath Time Lots Of Fun...

Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of you

Thousands of rubber ducks to land on British shores after 15 year journey By BEN CLERKIN

They were toys destined only to bob up and down in nothing bigger than a child's bath - but so far they have floated halfway around the world.

The armada of 29,000 plastic yellow ducks, blue turtles and green frogs broke free from a cargo ship 15 years ago.

Since then they have travelled 17,000 miles, floating over the site where the Titanic sank, landing in Hawaii and even spending years frozen in an Arctic ice pack.

And now they are heading straight for Britain. At some point this summer they are expected to be spotted on beaches in South-West England.

A pretty neat story, and good science data for free. Who needs multi-million dollar government grants when all you need to do is dump an occasional container of toys (or Nikes) into the drink?

(h/t to the ever-naughty Theo Spark, who is perilous to read at work)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:41 AM

June 22, 2007

Happy Birthday

...big guy!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)

June 17, 2007

Some Blondes Will Do ANYthing

...to get noticed.

 Videos,  Movies, Pet Profiles, Dogster

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:36 AM

Happy

FATHER'S DAY ~ to major dad, Bingster, Crusader, Grinch, Mr. Summers, Cullen, Kraut, Robb Allen and all the marvelous, wonderful Swiller dads!!!!

You guys da MAN!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:35 AM | Comments (7)

June 15, 2007

I'm Not Sure What's More Disturbing

The Military.com email I just got with...

Video: Gay Bomb
...as the subject line, or the fact the dweebs actually considered it to begin with. In either case, it's old news and purloined goods, because a fellow named Harlan Ellison came up with the concept decades ago. Snuggled in his 'Shatterday' short story collection is a little gem titled:

How's the Night Life on Cissalda?

Synopsis: Temponaut Enoch Mirren returns from a venture to time/universe Earth-2 inseperably, obscenely, and rapturously attached to a disgusting thing from the planet Cissalda. Two months later scientists finally manage to separate human and Cissaldan, ending their sexual congress. The Cissaldan dissapears and is found three hours later in a broom closet with Dr. Marilyn Hornback. Not long after that, the terrific and disgusting little things (which happen to be the "most perfect fucks in the universe") start popping in all over the world, fastening themselves onto everyone - famous or not. Everyone, that is, except Enoch Mirren...

Comments: "Cissalda" isn't soul-wrenching or fever-inducing or nightmare-causing or any of the other things you hear about Ellison's work. It is, quite simply, a fucking hilarious bit of writing. Artists who think that sex wasn't invented (you know, REALLY invented) until the 90's should look back on just how shocking and irreverent Ellison was almost twenty years ago, describing the infiltration of the Cissaldans:

Truman Capote, popping Quaaludes like M&Ms, rolled himself into a puffy little ball as his Cissaldan mounted him. The level of dope in his system, however, was so high that the disgusting thing went mad and strained itself straight up the urethra and hid itself against his prostrate. Capote's voice instantly dropped three octaves.

Maidservants to Queen Elizabeth, knocking frantically on the door to her bedchamber, were greeted with silence. Guards instantly forced the door. They turned their heads away from the disgusting sight that greeted them. There was nothing regal, nothing imperial, nothing even remotely majestic about what was taking place there on the floor.

Those entwined with the creatures forget to eat or sleep and eventually die. The Cissaldan hops off in search of the next victim ~ it's a war of attrition. Civilization as we know it ceases to exist because the Cissaldans have seduced everyone. And the poor astronaut is the last guy standing on Earth.

The 'gay bomb' on alien love crack.

Mr. Bush, build that wall!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:16 PM | Comments (2)

June 14, 2007

Okay ~ I Wanna Know WHO BOUGHT This

...and I wanna KNOW NOW!

... Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., chairwoman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, made $1,462 from sales of her suspense novel, which features a combative, liberal senator much like herself.

Sales ~ the article says 'sales'.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:59 PM | Comments (4)

June 13, 2007

Given the U.S. Open Starts at Oakmont Tomorrow

...AND given the course's devious, crippling, water hazard free layout...

Golfers would do well to stock up before reaching No. 8 at this week's U.S. Open. Grab some water, a few bananas, maybe an energy bar.

Better yet, hire a Sherpa

.
...coupled with the club's logo...

...one might be tempted to say this is an omen....
Angry Squirrel Finished Off by Crutch

An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday.


...if one believed in that sort of thing.

Mynd you møøse skvirl bites kan be pretti nasti.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:10 PM | Comments (2)

June 06, 2007

I Take Back Everything Mean I've Ever Said

...about the Dutch

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (Reuters) -- Dutch students have invented powdered alcohol which they say can be sold legally to minors.

The latest innovation in inebriation, called Booz2Go, is available in 20-gram packets that cost €1-1.5 ($1.35-$2).

Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime-colored and -flavored drink with just 3 percent alcohol content.

"We are aiming for the youth market. They are really more into it because you can compare it with Bacardi-mixed drinks," 20-year-old Harm van Elderen told Reuters.

Van Elderen and four classmates at Helicon Vocational Institute, about an hour's drive from Amsterdam, came up with the idea as part of their final-year project.

They should get the Nobel Prize for this.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:22 AM | Comments (16)

June 04, 2007

There Are Silly Logos

And then there are times when the entire marketing department should be shot

I'm guessing Hugh Grant was somehow involved with this.

The "Have Your Say"comments on the BBC are pretty entertaining.

Update: My Bride informs me that I should warn folks that the images below the fold may not be work safe.

Someone is already having a lot of fun:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:32 PM | Comments (15)

Signs of Global Warming: Shrinking Water Resources

...for a desperately overheated world.

On the otherhand, us folks here in Bangla-cola would love to thank
The Tiny Scientists...


...who have kept our temperatures well below normal, in spite of what your lying eyes tell you the Labradork's piteous state represents.

Normally by this time of year, these zinnias and nasturtiums would have worn off their flame-retardancy and been a scorched shell of their former glory. As you can see by the pics I got about an hour ago, they're lookin' pretty perky.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:51 AM | Comments (5)

June 01, 2007

It Takes A Viledge

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:39 AM | Comments (9)

Hey, It's Aladdin!

Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where they cut off your ear
If they don't like your face
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:29 AM | Comments (4)

May 29, 2007

Now This Is A Great White

I think I'd be very nervous of their water park

Most cats do not like getting wet - as anyone who has tried to bathe a moggie will know.

But as these pictures show, there's always the exception to the rule. For the cat in question is a large male white Bengal tiger called Odin.

Six years old, and at the prime of his life, Odin lives at the Six Flags Discovery Kingdom Zoo in Vallejo, near San Francisco. He is about 10ft long from nose to tail, and is an excellent swimmer.

Yikes!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:49 AM | Comments (11)

May 25, 2007

DAMN It!

Months of planning go down the YouTubes.

From the crippling amounts his people spend on weddings to the local fashion for gold teeth, Tajikistan's leader is on the warpath against extravagant spending.

... He criticized the teachers' gilded dentistry, saying they were alien imports and explaining that they could damage the country's ability to attract foreign aid.

"How are we to persuade donors that we are poor when our teachers have gold teeth?" Rakhmon demanded.


Whoa! Now the cat's outta the burqua! I predict Escambia County teachers will be moving en masse to Tajikistan after hearing that. I can hear the rallying cry from the union now:
"No more working part time at Wal-Mart to survive! You get enough for gold teeth in Tajikistan!
To the planes!!
"

But there is dark side to Rahkmon's intrusive governing style...
...Rakhmon told a group of lawmakers, clerics and intellectuals that guests at weddings should be restricted to 150; at a funeral, 100; and at a circumcision ceremony, to 60.

Really. Now that's going too far. The last thing we need in an influx of Tajikee party planners and gazers seeking asylum.

President Bush, BUILD THAT WALL!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM | Comments (11)

Loss Of Innocence

The BBC has a sweet tale on one man losing his Star Wars virginity.

How did they find him?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:42 AM | Comments (4)

May 24, 2007

Big Time

...bathing beauties.

Newly discovered fossilized claw marks paint a picture of a carnivorous dinosaur pedaling its hind legs as it swam against a strong current and struggled to maintain a straight path.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:06 PM | Comments (8)

May 23, 2007

A Little Slice O' Jersey

...courtesy of Peter King.

...Eyewitnessed at the Pilgrim Shopping Plaza, Verona, N.J.:

Woman in late-model minivan, just in front of me, begins to turn right into a row of parked cars, looking for a parking space. She slams her brakes suddenly, causing me to slam mine. The reason: Another woman, this one in a tan Audi, is driving slowly down the row, right in the middle of the row, with a cell phone pressed to her ear. The Audi women is not paying attention, until the minivan woman leans on her horn continuously for a full five seconds. Now the minivan woman puts her car in park and, with her van cutting off the Audi, gets out of the car. I've never seen this before. Audi woman looks steamed.

"GET OFF YOUR *&%#ING PHONE! GET OFF YOUR &^%#ING PHONE!'' minivan woman yells...

...I find myself cheering on minivan woman.

...Minivan woman yammers some really good Jersey language at Audi woman, and I never hear Audi woman because she never opens her window. She looks like one of those people in a Southwest Airlines commercial. (You know, the ones that ask, "Want to get away?) ...


God love her.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM | Comments (1)

How Could We Not Have Realized This?

Studious Swillers will recall that equine love affair in Washington (Washington State, mind you; in DC there's only swine) which we have reported on occasionally in order to fulfill our commitment to Reader Knowledge, but it has taken a far finer mind and keener insight to the workings of the world than this Humble Scribbler shall ever possess to ascertain the True Meaning of These Events. Yes, dear friends, thanks to The Anchoress for clearing the clouds from our vision, for, you see, all we needed to do was Blame Bush!

So if the message is too subtle for you - you’re supposed to sympathize with the men having what they claim is consensual sex with horses, and you should find beauty in all this…or you’re a bad person, or something. Also, you should consider that all of this happened because the engineer/victim was working for a company that might have been making weapons for George W. Bush. Got that? He probably wouldn’t have been screwing horses and advocating “mammal-to-mammal love” otherwise.

I am such a fool. The pieces were all there. Man works for defense contractor. Evil Rovelian mind waves from such association with AmeriKKKa obviously twist and pervert, wait, I can't say that, that's too judgemental...lalala...working for such a slave owning racisthomophoboids under Abu Ghraib-like conditions forced this poor man, in much the same manner as the mere existence of Gitmo forces innocent kindly shepherds to strap dynamite to their bodies and liberate their internal organs in a peaceful exchange of coexistence in crowded Israeli shops or Baghdad markets/schools...yes YES the same force that causes these things caused this poor victim to, in a perverse (oops, there's that word again) inversion of Hegelian natavistic desires to want to let the Horse play the Cowboy to and with him; in his own simple way this poor man was trying to right what is so horribly wrong with the world today. And we all know who the Cowboy is, now don't we?

Yes, it all makes sense now.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:12 AM | Comments (3)

May 15, 2007

God to the Chinese: "CLEAN Up Your Act..."

"...or ELSE!"

Pollution threatens national liquor

The water purity of a river tapped to make China's national liquor is being threatened by uncontrolled building of other drinks factories along its banks, the official Xinhua news agency reported Monday.

Kweichow Moutai, maker of the fiery Maotai drink served at Chinese state banquets and used to toast guests ranging from Margaret Thatcher to Kim Il-sung, draws water for the brew from the Chishui River in remote southwest Guizhou province.

But authorities are investigating how 39 illegal alcoholic drinks plants have sprung up by the river, polluting both the air and water, Xinhua said.

...The drink -- a 53 percent proof tipple made of mountain water, sorghum and grain -- is steeped in Communist lore. Though it traces its origins back two millennia, Maotai has been the drink of choice for generations of Communist Chinese leaders.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:54 PM | Comments (20)

May 11, 2007

What Are You Going to Do?

Bleed on me?

Some people are just incorrigible.

Cracker noticed it, too.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:58 PM | Comments (6)

And I Wasn't Even Playing

Last year over the course of the four rounds of the Player's Championship 57 balls were hit in the water at No. 17. In yesterday's first round, thanks in large part to Andrea, 50 balls went swimming

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Camilo Villegas dropped his club, then dropped his head. His ball dropped a few seconds later - right into the murky lagoon surrounding the famed 17th hole at the TPC Sawgrass.

Villegas hit one of 50 balls into the water surrounding the island green Thursday, helping break the single-round tournament record of 45 set in 2000.

...About a third of the field found water at No. 17 during the first round of The Players Championship and made the short, somewhat embarrassing walk to the drop area for a third shot.

Davis Love III, Ben Curtis, Kent Jones and Trevor Immelman couldn't even hit the green from there, needing a third tee shot to land on the 90-by-85 foot putting surface. They finished with quadruple-bogey 7s.

The 128-yard hole played tougher than any other Thursday, mostly because wind gusts reached 39 mph and swirled in different directions.

There were 12 birdies, 70 pars, 26 bogeys, 23 double bogeys and 12 ``others'' at No. 17. The daunting hole left many golfers shaking their head, questioning their club selection and feeling either frustration or relief as they walked to the 18th tee.

Hee-hee. I agree with Tiger that it's gimmicky, but that doesn't make it any less fun for us hackers to watch the pros splash it.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:10 AM

May 08, 2007

Well, When It Comes to Warm Weather Fiestas

...Bangla-cola style, don't NObody party like...


...the lab.

There now! That put the 'baby!'...

...after the 'oh'.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:12 PM | Comments (5)

Bottoms Up!

So I hear Ken and John met up for drinks last night.

Sounds like they had a good time knocking back a few.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:05 AM | Comments (7)

May 01, 2007

Hey, You Sick Gazer! No Pekin

...at the duck's package, okay?

Patricia Brennan, a behavioral ecologist, examining the phallus of a Pekin duck.
- Christopher Capozziello for The New York Times

Oh, and thank you, Jules.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:43 PM | Comments (5)

I'm Surprised All They Caught

...was the bear.

Bacon grease, honey bun help nab pesky bear

Ending a 200-pound bear’s nightly ramblings through a subdivision required just a trap and some tempting bait: a honey bun and bacon grease.


Damn! I'm starving.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:42 AM | Comments (6)

April 30, 2007

Blame Canada!

Gore Calls Canada Climate Plan a 'Fraud'

Al Gore condemned Canada's new plan to reduce greenhouse gases, saying it was "a complete and total fraud" because it lacks specifics and gives industry a way to actually increase emissions.

...Canadian Environment Minister John Baird rejected Gore's criticisms.

"The fact is our plan is vastly tougher than any measures introduced by the administration of which the former vice president was a member," Baird said in a statement.


OUCH! If Gore didn't have such a NaugaHyde...

... that would have hurt!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:39 AM | Comments (10)

April 24, 2007

I

...am a pissy monkey right now. Not ONLY do I HATE bloggers who rely on "blogger' or some other outdated, pain-the-freakin'-ASS Google security sh*t system to keep their super important contact information SUPER SQUIRREL secret from some poor ignorant, chatty FOOL like me, who might want to ~ GOD FORBID ~ CONTACT them ("Oh, a Marine major? major dad, too!"), BUT the MAN has shot down my dream of organic puppy cookie world dominating titan of industryhoodness. See, I make these delicious puppy cookies, full of tree hugging goodness and every doggie adores them. The little puppy accoutrement store in town buys them and sells them for a quarter each and they fly, fly ,fly out the door like the witch's monkeys off the castle battlements. Being greedy a free market capitalist, I bought a postage scale, glassine bags, twisty-tie doodles and then spent until midnight making a fetching label with snappy verbiage, thinking I would snag some of the retail action elsewhere for my ownself. Called the local tree hugger store, since they seem to be so fond of 'local' vendors, asked about someone checking out my soon to be world famous puppy pastries and got, "Do you have the proper permits?"

::silence::

"Que?"

"A business license, health permits, labeling in accordance with Florida health and commerce regulations, product liability insurance, you know...do you have all your paperwork?"

::thinkthinkthink::

"Um...que?"

"We'd love to see them when you do."

I use certified, non-Chinese organic ingredients for every morsel and the health inspector has to check out my kitchen ~ where dog hair is added protein ~ for someone who drinks out of toilets? Whatever happened to 'nothing says lovin' like sumthin' from the oven'? ENTREPENEURSHIP, for crying out loud?

Just frickin' crush my dream of Donald Trumpdom but better hair/mongrel munchie magnate mogulness like bug. And I didn't want to talk to that blogger anyway.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:09 PM | Comments (14)

"Don't Get Eliminated!": In This Pre-Apocalyptic World

...of toilet paper offsets and pizza parlor penis pruning, I think "experts" should step back a little and listen to themselves speak. How 'bout a run through for the voices in their heads first, vice immediately issuing quotes for posterity? A classic example of this would be...

...Did Simon Cowell contribute to the massacre at Virginia Tech? An expert on bullying says he did. “I think we are experiencing something amiss culturally where the TV shows, if you turn them on, [show] people are laughing at one another’s pain,” Barbara Coloroso, author of “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander,” told Alberta’s Daily Herald Tribune. “Enjoying seeing someone kicked off the island, enjoying seeing someone go down in flames on ‘American Idol.’”

Simon may be the a$$hole America has come to love, but those folks in 'pain' stood in line for hours for the privilege of experiencing his critique, fully aware it could end in that very public excoriation. It is, in all instances ~ be it William Hung or a naked, overweight, tax dodging gay guy ~ a COMPETITION. It might be mean, but they volunteered for it. (The Ansperger syndrome kid did not, nor the pudgy, quiet child with the appalling first name trying to disappear in the back of the bus.) You trivialize a psychopath's evil with irresponsible assertions. There was no 'Survivor', but there still was a Charles Whitman. Had there been no Simon Cowel, I can assure you there would still be a Cho.

I'd like to point out such self-induced public humiliation has been a source of much merriment in other countries with no resulting massacres ~ the Japanese have made a national sport of it. In frivolous evidence, I offer one of our favorite guilty pleasures (lovingly and imaginatively dubbed for the translation challenged) for the curious to ponder and the squeamish to avoid.

"If you're sick and need help, who do you turn to?"

"Cocktails!"


Well, exactly.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:36 PM | Comments (3)

April 21, 2007

One Fish, Two Fish, 'Doesn't Have to Chew You' Fish

We've managed a World Record here in Bangla-cola, although one might wish it were for something else.

1,063-pound shark may earn crew a place in the record book

...The four people aboard the Sea Ya Later II were cobia fishing when they spotted the shark at about 2:30 p.m. chasing its lunch near the shore between Pensacola Beach and Navarre Beach.

The shark, which was about 300 to 400 yards from the shore, had a porpoise in its mouth when it was hooked with a cobia jig. That didn't faze the 12-foot, 6-inch Mako, which is a type of shark notorious for putting up a fight.

It didn't take long for the crew aboard the 23-foot boat to realize they were going to need a bigger vessel to help.


Me 'n major dad were howling when they interviewed the crew last night. They'd hooked the thing and then, when they realized WHAT they had on the line...

...did the "You're gonna need a bigger boat" scene.

C'mon down, y'all. The water's fine.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:56 AM | Comments (10)

April 12, 2007

Curse You Crusader!

For sending this to me.

My best is 1554 so far.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:06 PM | Comments (2)

April 09, 2007

That's What I'm Shootin' For

I just need someone to offer it.

..."He got $20 million just to walk in the door," Moynihan said. "He has 3 million options that are time based. Assuming he stays around for three years, he has all those options.

"Then they put 1 million options tied to stock performance. If it were me, I would have flip-flopped the two option plans and tied the 3 million options to shareholder return. At the end of the day, he already got $18.5 million just by showing up. How much more do you need to reward him for his time?"


Not a dime. I'll take the $20 million and leave you to your own devices. How's that for being reasonable?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:23 PM

Harvey, Man ~ Don't Beat Yourself Up

You Hollywood types over analyze everything. Think what you were releasing there, bub. It wasn't the length ~ Lord of the Rings, Dances With Wolves ~ there's tons of pictures that have done well at 3 hours or so. It's more that you were just stoo-pid. You don't release this schlock...

...during THIS, EVER.

But combined with THIS...?

Amen, brother.
Here's your sign.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:17 PM | Comments (10)

It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't

...got that schwing.

Marilyn Manson says he coped with his divorce from stripper Dita Von Teese by immersing himself in work on his forthcoming album. When asked by Revolver magazine to describe the music, the goth rocker replied,
“I’d say it’s got a cannibal, consumption, obsessive, violent-sex, romance angle — but with an upbeat swing to it.”

Do-wop da-wop-doo-wop da-doo!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:21 PM | Comments (7)

April 06, 2007

Another Case Where Science

...creates the conspiracy.

Research of
A warm Swill salute to master theorist the Anchoress, who follows the smoking trail o' surface bubbles to it's obvious conclusion. Research of that caliber rates a mug.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:14 PM | Comments (1)

April 05, 2007

Philostophy Question Of The Day

How does one tell if blue cheese has gone bad?

Does it get less moldy?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:29 PM | Comments (5)

Speakers Up! Some Culture

...for the common man.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:17 AM

April 02, 2007

All That Hillary/Edwards/Romney/Rudi $$'s Talk Got Me Thinking

We need to get cranking ~ time's a wastin'. We need a bumper sticker to get the buzz going, since we gotta get 800 signatures.



Talk about your grass roots campaign...
Back to paint sniffing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:40 PM | Comments (2)

April 01, 2007

I Have Only Four More Words to Share This Evening

...and happy words they are.

Bay Sah Bah Roo

Even if it is...well, you know who playing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:52 PM | Comments (4)

March 29, 2007

grumblegrumblegrumble

Oh, very nice, I'm sure.

Use them you will, yes, if letter you will mail
Postal service announces release of Star Wars stamp set in May


Not begrudging them their R2D2 and Imperial Storm trooper peel-and-stickies, but when it practically took an act of Congress to get a Marine Corps stamp?

Pffft.

And of course I"m gonna get me some.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:19 AM | Comments (3)

In This Fractured, Dangerous World, I Can Think of Only Two Words

Daniel Craig
Oooh, no, wait! There's a third...
GAH-rrrowwlllllll

That is all.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:43 AM | Comments (7)

Memo From The Mother Superior

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:26 AM | Comments (3)

March 28, 2007

A Salute To Humble Aspirations

As expressed by this neighbor of Billy Bob Peep

“All I want is to be able to sit on my front porch and not smell sheep poop,” said Angie Fowler, who lives across the street.

Just across the street from here:

APEX, N.C. - About 30 sheep being kept at a suburban home were euthanized Tuesday after some of the flock were found grazing on floral arrangements in a cemetery, authorities said. Animal cruelty charges were pending against the owner.

David Watts kept about 80 of the animals in his crumbling house in this Raleigh suburb, police said.

“He lives upstairs, and the sheep were living downstairs,” police Sgt. Robert Towell said. “He considered them pets.”

Watts.

You just knew he'd be a Scot.

Awfully convenient how the police break this big case just in time for easter dinner, too! Let me fire up the grill...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:50 AM | Comments (2)

March 27, 2007

For a Second There I Thought

..."Anna Nicole Smith baby paternity tests,again?"

..."The sperm went first-class," Howard, a National Zoo vet, noted wryly. "I did not."

Thankfully, no.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:25 AM

Hillary's Coming To South Park

I may have to stay up tomorrow and watch.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:14 AM

March 21, 2007

"Damn Straight! Ha Ha Ha" Moment

...for today, from day before yesterday, dovetailing nicely with Bingster last week.

...Who are these guys who are getting all flushed over our cultural insensitivity?

People who want to blow Jews off the face of the earth. The regime that stormed our embassy in 1979 and kept Americans captive for 444 days. Iran’s Hezbollah puppets have killed more Americans, than any other terrorist group except Al Qaeda. Explosive devices from Iran are being used right now against our soldiers in Iraq. They’re clearly more skittish about cultural warfare than the sort that actually kills people – like the one against Israel that Iran financed just a few months ago.

I must say that I’m impressed that Hollywood took on a politically incorrect villain. Must have run out of neo-Nazis. So now these sensitive souls in Iran think that Hollywood is part of a U.S. government conspiracy to humiliate them into submission. I can only wish we were that effective.

A warm Swill salute to Mike at Lamplighter for finding it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:44 PM | Comments (9)

Avec!

Monsieur Bean!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:52 AM | Comments (3)

If They Think That's Bad

...Some movie companies are dropping efforts to save money by outsourcing the job of writing subtitles for English-speaking films shown in foreign-language countries, and vice-versa, according to the London Times. Dialogue was lost in translation. “Jim is a Vietnam Vet” became “Jim is a veterinarian from Vietnam,” according to the paper, and “She died in a freak rugby accident” became “She died in a ruby match for people with deformities.”
...they ought to spend a little time in Japan and see what kind of English gets printed on...oh...say beach towels, for instance.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:45 AM | Comments (5)

March 20, 2007

The Truth About Congress

I'm a little surprised it's this low

Study Finds One-Third in D.C. Illiterate

WASHINGTON (AP) - About one-third of the people living in the national's capital are functionally illiterate, compared with about one-fifth nationally, according to a report on the District of Columbia.
Adults are considered functionally illiterate if they have trouble doing such things as comprehending bus schedules, reading maps and filling out job applications.

The study by the State Education Agency, a quasi-governmental office created by the U.S. Department of Education to distribute federal funds for literacy services, was ordered by Mayor Anthony A. Williams in 2003 as part of his four-year, $4 million adult literacy initiative.

The only way they kept the number down to only a third was by avoiding Congress...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:53 AM | Comments (2)

March 17, 2007

A Vow

I made a promise to myself . Since the snow that so inconveniently truthly appeared last night is not supposed to exist I decided that I will shovel none of it but rather I shall stay inside and drink until it goes the way of polar bear testicles. Not a flake will I disturb.

Well, I will clean off one area...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:56 AM | Comments (8)

March 13, 2007

Snoop Dog Working For 'The Man'

I'm serious, yo!

Lucky and Flo, Malaysia's latest weapons in tackling rampant music and movie piracy, started work at the country's biggest international airport Tuesday, sniffing out shipments for fake optical discs.

The two black Labradors are on loan for a month from the Motion Picture Association of America, which says its members -- including top Hollywood studios Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros, 20th Century Fox and Universal -- lost $1.2 billion to Asia-Pacific movie pirates in 2006.

It is the first time dogs have been used by authorities anywhere around the world to detect contraband discs, said Mike Ellis, regional director for the MPAA.

It took around nine months and $17,000 to train the dogs to detect polycarbonates, chemicals used in the disc manufacturing process, he added.

Although the dogs cannot tell the difference between real and pirated discs, they can detect if DVDs are hidden among shipments signed off as a consignment of something else.


BeauBeau'd be like...
"Argh, evil doer! Tried to sneak pirates and DVDs by me, did ya? Think you'd....OOOO! COOKIE!"

They need to have back-up Scotties as enforcers. Notice how, in this documentary film still, they work as a team ~ driving and then surrounding their prey...

...before they finish it off. They're like little raptors.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:06 PM | Comments (3)

March 06, 2007

Soliciting Advice

...from those in the know. Help! Help! Ebola has a shot at 2 months rent free in Houston to look for employment. What should someone new to the burg know about it? Things to watch out for, hot industries, etc., if you don't mind sharing. I, of course, am losing my mommy mind that our baby is going to be 400+ miles away, but I'll get over it and Lord knows there's nothing in humble Bangla-cola. Feel free to email me if you're more comfortable with that. We can use all the advice we can get. Thanks!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:44 PM | Comments (8)

What Do You Think Of When You Think "Alamo"?

The Duke?

Renting cars in Denmark?

("Und øll de miles yar Frëe")

Well, I think of our beloved Tree Hugging Sister, whose birthday it is today!

Happy Birthday, Sis!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:57 AM | Comments (26)

March 02, 2007

Darn You Chimpy McBushitler!

First you destroy the Earth, and now you're ruining Mars as well!

Simultaneous warming on Earth and Mars suggests that our planet's recent climate changes have a natural—and not a human- induced—cause, according to one scientist's controversial theory.

Earth is currently experiencing rapid warming, which the vast majority of climate scientists says is due to humans pumping huge amounts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

Mars, too, appears to be enjoying more mild and balmy temperatures.

In 2005 data from NASA's Mars Global Surveyor and Odyssey missions revealed that the carbon dioxide "ice caps" near Mars's south pole had been diminishing for three summers in a row.

Habibullo Abdussamatov, head of the St. Petersburg's Pulkovo Astronomical Observatory in Russia, says the Mars data is evidence that the current global warming on Earth is being caused by changes in the sun.

"The long-term increase in solar irradiance is heating both Earth and Mars," he said.

Abdussamatov believes that changes in the sun's heat output can account for almost all the climate changes we see on both planets.

Mars and Earth, for instance, have experienced periodic ice ages throughout their histories.

"Man-made greenhouse warming has made a small contribution to the warming seen on Earth in recent years, but it cannot compete with the increase in solar irradiance," Abdussamatov said.

Yet another fine project from Halliburton World Slaying, LLC.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:54 AM | Comments (6)

February 28, 2007

I Swear to God, When I Saw

...THIS...

...I thought it was Graceland.

And trust me ~ that's NOT a good thing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:29 AM | Comments (5)

February 27, 2007

If He Could Talk To The Animals...

Or at least have a smoke afterwards...

A 24-year-old Melbourne man accused of having sex with dogs, goats and horses has failed to have details of the case suppressed.

Steven Whittam, of Langwarrin, faces 19 charges of bestiality over incidents which allegedly took place between January 2001 and June 2006 in suburbs across Melbourne's south-east.

Mr Whittam's lawyer Rod Willcox applied to suppress details of the case from the media in Frankston Magistrates' Court today, arguing the defendant had a severe psychiatric disorder.

Gee, yuh think?

Whittam, who did not appear in court for today's hearing, remains on bail.

He has not entered a plea.

Probably the only animal he missed.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:51 AM | Comments (6)

February 26, 2007

For You Gals Looking For A Little Extra Income

Here's a hot prospect from China

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese businessman has advertised on the Internet for a stand-in mistress to be beaten up by his wife to vent her anger and to protect his real mistress, Chinese media reported on Monday.

"When the woman found out her husband had a mistress, she insisted on beating her up," the Beijing Youth Daily said, citing the advertisement posted on a popular online jobs forum on sina.com.

More than 10 people had applied for the job, the newspaper said. The "successful" candidate would be 35 and originally from northeastern China and would be paid 3,000 yuan ($400) per 10 minutes, it said.

$400 bucks for 10 minutes?

That's better pay than the real mistress gets, I reckon.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:18 AM | Comments (6)

February 25, 2007

An Inconvenient Observation

This is your ocean:

This is your ocean on Al Gore:

Any questions?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:20 PM | Comments (3)

February 23, 2007

A Ballsy Plan In Indonesia

When they need to stop the mud flow they show they've got brass, er, concrete ones

SURABAYA, Indonesia (AP) -- An Indonesian official hit back at critics of a plan to control a gushing mud volcano by dropping concrete balls into its crater, saying something must be done to stop a nine-month-long eruption that has displaced 11,000 people.

A team of geologists and engineers hope the plan, believed to have never been tried before, will reduce the amount of mud flowing from the geyser at a gas exploration site on Java island by up to 70 percent. The mud is now surging out at a rate equivalent to about a million oil drums a day.

It seems to me that this might just build up the pressure for a big kaplooey later, but what do I know.

Critics have said they doubt the new attempt will work, and that it may be dangerous or cause the mud to flow out from different points.

"Those experts can say what they want, but we have to do something," said Rudi Novrianto, a spokesman for a government task force handling the disaster. "There is no time to debate and sit around."

That's the spirit!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:00 AM | Comments (10)

February 22, 2007

I Think We Need Some More Marinara...

Imagine getting some of this on your plate

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- A fishing crew has caught a colossal squid that could weigh a half-ton and prove to be the biggest specimen ever landed, a fisheries official said Thursday.

If calamari rings were made from the squid they would be the size of tractor tires, one expert said.

The squid, weighing an estimated 990 pounds and about 39 feet long, took two hours to land in Antarctic waters, New Zealand Fisheries Minister Jim Anderton said.

"The size of tractor tires". I've had some calamari that was rubbery enough to be tractor tires, as well.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:18 AM | Comments (7)

February 15, 2007

I Swear ~ Is This a Bizarro MSNBC Headline

...or what?

Guess it goes with the territory.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:47 PM | Comments (8)

February 14, 2007

We **HEART** Swillers!

Happy Valentine's Day, each and every one! In the spirit of the day (the ancient spirit, not the Chicago-style celebration), we'd like to open the post to poetic odes scribed by YOU, celebrating the personage who most exemplifies 'joie de vivre' (politics, entertainment, global warming, whatever) in your humble eyes. (A WSS to Capt. Ed) We will have a POETRY contest, you will all cast votes, the winner will be announced and awarded an authentic, good as new, "Sod Off Swampy" mug! Hot DAMN!

So, unquiver those iambic arrows and let the love shafts fly!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:54 AM | Comments (22)

February 13, 2007

I Know That Rabbit Be Sayin'


..."Where Jimmay Cartah?"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:15 PM | Comments (7)

February 12, 2007

It Seems To Me She's Been "Sacked" Too Much As It Is

Maybe his next movie will be The Australian Patient

A flight attendant accused of having sex in an aircraft toilet with actor Ralph Fiennes was in hiding last night after being grounded without pay.

Other crew members claimed Lisa Robertson had a seven-mile-high fling in business class with The English Patient star.

...Qantas has taken suggestions of a liaison seriously and has stood her down while it investigates.

She will be sacked if it finds sex did take place.

...But she said she was simply doing her job, adding: "This is common practice on long flights to build a rapport with passengers."

Now that's service!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:32 AM | Comments (9)

February 09, 2007

Mares Eat Oats and Does Eat Oats and

...Al Zedong zee divey. Is it an occident?

Or something more sinister...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:09 PM | Comments (8)

February 08, 2007

Dear Jerry Jones

Well, it sounds like you're about to sign the caliber of coach you deserve.

Phillips reportedly to become Dallas coach
Chargers defensive coordinator apparently beats Turner, Rivera, others

A lard-assed, pinheaded loser to go with that trophy wide mouth receiver you had to have.
Have a hot time in the Big 'D', fellas. You've earned it.

Signed,
th "I will never forgive blubber butthead Bum's Boy for f*cking over Doug is a GOD Flutie" sister

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:48 PM | Comments (12)

On This Day in 1587 a Different Redhead


...whacked a rival...

...who just happened to be a babe, too. (No mention in the historical record of 'diapers'.)
What a way to get ahead.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:00 AM | Comments (19)

February 07, 2007

Wa-Hoo-Wa, Baby!

I know it won't last, but man it was nice to wake up this morning and see this:

Atlantic Coast Conference TEAM CONF W-L Virginia 8-2 Boston College 7-2 North Carolina 6-2 Virginia Tech 6-3 Duke 5-4 Florida State 5-4 Clemson 4-5 Georgia Tech 4-6 Maryland 3-6 North Carolina State 3-6 Miami (FL) 2-7 Wake Forest 2-8

I love this line

And now, Virginia - yes, Virginia - stands atop the standings ahead of such powerhouses as Duke and North Carolina.

It's probably been since 1982/83 that we've been here this late in the season. I don't expect it to last, but I will enjoy it while it does.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:29 PM | Comments (7)

February 06, 2007

And All This Time I Thought 'Bingley'

...was a nom de plume? 'Twould appear someone knows him.

"For the past 10 years at least, the conservative movement has been dominated by a bunch of pudgy, pasty-faced kids in bow ties and blue blazers who spent their youths playing Risk in Gothic dormitories while sipping port and smoking their fathers' stolen cigars."

If they'd said 'scotch', it'd be a fer sure.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:22 PM | Comments (7)

February 05, 2007

If You Finally Start Winning "The BIG One"

...how nice to start with the biggest one of all. And how nice it was a team mostly full of...well...nice people, from the coach, to the quarterback...

...The AFC’s Colts are loaded with Louisiana boys. Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Joseph Addai, and Brandon Stokely are players that I know grew up here and played ball here in high school or college. The Mannings are New Orleans royalty. They have been magnificent ambassadors for New Orleans and Louisiana for nearly 40 years. I can't root against them ... unless they were playing against the Saints.

...and the running back.
After LaJuan Moore made the tackle that changed his life, his mother warned him that friends would disappear. Other children will distance themselves, she said, from the one who was suddenly paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair.

But Joseph Addai moved closer.

“Joseph stuck like glue,” Charlotte Beverly said.

...After the accident, Addai put together two chairs and slept with Moore in the hospital room. He learned to bathe his friend, dress him and help him use the bathroom. When Addai went to Louisiana State, he got a dorm room that was wheelchair-accessible so that Moore could visit. They spent last April’s draft day together, celebrating Addai’s first-round selection by the Colts.

Addai and Moore call each other every day. Sometimes, they barely speak. They just hold the phone to their ears and hang out together...


And I don't think a single Colt has dated Paris Hilton. (Yet.)

How nice is that?

Of course, as champs, they are now forever doomed to press conferences full of the elites of the sports writing world, peppering them with questions like...

"Since you're the 'Colts', will you be dedicating this game to the memory of Barbaro?"

How nice to have something to look forward to.

Raise a glass, Shriners. To the Colts!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:55 AM | Comments (1)

February 02, 2007

Sorry Lisa

YES BABY!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:54 AM | Comments (3)

February 01, 2007

Headline Of The Day

AWOL seaman nabbed in makeup, false lashes

Again, it's best if I refrain from comment.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:46 PM | Comments (3)

January 31, 2007

I'm Not Sure It Was a 'Gang-Style Clothing' Crackdown

Student Forced To Remove "Gang-Style" Gators Shirt

Two Osceola County parents said their son was humiliated at school when he was suspected of wearing "gang-style" clothing. Saint Cloud Middle School said only a handful of students were searched last week when they got a complaint.

The parents told Eyewitness News, if their son was wearing low baggy pants or a bandana, by all means he should have been sent home, but he wasn't. He was wearing a Florida Gators t-shirt.

Robert and Sara Crosby can't understand how their son could be connected to gang activity, especially by wearing a Gators t-shirt.


I'm sure it was just a simple gut reaction to the picture on the shirt. Like the way our dogs never have to poop during a walk until they're in front of a lawn with a Gators flag flying. Then it's bombs away ~ no stoppin' 'em. Like it's a mission and a mandate. (In all fairness, it's the exact same reaction when they spot FSU colors. 'Animals are dumb and colorblind'. Yeah, right.)

So Mom and Dad ~ cut the school board a huss and put the kid in Spongebob. He shouldn't pay for your questionable loyalties, errors in judgement and downright offensive taste.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:25 AM | Comments (6)

January 26, 2007

Break Out Your Bestest, Shiniest Kilt

They're gonna be highland flinging in Philly.

Of course Bingley...


...has been left off the guest list thanks to his penchant for smirking in a ghastly and untimely fashion (check the last photo).

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:52 AM | Comments (4)

As Mean As He Is to Them, Should Bingley's 'Adventures in Art' Ever Become Public Knowledge?

The ACLU would gladly cover his backside. Or best side.
Whatever.

A high school art teacher has hired the ACLU to challenge his firing after a video of him moonlighting as a "butt-printing artist" was widely circulated among his high school students.

The executive director of the Virginia chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union said a public employee such as former teacher Stephen Murmer has a right to free expression outside the workplace as long as it does not interfere with his job.


Is 'ass' a noun, adverb or adjective in this case ? (The art teacher ~ not Bingley. He's gonna be governor.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)

When Visiting the Garden State, DON'T Drink the Water and ESPECIALLY

...don't eat the squirrels.

New Jersey has warned squirrel hunters near a toxic waste dump about consuming the critters because they could be contaminated with lead.

It is the first time the state has cautioned Ringwood residents, many of whom are members of the Ramapough Mountain Indian tribe who hunt and fish in the area, about their squirrel intake, said Tom Slater, a spokesman for the Department of Health and Senior Services.

...“We've known for a long time something was wrong here, we just didn't know what it was,” resident Myrtle Van Dunk said.



What we need in that state is a little regime change.

Toxic rodent ingestion will be allowed when Bingley gets elected governor.

I promise.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:04 AM | Comments (10)

January 25, 2007

What Unspeakable

...EE-VILLE.

Gnome, gnome on derange.

It's being called the "Gnomesville Massacre" and emergency workers in Western Australia are offering a reward for the capture of vandals who smashed their way through a local tourist attraction.

An unknown number of attackers lopped off the heads or smashed several dozen of the pot-bellied statues this week at Gnomesville, a collection of more than a 1,000 colorful characters deep in a forest south of Perth.

"We are incensed by the damage done to the gnomes and willing to pay a reward to catch the culprits," State Emergency Service Volunteer Association President Phillip Petersen told Reuters.

Six orange-colored gnomes depicting emergency workers were among those destroyed, Petersen said, adding the reward was A$500 ($390).

The population of Gnomesville has grown from a handful of statues placed covertly in the forest a few years ago, making it a popular stop off for tour buses visiting nearby vineyards.



Look at those cheerful pudgy faces...::sob::...the BASTARDS.

I hope Tim hasn't seen this yet, bless his tender heart. It'll ruin his day. Global warming and polar bear gonads shrinking pale in comparison.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:32 AM | Comments (9)

Straight Shooting

...isn't always safe.

...Robert Salter Jr. originally told investigators that he was driving by OBO Auto Sales, 3222 Fordham Parkway in Pensacola, the night of Jan. 6, when he saw lights inside. When he went into the office to check, a burglar shot him in the leg, he claimed.

It turns out that Salter's injury occurred after he and Paul Dean burglarized the business, and Dean attempted to open the safe in a wooded area by shooting it with a .45-caliber pistol, law enforcement officers said. The shot ricocheted off the safe and struck Salter in the thigh.


Lucky thing he wasn't a six-shooter. He'd be dead.

The safe escaped with minor injuries.

And will be interviewed on Friday's 'Oprah'.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:55 AM | Comments (3)

January 23, 2007

For a Second Here I Thought They Were Talking About

...the avaricious charismatic evangelicals across the street from us.

Snake charmers hold council for survival
They danced in a trance, writhing serpents draped around their necks, oblivious to the fear -- and venom -- their cobras, vipers and boas impart.

Swaying to the sounds of flutes and hisses, more than 150 snake charmers gathered in the southern Pakistani city of Hyderabad for a grand council to appeal to the government to help them preserve their livelihood, which many see as a divine gift.


Whew ~ in Pakistan! So traffic won't be any worse than usual. Hallelujah and pass the rattlesnake.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:52 AM

January 22, 2007

I Can't Decide If This Is the Coolest Idea Ever

...or if I should just slit my wrists and get it over with.

Moral of the Story: If you have to sell out, at least do it for something manly.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:01 PM | Comments (4)

January 21, 2007

I Can No Longer Waggle My Thumb and Forefinder in a Loser "L"

...when major dad talks about Peyton.

And that's a good thing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:51 PM | Comments (1)

January 20, 2007

The REAL Reason Becks and Anorexic Spice

...are starring in "Coming to America"? No one loves her at home anymore.

Spice World The Movie has been voted the worst film of all time.


Maybe if she wasn't always such a sour puss poser...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:54 AM | Comments (10)

If You Don't Like the Weather

...move.

World weather impacts
Protest over lack of European snow
18 Jan 2007

Romanian snowboarders have staged a protest at the lack of snow in front of the country's weather institute.

Blocking traffic, the snowboarders sat in the road and only moved on when weather officials said that their complaint at the lack of snow "would be passed on to a higher authority"...


At least out of the road, yo.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:46 AM | Comments (5)

January 19, 2007

Did Anyone Else Catch "Scrubs: The Musical"

...last night?

All I can say is, "freakin' brilliant".

UPDATE: "Everything Comes Down to Poo" and "Guy Love" videos in the extended section.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:51 PM | Comments (2)

January 18, 2007

Just One More Reason to Thank GOD

...you live HERE, in THESE UNITED STATES. It's THAT time again...

Sumo: Main bouts for 14th day of New Year Grand Sumo Tournament+

Makuuchi division bouts for Saturday, the 14th day of the 15-day New Year Grand Sumo Tournament at Ryogoku Kokugikan (+ denotes juryo division wrestler): Toyozakura x - x +Tochiozan Tamakasuga 12 - 6 Tokitsuumi Otsukasa

The damn tournament lasts for a damn year and CONSUMES every second of broadcast airtime. Sunup to sundown, it's non-stop Pavarotti in a rice spangled thong. The only thing in Western culture close to being AS excruciating is the National Indoor Badminton Championships on the BBC.

And I speak from personal experience, hence my absolute moral authority.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:42 PM | Comments (8)

With Enough Love and Support, This Twisted, Piteous Child

...could live a normal life.

Unfortunately, Bingley had neither. But I just love him to death...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BINGSTER !!

...anyway.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:55 AM | Comments (33)

Two More Reasons To Favor Global Warming

We won't have to worry about this or this anymore!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:07 AM | Comments (5)

January 17, 2007

We Have A Card On File

Courtesy of Sheila

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:31 PM | Comments (5)

I Wonder If The Zoo Would Notice...

If I swapped my daughter for Judy

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) -- An escaped chimpanzee at the Little Rock Zoo raided a kitchen cupboard and did a little cleaning with a toilet brush before sedatives knocked her out on top of a refrigerator. The 120-pound primate, Judy, escaped yesterday into a service area when a zookeeper opened a door to her sleeping quarters, unaware the animal was still inside.

As keepers tried to woo Judy back into her cage, she rummaged through a refrigerator where chimp snacks are stored. She opened kitchen cupboards, pulled out juice and soft drinks and took a swig from bottles she managed to open.

Keeper Ann Rademacher says Judy went into the bathroom, picked up a toilet brush and cleaned the toilet. Rademacher says the 37-year-old Judy was a house pet before the zoo acquired her in 1988, so she may have been familiar with housekeeping chores. Judy wrung out a sponge and scrubbed down the fridge.

She does household chores and no college costs. Seems like a deal to me.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:00 AM | Comments (9)

January 15, 2007

It's Not That We Don't Love Our Schwan's Guy

It's just that he thinks 7:30 a.m. is hilarious...

...and it's a *^#*in' HOLIDAY.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:15 PM | Comments (4)

January 12, 2007

Gobschmacked

ALL these people are crazy with the heat...

Gore's 'Truth' restricted at schools

The school board in this suburb south of Seattle has restricted showings of Al Gore's movie on global warming, including requiring that it be balanced with an adequate opposing viewpoint.

..."Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher," said Frosty Hardison, a parent of seven who doesn't want the film shown at all.

..."The information that's being presented is a very cockeyed view of what the truth is," Hardison told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn't in the DVD."


WTF?! Guess there shouldn't be discourse on shrinking polar bear gonads (the technical term), either. (I mean, they're not in the Bible, right? Polar bears, not gonads.) And of course someone named 'Frosty' doesn't like Al Gore! But I get her Gore/condom connection. Completely.

And, from the Gore-ites, a rousing endorsement of 'truth' as we know it...

..."I am shocked that a school district would come to this decision," the movie's co-producer, Laurie David, said in a prepared statement. "There is no opposing view to science, which is fact, and the facts are clear that global warming is here, now."

WOW, that is an ASTONISHING statement! Calling Tom Cruise ~ one of your aliens is loose!

I'll tell you what theory these two sterling examples of rational thought give lie to and it ain't 'global warming'.
Jeez Louise, primates. Chill out.
UPDATE: In the comment section with this article, someone was mentioned who caused me to go a Googling. Michael Crichton? Global Warming? Yes. And it's genius.

"Aliens Cause Global Warming"

...And so, in this elastic anything-goes world where science-or non-science-is the hand maiden of questionable public policy, we arrive at last at global warming. It is not my purpose here to rehash the details of this most magnificent of the demons haunting the world. I would just remind you of the now-familiar pattern by which these things are established. Evidentiary uncertainties are glossed over in the unseemly rush for an overarching policy, and for grants to support the policy by delivering findings that are desired by the patron. Next, the isolation of those scientists who won't get with the program, and the characterization of those scientists as outsiders and "skeptics" in quotation marks-suspect individuals with suspect motives, industry flunkies, reactionaries, or simply anti-environmental nutcases. In short order, debate ends, even though prominent scientists are uncomfortable about how things are being done.

When did "skeptic" become a dirty word in science? When did a skeptic require quotation marks around it?

To an outsider, the most significant innovation in the global warming controversy is the overt reliance that is being placed on models. Back in the days of nuclear winter, computer models were invoked to add weight to a conclusion: "These results are derived with the help of a computer model." But now large-scale computer models are seen as generating data in themselves. No longer are models judged by how well they reproduce data from the real world-increasingly, models provide the data. As if they were themselves a reality. And indeed they are, when we are projecting forward. There can be no observational data about the year 2100. There are only model runs.

This fascination with computer models is something I understand very well. Richard Feynmann called it a disease. I fear he is right. Because only if you spend a lot of time looking at a computer screen can you arrive at the complex point where the global warming debate now stands.

Nobody believes a weather prediction twelve hours ahead. Now we're asked to believe a prediction that goes out 100 years into the future? And make financial investments based on that prediction? Has everybody lost their minds?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:03 PM | Comments (17)

Being Short on 'Practiced Voice', I 'Bout Blow Out My Vocal Chords

...singing along. But I can't help it.
Pavoratti ~ Nessum Dorma

Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle! All'alba vincerò!
Vincerò! Vincerò!

If you've got to have a 'signature' song, make it a doozy.
Thanks Fausta.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:45 AM | Comments (3)

The Naked Truth Is

...yes, you did.

Sergeant in trouble for Playboy photos
Air Force blasts her steamy pictorial as ‘not representative’ of service

"Drop and give me 20!" is something you might hear Air Force Staff Sgt. Michelle Manhart yell to airmen trainees at Lackland Air Force Base. Drop her trousers is what Manhart did for Playboy magazine, and now it's landed her in trouble with the military.

"Of what I did, nothing is wrong so I didn't anticipate anything, of course," Manhart said Thursday of the pictorial. "I didn't do anything wrong so I didn't think it would be a major issue."


You were fine doing anything the photographer wanted and that your little heart desired, right up to this part...
...In a six-page spread in February's issue, hitting newsstands this week, Manhart is photographed in uniform yelling and holding weapons under the headline "Tough Love." The following pages show her partially clothed wearing her dog tags while working out, as well as completely nude.

Your uniform doesn't belong in Playboy. And that's where they're gonna get you. Years ago Playboy did a 'Women of the Services' feature and the only one in any piece of her actual uniform was the WM. Guess who was the only one out of all those girls to be charged?

Exactly.

Sorry.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:49 AM | Comments (10)

January 11, 2007

I Saw This Headline and Thought 'WOW!!'

He signs with an American team and obviously isn't the disgustinglyshallowbraindeadsoccerloveGod studmuffin I thought he was.

Beckett hails troops plan for Iraq

My bad. Entirely.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:18 AM | Comments (2)

January 10, 2007

Has the Left Coast Gone MAD?!

I mean, they were (no pun intended) WHACK bastards already, but enough is EEEEEEnough.

Yale barbershop singers recovering after ambush

Members of a close-harmony group from Yale University are recovering after being ambushed and beaten up while on tour in California.

Members of the a cappella Baker's Dozen were performing at a party in San Francisco at the new year when their rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner" apparently sparked taunts and threats from fellow partygoers.

As the group left the house, they were attacked by dozens of assailants, suffering scrapes, black eyes and concussions, said Connecticut's News Channel 8.

"Besides any bruising or scrapes to the face, the main injury I suffered was I broke my jaw in two places," one of the singers, 18-year-old Sharyar Aziz, was quoted as saying.


Yale is a liberal school!

They were singing the NATIONAL ANTHEM!!

One of the guys' name is AZIZ, for Chrissakes!!

Arnold's socialist medicine plan doesn't cover them yet!!

UPDATE: You really have to question San Francisco's 'inclusive' image after this. As I said in the comments, this group looks like they had every ethnicity covered and got pounded for...dressing conservatively...among other things.

...The trouble started at midnight after The Baker's Dozen sang "The Star Spangled Banner." Witnesses say a few local young men didn't appreciate the attention the Yale students were getting, made fun of their conservative dress and began taunting them and making threats.

Leanna Dawydiak, Hosted Party: "They had something here special that these other fellas obviously didn't have and that irritated them."

Witnesses say 19-year-old Richard Aicardi was the most aggressive.

Sharyar Aziz: "'You're not welcome here,' he called a few members of the group, whether it was fag or homo, very, I would say, juvenile taunting."

Aicardi took out his cell phone and called in reinforcements.

Reno Rapagnani: "He said, 'I'm 20 deep, my boys are coming.'"

One of the vehicles that brought the attackers was captured by surveillance camera at a church across the street. As The Baker's Dozen left the house, they were ambushed -- five, six, seven assailants attacking each member.

...What especially concerns the Aziz family -- when police arrived, they detained four of the attackers who were identified by members of The Baker's Dozen, but officers did not make an arrest. And a full week later, they still haven't made an arrest.

...Police investigators didn't even bother to photograph the injuries to The Baker's Dozen. The couple who held the party that night took pictures.

Leanna Dawydiak: "Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems as a citizen in San Francisco that something should be done a little more than has been."


Next from the chorus, a stanza of "I Left My Heart, Three Teeth, a Pair of Glasses and What's Left of My Jaw...in San Francisco".


Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:11 PM | Comments (6)

January 09, 2007

It's 1978 ~ Take Couple of Twelve Year Olds & a Super 8 Camera

...and get an epic film.

SHARK


Production Note: Apparently the shark sank during it's first appearance, resulting in a disembodied fin slicing through the roiled waters for the rest of the movie.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:34 PM | Comments (3)

January 08, 2007

And Why Does Everyone Think of Bingley

...when something stinks in Manhattan?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:43 PM | Comments (5)

On Top of Everything Else, Now I Subject You to SHAMELESS

...puppy blogging.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:40 PM | Comments (11)

Now You Too Can Tell a Stranger to 'Sacre...

...your bleu'.

A Paris tourism agency is ready to concede what many Americans and Britons have long contended: The French are rude.

...France's famed indifference toward outsiders is actually part of the country's charm and can be a marketing asset, says the Paris Ile-de-France tourism office. The office has launched an online ad campaign called "C'est so Paris" — "It's so Paris" — designed to show foreign tourists "how to cop the Parisian attitude."

The campaign was put together to address concerns that the British — France's biggest source of tourism revenue — have begun to find the French so off-putting that they are visiting in fewer numbers.

The campaign's English-language website — www.cestsoparis.com — shows British tourists how to decode and mimic the gestures of condescending waiters, indifferent taxi drivers and pouting mademoiselles. It encourages Britons to "act" French, even if they can't speak a word of the language.


The "Red Cards" (a little Zidane there...?) are especially rude and come with a 'not for polite company' warning.

It's comforting to know that, since there just AREN'T ENOUGH rude people in the world, someone is willing to go the extra Flash presentation mile to make sure we have a chance to be as effortlessly rude as the French. If this helps you achieve one of your own personal a$$pirations...beat yourself over the head with this popular French icon, s'il vous plaît.

See how easy it is to be polite?

UPDATE: Avec!! Le warnings!

If this fair place were inexplicably and horribly transmogrified into France, I would NOT be so queeks to tell Msr. Summairs to "bite moi". I am wonderings what gesture le dinnair made to le snacker wheech peesed heem offs? Oui oui in le cage aux folles?

Prisoner probably ate parts of cellmate

A French prisoner who killed his cellmate "very probably" ate some of the victim's body parts, a prosecutor in the northern town of Rouen said on Friday.


In all seriousness, I do have the polite phrase to handle this situation, complete with pronunciation guide. Repeate vous:
"For dessert, what would you suggest to get the taste of the main course out of my mouth?"

"Comme dessert, que me suggereriez-vous pour effacer le goût du plat de resistance de ma bouche?"
(com de - zert com - en ke me su - zhair - er - i - ay voo poor eff - ah - say le goo du pla de re - zi - stans de ma boosh)


Lord, you can just about take me anywhere and I'll make friends.
I thank Msr. Crittenden for le heads off up.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:58 AM | Comments (14)

January 07, 2007

I Don't Want to Hear "SISter! THAT'S SO..."

"...STOOPID".

'Cause I dont care.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:36 PM | Comments (6)

January 04, 2007

More Spam Filter Goodies

Erectile C. Catalina Ah, those Californians
Gruel C. Anglicizes
Proclamations P. Hacked
Stiffing K. Firebreaks
Admonishing U. Scripted
Intermediate Q. Provost
Loathe S. Milieu Sounds like a disgruntled English Major
Evict B. Shabbily Chuck!
Spiritualist U. Ferrules
Dewar O. Diploma Damn! I only got a BA!
Crystalline G. Ales A kidney stone in every pint!
Hiatuses E. Iraq Saddam???
Horns I. Deceitfully
Tit U. Researched And I got a grant, too!
Proportions B. Matching See above
Sociology H. Idiocies sort of says it all, no?
Misnomering H. Stagecoach
Flirtatious Q. Vistula But what would Delaware?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:18 PM | Comments (2)

The Statue Of Liberty

Boise State Edition

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:47 AM | Comments (8)

There Sure Was Some Sugary Smiting

But it wasn't quite what Sis was hoping for

Russell thoroughly outperformed Brady Quinn and sent Notre Dame to another postseason meltdown, leading No. 4 LSU to a 41-14 rout of college football's most storied program Wednesday night.

The Sugar Bowl returned to New Orleans with a Cajun-style party, which left the 11th-ranked Fighting Irish with a most unwanted spot in the record book. They lost their ninth straight bowl game, more than any other school.

"That's quite a shiner yer sportin' now, Father; hand me yer flask and we'll remember happier times, doncha know."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:54 AM | Comments (5)

January 03, 2007

Sweet Baby Jesus

In the coming New Year, help me land something even remotely close to this guy's gig.
Thanks in advance,
thsister

Amen.

Home Depot CEO exits with $210 million
...Nardelli, who became CEO in 2000, has been criticized by investors for the company's lagging stock price. Shares of Home Depot (HD, news, msgs) have fallen 7% since December 2000, when he became CEO.

Despite the stock’s poor performance, Nardelli collected an estimated $240 million during his time as CEO, and his compensation drew fire from shareholders and the press. His severance package, reportedly valued at $210 million, includes a $20 million cash severance payment, the acceleration of $77 million of deferred stock awards and options valued at $7 million. The Wall Street Journal reported that the exit package includes amounts that have previously been earned or vested.


UPDATE: P.S.: If it pleaseth Thou,
Mightily smite LSU (yea verily) upon the sugary field of collegiate combat this very evening whilst Thou art at it.
In Thy team's name we pray.

Amen again.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:50 PM | Comments (8)

December 29, 2006

In a Heist of This Professional Magnitude

...I'd blame infamous mob hitman Luca Brassica.

Someone got way more than the recommended daily serving of vegetables when a refrigerated trailer loaded with $50,000 worth of broccoli was stolen.

How do you tell if the police are part of the plot? By their pitiful excuses.
“We have homicides happening in town,” Zorich said. “We’re not really looking for a truck of broccoli right now.”


Sure, pal.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:27 PM | Comments (5)

December 26, 2006

More Friends From The Spam Filter

Man, when I got in to the office this morning there were over 18,000 spam emails in the filter! No wonder the internet is mighty slow. Anyhow, here are some of my favorite "friends" whose messages I've deleted:

Extinguisher P. Bridegrooms
Detonations R. Massacred
Niceties S. Philanderer
Privation D. Tiff
Spearheading C. Obstetrician
Alcohol T. Abstract
Bloodshed S. Vibration
Prognostics U. Rooftops
Bookmakers G. Upchucks
Osteopath F. Doorknob
Legislator U. Admissibility
Vicissitudes T. Emolument
Rein H. Ovulated
Laziest I. Lampreys
Mutant A. Hologram

I promise I'll write back to each and every one of you.

Except you lazy lampreys...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:59 AM | Comments (4)

December 21, 2006

The Rats In NY Are So Big...

They poop cars!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:50 PM | Comments (3)

December 19, 2006

Oh, Just Lovely

BeauBeau the lopped earred Louisiana Rescue Lab has discovered...

...there's water in them there toilets.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:18 PM | Comments (4)

The Story Of The First Christmas Tree Angel

Daughter told me this last night, and I thought I would share this heartwarming tale with you in the Spirit of the Season...

Once upon a time, many years ago, Santa was having a very, very bad Christmas Eve.

Rudolf had a bad head cold and couldn't fly. Santa's sleigh was still broken from a particularly bad landing last year. The packages weren't wrapped because the elves had been hitting the eggnog early and hard and were now stumbling about, singing bawdy songs about dwarves. Mrs. Claus had burnt the Christmas cookies again. And the little angel that Santa had sent out to get a tree for the house had been gone all day and still had not returned. No, Santa was not neither jolly nor merry.

Suddenly, the door burst open and in fluttered the little angel, hauling a large tree behind him. The angel glanced about the house and said in a loud voice...

"Hey Fatso! Where do you want me to put this tree?"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:24 AM | Comments (2)

December 13, 2006

My Christmas Shopping List

Thanks to a link from Tim, I can finally complete my shopping: The most dangerous toys of all time.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:09 AM | Comments (10)

December 12, 2006

And I Think the Jackass Might Oughta Shut His Barrister Up

...because the moron isn't helping, with laughable whines like this:

...The rabbi had received "all kinds of calls and emails," many of them "odious," Grad said, adding he was "trying to figure out how this is consistent with the spirit of Christmas."

Odd. That's what we were all wondering about him and his bullsh*t lawsuit.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:33 PM

I Thought They Already

...could.

Bringing new meaning to ‘firing blind’
Texas legislator introduces bill to allow blind people to hunt

The blind would be able to go hunting if a Texas bill becomes law.

The bill would allow legally blind hunters to use a laser sight, or lighted pointing instrument, which is forbidden for sighted hunters, according to State Rep. Edmund Kuempel, who introduced it.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:14 AM | Comments (1)

Successful Implementation of Birth Control in Emerging Nations

...comes up a little...well...

Condoms a big problem for men in India
Most men's *p-words* are an inch too short for popular prophylactics

Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their *p-words* fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.

The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had *p-words* about 1 inch shorter than those condoms catered for.

For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 2 inches. A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.


Sounds as if the research was...inadequate. Of course, who do you send out to do the survey in the first place?

I hope all the snickering and gloating in other countries doesn't affect the national psyche.
*Edited to protect the children.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:56 AM | Comments (9)

December 10, 2006

Every Methhead in the Country Should Be SHOT

Since they spirited all the pseudophedrin behind the pharmacy walls because of those pathetic LOSERS, the new/reformulated/safe for the shelf Tylenol Cold Severe Congestion isn't worth SH*T.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:46 PM | Comments (3)

December 08, 2006

Some Holiday Fun

Pimp My Nutcracker

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:53 PM

"Wii Have A Problem"

I had to steal their title; it's too good. Look what happens if you bowl a little too hard and try to put some english on the ball...

[argh. hotlinking issues]

There are some very funny images and stories on the site.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:43 PM | Comments (4)

December 07, 2006

I May Need To Go Undercover Here

Incognito as it were

MUSLIMS, socialists, unions and other groups will conduct a counter-rally against bikini protesters who plan to march on a Brunswick mosque on Saturday.

Police will monitor the demonstrations, with white supremacists claiming to have infiltrated bikini protest ranks, increasing the potential for confrontation.
Organisers of the "Great Australian Bikini March" had planned to march against the Michael St mosque last Saturday, anniversary of the Cronulla riots in NSW.

With any luck I'll infiltrate the ranks as well.

This next bit caused me to spit out my coffee:

The so-called bikini march, criticised as being insensitive, was designed as a reaction to mufti Sheik Taj el-Din el-Hilaly's comments on scantily clad women being the cause of some rapes.

Insensitive. This guy says that women who are raped are at fault because they're scantily clad and, well, cats will pounce on raw meat, don't you know, and we have to understand their culture, yaddayaddayadda.

But wear those bikinis girls and damn you for your "insensitivity."

In response, the Islamic Information and Support Centre and the Socialist Party Australia are organising a barbecue

Scarier words were never written.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:59 AM | Comments (6)

It's Too Early to Quibble With This List

Let me get a cup o' coffee first.

"Heeere's Johnny!" is top U.S. TV catchphrase
"Heeere's Johnny!" -- the introduction for U.S. talk-show host Johnny Carson for 30 years -- has been ranked the most memorable TV catchphrase in a Top 100 list covering 60 years of American television shows, cartoons, commercials and quotes from news programs.

Neil Armstrong's famous "One small step for man ... " comment when stepping on the moon on July 20, 1969, took second place in the list compiled by TV Land, while millionaire businessman-turned-TV star Donald Trump came in third with his curt "You're fired!" ousting of contestants from the TV show "The Apprentice."

...The Top 10 greatest TV quotes and catchphrases chosen by TV Land are;

1. Heeere's Johnny! (Ed McMahon, The Tonight Show)

2. One small step for man ... (Neil Armstrong)

3. You're fired! (Donald Trump, The Apprentice)

4. Baby, you're the greatest. (Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners)

5. Ask not what your country can do for you ... (John F. Kennedy)

6. D'oh! (Homer Simpson, The Simpsons)

7. Where's the beef? (Wendy's)

8. Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis? (Arnold Drummond, Diff'rent Strokes)

9. Yabba dabba do! (Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones)

10. I'm not a crook (Richard Nixon)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:53 AM | Comments (11)

December 06, 2006

Damn! Maybe I Should Drop a Few Pounds

...and hit the streets! (Or, at the very least, publishers' offices.)

BLOGGER-turned-author Jessica Cutler pulled out of next Monday's Mediabistro panel on how bloggers can land book deals. Her "blowoff" prompted Mediabistro to remind readers that Cutler is "someone known for exchanging sex for money."

I didn't realize there was a way to make this a paying gig. I've always thought Wonkette and the rest were just lucky.

Naïveté, thy name is Sister.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:11 PM | Comments (2)

Insensitive Joke of the Day

...courtesy of MSNBC.com.

Egypt finds 4,000-year-old doctor’s mummy


I'll bet she was Jewish.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:55 PM

December 05, 2006

Oh, Holy Crap! This Drudge Headline

...scared the pants off o' me.

Bush says rarely talks policy with dad...

I thought it said 'with the dead'.

At second glance, I'm not sure I feel any better.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:52 AM

December 04, 2006

Global Warming

...Bangla-cola style.

Tonight
Clear and cold. Record lows in the mid 20s inland... except in the upper 20s along the coast. Inland...north winds around 5 mph. Along the coast...north winds around 10 mph.


I feel a fossil fuel fire comin' on...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:16 AM | Comments (9)

And I'll Bet You All Thought

...it was just about goats...

I am a paranormal researcher and investigator in northeast Ohio. My first book, 'Haunted Cuyahoga', is only the beginning!!

I think we need a new category ~
The Secret Lives of Swillers: REVEALED!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM | Comments (4)

November 30, 2006

That Explains the Sudden Surge of Horse Sex Interest

It's a headline linked on Drudge...

Sundance picks Seattle film on horse-sex case; Snoop Dogg arrested

...and there must be thousands of Drudgites scratching their heads and not trusting their lying eyes. In a quest for knowledge, they Google and find us, the subject matter experts. Tracking all this down, I've found some unintentionally hilarious quotes like this example:
"A very disturbing story as a Seattle man has died following a bizarre case of bestiality."

(Good Lord, Jimmy Olsen ~ aren't all bestiality cases...bizarre? It's the nature of the...dare I say it?)

But for chock full o' nuts hilarity, this article takes the cake.
Closing the Barn Door
The bizarre death of a man who had sex with a horse made dreadful headlines. State Sen. Pam Roach, R-Auburn, however, plans to continue her push for a law barring such acts, worried the case revealed "an animal sex ring, a magnet for syndication of the sexual abuse of animals. People came from outside this state to engage in this activity because people knew they wouldn't be arrested."

She should be worried ~ 'Roaches' are people, too.
...Urquhart of the sheriff's office says that "typically," men were having sex with a horse on Tait's property, "but on this particular night it is my understanding that horse wasn't particularly receptive."

Everyone has a headache now and then.
...Tait and the man who later died both had sex with the neighbor's horse that night, according to the charging papers. The second man died while Tait was videotaping the encounter. The tape was later shown to the couple that owns the barn so they could confirm it was their horse, known as Big Dick.

Comparatively speaking, that is. Around other horses down on the farm, Big Dick was often mocked for the relative puniness of his equippage.
Here's where a well meaning elected official meddles in things she has no inkling of.
...Though she considered adding an Internet provision, she admits any such ban would be difficult to police—in part because the Internet is already teeming with animal-porn sites, such as Zoo Porn, which offers "zoo dating."

Obviously the woman has never been in a Marine Corps Enlisted Club on payday night.
...But her final bill will have to be carefully written, she adds, to exclude some farm-sex acts.

Common sense rules at last. I mean, what if the horse comes on to you?

I know. Just say 'neigh'.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:11 PM | Comments (14)

Holy Guacamole, Kraft Quality Controlly!

Lawsuit stirs up guacamole labeling controversy
Kraft, which is not alone in putting little avocado in its product, is accused of duping consumers.

Peanut butter is made from peanuts, tomato paste is made from tomatoes, and guacamole is made from avocados, right?

Wrong. The guacamole sold by Kraft Foods Inc., one of the bestselling avocado dips in the nation, includes modified food starch, hefty amounts of coconut and soybean oils, and a dose of food coloring. The dip contains precious little avocado, but many customers mistake it for wholly guacamole.

On Wednesday, a Los Angeles woman sued the Northfield, Ill.-based food company, alleging that it committed fraud by calling its dip "guacamole." Her lawyer says suits against other purveyors of "fake guacamole" could be filed soon.

The suit, which seeks class-action status, highlights the liberty some food companies take in labeling their products.

If consumers read the fine print, they would discover that Kraft Dips Guacamole contains less than 2% avocado*. But few of them do. California avocado growers, who account for 95% of the nation's avocado crop, said they didn't know that store-bought guacamole contained little of their produce.


* If I remember the ingredient panel, Miracle Whip also contains "less than 2%" edible ingredients. Coincidentally, both are Kraft products.

Go figure.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)

I Sense a Disturbance in the Force

...from sea...

Several sheriff's deputies in Polk County, Fla., are being credited with saving the life of a 45-year-old man who was attacked by an alligator early Wednesday and was being pulled deeper into a lake, according to a police report. Authorities said the Polk County Sheriff's Office received multiple calls at about 3:30 a.m. Wednesday concerning screams for help coming from an area of Lake Parker County Park near the Moose Lodge on East Lake Parker Drive.

...to shining sea.
Whale attacks trainer during show at SeaWorld in San Diego
..."He was pulled down at least twice by the whale and then let go," Luque said. "He did not have life-threatening injuries. He was conscious the whole time."

They executed the alligator who chomped the crackhead (apparently Bingley-style, he was naked and high)(the chompee, not the gator), but Shamu's a high dollar blubber butt and got away with it yet again.

What is causing nearly simultaneous, bi-coastal water creature attacks? First it was stingrays thousands of miles apart in synchronous poking and now tandem 'pulling'? It's not bears and it's not lions and it's not angry squirrels.
It's things that swim...


- "No worries, boy! I saw this on Animal Planet!"
Bingley and Claude investigate the large bubbles coming to the surface. ©TPI

I'd watch that shower drain a little more closely first thing in the morning and have something besides a bar of soap handy...

UPDATE : Holy CRAP!! We're doomed!! Eagle eyed Swiller CJ just sent me these horrifying news reports!!

California sea lions attack humans
Tourists flock to Fisherman's Wharf for the seafood and the stunning views of San Francisco Bay, but for many visitors, the real stars are the dozens of playful, whiskered sea lions that lounge by the water's edge, gulping down fish.

Now a series of sea-lion attacks on people in recent months has led experts to warn that the animals are not as cute and cuddly as they appear.


As I asked him, what could cause this...El Niño?


Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:37 AM | Comments (4)

Today's Washington "Snapshot in Time"

Eight Years After Clinton Left D.C.

Isn't it great NOT to be the homeliest kid in class any more? (Although, as I pointed out to Bingley, the little blonde front row, third from the right looks suspiciously like Amy Carter. Bingley said all those Southerners are close, trailer park-wise and I should ask Cracker if I don't believe him.)


(We don't know who did this ~ not Bubba, we mean the Photoshop ~ but whoEVER it was, he's a sick and twisted...genius.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:14 AM | Comments (6)

November 29, 2006

I Thought Justice Scalia Had the Quote of the Day

I was wrong.

IHOP will stop carding customers for pancakes
Mass. outlet wanted to stop dine-and-dashers, headquarters apologizes

John Russo has been a victim of identity theft. So when he was asked to fork over a photo ID just to be seated at an IHOP pancake restaurant, he flipped.

"You want my license? I'm going for pancakes, I'm not buying the Hope diamond,' and they refused to seat us," Russo said, recounting his experience this week at the Quincy IHOP.

The restaurant now has agreed to reverse the policy of requiring customers to turn over their driver's licenses before they can order — a rule that was enacted to discourage "dine and dash" thefts.


He said the security guard who asked for his license had forty others in his mitt already. For pancakes.

We're doomed.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:59 PM | Comments (7)

There Might Be Some Dang Good Quotes

...coming out of this court case.

Supreme Court Takes Up Global Warming
...Opening up an hour of arguments, Justice Antonin Scalia asked, "When is the predicted cataclysm?"

Snort. That's nothing. Wait'll he hears about polar bear going, going, gone gonads.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:50 PM

Oh, the Sick, TWISTED

...BASTARDS !!!

Man accused of spray-painting three goats
‘Obviously it's not an occurrence you see every day,*’ officer says

A man broke into a barn on Thanksgiving morning, spray-painted three pet goats and scattered pages of pornographic magazines on the floor, apparently to harass the property owner, police said Tuesday.



* Well, I would hope to God that's true!.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM | Comments (13)

Noooo! Rerease My Music!

It's all such a ronery guy has....

U.S. Bans Sale of iPods to North Korea
Bush administration wants North Korea's attention, so like a scolding parent it's trying to make it tougher for that country's eccentric leader to buy iPods, plasma televisions and Segway electric scooters.

The U.S. government's first-ever effort to use trade sanctions to personally aggravate a foreign president expressly targets items believed to be favored by Kim Jong Il or presented by him as gifts to the roughly 600 loyalist families who run the communist government

.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:22 AM | Comments (3)

November 28, 2006

I. Have. Had. EE ~ NOUGH, GDI !!

Get Rachel "Jerky Perky" Ray's frickin' gargoyle mug OFF a my Premium Saltine Box!!!
Is nothing sacred to you people in the pursuit of the almighty dollar? Her grinning, Joker-like visage on Triscuits is bad, but you have crossed a line now, my friends.

I'm goin' over to the dwarves tree elves.

And these guys.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:26 PM | Comments (2)

November 27, 2006

On Thanksgiving We Tried To Visit Florida Cracker...

But she must have been out wrasslin' gators or something.

We found this note on her front door, though:

Mighty neighborly of her to explain things for us.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:47 PM | Comments (4)

November 24, 2006

Searching for Answers Friday ~ Reflections on Thanksgiving

In spite of all that's ugly in the world ~ murderous Russians, the Iranians, backstabbing Russians, the Syrians, the flying imams ('cause I can't say "fuzzy cleric" anymore, that being racist and all), pumpkin murderers, David Blaine, et al, ad nauseum ~ we still have much...MUCH to be thankful for in the little joys of our tiny lives.

And I want to thank That 1 Guy for feeding my filthy habit. He sent this a bit ago, but I wanted the timing to be perfect before I shared. Don't thank me ~ just revel in the beauty of it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:24 AM | Comments (3)

November 23, 2006

And a Happy, HAPPY Thanksgiving to You!

With much love and thanks from all of US!

Eat, drink, be safe and appreciate every second of it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:38 AM | Comments (7)

November 22, 2006

A Holiday Letter to the Editor

...courtesy of the local fishwrap.

You, too,can pardon a turkey

This Thanksgiving, President Bush will pardon a turkey to promote the turkey industry. Each of us has the same power to pardon a turkey, to promote kindness and compassion.

The 300 million turkeys abused and slaughtered in the U.S. each year have nothing to give thanks for. They breathe toxic fumes in crowded sheds. Their beaks and toes are severed. Slaughterhouse workers cut their throats and dump them into boiling water, sometimes still conscious.

Turkeys do get their revenge. Their flesh is laced with cholesterol and saturated fats that elevate the risk of chronic disease. Government warning labels are provided to avoid food poisoning.

This Thanksgiving, my holiday meal may include a soy "turkey," lentil or nut roast, stuffed squash, corn chowder, candied yams, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and carrot cake. An Internet search on "vegetarian Thanksgiving" will provide more mail-order items and recipes than I'll ever need.


Thank you for that cheerful note laden with helpful hints, Mr. Tofurkey Q. Killjoy.

The worst part is, this is one of the more coherent letters today.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:36 AM | Comments (4)

Someone Needs to Rethink Her Mantra...

"I'll give up Miracle Whip when HELL freezes over!!"-Florida Cracker,fermented cat piss afficionado
...because it would seem it has.
Weather Officials: Snowflakes Spotted In Central Florida

..."This is weird. This is not why we moved to Central Florida. We thought we left this behind," said Orlando resident Sandy Pastor.


I know who you can blame, Mr. Pastor.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:30 AM | Comments (9)

I Think Some Things Were Just Meant to Be Left

...as God intended, n'est pas?

A man who mailed a bomb to a doctor because he was angry about how his penis enlargement surgery turned out was sentenced to four years and 10 months in prison.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:18 AM | Comments (9)

November 21, 2006

This is Another BRILLIANT Decision, Comparable to Letting Tom Cruise

...play Lestat.

Jackson bids farewell to The Hobbit

He is the flamboyant director whose The Lord of the Rings trilogy picked up 17 Oscars. But Peter Jackson has been cast out of Middle Earth after a row over profits from the $4 billion-plus (£2.1 billion) franchise.
Fans of the fantasy films were dismayed by an e-mail, detailing a dispute between Jackson and the New Line film studio, which the New Zealander sent to a website devoted to matters Tolkien.

It contained explosive news that the most lucrative franchise in Hollywood history after Star Wars will return with a Lord of the Rings prequel. A big-budget version of The Hobbit is also set for production.

But Jackson, a devoted Tolkien fan who battled to bring his vision of Rings to the screen, will not be involved. The director said that he had been removed from the project by New Line.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:02 AM | Comments (22)

November 20, 2006

Those Who Forget The Past...

And those who haven't.

(via Insta)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:40 PM

And Here I Thought Giving Your Current Squeeze a Framed Picture of Yourself

...was a big deal.

Kimberly Stewart - Rod's 27-year-old daughter with Alana Stewart...

...In addition to being healthier, Kimberly also seems to have rekindled an old flame. The blond rock scion turned up at Light in the Bellago in Las Vegas to help her ex-boyfriend Jack Osbourne celebrate his 21st birthday Friday night, and the two were spotted "getting cozy and kissing," said our spy.

Osbourne could be a good influence on Kimberly - he has been sober for more than a year now. The two dated several years ago, and Kimberly was so enamored of Ozzy Osbourne's son that when she had her breast implants removed several years ago, she gave them to Osbourne - who then proudly hung them on his wall.


I live in a bubble.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:54 AM | Comments (9)

November 19, 2006

And For the Record

...the final "Prime Suspect" was a cheap git.
Helen Mirren is still as mesmerizing as the first time ever we saw her, but that was the extent of "riveting" viewing. I had a horrible feeling when the first part played last week and involved an appealing waif Jane took a shine to. Once a series starts using troubled yet adorable (and fashionably togged) young'uns/animals/midgets, it usually means they've jumped the shark. Throw in a spiritual awakening evinced by finally speaking at an AA meeting and the finned creatures are circling while Fonzie greases up the waterskis. A couple bottles of whiskey and the second part later, I'm sad to say the finale did no justice to the 15 years of "Prime Suspect" addiction we've suffered.

Rats.

And "I think we need a bigger boat..."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)

November 17, 2006

Searching for Answers Friday

While completely disregarding Cracker's fevered, feigned umbrage at just the dang cutest little email I sent her (You know ~ one of those rare gems that manages to tell the truth but induce thigh slapping hilarity at the same time?), she did have another post that caused me great pain and emotional anguish. I'll be spelling it out in detail here as the draft for my civil suit, but feel free to weigh in if your life has been similiarly victimized, your psyche irrepairably damaged, your very emotional well being compromised to the point of rendering YOU an unfeeling vegetable. Perhaps we have the making of a class action, who knows? But you might find this cathartic...cleansing even, as I'm sure I will.

Now, in her post she has a bullet point that asks the seemingly innocuous...

* What retired products do you miss?

She mentions "Jello Puddin Pops". Pitiful, but hey! She misses it. I offer up in the same theme ~ "Shake-a-Puddin'". Granted, missed more for it's entertainment than food value, but fondly remembered none the less. No, where the emotional damage comes in is in those fond remembrances of things beloved in childhood which still exist on Winn-Dixie shelves, but in a VASTLY altered form. I am talking corporate canoodling of the most foul and unnatural description! The dreaded...
FORMULA CHANGES.

OOOOOO, that pisses me off, thereby causing extreme anguish. Wincing, I can recall the three horrible examples scarring my youth still frosting my chops three and a half decades later.

1) TWINKIES ~ the bastards changed the spongecake formula in the late 60's. From a wonderous, moist, delectable, delicate taste treat of epic dimensions to something that now has a shelf life of...well...three and a half decades.

2) NESTLE'S HOT COCOA ~ the formula change here involved denying not only taste associations, but sensory as well. Half...no, ALL the damn fun of the stuff was the way it clumped in the bottom of the glass when cold milk was added, with a little foamy, gravelly, pumice-like dark chocolate clump flotilla that escaped to the top. Mountain Man and I were VERY particular about how our glass of milk was constructed, right down to a milk pour worthy of the finest head on a beer. Oh GOD! And the cocoa sugar sludge reward at the bottom of the drinking vessel? Sweet baby Jesus. 'New and Improved!' meant everything mixed the second the milk or (GOD FORBID!) water hit. No foam, no sludge. A contemporary uniform consistency.

3) GERBER'S JR. CEREAL, EGG YOLKS and BACON ~ Once upon a time, when babies and just done being babies ate, they ate Gerber's. The 'Junior' foods had some consistency to them and generally tasted pretty damn good even to the adult palate ~ probably because they were full of all the hateful things adults LOVE and which we now know KILL BABIES. Or at least make them grow up Republican. One of our favorite, easy yummy morning meals as teenagers was two jars of Jr. Cereal, Egg Yolks and Bacon. Redolent with smokey bacon smell, laden with actual CHUNKS of the devine pork-fat product and creamy yet substantial body, it was the dream food of mornings. Pop off the top, jar in the microwave and voilà! Tummies warm and full for the beastly walk down the driveway and sub-zero wait for the bus. Ah, the smell of it! And unrecognizable in it's current form. Which, I guess, doesn't KILL BABIES or make them REPUBLICAN. (At one point they even dropped bacon from the label, but I see it's back now.) It tastes like pooh and I'm not talking the bear. Bland...glopless...chunkless...devoid of smokey goodness...SAFE.

So there you have it. My litany of sins of egregious nature perpetrated against those sucked into the vortex of product loyalty. I've tried to spare Ebola the heartache we've suffered ~ changing up table fare so he doesn't get too attached to any one thing. That's what mothers do ~ protect their children.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:39 AM | Comments (12)

November 16, 2006

Trust Me, Doc

The guy reeks of bad JuJu already.

Voodoo Practitioner Tries to Jinx Bush
A renowned black magic practitioner performed a voodoo ritual Thursday to jinx President George W. Bush and his entourage while he was on a brief visit to Indonesia.

Ki Gendeng Pamungkas slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face.


And that bit with broccoli ~ you might want to double check which Bush you're whammying.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:34 PM | Comments (2)

The "It All Depends What 'Is' Is" Defense Redux

Some...creative lawyering going on in Minnesota:

Prosecution of a Douglas County case involving alleged sexual contact with a dead deer may hinge on the legal definition of the word “animal.”

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote.

That last sounds like the motto of many a frat boy I knew in college.

Now, before you get the idea that this fellow was just a little lonely as winter approaches in the Great White North, there's this little throwaway line at the end of the article:

In April 2005, Hathaway pleaded no contest to one felony charge of mistreatment of an animal for the shooting death of Bambrick, a 26-year-old horse, to have sex with the animal.

Sounds like a man who should relocate to Enumclaw.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:16 PM | Comments (5)

November 11, 2006

I Want To Share This With You

My dear friends. Yes, in this troubled world we sometimes get down, battered about by all that crazy karma out there. But don't despair! Turn the Hi-Fi high and the lights down low, and settle back and reeeeelax, baby...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:34 PM | Comments (7)

November 07, 2006

Please Remember To Vote Today

And we here at The Swilling wish to inform your decision with this Helpful Primer sent via anonymous email:

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour..
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives
to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think
is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:13 AM | Comments (5)

November 06, 2006

I Saw This and Thought "DAMN!"

If THAT isn't the MOTHER of all blogging sell-outs!

Abbott to buy Kos for $3.7 bln

Then I saw the rest of the headline:
...in cholesterol move

Still sort of relative, in a foul/sticky/need-meds-to-control-it kind of way.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:36 AM | Comments (6)

November 02, 2006

We're Having A Party!

And look who showed up!

It'll be a blast!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:48 PM | Comments (4)

That's What I'm Talking About!

Huge amounts of a red wine extract seemed to help obese mice eat a high-fat diet and still live a long and healthy life, suggests a new study that some specialists are calling "landmark" research.

..."These fat old mice can perform as well on this skill test as young lean mice," Dr. Sinclair said.


Drink up, Shriners!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:37 AM

November 01, 2006

I'm Sorry ~ I'm Weak

Just one more, honest to God. And then I quit. Unless he says something again.

After all, Kerry is an awful politician, a human toothache with the charisma of a 19th-century Oxford Latin tutor.

I'm DYing here. In his piece Jonah Goldberg also points out something I noted in the comments at LaShawn Barber's (who, by the by, thinks Kerry just pulled a ...Kerry.). (Which is, admittedly, what we live for.) To the cries of 'over reaction', 'piling on', 'misinterpretation', 'Rush is MEAN to Michael J. Fox', 'blahblahblah', I chose a short trip down Memory Lane.
HEY!! You forgot the “Republicans (FOLEY) protect (FOLEY) homoSEXual (HOMOHOMOHOMO) child (FOLEY) molestors (FOLEY)!! They’re the Grand Old Perverts! (Did I mention FOLEY?)”

I don't think having a cow at the horse's ass is doing anybody any harm even close to the DEMO-goguery we've been treated to lately.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)

In Response to Sharon's Polite Request

Okay, we will!

UPDATE: Clever culprits identified!! As Dave said, members of the Minnesota National Guard.

GIS DROP SMART BOMB ON KERRY
HILARIOUS HEROES FIRE BACK OVER DEM AND DUMBER CRACK ABOUT IRAQ
...Holtan, who works at Guard headquarters, said he believes the troops behind the Kerry sign are in Iraq, since all the members of the unit in the shot - the 1/34 Brigade Troops Battalion - have been deployed.

He said he can see a unit insignia on one of the vehicles in the background and those vehicles have also gone to Iraq.

Fox News Channel quoted Army officials saying that the picture looked authentic and appeared to be taken in Iraq.

"We are always amazed at the creativity of our troops," one Army official told Fox.


Oh, you betcha.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:06 PM | Comments (3)

October 31, 2006

They're Taking The Hobbits...

...To Isengard!

I was forced to do this by my daughter. I'm told this is all the rage amongst the 13-yr old set.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:24 PM | Comments (5)

I Hate to Be an Alarmist

...but HOLY CRAP!!

Lego Says It's Running Out of Toys
Children hoping to get Lego toys for Christmas may be in for a disappointment.

The Danish toy maker is having a hard time keeping up with demand for its popular plastic building blocks as toy stores stack their inventories for the Christmas season, a company official said Tuesday.


When Crusader hears this, he'll be curled up in the fetal position so fast it'll make your Lego X-Wing fighter spin.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:37 AM | Comments (9)

Oh

YEAH.

The MOST wonderful day of the year is HERE.
I'd like to recommend a site. She's a web friend who's the most marvelous photographer...of haunted places.

So be safe out there. And have a GHOUL old time.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM

The Red Light District

Chapter One: Smile for the Camera.

The systems work like this: Cameras are usually triggered by road sensors when a car encroaches on an intersection after the light has turned red. A camera snaps a picture of the license tag and sometimes photographs the driver, too. That information is then usually forwarded to the local police department to interpret, and a citation is issued. Some systems use short video "clips" instead of a photograph.

...That's work that used to tie up traffic enforcers. But freeing up police officers is hardly the only allure to towns and cities. Many (but not all) have found the traffic cameras to be lucrative as well.

Perhaps the most dramatic example is the District of Columbia's cash cow. The district likes to boast that it has reduced red-light violations at 49 intersections by two-thirds since the program started in 1999 -- but it's also raked in more than $37 million in revenue from tickets, mostly from nonresidents. (Running a red light there is a $75 fine.)

Counting D.C.'s automated speed-enforcement program, the local government has amassed some $130 million from the electronic monitoring programs, according to AAA Mid-Atlantic. That group has praised the results of the red-light cameras but has been wary of D.C.'s motives.

...The picture is muddier than you might think. According to a comprehensive, 2005 study sponsored by the Federal Highway Administration, red-light cameras indeed reduced total "T-bone" crashes by 25%. But because drivers at camera-equipped intersections seem to slam on the brakes so they won't get a ticket, total rear-end crashes increased 15%, and injury rear-end crashes jumped 24%.

...That doesn't mean the city is going any easier on drivers, however.

In July, the city [San Diego] also passed an ordinance allowing citations to be issued after a "grace period" of just one-tenth of a second after a traffic signal turns red (instead of the previous 0.6 seconds), which will boost the number of tickets and the dollars coming into city coffers.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:57 AM | Comments (2)

October 30, 2006

Just to Show Off in This Joyous Holiday Season

My New Orleans paintings ~ church and graveyards ~ below the fold.


St. Louis Cathedral Jackson Square

The Weeping Girl St. Louis No. 1

St. Louis No. 1

(Sorry about my cockeyed picture taking.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:04 PM | Comments (6)

The MOST

...wonderful time of the year. My ever present desk companion (on the left) and his new friend (for whose company he thanks Kcruella with all his heart)
agree.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:37 AM | Comments (6)

October 27, 2006

Oh, Bingley Went to Scotland and Did He Lie

Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

A revolution is afoot at one of Scotland's most venerable kilt-makers: Among traditional tartans there are hip versions in denim, camouflage, leather and, for the adventurous, see-through pink plastic.


So where'd ya hide that wee, duty frae number, little man? I knew it couldna been all aboot 'the castle'. Whilst there be reams a' foine advice aboot dealin' wi' the odd looks ye get, once in a wee while moit ye nae ken the tender feelin's a' yer bride? An' moind the sensibilities a' the general public wot's got ta luck at ye?

A warm Swill salute to marc for exposing this travesty.

UPDATE: Of course, there are worse things, fashionwise.

A MOBILE phone thief who wore an offensive T-shirt in court escaped a contempt rap yesterday.

Christopher Davidson, 18, was sent from the dock for wearing the top containing the phrase:

"Read this while I check out your t*ts."


Via Fark


Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:28 PM | Comments (4)

October 26, 2006

Hey

Works...

...Fifty or so other Republican candidates have also been made targets in a sophisticated “Google bombing” campaign intended to game the search engine’s ranking algorithms.

...for me. But then, Google's been a manipulated tool for a long time round these parts.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:54 AM

This Should Make For Some Interesting Clinical Trials

I'm not sure I see a downside to this newest 'malady':

LONDON - Researchers are struggling to understand a rare medical condition where sufferers unknowingly demand, or actually have, sex while asleep, New Scientist magazine reported on Wednesday.

Research into sexsomnia — making sexual advances towards another person while asleep — has been hampered as sufferers are so embarrassed by the problem they tend not to own up to it, while doctors do not ask about it.

As yet there is no cure for the condition, which often leads to difficulties in relationships.

I'm not sure what the 'difficulties' are that it leads to; it seems to me it should make a lot of husbands and wives happier: he gets what he wants and she still gets to sleep.

Meanwhile Trajanovic is devising a procedure for diagnosing sexsomnia in legal cases where sufferers have been accused of sexual assault.

A pity the name "Twinkie Defense" is already taken...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:26 AM | Comments (10)

Dealing With Addiction

When it's a family member, it can tear your heart out.

"Then, late one night after I'd put the dogs out, Lady wouldn't come in," Laura Mirsch says. "She finally staggered over to me from the cattails. She looked up at me, leaned her head over and opened her mouth like she was going to throw up, and out plopped this disgusting toad."

It turned out the toads were toxic -- and, if licked, the fluids on their skin provided a hallucinogenic effect.


But sometimes...
"We couldn't keep our dog's addiction a secret any longer," Laura Mirsch says. "The neighbors all knew that Lady was a drug addict, and soon the other dogs weren't allowed to play with her."

In the end, Lady seems to have found a way to manage her problem.

"She seems to have outgrown the wild toad-obsessed years of her youth," Mirsch says, "and now only sucks on weekends."


...miracles happen.
If only there was a way to reach Bingley. He still pretty much sucks all the time...


Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:58 AM

While She Might Be a Flamin' New Yawk Liberal

Cindy Adams is definately ALL red, white and blue.

It rained Thursday the day I arrived. Rained as I'm flying back. Rained every day I was in this town. It's no wonder London Bridge finally fell down. The damn thing was probably mildewed.

LET it be known prices aren't all that's up in Great Britain. Anti-Americanism is, too. Still tilting at the Colonies, one local journalist, whose nose and various other parts are stuffed up, reported: "Even with 300 million people, it's still not enough for America to rule the world as each of them obviously thinks they should."

And with the greatest respect: Up yours, pal.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:28 AM

October 24, 2006

This Date in History

...in living color.
Black:

...The UN came into existence on 24 October 1945, after the Charter had been ratified by the five permanent members of the Security Council — Republic of China, France, the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, and the United States — and by a majority of the other 46 signatories.

Blue:

...the first woman to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel, in 1901...Anna Edson Taylor, after emerging from her barrel, said, "Nobody ought ever do that again," then lapsed into incoherency for several days(she recovered).

Purple:

1648 - The treaties for the Peace of Westphalia were signed, ending the Thirty Years War, ultimately destroying the Holy Roman Empire, and ushering in the modern European state system.

Yellow:

Walt Disney testifies to the House Un-American Activities Committee, naming Disney employees he believes to be communists.

Red:

President Kennedy's announcement to world heads of state regarding the US 'Naval Quarantine' of Cuba (24 Oct-20 Nov 1962) to prevent further Soviet arms shipments of offensive weapons and development of further missile bases

Green:

Gil Perez was a Spanish soldier of the Filipino Guardia Civil who allegedly suddenly appeared in the Plaza Mayor of Mexico City on October 24, 1593. He was wearing the uniform of the guards of Malacanang Palace in the Philippines, and claimed he had no idea how he had arrived in Mexico.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:00 AM | Comments (3)

October 23, 2006

De-"H"-ification.

major dad came home with a gem this afternoon. From NPR's Morning Edition, Robert Krulwich reports on more Scotch-Irish oppression from the government.

"We want our 'H'!
And who the hell are YOU ?!"

Listen up. The story's great.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:28 PM

October 22, 2006

"Curdled Cat Piss" Goes the Way

...of the dinosaur.

...Lately, though, you may have noticed if you’re a Miracle Whip person, that your sandwiches don’t quite taste the same, and your coleslaw doesn’t hold up overnight.

That’s because the old standby you used and loved for decades is no longer the same product. They’ve changed the recipe! If you look on the label, you see the first ingredient is now water, not soybean oil as in the past. Since products (at least in the US) are labeled with ingredients in order of the amount, that means there is now more water than anything else.


Don't let yer label hit you in the a$$, pretender. SEE ya.

A Swill salute to the Blogfaddah for the tip confirming everything we already knew.

Previous "Cat Piss" Statistical Research.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:11 PM | Comments (1)

RE: World Series Game 2

If anyone has the remotest clue what eminem and his friends sang(rapped?) in the rousing musical interlude provided by the programming introduction, could they email me?

On second thought...never mind.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:01 PM

::GASP:: Thank GOD

...I'd already stocked up!

Oh, the humanity...
There is no more brave...

...or noble bird.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:00 PM | Comments (3)

BASTARDS!!

The pumpkin MURDERING HEATHENS!


Boston sets Halloween ‘Jack-o’-lantern’ record
Beantown lights 29,000 pumpkins, but nearby town vows to out do ’em

All for a 'record' ~ a RECORD! How morally bankrupt is that? And now? Oooooh, the puncturing pumpkin pretenders in the next burg over are compelled to "out do 'em".

Violence begets violence. Have we learned nothing (asks the plaintive voice from the wilderness....)??

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:06 PM | Comments (1)

October 21, 2006

The End of Florida

Really.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM

Jaw DROPPING, Gob SCHMACKING Ignorance

"Dunkin' Donuts just don't have much flavor," said Evans, who grew up in Alabama. "These are just more moist. You can fold them up and stuff a whole one in your mouth."

By GOD, what was I thinking? I love to EAT Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Creme Filled. Bite after lucious bite. Yum yum! Some last 5 or six bites, 'cause I cain't stand for them to be gone.

And ALL this time, I coulda been stuffin' WHOLE Krispy Greasy Kremes into my gaping maw.

You know, the stuff these Southerners keep to themselves would just fill a hog farm retention pond, I swear.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:15 AM | Comments (16)

October 19, 2006

Best Joke Ever

I am humbled by its brilliance.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:05 PM | Comments (2)

According to Census Bureau Statistics, There Is NO ONE

...named Mister Bingley in the United States.


HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?


Soooo...
Who the f*ck IS this obnoxious, mysterious stranger....?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:20 AM | Comments (5)

October 18, 2006

Hahahaha!

Don't take your passwords to the grave
No sh*t.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:38 PM | Comments (8)

October 17, 2006

Oops!

Why does this make me think of a Monty Python sketch:

Pablo Picasso's "dream" painting has turned into a $139 million nightmare for Steve Wynn.

In an accident witnessed by a group that included Barbara Walters and screenwriters Nora Ephron and Nicholas Pileggi, Wynn accidentally poked a hole in Picasso's 74-year-old painting, "Le Reve," French for "The Dream."

A day earlier, Wynn had finalized a record $139 million deal for the painting of Picasso's mistress, Wynn told The New Yorker magazine

The accident occurred as a gesturing Wynn, who suffers from retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that affects peripheral vision, struck the painting with his right elbow, leaving a hole the size of a silver dollar in the left forearm of Marie-Theresa Walter, Picasso's 21-year-old mistress.

"Oh shit, look what I've done," Wynn said, according to Ephron, who gave her account in a blog published on Monday.

Wynn paid $48.4 million for the Picasso in 1997 and had agreed to sell it to art collector Steven Cohen. The $139 million would have been $4 million higher than the previous high for a work of art, according to The New Yorker.


Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 04:14 PM | Comments (6)

But I Didn't Know Until Today

...it was Barzini fossil fuels Al Gore's hot air PHYTOplankton all along...

Sea creatures affect global climate
Scientists say phytoplankton generate 63 trillion watts of power a year


Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:14 AM | Comments (1)

October 16, 2006

I Love This Drudge Link

Buffalo Still Fixing Power Lines After Snow Blast
Really? I didn't know they had opposable thumbs.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:04 PM

October 15, 2006

Once Again, a Suzette Find

....leaves me speechless.

...Hubert Hoffman was earlier arrested by the police in a routine check at a railway station in the Polish capital of Warsaw.

He complained to the arresting officers that President Lech Kaczynski and his twin brother Jaroslaw, was responsible for turning Poland back to a Communist style dictatorship. He was reprimanded to show more respect for the country's rulers.

Hoffman replied with a loud fart and was immediately arrested. He was charged for "contempt for the office of the head of state."


(How does she do it?)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 PM | Comments (2)

October 14, 2006

Shameless Exploitation for My Own Purposes

Alert P.E.T.A. if you must.

Ozzie and Beau in a fang-free Hallmark moment.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:05 AM | Comments (2)

October 13, 2006

Oh My God

I'm DYING here!

“If I can get an elephant led by a mariachi band into this country, I think Osama bin Laden could get across with all the weapons of mass destruction he could get into this country,” Bhakta said.

The mariachi band was not immediately available for comment.

A warm Swill Salute to Professor Reynolds.
UPDATE: And trust Florida Cracker to serve up the video.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:01 PM | Comments (3)

Trust Me, the Outcome Would Have Been Far Different Had It Been

...BINGLEY half nekked in the street.

Court upholds woman’s right for topless protest
Florida resident believe nudity laws are applied unfairly to women

An appeals court has ruled that women can demonstrate topless as part of a legitimate political protest, striking down the arrest of a woman who has repeatedly flouted laws banning women from publicly going bare breasted.

...Book was arrested by Daytona Beach police and fined $253 during Bike Week in March 2004. The city said she violated an ordinance banning public nudity that was passed in 2002 to curb indecency at special events.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:36 AM | Comments (8)

October 12, 2006

"Give That Air Sand BACK!!"

"But I breathe live at the BEACH!"
Pound Sand takes on a whole new meaning around here.
A sand fight is brewing on Pensacola Beach.

Pensacola Beach leaseholders accumulating sand on their lots may be asked to return it soon, at their own cost.

The Santa Rosa Island Authority on Wednesday agreed unanimously to request Jacksonville-based coastal engineering firm Olsen Associates examine the issue of how much sand leaseholders can keep around their homes.

"We've got to determine what's the proper height," SRIA general manager W.A. "Buck" Lee said.

Most of the sand displacement occurred during a spate of hurricanes and tropical storms to strike the barrier island during the last several years.

The Island Authority offered to remove the sand that washed onto peoples' lots after the storms, but sand removal now is going to come at the property owner's expense, Lee said.

"They're going to have a terrible time trying to legislate that," beach leaseholder Joseph Reynes said.


Ya think?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:10 PM

October 10, 2006

A Photo Essay From Forbes

Mr. T's Tips For Fools


Mr. T’s Tips For A Great First Date
"Make a good first impression. Press and iron your clothes. Don’t dominate the conversation, and keep your finger out of your nose."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:05 PM | Comments (3)

Miss Goggle Eyes

...runs away a second time.

Jennifer Wilbanks, who became known as the "runaway bride" after taking off just days before her lavish wedding in 2005, is suing her former fiance for $500,000.

Wilbanks and John Mason broke up for good in May, about a year after her excursion to Las Vegas and New Mexico made international headlines while hundreds of friends and family members searched for her back home in suburban Atlanta.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:41 AM | Comments (3)

October 09, 2006

I Wonder If She Was a Blonde?

"She started screaming and all the staff thought she had been electrocuted,"...
Nah, couldn't have been. We would have quit screaming just as quickly, assuring everyone it was "a broken nail, nothing more".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:15 AM

October 08, 2006

ONLY Because She's Family

...Kcruella, I mean.

::sigh::

Go Mets.
Go.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:00 PM | Comments (2)

October 07, 2006

WHOA!!

Go HOGS!!

Arkansas stuns No. 2-ranked Auburn
Razorbacks run wild over Tigers, earn surprising 27-10 win

Kcruella and I have fond memories of being stationed in Memphis and our long, drawn out growls of...
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRazorbacks!!

...at inappropriate moments. Usually.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:56 PM | Comments (10)

Joke Of The Day

Q: Who bats after Alex Rodriguez?

A: Detroit.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:34 AM | Comments (4)

October 06, 2006

If Roger Simon Has the Courage to Do It ~ Out Himself

...then, by God, we all should.

Inspired by Roger's bold, selfless act and in the spirit of freedom from the closet that binds ~ I will summon what little intestinal fortitude I can claim, step forward and tell all of you ~ my dear friends and bosom companions, compadres and confidantes ~ that I've been lying to myself and all of you all this time. It's been obvious for some time and ever so painful to come to grips with, but here it is ~ the bald truth....

BINGLEY

...you are OUT.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:14 PM | Comments (7)

Sh*tting With The Stars

Our buddy Gunslinger passed this on to me:

MALIBU, Calif. - Just whose waste is fouling the most star-studded stretch of the Southern California coast? Los Angeles County officials intend to find out, and if the evidence leads back to the toilets of some of Hollywood's rich and famous, the sewage could really hit the fan. "This is going to get messy," predicts Mark Pestrella, the public works official assigned to the project.

...Malibu, whose spectacular seaside cliffs, canyons and beaches have attracted numerous environmentally minded celebrities over the years, including Sting and Tom Hanks, was incorporated in 1991 specifically to stop construction of a sewer line. There are an estimated 2,400 septic tanks in this city of multimillion-dollar homes strung along 25 miles of coast.

Malibu residents fiercely guard their privacy and their right to use septic tanks, and many deny their septic systems are the source of dangerous ocean bacteria levels that rise sharply after heavy rains.

Those Hollywood stars are so full of it I'm not really surprised that some is leaking into the ocean. Will they rename the town Malipoo?

These are, of course, the same people who fly all over the globe in their private jets so they can scold us about our energy consumption.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:56 AM | Comments (2)

The Awards Are In!!

One of the winners...

Medicine - Dr. Francis Fesmire said he wasn't sure whether he was honored or embarrassed when he learned he'd won an Ig Nobel for his paper called — ahem — "Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage."

"I'm a serious guy, and something I wrote in 1987 is coming back to haunt me," said Fesmire, an emergency physician and director of the emergency heart center at Erlanger Medical Center in Chattanooga, Tenn.


Um...bravo, Dr. Fesmire! Another...
Biology - Bart Knols and Ruurd de Jong, for showing that female malaria mosquitoes are attracted equally to the smell of Limburger cheese and to the smell of human feet.

and a third...

Ornithology - Dr. Ivan Schwab accepted his Ig Nobel for his work explaining why woodpeckers don't get headaches. Schwab, an opthamologist, said his writings are based on the research of deceased UCLA professor Phillip R.A. May, who received an Ig Nobel posthumously.

"I had heard about the Igs and this sounded like too much fun to pass up," said Schwab, who planned on dressing up as a woodpecker for the ceremony. "I'm very proud to be part of it."


By george, I would be too. (The Ig Nobel website is getting hammered right now, but I'm sure there's great stories when we can get in.) Read the whole list on MSNBC and weep.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:48 AM | Comments (1)

October 05, 2006

For Yard Work

...and garbage disposal.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:14 AM | Comments (2)

October 04, 2006

Omigod, Omigod, OH MY GOD!!!!

The SUSPENSE is KILLING ME!!
No answers until tomorrow. Can anybody blog this from Cambridge for us? Huh? Huh?
The 2006 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony
Thursday, October 5, 2006, 7:30 pm.
There's a Dunkin Donut in it for you...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:57 PM | Comments (1)

George Bush Kills PUPPIES!!

Buy This Mug!! Wear This Shirt!!

Bush Derangement Day


(Hey Michelle, let us know ~ we'll send ya one!)
Man, we'd be FOOLS if we weren't ALLLL over this, 'cause, like, we have been since the beginning.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:54 PM

Those of Us of a 'Certain Age'

...remember when this came out.

Sage Brush Patriot has restored The Duke's "America: Why I Love Her".

His voice makes me sniffle. I'm so pitiful.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:07 AM | Comments (1)

October 03, 2006

As If There Weren't Enough Distractions in the World

...(North Korea and rumors of a drunk Hasselhoff not withstanding) then I find this.

Top 204 Star Wars Lines Improved...

...By Replacing A Word With "Pants"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:00 AM | Comments (3)

NOTHING But Ugly Revelations

I don't know if I can take much more.

In yet another interview, Hasselhoff confirmed what some fans of his series “Knight Rider” always suspected: that Kitt, the talking car, was, in fact, gay. And he had the hots for his driver.


Of course he did.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:50 AM | Comments (3)

October 02, 2006

Letterman's Top Ten Chapter Titles

...for the book by Bingley's boy.

New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey's bio, "The Confession"

10) "The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself;"
9) "How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years;"
8) "From Schwar zenegger to Pataki: Governors I'd Like to Oil Up;"
7) "Another Confession - I Can't Resist Entenmann's Pound Cake;"
6) "At First I Just Thought I Was Bipartisan;"
5) "The New Jersey Budget Crisis - What Would Judy Garland Do?;"
4) "A Look at the Governor's Balls;"
3) "Politicians Who Left a Bad Taste in My Mouth;"
2) "How to Push Through a Bill - Or a Steve or a Larry;"

And the No. 1 chapter title - drum roll, please! -
"Why I Don't Like Bush."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:56 AM | Comments (1)

October 01, 2006

Ozzie Wants It Made PERfectly Clear

...that he is NOT the Scottie responsible for either the chomped ear...

...or the subsequent surgery to repair the damage. (That would be the Princess who, one would think, would be better behaved considering her age and status.)

- Boo's spokesman denies any knowledge of the incident, saying "butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" and that the Princess wishes we would all just "piss off, because nobody saw jack anyway. Only Mike Tyson would be stupid enough to keep a piece o' ear around".

On a lighter note, however, Ozzie thinks Beau's blaze red babushka bandage...


...is dashingly natty, having a bit of a 'red' thing going himself.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:41 PM | Comments (5)

September 29, 2006

That About Sums It All Up

...for me, anyway.

From comments at MSNBC's Red Tape Chronicles.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:37 AM | Comments (5)

September 28, 2006

Inspirational Posters

We at the Swilling always seek to uplift and enlighten our gentle readers, which is why I am so glad that Allahpundit (punditry be upon him) at HotAir linked to a site where you can create your own moving and inspirational posters like those that you see in airline magazines and guidance counselor's offices.

My efforts on your behalf, dear reader, are below the fold.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:07 PM | Comments (2)

If THIS Is So True, Then Why Hasn't Bingley

...cured cancer?

WINE EYED AS BRAIN BOOSTER
Giving mice with Alzheimer's-like disease the equivalent of a couple of glasses of red wine daily slows memory loss and brain-cell death, a study shows.

Researchers from Mount Sinai School of Medicine found mice with a brain defect who were fed wine learned to escape from a maze faster than nonalcohol-drinking mice with the same defect.


Maybe just making it home from the office is enough.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:04 AM | Comments (1)

September 27, 2006

If Only We'd Known This About McGreevey Sooner

No, no, not that, you homofoibles you, I'm refering to this crucial information:

When we left the bar he bought Jägermeister at a store and took the bottle home.

This incident happened when he was still Mayor of Woodbridge. It says all we needed to know about his character.

I want any candidate for Governor to be asked "Have you ever bought a bottle of Jägermeister?"

I can answer "No".

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:49 AM | Comments (26)

September 26, 2006

After a Rough Night Out, Paddington Bear Is Sleeping


...with the FISHES. Literally in the tank.

Killer teddy bear behind deaths of 2,500 fish
Stuffed animal was dropped into trout pool, clogged the flow of oxygen

A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths. Of trout, that is. State officials say a teddy bear dropped into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish.

Hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett said the bear — a Paddington Bear dressed in yellow raincoat and hat — is believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility.

...He said it's not known who dropped the bear, but urged anyone whose bear ends up in a hatchery pool to find a worker to remove it. "They might save your teddy bear, and keep it from becoming a killer," he said.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:24 PM | Comments (5)

Be Careful What You Pay For

You just might get it.

Paris Hilton is close to signing a deal to promote Ecoist.com, an eco-friendly accessories company, but the execs at the company are getting a tad nervous about the prospect of trotting out the heiress as a spokeswoman.

...“Ecoist is hoping that Paris will join them in October on a trip to Port-Au-Prince to plant more than 40,000 trees,” a source says. “But when she was told about the trip, Paris had no idea where Haiti was. When she was told that they speak French there [along with Creole], she said, ‘I wouldn’t mind spending a few days there and the weekend in Paris.”


Duh. But she's hot!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:23 PM | Comments (6)

Why Bingley Doesn't Let Me

...play with sharp objects.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:54 AM | Comments (13)

One Needs Sound for the True Experience

Old Blue Eyes croons...

Strangers on My Flight

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:58 AM | Comments (1)

September 25, 2006

Your Dog's Most Precious Dreams Realized! He Can FINALLY Be

...Princess Leia.

See what happens when you neuter and spay?
Obi-Wan Kenobi...there's no hope.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:52 PM | Comments (7)

Oh

...yeah.

No joke. Rutgers is ranked. The Scarlet Knights, long a college football laughingstock, moved Sunday into The Associated Press Top 25 for the first time in 30 years.

They're #23.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:53 AM | Comments (9)

September 24, 2006

In The Spirit Of World Peace

And understanding, I present some highlights from the following phrasebook guide so that we may build bridges of love and understanding to other cultures as we American tourists traverse the world:

General Expressions

How much is that in real money?
C'est combien en monnaie réelle ?
¿Cuánto es en moneda estable?
Wieviel ist das in richtigem Geld?

At the hotel

There's a corpse on the bed. Please change the sheets.
Il y a un cadavre sur le lit. S'il vous plaît, faites changer les draps.
Hay un muerto en mi cama. Por favor, cambie las sábanas.
Da liegt eine Leiche auf dem Bett. Bitte wechseln sie die Laken.

Making friends

I understand your language perfectly.
Je parle français comme une vache espagnole.
Hablo español como un gringo borracho.
Ich sprechen deutsch wie italienisch Fußballtrainer.

Don't "imperialist pig" me, my good man.
Fichez-moi la paix avec votre "cochon impérialiste", mon petit bonhomme.
¡Váyase usted al cuerno con su "cerdo imperialista", hombre!
Nenn du mich nicht "imperialistisches Schwein", mein Lieber.

A little romance

Girls with big mazongas usually can't rhumba so well.
Avec les roberts comme ça, ta rhumba est exceptionnelle.
Bailas muy bien, a despecho de tus enormes naranjas.
Mädchen mit viel Holz vor die Hütt sind meistens beim Rhumba nicht so gut.

You're very pretty for a foreigner.
Vous êtes très jolie [joli], pour une étrangère [un étranger].
Usted es muy guapa [guapo] para ser extranjera [extranjero].
Du bist sehr schön für eine Ausländerin [einen Ausländer].

Sightseeing

Your country has such lovely dirt.
Votre pays a une saleté vraiment charmante.
¡La suciedad de su país es tan agradable!
Euer Land hat so reizenden Schmutz.

Travel

Make sure my seat isn't next to any Frenchmen (Argentines, Austrians).
J'exige de ne pas être assis à côté d'un français.
No me siente al lado de ningún argentino, por favor.
Passen sie auf, dass ich nicht neben irgendwelchen Östereichern sitze.

Understanding directions

Where is the Cathedral?
Où est le bordel ?
¿Dónde se da masajes?
Wo geht's 'n hier zum Puff?

I know I'm naked, could you just tell me how to get back to the hotel?
Je le sais bien que je suis à poil; je veux simplement savoir comment rentrer à l'hôtel.
Ya se que estoy calato; sólo quiero saber cómo volver al hotel.
Ich weiß, dass ich nackt bin; könnten sie mir vielleicht einfach sagen, wie ich wieder zurück zum Hotel komme?

At the restaurant

Could I have some clean water?
Veuillez m'apporter de l'eau vraiment propre.
¿Podría darme un poco de su agua realmente potable?
Könnte ich etwas sauberes Wasser haben?

Intellectual exchanges

Impressed as I am with the New Wave in cinematography, I must say that this particular film seemed both pretentious and unsatisfying, and that the director's imagery, though compelling, is no substitute for a true cinematic message.
Mais c'est de la merde, ce navet.
A esto le llamo yo estiércol cinematográfico.
Der Film ist Scheiße.

Please do go and read them all; it is out duty as World Citizens.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:53 PM | Comments (9)

September 21, 2006

Do We Have a Mug

...for the great Americans quoted over at Brendan Loy's.

A sample...

MrMichaelMT blames Bush: “While Chavez’ tone is undoubtably uncivilized, and his machinations are certainly detrimental to pan-American relations, it’s important to realize whose behavior enabled his tirade. Had Bush not lowered the level of discourse at the United Nations to the level of Kruschev’s shoe, Chavez would not have earned the applause he did.”

Another one to add to the list. Bad Bush!!!

Bad! Bad!! Bad!!!
(Get your own 'mug of truth'....)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:56 PM | Comments (8)

September 20, 2006

For Kcruella

Go Mets.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:33 PM | Comments (7)

Dear Master TAMAKA ZEBUEBU

Thank you ever so much the kind offer in your email this afternoon. However tempting it might be to come to the aid of a good Zimbabwean friend of impeccable pedigree, I'm afraid I must regretfully and respectfully decline in this instance. To be frank, I have enough trouble keeping track of my own millions and, with the further addition of your 12 to my cache, wouldn't be able to give any of them the oversight they deserve. Plus I blog continuously, as my brother's a bit of a slacker. This requires all my attention and I'm sure you'll understand. I wish you only the best of luck in your further solicitations, but a word of caution ~ I'm afraid the Nigerians may have snapped up all the helpful folks out there. Don't get discouraged.

Yours in Mboutu,
th sister

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:43 PM | Comments (1)

A Couple Late Night Gems

...at Radioblogger. And no, this isn't the Pope speaking...

"For 12 years I wandered in the wilderness, went through a divorce and struggled with questions about my direction.

Then suddenly and movingly, I had a revelation about the connection between the work I was doing as a public servant and my formative teachings. Indeed, the scriptures provided a firmer guide about values applied to life
," he said.

(Hint: It's another pius guy who wandered the wilderness nattily attired in Orvis tweed breeks and a magic hat, no doubt.) Then Duane asks THE REALLY intriguing question...
Would Jack Bauer want the President's proposed interrogation techniques legislation passed?

DAMN!

That's a toughie.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:26 AM

September 19, 2006

I Have to Question the Wisdom of the Guy

...in charge of the newsletter when this...

Heritage Tail, Bladder Balls, and Laura Ingalls Wilder

...is his subject line.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:25 PM | Comments (11)

Vote Democratic in November!!

Let's stop this sh*t from EVER repeating...

US Treasury Sets New 1-Day Tax Receipt Record Of $85.8 Billion
...Total tax receipts were $85.8 billion on Friday, compared with the previous one-day record of $71 billion on Sept. 15 of last year, the Treasury said.
Within the overall figure, corporate tax receipts Friday were $71.8 billion, up from $63 billion in September of last year.

..."In fact, Friday's gross receipts were the largest in a single day in the nation's history - 20% higher than receipts on the same quarterly tax payment date last year," Quarles said in a statement.


...itself. It's sucks! It's a travesty! It's despicable!! And it's a lie!!
I'll whip them into shape when I get the big desk.

Awash in cash ~ who do they think they're fooling?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:24 PM

Argh. 'Tis a Fine Tide t' Talk Like an Auld Sea Dog

An' ya will er I'll be splitting ye from yer skippers ta ye jacks. Avast scurvy dogs! How many leagues to me grog-filled Skull & Scuppers? Me mate,ol Rumpot, wants to swill a pint or two of grog afore we mans the braces! Use them Anglais ta Pirate translators I be wavin' so ye'll have a foggy fer the Swilling presented to yer honours...in PIRATE. A wee sample ta tickle yer grey matter.

..."Muslims be havin' all this while felt oppressed, an' th' statement by th' pope sayin' he be sorry about th' angry reaction be inadequate t' calm th' anger — more so on accoun' o' he be th' highest leader o' th' Vatican," Malaysian Foreign Minister Syed Hamid Albar spake.

...."This has gravely hurt th' feelings o' th' Muslims across th' world, includin' them from China," Chen Guangyuan, president o' Islamic Association o' China, be quoted as sayin' in an interview wi' th' Xinhua news agency.

..."We be lily livered," spake Sonia Kobatazi, a Christian Lebanese...


When Muslims get "gravely hurt feelings", they usually 'gravely hurt' swabbies aft. - Posted by tree huggin' lassie

Aye ~ that the Muslim horn swollgin' scallywags do.

Argh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:29 PM | Comments (2)

Do NOT Run! We Are Your Friends!


Sure you are. We all saw the movie, pal.

NASA Tracks Mystery Object Near Atlantis Shuttle

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – NASA mission controllers are tracking a mystery object hovering between the space shuttle Atlantis and Earth, and traveling at roughly the same speed as the orbiter, agency officials said Tuesday.

“Right now they’re just tying to figure out exactly what it is, how far away it is,” NASA spokesperson Kimberly Harle told SPACE.com. “It’s pretty much assessing the whole situation.”

Harle said that at 2:45 a.m. EDT (0645 GMT), just after Atlantis completed a check of its reaction control thrusters, the instrumentation and communications officer at NASA’s shuttle Mission Control room at Johnson Space Center noted an object between the orbiter and Earth, and traveling at about the same speed of the spacecraft.


NASA's doing the prudent thing.
NASA Postpones Shuttle Landing Due to Mystery Object, Weather

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – NASA will postpone the planned Wednesday landing of the space shuttle Atlantis and its six-astronaut crew to further assess a mystery object seen floating between the orbiter and Earth earlier today.


I'm pretty sure I know who it is. And I wish I could say "don't worry..."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:59 AM | Comments (3)

September 18, 2006

Presented Without Editorial Comment

Man rejects first penis transplant

Ian Sample, science correspondent
Monday September 18, 2006
The Guardian


Chinese surgeons have performed the world's first penis transplant on a man whose organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year. The incident left the man with a 1cm-long stump with which he was unable to urinate or have sexual intercourse. "His quality of life was affected severely," said Dr Weilie Hu, a surgeon at Guangzhou General Hospital.
Doctors spent 15 hours attaching a 10cm penis to the 44-year-old patient after the parents of a brain-dead man half his age agreed to donate their son's organ.

...Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr Hu said. An examination of the organ showed no signs of it being rejected by the body.

Jean-Michel Dubernard, the French surgeon who performed the world's first face transplant on a woman who had been attacked by a dog this year, said psychological factors were a serious issue for many patients receiving certain "allografts", or organs from donors. "Psychological consequences of hand and face allografts show that it is not so easy to use and see permanently a dead person's hands, nor is it easy to look in a mirror to see a dead person's face," he wrote in the journal. "Clearly, in the Chinese case the failure at a very early stage was first psychological. It involved the recipient's wife and raised many questions."

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:54 AM | Comments (4)

September 16, 2006

Diptera Made Me Think of This

...with his thoughtful post on not-so-thoughtful dressing by teenagers or of small children by parents who should know better but wish only to be known as 'with it', regardless of the cost later down the road. This photo of local HIGHSCHOOLERS was in the paper this morning. major dad couldn't help commenting that if one of them had been our daughter...

...quite possibly there would be a problem you wouldn't want to be within 5 miles of our humble abode when major daddy saw the picture over morning java. Even more horrific, I can't imagine Bingley realizing what Bunny Bear wasn't wearing to the game the night before.

Even our local columnist was channeling the DET today. I sense a trend.

But I'm quite sure we're in the minority, as Diptera points out. There wouldn't be an industry if everyone made sure their kids were dressed appropriately. But that would mean making an effort and perhaps an ugly scene laying down the sartorial law. Parents these days are consumed by their children fitting in and where they have to be in an hour, so big deal MacKenzie looks like an even cheaper Madonna ~ the old girl's still raking in the dough, right?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:24 PM | Comments (7)

September 15, 2006

Searching for Answers Friday

Americana observations on our I-65 'vacation' trek back home (major dad's) to Indiana.

1. Outside Birmingham, a sign on the back of a semi trailer made me think of turducken.

CAUTION: Inedible Contents

(Why anyone would be foraging in the back of it...)

2. Outside Louisville, one of those large, gaudy, do-it-yourself billboards.

TATTOO CHARLIE ~ done while you wait!!

(I would think it hard to do any other way...)

3. Just over the bridge from Louisville, across the Indiana state line, an official sign announcement.

Exit Zero

(Gotta start somewhere...)

4 Motoring toward Indianapolis, a large plastic (I hope) pair of testicles dangled from a tow ball on the back of a trailer.

5. Don't miss Exit 6 on S I-65. Actually, it's hard to miss.

Boobie Bungalow Gentlemen's Club

6. North of Birmingham, the ultimate Marx Brothers' moment on a bridge sign.

DUCK

Scenic River

God Bless America.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:11 AM | Comments (10)

September 14, 2006

WHAT Kind of World Do We Live In

...when MSNBC's HOME PAGE(!) has multiple penis stories in the middle of the day?





Used to be you could go weeks without ever hearing the word unless someone said "Bobbitt" or "Olbermann".

Now it's everywhere.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:36 PM | Comments (3)

We Never Had to Beat Ourselves Up Over This

...since Ebola never did any.

As Homework Grows, So Do Arguments Against It

Comforting to be an academic trend setter light-years ahead.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:51 AM | Comments (3)

If We Don't Hear From Ken Today...

I may know the reason why

NEW YORK (AP) -- Police say a man grabbed the shoes of several female subway riders in Manhattan and Queens, then kissed and licked their feet.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:04 AM | Comments (6)

September 13, 2006

See? The World Recognizes That

...we're not always smart a$$es.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:06 PM

Vive la France!

Well, Sarkozy anyway.

Visiting French Presidential Hopeful Lauds U.S. in Speech

French Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, the leading presidential candidate for France's ruling conservative party, swept through Washington yesterday, delivering an unabashedly pro-American speech and landing meetings with President Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

...Sarkozy also appeared to attack French President Jacques Chirac and Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin for their dramatic confrontation -- what he called "sterile grandiloquence" -- with the Bush administration over Iraq. "It's not appropriate to try and embarrass one's allies or give the impression of gloating over their difficulties," he said.

...Sarkozy also noted that despite the breach over Iraq, intelligence cooperation continued between France and the United States because, he said, "we have the same adversaries. Bin Laden targeted New York, but he might just as well have targeted Paris."


That was refreshing.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:28 PM | Comments (2)

Sorry NOAA!

That excuse...

"The weak El Nino is helping to explain why the hurricane season is less than we expected. El Ninos tend to suppress hurricane activity in the Atlantic," said Gerry Bell, a hurricane forecaster for NOAA.

...is taken.

('Weak', indeed. Research scientists. Pffft. Daycare for adults.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:01 PM | Comments (10)

September 12, 2006

A Note to the Angelides Campaign

You need to pick a better political 'puter pilfer. If Arnold Schwarzenegger EVER ~ under ANY circumstances ~ called ME 'hot'...? I'd probably react the same way.

...Garcia said she was not offended and appeared by the governor's side as he apologized.

Nah, I'm lyin' like a D-A-W-G. I'd be doing a Paris Hilton "I'm hot! I'm hot! The Terminator says I'm hot!" imitation like a parrot for the next month.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:38 AM | Comments (1)

September 08, 2006

Ahhh! My Favoritest Excuse in the World

...will soon ~ once again ~ be legit.

"HONEY! WHY did you get that Louisiana Rescue Labrador??!!!"

"I dunno...
El Niño ??!!"


Works like a charm.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:53 PM | Comments (3)

September 07, 2006

Forty Years Ago Today

...the whole crew beamed up...

...and boldly went where no series had gone before.

(And that James T. Kirk...GAHRRROOwwwllllll.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:21 AM | Comments (3)

September 06, 2006

Speaking of Road Trips

...it's always best to keep safety in mind, regardless of how unfettered the open road might make you feel.

A Swiss driver caught speeding in Canada explained that he had been taking advantage of the ability to drive fast without hitting a goat, police said on Wednesday.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:56 PM | Comments (1)

August 30, 2006

It's Not Exactly A Tiger In Your Tank...

High prices when you pump sucking you dry? Well, the ladies of the brothel in Australia will get you a discount on your gas bill:

SYDNEY - Hot and bothered by rising pump prices? Australian brothels are offering clients discounts based on their gas bills.

Brothel owners claim the system works much the same way as supermarkets which offer shoppers discounted gas prices by presenting their grocery bills when they fill up their tanks.

“If you come in and spend time with one of our lovely ladies, we’ll give you a discount of 20 cents a litter,” Kerry, manager of Sydney brothel The Site, told Reuters on Wednesday.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:43 AM | Comments (6)

August 29, 2006

For Ken

I ain't much of a memer, but since it's Ken we're talking about I'll make an exception:

1) A book that changed my life:
The Bible. Has it turned me into a street corner preacher? No, but it has helped me to change some of my ways.

2) A book I've read more than once:
The Star's My Destination by Alfred Bester

3) A book I'd take to a desert island:
LOTR

4) A book that made me laugh:
"Crusade" by David Weber and Steve White

5) A book that made me cry:
"Iron Horse", a biography of Lou Gehrig. I'm a sap.

6) A book I wish had been written:
"Damn. Ronnie Was Right After All" by the Democratic National Committee
or maybe
"My Undying Love For Bingley" by Paulina Porizkova...

7) A book that should never have been written:
Rousseau's The Social Contract
"Noble Savage" my left nut.

8) A book I'm currently reading:
"Gengis Khan And The Making Of The Modern World" by Jack Weatherford

9) A book I'm planning to read:
Jeesh, whatever catches my eye; there's no telling what that might be.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:11 AM | Comments (4)

August 28, 2006

They Said He Said It...

...and they've got the tape to prove it. I heard it differently, but then...I worked around airplanes.


Video courtesy of al-Reuters.
In the interest of complete disclosure: EBOLA SENT THIS TO ME.

(There's your credit, you miserable little puke.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:24 PM | Comments (2)

Tajiika...Komikaa...Pateeka...

Freakin' enough alreadystan!

You try.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:48 PM | Comments (9)

August 25, 2006

Here Nessie Nessie Nessie...

Loch Ness is stunningly beautiful.

And the visitor's center at Urquhart Castle is the best I've ever seen.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:44 PM | Comments (8)

August 24, 2006

Is That a Dye Packet Exploding in Your Pants...

...or are you just happy to see me?

The 'Not-Too-Bright-Bandit'


...yes, that's really his name ~ is off the streets, capping this week's edition of "I'll Take My HamBurglar Well Done".
Police have captured the Not-Too-Bright Bandit, whose attempts at bank robbery ended badly, including having a dye pack explode in his pants.

Ralph Chapman Jr. 23, was arrested in Orlando last night shortly after 8 p.m., according to Tampa Police Detective Joseph Fish.

Police were able to capture Chapman thanks to his picture being widely distributed, police say. They also have a partial fingerprint from the note he left at the Bank of America robbery attempt earlier this month.

He is being charged with that attempt and one at a bank in Clermont, near Orlando.

The results there weren’t much better.

Chapman waited his turn behind another customer, then said something that indicated the dye pack debacle* had made a strong impression.

He told the teller, “Give me something that doesn’t explode,” Tampa police said.


Cagey criminal mind there. Living green, he also cleans up after every job...
...The teller refused, forcing him to leave empty-handed. Before he did, police said, he asked, “Can I have my [stickup] note back?

In spite of his conscientious behavior, it didn't take insensitive Tampa police but five seconds to start casting aspersions.
Police dubbed Chapman “The Not-Too-Bright Bandit” on Friday because, well,
he’s not,
police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.

Smug bastards.

* Re: 'dye pack debacle'

...[Aug. 2 robbery attempt] Surveillance video shows him waiting in line about 10 minutes and flashing the clerk a handgun stuffed in his waistband before cramming cash and a hidden dye pack down the front of his pants.

He made it as far as a hedge in the parking lot before the dye pack burst at a temperature of about 425 degrees, police said. He escaped in a cloud of red smoke, flinging dyed bills in his wake, police said.



Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:41 PM | Comments (1)

Opponents "Smell Blood..."

"and I think they're going to get it,"

It look like cosmic curtains for Pluto. Grief stricken protestors are rallying around their doomed orb as I write ~ tearing at their hair, ululating...

'No, Pluto is a nice planet'

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:01 AM | Comments (4)

August 23, 2006

As If We Didn't Have Enough to Blame on Global Warming and Pollution

...now polar bear gonads (the technical term) are going the way of wool in the dryer.

Polar bear genitals shrinking due to pollution
Shrinkage could endanger animals with already have low reproduction rate

The icecap may not be the only thing shrinking in the Arctic. The genitals of polar bears in east Greenland are apparently dwindling in size due to industrial pollutants.

Scientists report this shrinkage could, in the worst case scenario, endanger polar bears there and elsewhere by spoiling their love lives and causing their numbers to diminish.


Greenpeace will be airlifting Neuticles in by the cargoshipfull.
I can hear them after a night of binge drinking at the Aurora Barealis:
Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Come here often, you furry white vixen?

Floozy Polar Bear: No. I'm not that kind of girl. Tonight I just came for the halibut.

Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Well, it's a whole different 23 1/2 hours of darkness when I'm on ice, creampop. Wanna go blow a seal? Maybe work the old steelhead over?

Floozy Polar Bear: Ooooooo! [shivers in anticipation] You silver salmon tongued devil...you don't have to bend my ptarmigan with your puffin. Let's go!

[later]

Lounge Lizard Polar Bear: Honestly, baby! This has never happened to me before! It's got to be the pollution!

Floozy Polar Bear: I'll bet you say that to all the sows.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:54 PM | Comments (7)

August 22, 2006

Holy Mother of Xenu!!

Grab your samurai sword and start swinging, cause Tom's been...

CUT

He's too weird. Can you imagine?
Paramount cuts ties with Tom Cruise
Film distribution giant ends 14-year relationship with actor's production company because of Cruise's recent erratic behavior, says a report.

Paramount Pictures will end its longstanding relationship with Cruise/Wagner Productions, actor Tom Cruise's production company, citing his erratic behavior, according to a report published Tuesday.

Sumner Redstone, CEO of Paramount owner Viacom (Charts), said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal that Cruise's controversial behavior over the last year - including advocating for Scientology and denouncing the use of antidepressant drugs - was the cause for the move.

The movie company is concerned that Cruise's behavior hurt his most recent film, "Mission: Impossible 3," said the report.

"As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal," Redstone was quoted as saying in the Wall Street Journal. "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."



I'll bet it's all those mean posting identities Emily's used..

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:18 PM | Comments (3)

August 21, 2006

ATTENTION: RED SUCKSOX FANS


Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:48 PM | Comments (9)

Dear Max Mayfield

"We're actually not sure why some of these are not developing," he said.
STFU, already. Seriously.

Now, on a lighter note. Swillers are very familiar with my 'tale of woe' radar shots of hurricanes and tropical storms pounding the hallowed shores of Bangla-cola. Over and over again, like a bad record. I wanted to take this opportunity to present even more reason why, if you should learn that major dad and I have moved anywhere near your neighborhood...you should leave immediately. Just take the dogs/cats and go.
North Carolina's coast (especially the Onslow/Pender/New Hanover counties) hadn't taken a direct hit from a storm of any magnitude since 1934. We moved there in 1993.

This is 1996. And it's not ONE storm, it's TWO. In the identical spot and identical path.


Bertha ~ one of the earliest Cape Verde storms on record ~ came ashore as a strong Cat 2. (We'd gone to bed because it was going into Myrtle Beach, SC ~ shades of me not worrying about Ivan because "it's going to Biloxi." Right. )

56 days later, Fran landfalled within 5 miles of where Bertha had come ashore as a Cat 3. The radar shots of the two were sold as "The Eyes of '96". I didn't buy one. But there were a wealth of incredible 'before and afters'.
Pre-Bertha.
Post-Bertha.
56 days later.
We were happy to be a smidge inland.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:10 PM | Comments (2)

This Was So Cool

...I just had to share.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:31 PM | Comments (2)

Now THAT'S

...cranky.

But I didn't see any protestors.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:31 PM

August 18, 2006

Sweet Baby Jesus

I want THIS guy dead.

(And a warm Swill welcome back, martini boy.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:09 PM | Comments (3)

"Do You Think I'm Sexy?"

In a word...

...no.

I am also stunned to learn there exists an abomination known as 'Burberry Speedos'.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:17 PM | Comments (9)

"Strolling Bones"

That's hilarious.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:04 AM

Baby, It's (Not Quite As) Hot Outside!

From TCS Daily.

...Hurricanes require warm sea surface temperatures (SSTs), and last year the tropical Atlantic sea surface temperatures were running well above normal. Global warming was the explanation given by most 'experts' the media interviewed. And since global warming will only get worse, those SSTs were expected to just keep on increasing.

But now those same regions that had anomalously warm SSTs last year are -- gasp! -- near normal.

...This is not the only surprisingly cool SST story. A new scientific article now accepted for publication in Geophysical Research Letters shows that the globally averaged upper ocean cooled dramatically between 2003 and 2005, effectively erasing 20% of the warming that occurred over the previous 48 years!

The rapidity of this observed temperature change is beyond what computerized climate models can explain. This is perplexing for modelers, who tend to believe that their models contain all of the important physics of the problem.



Things are now heating up again (in a 'normal' fashion), but we're very thankful for the peace and quiet while it lasts.
An abnormally warm Swill Salute to the Blogfadah.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:00 AM

August 17, 2006

Oh...My...GOD!

Burton, Depp to Make 'Sweeney Todd'
The director-star team will reunite to adapt the Stephen Sondheim musical to the big screen
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:03 PM | Comments (3)

August 16, 2006

A Change ~ In Honor of Bingley, Kilts, Ugly Sheep, That1Guy

...and all the David Hasselhoff photos I post.

Picture courtesy of the always socially astute, politically correct, sensitively inclusive and firm admirer of the male form secure enough in his masculinity to know a manly man when he sees one and isn't afraid to post the picture for us slavering wimmens ~ That1Guy.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:16 AM | Comments (6)

I See That ~ Despite My BEST Intentions and High Standards

~ I am going to be forced to post on this, thanks to Bingley yesterday and now, FIRST thing this morning, the lovely Susanna.

Australian farmers called to report ugly sheep

Yes, yes, they're on the prowl for ugly sheep in order to make pretty sheep prettier. And that's completely f*cked up and superficial. So I am issuing a fatwa against those who would take advantage of vunerable sheep ~ those not possessing the requisite physical attributes necessary to be deemed 'attractive in a sheepy sort of way'. Those who might be more susceptible to blandishment because of their insecurity and damaged self-image. Not every sheep can be born beautiful, but every sheep should be treated as if they were.

It's the only thing that separates us from the French and Belgians.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:30 AM | Comments (1)

August 15, 2006

Das Macht Nichts

"Thin lipped, right wing bitch" isn't gonna sell a lot of product ~ but you get who you hire, so they must not care. No bigs. I wasn't much of a M•A•C fan anyway. I'm still using 20 year old Dior eyeshadow.

UPDATE: Looks like we're not the only ones who noticed.

MAC Cosmetics has injected the ick factor into its new online ad featuring Sandra Bernhard , in which the caustic comic inexplicably starts riffing about the bodily fluids of an overexcited barnyard bird. Shilling for MAC's Plushglass lip gloss, Bernhard crows: "If I had thin lips, I could never express myself the way I'm able to express myself with a kind of passion - sexy powerpout, loudmouth, a little hyaluronic acid from a rooster's [bleep]. Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Can you spell g-r-o-s-s?

"Ick" doesn't begin to cover it, but it's a start.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:18 PM | Comments (14)

POD People

...in public product protection pugilistics.

Apple has laid legal claim to the word "Pod," arguing that other companies that use the word as part of their product names risk infringing the trademark of its popular iPod music player.

...This month, Google drew attention to its own long-running battle to defend the trademark in its name when it wrote to the Washington Post to protest the use of the verb "to google," though examples of similar warning letters date back at least four years.

...Dave Ellison, whose company, Mach5Products, makes the Profit Pod, said he had been sent a "cease and desist" request by Apple's lawyers last week, just after receiving trademark recognition for his product name in the US.

...Mr Ellison contested Apple's claim, arguing that his company's product was not sold to consumers and that he and his wife, Carolee, had thought up the name around five years ago, before they had heard of the iPod, which was introduced in 2001. "I'm not going to change the name – it's not like they offered us anything for it," he said.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:08 AM | Comments (5)

August 14, 2006

A Quick Movie Quiz

Scenes reenacted from famous movies. You guess which.
You're nuts if you don't play.

I wound up a pistachio of some sort in the scoring.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:29 PM | Comments (21)

"Is That a School of Cell Phones in Your Box"

"...or are you just hard of herring?"
I glanced at this picture flashing in an ABCNews slideshow and immediately...
...thought something had happened to Greek anchovy fisherman.


I have my moments. In my defense, I've been sniffing paint all day.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:20 PM | Comments (2)

August 13, 2006

What I Woke To This Morning

Well, not really.

But a feller can dream, can't he?

Actually, the weather's been fantastic this weekend in Jersey. Very low humidity, barely into the 80s during the day and cool at night.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:43 AM | Comments (4)

August 09, 2006

A Worthless Little Survey

Purchasing Power Ranking of Cities

Purchasing power ranking of cities based on the number of minutes of work required to buy a Big Mac, according to a study conducted by Swiss banking giant UBS. The rating was based on the local price of the product divided by the weighted net hourly wage in 14 professions.

Tokyo 10 minutes of work

All the way to...

Bogota, Colombia 97


Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:14 PM | Comments (4)

August 08, 2006

In a World Full of Danger, Death and Destruction

...they have time to worry about this...

How Much Is Too Much: Is the President Too Chunky?



...when the last President looked like this?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:20 AM | Comments (4)

It's Time to Bring the Troops Home NOW

It's too dangerous when sh*t like this starts happening. Enough already.

After a long day searching homes in suffocating Iraqi heat, Lance Cpl. Mike Young saw a most surprising source of relief ~ a sprawling Wal-Mart had appeared in the distance.

"No joke _ looking through the haze I thought I saw a Wal-Mart. I said to myself, 'I bet they got some cold water in there,'" Young said, recalling a mission last year in a rural area west of Baghdad.


Bless their hearts! That place sucks.

(Which leads me nicely to my next point.) On a related note ~ Lt. Sarah, after an idyllic all of 5 months home, is shortly headed back to the sandbox with her 'eyes in the skies' troops. I'd like to get our Swilling Marine Unit Support Group rolling well before the holidays, so drop me a line if you're up to it for the whole deployment. Cards, cookies, whatever you can do is, as ALWAYS, ever so appreciated.

UPDATE: For those of you like Diptera who are welcome newbies to our pet project, it started as the "Twelve Marines of Christmas" and quickly became something like seventeen or so ~ we took on the WHOLE SHOP ~ and will this time, too. Confusing at first (kids going "who are these people and why am I getting a package?" ~ we almost have the communication thing licked so you'll KNOW your Jarhead got the package), our ad hoc little effort should run like a top this time now that we're hardened veterans. It doesn't matter if you only have enough for the postage for a note card every couple weeks or a packages ransacked from Big Lots ~ it's ALL wonderful.

The suggestion thread. (Mike "Wet Naps Aren't for Sissies Anymore!" Rentner probably has tons to add to this, too.)
And I think this was our last update before the cut-off for packages. Anyways, you get the idea. Email me at ths-at-beegewelborndotcom.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:04 AM | Comments (12)

A Toy For The Birthday Boys

If she really loved you...

She'd get you something that goes from 0 to 100 mph then back to 0 in 9.9 seconds

Not surprisingly, given that it has a 987bhp 16-cylinder engine and a top speed of 400 kmh, the UKP 880,000 Bugatti Veyron has blitzed everything else on four wheels by a massive margin – what is surprising is that it has also blitzed a credible representative of the fastest of the two wheel brigade as well, managing to beat a Suzuki GSX-R1000 superbike by nearly a full second.

But the 1890kg £880,000 Bugatti ripped through the gears to hit 60mph in 2.8sec and 100mph in an astonishing 5.5sec. It then stopped in just 3.4sec, giving a 0-100-0mph time of 9.9sec.

Not only is the Bugatti faster than the Suzuki, it creates more g-force at maximum acceleration than you’d experience in an F-16 jet fighter at take off or when skydiving.


It can be yours for $1.3 million.

If she cares, that is.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:22 AM | Comments (9)

August 07, 2006

Oy! Maybe the End

...IS near...

Assume the position.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:15 AM | Comments (3)

August 05, 2006

So Young

So carefree.

So innocent.

Little did they know that a Grim Milestone would soon change their lives forever.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:17 AM | Comments (2)

August 04, 2006

Dear Mr. Drudge and USA Today

I only have one thing to say about this headline you both have seen fit to use:

Hurricane season defying forecasts

STFU.

Thank you.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:39 PM | Comments (8)

No Problem

Ohio State No. 1 in preseason coaches’ poll
Defending champion Texas No. 2;
rivals Notre Dame, USC tied for 3rd
We have a secret weapon.
And he doesn't like the West Coast.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:56 PM | Comments (6)

Oh God, Here We Go

"Ee-ville cat piss made me do it!"

A parasitic microbe commonly found in cats might have helped shape entire human cultures by manipulating the personalities of infected individuals, according to a new study.

Infection by the protozoan Toxoplasma gondii could make some individuals more prone to some forms of neuroticism, and could lead to differences among cultures if enough people are infected, says Kevin Lafferty, a U.S. Geological Survey scientist at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

In a survey of different countries, Lafferty found that people living in those with higher rates of T. gondii infection scored higher on average for neuroticism, which is defined as an emotional or mental disorder characterized by high levels of anxiety, insecurity or depression.

...One recent study showed that the parasite makes normally cautious rats outgoing and more prone to engage in reckless behavior, such as hanging around areas frequently marked by cat urine, making the rats easy targets.


I can see it now ~ all those Miracle Whip types pointing wobbly fingers of blame at Sylvester.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:50 PM | Comments (9)

If That Isn't One of the Grossest Things I've Ever Heard

Ick.

Body Modification a Growing Trend

Allen Falkner's tongue is just one of his unusual features.

It is split down the middle, and when he sticks it out, it looks like a two-pronged snake tongue.


Gotta be a BITCH trying to eat an ice cream cone.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:24 AM | Comments (8)

August 03, 2006

CNBC.com

...is having another one of those days.

Dow 1.119 Mil +1,107,880.13
Nasdaq 207,033.00 +204,954.19
S&P 127,428.00 +126,149.45

Time to sell, sell, sell! I always wonder if some little goofball in the basement slips those numbers in just to see if anyone's paying attention.
UPDATE: DOW and NASDAQ back to normal, but the S&P's making up for them:

S&P 127,444.00 +126,165.45

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:47 AM | Comments (2)

You Can Blow 'Til the Cows Come Home


...and I'm still not gonna kiss ya! Take them nasty puckers somewhere else...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:57 AM

August 02, 2006

To Parrot Ebola, Whence He Sent This Unto Me

"What the freakity hell?!"
Pirates of the Carribean Disneyland Ride Revamp
The classic ride gets a film-related update.

*A congregation of pirates talks about "Captain Jack Sparrow" while a likeness of the Johnny Depp character crouches behind a barrel nearby.

*In another stretch, the dreaded Sparrow pokes his bearded head out of a barrel.

*As the ride moves to the section where the ship battle is taking place, the boat goes through a waterfall (the illusion is made by fog) bearing the likeness of the CG Davy Jones. He delivers a message of dread that concludes just as the boat passes through the faux falls.

*At the end of the ride, as the boat begins its climb to the end, Johnny Depp's Sparrow sits in a room full of booty singing his pirate song.

*A likeness of the Captain Jack from the movie has been added to the Rogue's Gallery.


Shiver me FREAKIN' TIMBERS!!!

Argh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:04 AM | Comments (10)

I'm Sure They're Referring to Behavior Exhibited

...during the Bingley/Diptera Cheesy Fries Road Trip.

...The new poll's results were consistent among drivers of cars, pickups and SUVs. There were few regional differences among drivers, although northeasterners were more likely than drivers in the rest of the country to have "shouted, cursed or made gestures to other drivers" in the past year.

Male bonding is revolting ~ especially when food's involved.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:59 AM | Comments (11)

August 01, 2006

There Are No Words


Yes, Virginia. It's true God made bananas.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:19 PM | Comments (11)

From The Department Of People With Too Much Time

A Lego "1984 Ad" Playset:

Heh.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:01 PM | Comments (2)

200 Years and Counting

And the few I've had tasted every bit of 200 years old. But that's apparently part of the debate surrounding...

...the Circus Peanut.

..."People can't wrap their brains around why it's sweet and get really confused by the flavor," said Beth Kimmerle, author of "Candy: The Sweet History."

Though they're orange and look like peanuts, they taste like banana. And they are chewier than a traditional marshmallow. Even those who like circus peanuts can't agree whether they're better soft and fresh or stale and hard.

"Break out a bag anywhere, and you'll get a debate going," Kimmerle said.



God, they're nasty.
UPDATE: Let's make this AN OFFICIAL SCIENTIFIC POLL to silence the molecular nitrogen set.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:51 AM | Comments (26)

Singing in the Rain

...just singing in the rain.

What a glorious feeling,
When this sh*t starts over again.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:59 AM | Comments (9)

July 31, 2006

Whilst Trying to Figure Out Why the Camry is Eternally Cranky

...I came across this little gem. It made me laugh.

3/31/03: My brakes were squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:07 PM | Comments (7)

July 25, 2006

Do The Electric Tilt!

The world famous head tilt of concern has returned:

"Drive Electric or my left implant gets it!"

"But did car companies really want electric cars to succeed? The success of electric vehicles would have threatened the status quo and core business models of two of the world's biggest industries -- oil and automobile. It is more expedient for these companies to give lip service to hydrogen in an attempt to appear "green." But hydrogen is a technology that experts [Gosh! Math is hard!] say is decades away. "

It's a conspiracy! Why can't we all just get along and live bio-pure lives?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:43 AM | Comments (10)

July 24, 2006

Mynd you, Angry Nuns on Bikes

...kan be pretty nasti.

Two Dutch nuns, wearing habits and riding bikes, chased a suspected thief through Amsterdam, police said Monday.

On Saturday evening, one of the sisters believed she recognized a man walking past their chapel in southern Amsterdam as a thief who snatched hundreds of dollars in cash from the building two weeks earlier...

..."The nuns then grabbed their bikes and gave chase. They tried to grab him, but he managed to escape into a residential neighborhood and they lost him," Van der Veen said. Police hunted for the man in the neighborhood but could not find him.



Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:48 AM | Comments (1)

Here in the Sunshine State, You Can Be Mindin' Your Own Business One Minute

...and the next? You're gator bait.

A 16-year-old Deland boy said he was bitten by an alligator while dangling his feet in the St. John's River.

Cory Workman told authorities he was skipping rocks while waiting for friends early Sunday.

"Alligators are ambush predators," said Kat Kelly, a spokeswoman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. "Throwing rocks and sticks sounds like fish to them."
>
The alligator chomped down on Workman's left ankle and dragged the teen into the water. Workman punched the animal to no avail, and then remembered a technique he saw on a wildlife television program.

Workman shoved his thumb into one of the alligator's eye sockets and the gator released its grip.


UPDATE: Seems they've nabbed a toothy devil and will be checking his smile to see if he's the culprit.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:46 AM | Comments (6)

July 23, 2006

For Susanna and Miss Emily

...it's never too late to celebrate Mardi Gras in a classy and refined manner, while collecting your beads without embarrassing your family at some later date.

That's how one does it in the South. Pearls are for reserved for church, debutante balls, the odd Cotillion and tea with the senior Mrs. Bush. ("Laissez les bons temps rouler" is a state of grace, not of mind.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:17 PM | Comments (10)

July 21, 2006

Children...CHILDREN!!!

One more word and it's a time out for both of you!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:11 PM | Comments (1)

July 20, 2006

Just One of Those Things

...that're funny at midnight or there 'bouts: adjacent headlines on CNBC just now.

Investigators Inspect Ship That Tilted
House Fails to Override Stem Cell Veto

Investigators for a ship that tilted a house?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:34 AM

July 19, 2006

Bingley Inked OR

...'A Walk on the Wild Side Runs Amok'. His henna tattoo looks like it says: "土包子" (pronounced roughly "tou bao dz"). Thank God for John, who translates it to:

a pork bun made out of dirt
Sweet Jesus. That would have been tragic.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:55 PM | Comments (4)

Wednesday Wonderings

Even if my ship stayed upright, I don't know that I'd want to watch THIS...

...the first evening of my dream cruise.

Someone at Carnival/Princess is smokin' dope.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:45 PM | Comments (13)

Well, Hot Doodle Damn!

My favoritest Congresswoman might be on her way to not jumping any more turnstiles.

As election results poured in, U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney and Democratic challenger Henry C. “Hank” Johnson, Jr. appeared headed for a runoff in the 4th District race.

With 90 percent of the vote counted, McKinney had 47 percent of the vote to Johnson’s 45 percent.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:44 AM | Comments (2)

I'm Still Not Quite Sure

...that I didn't write this.

Damn, I wish the president would swear more. When his private conversation with Tony Blair was picked up yesterday on an open microphone, I was heartened, not shocked. "See the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over," Bush said. Lebanon is in flames. Iraq is in chaos. Iran is enriching. Isn't this a time for swearing?

Shouldn't we hope that when he's in private, Bush is throwing around the barnyard epithets? I don't think anyone would have been comforted if his aside to Tony Blair had been about weight lifting or the soufflé they had for lunch. Tony, did you see what Jacques was wearing?

Everyone has fixated on the word "shit," with cable commentators and news anchors expressing "concern" about the language "controversy." (For language purists, of course, the real problem is the apparent misuse of the word irony.) According to some, the single dirty word is more proof that Bush is a dumb cowboy, but Bush's unguarded remarks actually make the opposite case. They show that he understands the awkward steps of diplomacy and that, while he may be frustrated, he's remarkably cool and multilateral for the supposed simple fellow from Midland. (The reaction has actually been fairly mild. If this were a Democratic president, the forces of moral rectitude would be swarming: What about the children?)


Wish I had, 'cause it sounds like what I was thinking.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:20 AM | Comments (1)

Insta Schminsta!

Our beloved Susanna has got that most fashionable of links...a Manolo-lanche!

Woo-Hoo! Congratulations!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:31 AM | Comments (8)

July 17, 2006

That's Why God and GM

...invented "the parking brake".

A police dog that was left in a pickup with the engine running apparently knocked the vehicle into gear and ran down a woman who was walking to her mailbox.

Because this

...doesn't have THIS ...for this.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:40 PM | Comments (7)

On the Lighter Side ~ It Seems a Goat

...can be your best friend.

Looking to Prevent a Fire? Hire a Goat

When it comes to preventing brush fires, a charming brown-and-cream goat named Tim Buck might give Smokey Bear a run for his money.

With fire season under way, residents of a San Diego neighborhood devastated by the 2003 Cedar Fire have commissioned Tim and 350 of his friends to eat their way through chaparral encroaching on newly rebuilt homes.


Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:01 AM | Comments (4)

July 14, 2006

Bingley in Beirut

Whoops! Sorry! Typo. Wrong "B" guy. Well. Same thing, really.

CELEBRITY chef Anthony Bourdain was stranded in war-ravaged Beirut yesterday after Israeli forces bombed the city's international airport and blockaded all of Lebanon's ports.

The best-selling author of "Kitchen Confidential" flew to Beirut on Sunday with a camera crew from his Travel Channel series, "No Reservations," to do a show on the local cuisine. But after the thunderous assault on the city in response to Islamic extremist group Hezbollah's capture of two Israeli soldiers, Bourdain and his crew holed up at the Moevenpick Hotel while they waited for evacuation instructions from the State Department.

"Our network, our friends and our families just want us out of here as soon as possible," Bourdain told Page Six yesterday afternoon, as Israeli shells exploded in the distance. "We're not getting a show out of this . . . I just wanna hang out and drink at the bar. The mojitos here are great.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:35 AM | Comments (22)

July 13, 2006

Zidane Dependz On Zee Eyez Of Zee Beholder

Our boy sure does get around! But how is he viewed around the world? Well...

If you were German, you saw this:


If you are French, you swear that this is what happened:


The Italians had a different view:


The Americans saw:


Meanwhile in Hong Kong:


I'll give the last word to Susanna, who quotes Leno as saying

"That was the closest any Frenchman in uniform has come to actual combat in 40 years."

Heh.

(These gifs were all sent to me in an email; I have no idea who made them, but I salute you!)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 05:55 PM | Comments (8)

Answers To The Stupid Huff Questions

Thanks to Emily and Ken for finding this great site that schmacks those idjits about.

Hehehe.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:35 AM

July 12, 2006

Another One of Life's Hard Lessons Learned

You don't do NUTHin' without asking the old ball 'n chain first...or the first old ball 'n chain.

Man Is Fined Buffalo and Pig for Bigamy
An indigenous man in Malaysia's Sabah state on Borneo Island was fined a buffalo and a pig for breaking a tribal custom by secretly marrying a second wife, a tribal court official said Wednesday.

..."Indigenous custom doesn't normally punish men who marry a second time, but in this case, he did not get the permission of the first wife," Majimbun said. "The case was handled based on customary laws."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:44 AM | Comments (1)

July 11, 2006

Oh, Come ON!

What a red herring. We all know, even if she showed up...

Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D) failed to appear at two televised debates over the weekend, fueling criticism from two opponents who are challenging the controversial incumbent in a July 18 primary in the Georgia's 4th District.

...she wouldn't be THERE.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:37 AM | Comments (5)

July 10, 2006

I Thought They Already WERE

...POD People?

Scientologists Spreading Into Plant City, Beyond

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:25 AM | Comments (2)

July 09, 2006

Oh ~ And WHAT Kind of Candy A$$ED "World Championship"

...ends on a penalty kick?

Poofs.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:56 PM | Comments (15)

A HUGELY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

...to ancient a$$ That 1 Guy, from all your friends at the Swilling and all your fans......in Pensacola.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:25 PM | Comments (2)

July 08, 2006

I Sometimes Find Myself Reacting This Way

...when I come across a special treasure in Target's mark down bins.

Fight Erupts at Shoe Sale; Customer Shot
...Shooting guns into the air is a not-uncommon method for dealing with emotional situations in Turkey, including weddings, soccer games, demonstrations and deals on shoes that are almost too good to be true.

"Whoopee! A size NINE!!"
'Target' being the operative word.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:25 AM | Comments (6)

July 06, 2006

I Could Care Less What the Reviews Say ~ It's T Minus One and Counting for

...pirates.

Yo ho.

UPDATE: Well, me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole. Ne'er ye mind that t'gallant, bilge rat! Take holda this 'ere quiz, afore I keel haul yer land lubberish backside against shivery timbers.

Arrrgghhh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:40 AM | Comments (15)

July 05, 2006

Presentator Naakt op Wimbledon

Binksley cavortsa na shortsa fishy chowder! Oopan unda ooveren heeska goin. Klik door voor de foto's!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:35 PM | Comments (7)

July 01, 2006

Saturday Night, 567 Premium Cable Channels

...and NOTHING to watch but the Firecracker 400. I have hours of listening to Darrell Waltrip ahead of me. On a lighter note, their salute to America's military was inspiring and hilarious. They had all the Homestead Air Force Base boys out there for the pre-race, National Anthem ceremony. I'm here to report they didn't let me and major dad down. In their honor, I'd like to repost a classic.

Squad ~ Hand Salute!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:09 PM | Comments (12)

June 30, 2006

major dad, Ebola and I Have a Swill Evening Planned

...with Chief Running Tab. Yes, a fellow Marine and blogger is foolishly headed our way. We intend to treat him rudely and with little respect. He should feel right at home. Copious libations on tap, with fresh beef of sufficient quality and quantity at Mc Guire's. UD is flip-flops, shorts and loud shirts.

Sergeant Major, execute the Plan of the Day.
That is all.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:18 PM | Comments (14)

Miss Emily Takes Issue

...with reasons given for 'why don't more women blog'. As usual, she refutes things/sexist stereotypes beautifully, as does the fellow she links to. The comments section (with Sheila, Lisa, et al, weighing in) is lively and entertaining. Again, as one would expect from women bloggers of their calibre.

But the "put another log on the fire" tone reminded me of one of my favorite VW print ads of all time...and how things change. Or don't. I give you Readers' Digest, September 1964...


Sooner or later, your wife will drive home one of the best reasons for owning a Volkswagon

Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things.
If your wife hits something in a Volkswagon, don't worry. It doesn't hurt you very much.
VW parts are easy to replace. And cheap. A fender comes off without dismantling half the car. A new one goes on with just 10 bolts. For $24.95 plus labor.
And a VW dealer always has the kind of fender you need. Because that's the one kind he has.
Most other VW parts are interchangeable, too. Inside and out. Which means your wife isn't limited to fender smashing.
She can jab the hood. Graze the door. Or bump off the bumper.
It may make you furious, but it won't make you poor.
So when your wife goes window shopping in a Volkswagon, relax.
You can conveniently replace anything she uses to stop the car.
Even the brakes.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:16 PM | Comments (10)

So What Are...

"Hetai porn free videos: Free hentai beastiality porn videos"
...huh? Sometimes what the SPAM filter snags confuses the beejeebus out of me. Sounds like they filmed girls(?) they picked up at the Mos Eisley Cantina.
I do live in a cultural vacuum.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:33 AM | Comments (12)

June 29, 2006

There Are Some Things in a Guy's Life You Don't Mess With

His liquor, his car, his guns, his dinner, his lightbulbs and his...well...gonads. (The technical term.)

Bear Flees for 2nd Time Before Neutering
A freedom-loving grizzly bear named Boo smashed a heavy steel door and barreled through two electric fences to escape a second time from a resort near this south-central British Columbia town.

Boo was recaptured Friday, two weeks after breaking out of an artificial den at the Kicking Horse Mountain Resort, but escaped from tighter confinement within a day, resort spokesman Michael Dalzell said Tuesday.

"It's unbelievable," Dalzell said. "We thought there was no way, it was absolutely impossible, but he found a way. It was basically like breaking out of Fort Knox."

...Resort staff had planned to neuter Boo, but he got away first. Once he's located, authorities will decide whether to try to recapture him again, Dalzell said.

"Right now we are in the process of looking for him . . . we are not out to try to trap or tranquilize him," he said. "We are looking at all options. Obviously, we need to just really look at our program and figure this one out."


It's easy to figure out ~ keep yer paws off his stuff. Ask first.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:44 PM | Comments (4)

Bingley Sees the Light

...at the end o' the tunnel.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:21 AM | Comments (24)

June 28, 2006

Looks Like They Have This Well in Hand

...even though that's precisely what caused the whole thing to begin with.

The jurors sometimes exchange awkward looks and break into nervous laughter when the testimony takes a lurid turn.

Oh, I'll bet.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:24 PM | Comments (10)

June 27, 2006

Chariots of FIRE Frozen Manufactured Potato Product

I'm not quite sure I get the correlation.

Earth's Climate Warming Abruptly, Scientist Says
Earth's climate is undergoing an abrupt change, ending a cooler period that began with a swift "cold snap" in the tropics 5,200 years ago that coincided with the start of cities, the beginning of calendars and the biblical great flood, a leading expert on glaciers has concluded.

...But the finding likely to cause the most debate is Thompson's conclusion that a swift and sudden cooling of the climate five millennia ago occurred simultaneously with key changes in civilizations.

"It represents a time where, for many parts of the world, people ceased to be hunters and gatherers and formed cities," he said. "Many of the modern calendars began around this time. It would also fall in the general time frame of the biblical flood."


We caused the cooling 5200 years ago and now are causing the warming...ack! (He doesn't mention polar bears at all.)

But what do I know ~ I thought a 'grill' was a...never mind.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:50 PM

I Inhabit a Cultural Vacuum

I thought this story was about a Weber and was prepared to defend ours to the death. Thank God they're safe. Anyway, the first clue it WASN'T (about a Weber) was...well, you read it.

Armed 'Grill' Robbery
Missing: A mouthpiece attachment with a 14 karat gold tooth and a diamond in it.
Wanted: Four men who allegedly stole it.

Largo Police say that was the situation at Brittany Bay Apartments Monday.

A gas station clerk called 911 to report a man had run into the convenience store claiming he was being chased. When officers arrived at the Shell on Ulmerton Road, the victim had this story to tell:

After being threatened with his own knife and a gun, the suspects took his mouthpiece, also known as a ‘grill.’ They also took $130, a pack of Newport cigarettes, and a pocket knife; They left his other jewelry and a cellular phone.

He didn’t call police. The worried clerk did that.

The victim told officers he isn’t worried about the cigarettes, the cash, or the knife; all he wants returned is his ‘grill.’


"After being threatened with his own knife and gun". Yup. First clue something was amiss and it wasn't the charcoal.

On a lighter note, have you noticed Bingley's not posting much... ? Then I saw this...

Groper Arrested

The Tampa Police Department says the ‘Hyde Park Groper’ is in custody.


...and thought they were talking about the fish. What a whacky, Florida kinda day.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:59 PM | Comments (3)

Today's Paranoid Weather Report

Two disturbances in the Atlantic. One for Crusader and Bingley and one for us.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:07 AM | Comments (2)

June 23, 2006

Yup. You've Got ~ Just GOT ~ to Love the Aussies!

Aussies abuzz with talk of Kidman wedding
Her marriage to Keith Urban expected this weekend in Sydney

...On Friday, Kidman, Urban and some high-profile guests drove out of her waterfront property amid rumors of a ceremony rehearsal. “The nerves are fine,” the Oscar-winning actress told reporters.

The fine points of the ceremony — expected Sunday night — remain top secret. But Kidman has been gracious and obliging, even sending out a case of beer for the paparazzi camped outside her harborside mansion Tuesday, her 39th birthday.(They sang “Happy Birthday” to her over the intercom.)


Now that's a class act. I'm pretty sure there were no courtesy curbal libations delivered to campers in Namibia.

A VB in your honor, Ms. Kidman!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:21 PM | Comments (5)

I Have NO Idea Who This Guy Was Talking To

Michael Arden, an analyst with New York-based ABI Research, said "ultimately they want TV shows with products onscreen that you can click and save information about them or buy them."
...but it SURE wasn't me. Or major dad. Or Ebola. Or...I can't think of a soul that would go for this. Just the thought of pop-ups on my TV screen is making my eyes glaze over red. I hate the little station promos traipsing across the bottom as it is.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:52 AM | Comments (14)

'Searching for Answers' Friday

Stuff bugs me sometimes.

It just does. Like, why do four sheets of two ply toilet paper feel like so much less than 8 sheets of one ply manipulated into a cushy little cloud? I'd much rather have the one ply and it bugs the sh*t out of me when the shelf has only two ply. Indulgent a$$holes (literally) buy two ply to show their complete disregard for the environment ~ celebrate their prosperity. I read the dang label of every single thing I buy and I can count sheets there, Kimberly Clark. Of course, the commissary and every other retailer feeds into this abomination. There's one brand, schmaybe two, of one ply and fifteen choices of the other. Pi$$es me off.

And then there's the stacks of cassettes, National Geographics, 8 tracks and laser discs piled on the garage floor that have kept us company since the mid-80's. What to do, what to do. I checked eBay about the LD's, but they're going for $1.99 ~ hardly worth listing. They're out there exposed on the concrete ~ in the way on purpose ~ because I am loathe to put them in yet another box for yet another decade ere they see the light of day and we start the drill anew. Frozen in indecision, just like the last four times. I try mightily to wage war against my genetic hoarding instincts and fail miserably nine times out of ten. At least I don't have any cats, or I'm sure I'd make the papers.

Then there's the hand-me-down Scottie ~ who still has all his male...accoutrements...with all their associated nasty habits. He's known as the Stealth Piddler. I've called the amiable Dr. Bill, surgical knife slicer extraordinaire...and feel guilty, guilty, GUILTY. Sh*t. Why couldn't the little guy just appreciate the new digs instead of mark them...CONSTANTLY. Labradorks don't do that. Is it a Napoleanic complex? Sh*t. Oh, well, done deal now.

And the frickin' backwoods, Third World gomers in this town just frost my chops. (Actually, it's an insult to the Third World to compare the two.) If we were any closer to civilization, we wouldn't have this problem but, since we're not, they rise up like hoards of Formosan termites at the slightest whiff of progress and chew on it 'til it dissolves like two ply paper in the Main Street sewer plant.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:38 AM | Comments (25)

June 22, 2006

Happy Birthday, Big Guy


You're a GOD in this house.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:36 PM | Comments (37)

They're Ghana Get to Go Home Early

Done in by their own mistakes and a crucial penalty call, ,b>the Americans lost to Ghana 2-1 Thursday in a game they had to win to advance past the World Cup tournament's first round.
(Soccer: pi!)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:27 PM | Comments (2)

June 21, 2006

You Can Get Online

...but you can never leave.

How hard can it be to cancel an AOL account?
One man's frustrating call, caught on tape, resounds in the blogosphere
...CNBC later interviewed Ferrari by phone about his experience. “I've never ever experienced anything like that,” he said.

He recounts how the AOL representative as a last resort even asked if his dad was home.

I think I could've put up with everything, but at the point when he asked to speak to my father, I came very close to losing it at that point,” said 30-year-old Ferrari.


UPDATE: Vincent's Blog and THE PHONE CALL.
AOL Guy: I don't know what anyone's done to you, Vincent...

Vincent: You're annoying the SHIT out of me, that's what you're doing.


Good Lord, Vincent. You win a Warm Swill jelly donut for not going berserk.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:27 PM | Comments (9)

June 19, 2006

Dutch Pantser Unit Spotted

Good thing it's summer:

Football's governing body has explained why up to 1,000 Dutch fans watched a World Cup tie wearing no trousers.

Around 1,000 fans arrived for the Ivory Coast tie in their traditional bright orange trousers - but bearing the logo and name of a Dutch brewery.

To protect the rights of the official beer they were denied entry, so the male fans promptly removed the trousers and watched the game in underpants.


(h/t to Lamplighter)

And that official beer?

Budweiser.

blech

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:59 PM | Comments (7)

There Must Have Been a Brain Dead Full Moon Up

First Natalie Maines and now the classless Mary Travers, dishing on the woman who donated bone marrow to her during her battle with leukemia. (You know ~ as in 'save your life, last chance you'll ever have' bone marrow?)

"I had to have a bone marrow transplant. It's been a terrible year," she told me. "I just learned the donor's name is also Mary. She has two daughters. I have two daughters. See, just in case something goes wrong, you must wait a year before you can communicate with them.

...Mary laughed and added: "The problem was, I'm a lifelong Democrat. I was terrified that if she's a Republican, I could go into the voting booth and, like Dr. Strangelove, my whole brain could change around. When we finally spoke I asked her about this. There was a pause then she said, 'But I am a Republican.' So I said, 'Well, hell, I guess it's about time the Republicans did something nice for me.' "


Whatever happened to "thank you"?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:40 AM | Comments (14)

"Is A Half-Eaten Tuna Sandwich And A Crumpled Pepsi Cup...

...a playable lie?

Update: A warm Swilling welcome to Simon in the comments, who reminds me of this:

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:46 AM | Comments (4)

June 18, 2006

A Sign From God

"We need more goats,"
I'm not making this up.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:42 PM | Comments (1)

June 14, 2006

And Here I Was Gonna Donate Lunch Money

...since she always looks so cranky, gaunt and frail.

Nancy Pelosi, the House Democratic leader, listed her ownership with her husband of a vineyard in St Helena, the heart of California's Napa wine country, which is valued at between $5m and $25m.

Harry Reid-ickulous seems well heeled as well. So I'll send my $1.75 instead to Ted, who will be paying for therapy after this review of his book.
...And Senator Ted Kennedy, the Massachusetts Democrat, reported $50,000 in royalties on a children's book, My Senator and Me: A Dog's Eye View of Washington, which follows a day in the life of the senator from the viewpoint of his dog. The conservative National Review panned the book, saying it "reeks of liberalism from its very first sentence" and calling it "the very worst book written by a senator since, well, since Barbara Boxer's novel was released last fall".

Then again, maybe not.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:53 PM | Comments (1)

Talk About Your 'Door Buster" Sale!

Home Depot gets my vote!

A plumber who bought a bathroom vanity for a home renovation found something else in the box: a stash of 40 pounds of marijuana and three grams of cocaine.

Police did not identify the plumber or the store, though WWLP-TV reported the vanity was purchased at the Home Depot in Chicopee.

...Ricardi said the plumber discovered the drugs in Southwick on Monday after he made the purchase. The man noticed the vanity top hadn't been included in the package and instead found two plastic bags containing the drugs stuffed inside.


Who needs a top with packing like that? Beats the hell out of styrofoam and much easier to resell.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:55 PM

June 12, 2006

Java Slurping and Supporting Bingley's Filthy Habits

Turns out it's good for you.

Coffee may counteract alcohol’s poisonous effects on the liver and help prevent cirrhosis, researchers say.

In a study of more than 125,000 people, one cup of coffee per day cut the risk of alcoholic cirrhosis by 20 percent. Four cups per day reduced the risk by 80 percent. The coffee effect held true for women and men of various ethnic backgrounds.


Bastard. He always was the favorite. I'm surprised the attentionwhore's not on Deadwood with major dad. There'll be no living with him now.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:26 PM | Comments (8)

I'm Curious as Well

An answer would be good.

Why is 'Major Dad' on 'Deadwood'?

I clean up the dog puke at 4 a.m. and he gets all the glamour gigs.
UPDATE: YEESH! Even sounds like him...
McRaney, 57, married to actress Delta Burke (they met on her series, "Designing Women," and recently celebrated their 17th anniversary) and himself a father, is sensitive to the fact that some find the show's blunt vulgarity offensive.

While early prime time on the networks should be a family-friendly zone, McRaney is eager to make the point that it's ultimately up to the individual to decide what entertainment to allow into their home.

"It's a very dangerous thing to do," he said of further federal regulation of TV content, including proposals that were floated in Washington to extend control from broadcast to cable channels.

"I'm a little tired of government treating us all like children. I'm a conservative and I'm for limited government. This idea of telling me what I can see, what I can read -- don't go there," McRaney said.

Keep the kids away from "Deadwood" and change channels if you don't like it, he advised.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:12 PM | Comments (4)

June 09, 2006

Ain't It the Truth?


Yup.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:56 PM | Comments (2)

There's No Rush

We don't mind if you hold off for a while.

...THE DRY WEATHER IN THE REGION OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS MAY COME TO AN END
FOR A PORTION OF THE GULF THIS WEEKEND AS A SLOWLY DEVELOPING SYSTEM IN THE NW CARIBBEAN MOVES NWARD DRAWING TROPICAL MOISTURE INTO THE E/CENTRAL GULF.
THIS SYSTEM MAY DEVELOP INTO THE FIRST TROPICAL DEPRESSION OF THE ATLANTIC SEASON IN THE NEXT DAY OR TWO.

UPDATE: The Accuweather guys' forecast just plain sucks.
But a general consensus takes the system north then northeast toward the northeast Gulf of Mexico Sunday night and Monday. How strong it is at that point is tough to say. But we could be dealing with a strong tropical storm heading toward western or northwest Florida on Monday.

I know one thing ~ I'm not waiting 'til the day before to try to find powdered mini donuts this time.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:35 PM | Comments (4)

CNBC.com Has a DOW Problem

...or the 'recovery' is going really, really well.

Dow 1.096 Mil +1,993.00
Nasdaq 2,159.43 +14.11
S&P 1,260.98 +3.05
10-Yr Note 101.06 -0.09

April Fool's schmaybe?
Check it quick, before they fix it.

Now it's +2800? I sincerely DOWt it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:39 AM | Comments (2)

June 07, 2006

Our Florida Legal Eagle Exerting His Influence At Last?

This sure sounds like his style:

NEW YORK (FORTUNE) - Faced with the inability of two bickering attorneys to resolve even the most innocuous scheduling questions without his intervention, a Florida federal judge yesterday ordered the two to meet on the steps of the federal courthouse and resolve their latest quarrel by playing "one (1) game of 'rock, paper, scissors.' "

Judge Gregory A. Presnell of Orlando ordered the unusual measure, which he characterized as "a new form of alternative dispute resolution," after the two Tampa attorneys had proven unable to agree upon where to hold a deposition, even though both of their offices are just four floors away in the very same building in Tampa.

I always sort of imagined the SCOTUS playing Twister in those robes...

THS UPDATE and BUMP: Having always been an East Coast "one potato, two potato", "DO over" kind of liberal, I made the mistake of asking my midwest spouse about the etiquette/rules of engagement of said "rock, paper, scissors". After a masterful exhibition he says "Google it". I did. And determined you RPS people need THERAAAAAPYYYYY.....!!!! (But you DO know how to throw a party tournament!)

Kristen Lance of Philadelphia, PA takes top honours at the 2006 Southwestern Pro-Am Rock Paper Scissors Tournament held at Roshambo Winery in Healdsburg, CA.

With her incredible display of RPS mastery, Ms. Lance obliterated her competition, leaving her as the sole undefeated player out of a field of 256. Players from all over the U.S. congregated to witness what many have called "The RPS social event of the season". Scorching heat and copious amounts of Zinfindel seemed to have no effect on her ability to feed each competitor their own ego.

Thanks to the organizers, referees and incredible staff at Roshambo Winery for showing the entire Southwest how to run a real RPS tournament. Remember World RPS Society members get 10% off at the Roshambo tasting room (the servers also happen to be top notch RPS players if you are looking for a match).


A girl after our own Swill heart.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:19 PM | Comments (2)

June 06, 2006

We Had a 5 Year Old Cousin

...who was left behind at a laundromat once, too. In Maine.

A 6-year-old boy who was accidentally left behind by his family after they celebrated his birthday at a restaurant will temporarily remain in state custody, a judge ruled Monday.

Michael James Emanuel Jr.'s family said they accidentally left him Saturday night and didn't notice he was missing until the next day. Each relative thought the child was with another family member, they told police.

...Diane Duvall, an attorney for the boy's mother, Lacqetta Monroe, 23, told the judge there were 12 kids at the party at a Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant, and as they all piled into cars to leave, the boy was simply overlooked.


The uncle and aunt unit realized their original Catholic carload of six kids was short one micro unit and turned back immediately to retrieve her. It took a while, as they'd gotten to Connecticut before the lights went on. She was still sitting patiently in the laundromat.

It doesn't pay to be the quiet one. Of course, if they'd left her entirely, it might have.
UPDATE Major Dad says get a lawyer and sue the state. I'd sure as hell try:

A 6-year-old boy who was accidentally left behind by his mother after they celebrated his birthday at a Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant will temporarily live with relatives while the state determines whether he can return home.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:54 AM | Comments (5)

June 05, 2006

Maybe Major Dad and His Brother

...could have filed a lawsuit, had they known how cruel and unusual it was.

Judge Dismisses Double-Bunking Lawsuit
A federal judge has thrown out a lawsuit challenging the state prison system's practice of putting two inmates in cells designed for one, saying the double-bunking does not violate the U.S. Constitution.

The lawsuit, first filed in 1995, claimed that the practice violated the ban on cruel and unusual punishment. Inmates at 13 maximum-security prisons argued that they were more likely to be assaulted, faced higher chances of catching a disease and suffered harsh living conditions.

But U.S. District Judge Gerard Lynch, in a decision dated May 26, said that simply putting two convicts in a cell designed for one "is a far cry from the `wanton and unnecessary infliction of pain' against which the Eighth Amendment protects."

"Plaintiffs' claims that double-celling subjects them to `the stench of a cell mate's feces and flatulence' ignore the fact that even in a single cell, an inmate would be subjected to the `stench' of his own `feces and flatulence,'" Lynch wrote.


"Feces and flatulence"? That would cover any gathering of Marines. As well as Bingley (having to bunk with his less civilized older brother, Mountain Man, who is inherently dangerous, even now) so he, too, could have laid a legal whammy on our folks. The common thread here is all the law abiding average citizens who've been forced to share a room with virtual strangers (as older/younger siblings can be) and exposed to noxious manners/fumes who have still managed to survive, but a prisoner rates his own digs? Not.

In the interest of full disclosure, I never had to share a room as a child. I was special. But I can feel their pain, empath that I am.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:18 PM | Comments (1)

June 01, 2006

It's

...breeding.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:01 PM | Comments (15)

Winning Sales Pitch

I got an email yesterday out of the blue from someone I've never heard of or from before who was looking to do some business with us. Now, as any of you who are involved in sales know the hardest thing is the 'cold call,' when you have to really present yourself in a good light and somehow convince someone who knows nothing about you to at least be interested in doing some busiiness with you, and this email I think is one of the best I've ever gotten...

Hello Sirs or Madam, Why do you never respond my email? Why are you very arrogant? Aren't you coffee buyer? Don't you need green coffee? Did you ever big problem in doing business with exporters before? Do you think that I will not keep quality of coffee? I need your reply, my partner. Best Regards, Ucok Gondrong

Heh.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:47 AM | Comments (6)

Don't Even

...think about it.


I thank Steve for this game and That 1 Guy for finding it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:09 AM | Comments (7)

May 31, 2006

Even Thinking About This Is NOT ALLOWED

...until tomorrow, right? RIGHT??

...TROPICAL WAVES...
TROPICAL WAVE IS ALONG 44W/45W S OF 14N MOVING W NEAR 10 KT. THE
WAVE IS NOT AS WELL DEFINED AS YESTERDAY BUT THERE IS STILL SOME
CYCLONIC TURNING EVIDENT ON SATELLITE IMAGERY
. THIS FEATURE IS
ENHANCING CONVECTION NEAR THE WAVE AXIS WITHIN THE ITCZ.

A TROPICAL WAVE IS ALONG THE W COAST OF COLOMBIA ALONG 77W S OF
12N. WAVE PLACEMENT IS ONCE AGAIN BASED UPON CONTINUITY OF THE
MOVEMENT OVER THE PAST 24 HOURS AS LITTLE CURVATURE IS EVIDENT.
ASSOCIATED CONVECTION IS MAINLY WITHIN 180 NM OF THE WAVE AXIS.
THIS WAVE WILL ENTER THE EPAC LATER TODAY.


Pffft

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:21 PM

I Dinna Get Bingley's Celluloid

..tae thae contest organizers in time frae his inclusion.

Date a Hot Scot

Ma sweet sister-in-law'll nae be speakin' tae me, as she thought she'd be well rid o' him nigh summer tae the winner.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)

Alligator Dreams

Crocodile smiles.

Alligator Interrupts Mermaid Show

This community's famous mermaids got an unwelcome swimming partner when an alligator found its way Saturday into Buccaneer Bay.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:39 AM | Comments (3)

Attention Sex-Crazed Geriatrics at the Villages

Let's pause the rompings for a moment to remember when your 80's still had some dignity to them.

Before he died, Billy [Wilder] talked with Groucho Marx, who said, "I'd pay a million dollars for an erection."

Billy answered, "Wish I had one to sell you."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:14 AM

Make Of This CNN Headline What You Will...

...but I think our boy JeffS has some 'splaining to do:

On tape, JeffS preaches virtues of polygamy

Hmmmm....

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:23 AM | Comments (4)

In "Florida News Briefs"

A vigilante with a flare for fashion.

A man wearing a purple women's bathing suit and carrying a flare gun was arrested after he told a bartender he was going to "get rid of all the dirt bags in Key West," authorities said.

Jeffrey C. Anderson, 55, was charged with carrying a concealed firearm Monday after he brandished the flare gun, which was under a skirt he was wearing, Key West police spokeswoman Christie Phillips said.

..."She [the bartender] reported she had seen a man, later identified as Anderson, dancing in the street showing tourists his private parts, and asking people for money when they took his picture," the news release said.


Hey, a guy's got to make a living. That's why he picked a lycra suit with a saucy skirt.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:15 AM | Comments (5)

May 30, 2006

Friends Who Ended Up In The Filter

Svetlana Bourgeois (a hard working russina bride)
Impinge A. Tillage
Crime M. Tighten
Pretense U. Dazzling
Lupe Q. Steamiest (that latin hottie)
Homophobic H. Divan (what about the couch instead?)
Intrusted V. Beamed (Mr. Scott...)
Irksome E. Scarfs (just wear a hat then)
Bilking V. Unfrocked (another embezzling priest?)
Succored R. Analgesia (it works!)
Mandates S. Stripper (well, if you insists...)
Quenching F. Neighing (Willlllbur...)

Update: Yuck...
"Dysentery P. Ashtray"

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:38 AM

May 27, 2006

Sodom and Gonorrhea

How do you tell the kids Granny's a tramp and Pappy is an old horndog?

R-E-T-I-R-E-M-E-N-T ain't what it used to be.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:24 PM | Comments (9)

May 26, 2006

I Have An Explanation For This

Robertson Says He Leg-Pressed 2,000 Pounds

...According to the CBN Web site, [Pat] Robertson worked his way up to lifting a ton with the help of his physician, who is not named. The posting does not say when the lift occurred, but a CBN spokeswoman released photos to The Associated Press that she said showed Robertson lifting 2,000 pounds in 2003, when Robertson was 73. He is now 76.


...but I'm sure most won't be interested as it has to do with a$$holes, clenching and jaw strength and not righteous, 'God given' anythings like long hair or babes at wells.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:44 PM | Comments (3)

Scottie Blogging

Ozzie has apparently forgiven Mom and Dad for plopping him in puppy prison.

Aunt Kcruella sent him this beautiful new Polo to wear and he forgot all about being trapped in a cell with his sister for 6 days.

If only world peace was so easy.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:30 PM | Comments (9)

"This Is Not Resolved!"

I guess the point of this whole long (and subtitled) video (taped by cell phone) is never, EVER tap a fellow on the shoulder no matter how loud his cell phone conversation gets.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:42 AM | Comments (4)

May 25, 2006

"Honey...What Is This Bug in the New Roll of Toilet Paper?"

Subtitle: Never have sister make your Orlando hotel reservations.

They'll suck but you'll have stories to tell for years.
Let's turn back the time machine to February 2, 2006. Expediadotcom spits out a reasonably priced king/non-smoking hotel reservation for major dad and myself, at a venue only 1/4 mile from Lake Eola and the weekend art fair. Who cares if it's a pretty room, I think, since we'll be gone all day long. Then I PAY IN FULL for said reservation at this...place.

Orlando Centroplex Travelodge
409 N Magnolia Ave
Orlando, FL 32801

Fast forward four months.

The night before we leave Banglacola, I phone the hotel's desk clerk to let them know we'll be a late arrival. "Noted" says Michelle, "In the computer. Have a safe trip." Nice girl. Rental mini-van packed, Scotties in puppy prison and off we go the whole long 450+ miles, arriving at the hotel to claim our PRE-PAID reservations at 9:30 p.m.

"Reservations for ths and major dad?" I ask.

"Oh, I see you're prepaid," Michael the night clerk says. "So just fill out these two lines. And we don't have a non-smoking king available, only a smoking double."

"You've had my money for FOUR MONTHS, I phoned to let you know we'd be a late arrival and you DON'T HAVE THE ROOM I PAID FOR MONTHS ago?"

"Only a smoking double, sorry. But it does have a balcony! The non-smoking rooms don't have that. I'll leave a note for the manager and you'll be a priority tomorrow. Room 238."
Blahblahblah. Sorry, nuthin' I can do.

Well, f*ck me to tears. "This whole situation is completely unsat!" Blahblahblah. Sorry, nuthin' I can do.

Up we schlep to our balcony room, slide the keycard, throw open the door and are immediately assaulted by the most maloderous, vile reek imaginable, made even more nauseating by the heavy, warm wetness spewing from the crusty air conditioning unit.

"That's what you get for going cheap," major dad waxed philosophically.

"I am going to be ill," I said and made a beeline to the door leading outside to fresh air from our balcony. "Oh, f*ck me to tears." The carpet was sticking to my feet and squishing with every step to the door. Which, once opened, was just as quickly slammed shut. The 'balcony' consisted of a small, once-white, plastic chair and table set, maimed and burned through with cigarette scars, glazed in black goo and something suspiciously vomitous. Ditto the 'carpet' lining the 'balcony' floor.

So we turn the wretched, belching A/C unit down to it's coldest setting. We're hoping to have all the noxious odors in frozen suspension by the time we return from finding a place that'll serve food after ten p.m. When we got back, sleep was possible if we breathed through open mouths. Dangerous, but possible.

Bright and early I'm down those stairs like a shot and into the office to meet the manager, Scott the Hutt.

"We should be able to get you into a non-smoking king by this afternoon."

"SHOULD?!! You've had my money for FOUR MONTHS!"

Blahblahblah. "Room 226 is a non-smoking king and he's just checked out. But it's not clean. So take your bags with you and come back this afternoon and it might be ready by then."

Back up the stairs to the dragon's den, passing the maid on the way. I notice she's standing in front of...226. I let her know we're changing rooms, please clean 238 since we won't be in it anymore and she asks what room we're moving to. "226! Right here," I said. She says she'll be glad to clean that room first and, true to her word, we get to leave our bags there, instead of dragging them all over Orlando for the day. (My gentlemanly major dad rewards her handsomely for her kindness to us.) Before I get into the van, I pop back in to see Mr. Hutt, tell him what we've accomplished on our own and get the key codes changed to our lovely, fresh room. Bliss.

Orlando was hot, the Downtown Art and Living Expo was pretty much a bust (and a whole 'nuther post) and we were glad to have the tent, art, glasses and racks packed up early Sunday. Back at our lovely, fresh room, we were scraping the leavings of a 98°, 12 hour day off and looking forward to dinner before 9 p.m. The roll of toilet paper was about finished, so I unwrapped a new one and...there was a bug. Burrowed into the roll and visible only after a few layers of sheets had come off.

"Honey? What kind of bug lives in toilet paper?"

"I don't know. Bring it here."

"I can't. I flushed it. But I'll show you the hole he made." And dutifully I did, presenting the roll for inspection.

"Hmmm."

Back to the bathroom with the curious roll, shut the bathroom door to take a shower and...

"Honey?"

"What?"

"Is this a termite?"

No. Actually it was hundreds of them, pouring forth from the quarter to half dollar sized hole eaten through the base of the door jamb. In that short two minute period enough had emerged to be in the sink, cover the floor and march their winged way up the sides of the toilet. major dad smashed and wiped with toilet paper, then flushed. I'd get paper towels damp and wipe the miserable bug schmushes clean from the floor. And the whole time there's a slow, inexorable, one-by-one drip of termites from the jagged, woody chasm, like entomological water torture. Man of action major dad calls the desk.

"Michael? This is major dad in 226. You've got this bug problem. Do you have any Raid?" Of course he didn't, but he did offer to PUT US IN A DIFFERENT ROOM.

"No thanks," said major dad.

So we went out to dinner, came home with a can of Raid and nuked the whole site. It was the only way to be sure.

Checking out the next morning, I turned the keys over to Scott the Hutt and mentioned the termites.

"If they've eaten through a second floor structure, you have bigger problems than just our room."

"Oh, I am sorry...blahblahblah...bug guy just here Thursday."

I'll bet he was. Him and his seeing eye dog. So back to the van.

"That's what you get for going cheap," major dad waxed philosophically.

We left the Raid on the nightstand for the next guys.



Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:55 PM | Comments (22)

May 24, 2006

And Why Is It When One Searches Google Images

...for Mr. Bingley, one finds this?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:16 PM | Comments (7)

Dear Florida Cracker

I'm back.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:13 PM | Comments (2)

May 18, 2006

Jimmy Durante Reincarnated

"Look for da big 'W'."

But he still speaks the same:

Pyow pyow pyow . . . hack hack hack hack! Let's get out of here (in monkey talk)

...British scientists have discovered that the putty-nosed monkey in Nigeria pictured above sometimes communicates by combining sounds into a sequence that has a different meaning from any of its component calls, an ability that was thought to be uniquely human.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:20 PM | Comments (2)

Ah! Memories Of College!

70,000 beer cans found in townhouse.

But geesh, Coors Light?

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:54 AM | Comments (6)

May 16, 2006

Now, Thash the Ticket!! ::hic::

The still - standard equipment of any moonshiner - has a shot at becoming the must-have accessory of penny-pinching motorists.

An upstart Tennessee business is marketing stills that can be set up as private distilleries making ethanol - 190 proof grain alcohol - out of fermented starchy crops such as corn, apples or sugar cane. The company claims the still's output can reduce fuel costs by nearly a third from the pump price of gasoline.



I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, A-rab Venshwellins cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:21 AM | Comments (6)

May 15, 2006

Amazing Accuracy


Get Your Drunk Personality at LiquidGeneration.com!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 02:46 PM | Comments (12)

Funny...I Always Thought So, Too


Unsurprisingly, Ebola tests out as Boba the Fett.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:13 AM | Comments (13)

Today's Gaia Molester

How'd you like a V-10 with 500 horses at the touch of a button?

For a speed racer looking to fly beneath the radar, it was the perfect car. Which, of course, is why BMW decided to change it, most notably by adding a magical button that, when pushed, adds yet another 100 horses to the engine. Simply depress and, voila, you've hit the 500-horsepower threshold, and can now smoke a Ferrari Scaglietti.

The root of all this temptation is a 5.0-liter V-10 evolved from BMW's Formula One vehicles, a power plant that won the highly coveted (seriously) International Engine of the Year award. It is indeed a technological wonder, carved from lightweight alloys and boasting individual throttle butterflies that let the fourth-generation M5 zip around in slightly harnessed mode - allowing for better gas mileage and civilized comportment - before some button-pushing fool unleashes its uberdemons, which can rocket the M5 past 190 mph. I, of course, am one such fool.

All this can be yours for $85,000 and you get 10 mpg! Woo-hoo!

Let the Gaia Games begin!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:54 AM | Comments (1)

Overheard During Darlington Race Coverage

...Saturday night. Midway through an interim caution lap recap, as a race car is careening off the pit lane concrete barriers:

"That kinda looks Representative Patrick Kennedy's driving..."

Me to major dad: "Did he really just say that?!"
It was FOX.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:49 AM | Comments (1)

I Can Tell You Why

‘Poseidon’ can’t overtake ‘Mission’ at box office Disaster remake pulls in $20.3 million, debuts at No. 2
Star or story, they're both watery disasters ~ it's like choosing between Nagin and Landrieu, so WTF? Might as well stay home and dry.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:29 AM

May 14, 2006

My Gift For My Bride

Despite the false and scurrilous rumors that some people to spread, I am quite the romantic.

To prove it, I had a lovely present sitting in the garage waiting for my beloved bride when she came back from an errand today, with a nice little red bow on top...

An electric power washer!

It just broke my heart to see her scraping the deck last year...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:21 PM | Comments (15)

Inclusiveness Is What Makes This Country

...It clarified policies regarding disabled passengers on airplanes, stating for the first time that animals used to aid people with emotional ailments like depression or anxiety should be given the same access and privileges as animals helping people with physical disabilities like blindness or deafness.

The following year appellate courts in New York State for the first time accepted tenants' arguments in two cases that emotional support was a viable reason to keep a pet despite a building's no-pets policy. Word of the cases and of the Transportation Department's ruling spread, aided by television and the Internet. Now airlines are grappling with how to accommodate 200-pound dogs in the passenger cabin and even emotional-support goats.


...great.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:58 PM | Comments (4)

Happy Mother's Day

...to all our Swiller's and their wives, their mums, their mums' mums and anyone who's ever been a 'mum' to someone!!!

The inspiring true story of two great friends, a baby hippo named Owen and a 130-yr-old giant tortoise named Mzee (Mm-ZAY). When Owen was stranded after the Dec 2004 tsunami, villagers in Kenya worked tirelessly to rescue him. Then, to everyone's amazement, the orphan hippo and the elderly tortoise adopted each other. Now they are inseparable, swimming, eating, and playing together. Adorable photos e-mailed from friend to friend quickly made them worldwide celebrities. Here is a joyous reminder that in times of trouble, friendship is stronger than the differences that too often pull us apart.

Now, back to the dishes.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:48 PM

May 12, 2006

Pensive, Deep Thinking Twins

...separated at birth.

Wondering how to make the world a better prLace.

(Be vewee vewee quiet! Al's picture stolen from Florida Cracker.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:36 PM | Comments (12)

I Have Issued

...a fatwa.

My Fatwa
I, tree hugging sister, demand an immediate end to Bingley BASTARD.
No good Muslim shall rest until Bingley embraces trees and life and is very much kinder to me. God will Bingley's gin bottle exploding if my wishes are not done immediately.
BY ALL THAT IS GOAT LADEN, BIN LADEN AND UNHOLY!

UPDATE and BUMP: Michelle Malkin has linked to a rip roaring cartoon fatwa I just had to share.

'Muslims avenge your prophet .... We deeply desire that the small state of Denmark, Norway and France ... are struck hard and destroyed,' declared Libyan Mohammed Hassan, who escaped from US custody at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan last July.

'Destroy their buildings, make their ground shake and transform them into a sea of blood,' said Hassan, dressed in military fatigues and a black turban, and holding an assault rifle.


Woof! That's a mouthful! Back to the generator for me.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:22 AM | Comments (23)

May 11, 2006

To Save Russia, Putin Declares the People Must...

Get Laid!
Well, okay. More "be fruitful and multiply", but that takes 'getting laid', right? So, really, that's what the man meant.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM | Comments (13)

Pudgy Old Infidels Play Xbox; Pudgy Jihadi Wanna-Bees Play...

"Waddle After The Crusader"

(h/t to our buddy Gunslinger for the video)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:33 AM | Comments (6)

May 10, 2006

Spam Filter Part III

Okay, okay, I'll stop after this, but I thought these were too funny:

Geometrical T. Pythagorean
Tarnishing V. Blowguns
Thrush U. Covetously

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:34 AM | Comments (1)

Bird Flu Questions?

We got answers.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM | Comments (5)

May 09, 2006

Sir Rob and Lady Patsy of Crabbe Lane, Appleton

Celebrate 25 Years.

Huzzah!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:55 PM | Comments (7)

You Know What Else I Find Truly Irritating?

Trying to understand the concept of this:


...with "Scrubs" on and tornado warnings going off.

I've read the damn paragraph eight times and still have no clue.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:47 PM | Comments (14)

Design Sure Has Come a Long Way

...since the 60's, hasn't it?
Then. Now.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:38 PM | Comments (7)

Job Opening, Anyone?

Bridezilla gonna need her a new gig.

JONES GETTING ' VIEW' VAMOOSE

STAR Jones Reynolds has been told to hitch up her hefty wagonload of freebies and waddle off into the sunset, sources say.


And oh yeah I got a personal beef with this side o' beef. She was down here stumping and stomping for Kerry (Strike 1), sashayed into our local primo dining spot before it opened (celebrity privilege...) and made off with ALL (ALL !!!) the macaroni and bleu cheese crocks (Strike Two). "For her entourage", she said. (Who you shucking, sister? We KNOW who they were all for.) Consequently, when th sister and major dad get there for a special dinner an hour later ~ as the doors open, mind you ~ and ths says "macaroni, please" with childlike anticipation...she is crushed like a bug. (Strike OUT.)

Oh yeah, I'm a grudge carrying fool. I suggest she checks in with MONSTER.com.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:26 PM | Comments (5)

Bring Me the Head of...

...Geronimo?

A Yale University historian has uncovered a 1918 letter that seems to lend validity to the lore that Yale University's ultra-secret Skull and Bones society swiped the skull of American Indian leader Geronimo.

The letter, written by one member of Skull and Bones to another, purports that the skull and some of the Indian leader's remains were spirited from his burial plot in Fort Sill, Okla., to a stone tomb in New Haven that serves as the club's headquarters.

According to Skull and Bones legend, members - including President Bush's grandfather, Prescott Bush - dug up Geronimo's grave when a group of Army volunteers from Yale were stationed at the fort during World War I. Geronimo died in 1909.

"The skull of the worthy Geronimo the Terrible, exhumed from its tomb at Fort Sill by your club... is now safe inside the (Tomb) together with his well worn femurs, bit & saddle horn," according to the letter, written by Winter Mead.


If it is him, at least he's inside somewhere warm. The amazing thing to me is the article itself. It must have been written by a Bushie, because nowhere does it scream...
"the SECRET rich boy, Ivy League society that PRESIDENT BUSH is a member of!!!!"
Talks about his grampa Prescott making off with the skull and an abbreviated members list, including a certain Senator John "You Don't Know Jefferson" Kerry, President Taft, etc. But no "W" cheap shot. How weird is that? Must be an off day.

I'm doing a screen shot just in case someone realizes they f*cked up.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:50 AM | Comments (5)

May 08, 2006

And You Know What I REALLY Hate?

Plastic toilet seat bolts. They never stay snug. Forget to keep them tightened and one absent-minded second later? You're on the floor or in the tub.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:20 PM | Comments (9)

Today's Spam Filter Friends

"Imprinted R. Swallowed"
"Inseminating O. Fetish"
"Beach Q. Fetuses"
"Modestest K. Waistband"
"Fiddlesticks E. Inexperience"
"Unobserved M. Shading"

I love being popular.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:19 AM | Comments (1)

One Would Think

Better luck next time? Perhaps it was the comment from Apple Computer's lawyer Geoffrey Vos in March that "even a moron in a hurry" could distinguish between the logo of the computer giant he was defending and that of the 38-year-old record label set up by the Beatles. Or maybe it was Vos' demonstration of downloading Chic's thumping 1978 disco hit Le Freak in the courtroom to show how many times Apple Computer's logo came up on iTunes, that did the trick.
I won't even make any cheesy Beatles' lyrics cracks.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:17 AM | Comments (9)

Milk Maids

Words fail me.

3,738 Mothers Set Breast-Feeding Record

MANILA, Philippines (AP) -- Nearly 4,000 mothers set a world record this week for the largest number of women simultaneously breast-feeding their babies in the same place, organizers said.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:15 AM | Comments (7)

May 05, 2006

Land Shark!!!!!!!

Pretty dang neat:

It's jutting up from one of seven lobes of fresh volcanic rock that have been pushing their way through the surface of the crater since October 2004.

The fin-shaped mass is about 300 feet tall and growing 4 feet to 5 feet a day, said Dan Dzurisin, a geologist at the U.S. Geological Survey.


Posted by Mr. Bingley at 10:23 AM | Comments (8)

May 04, 2006

What a Relief

I thought some "working" girls had won a competition or something...

Concerns Arise Over World Cup Prostitution

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:26 PM | Comments (3)

Bingley Unleashed!!

At least he went happy.

Hungarian builders who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel, a police magazine Web site reported.

According to online magazine www.zsaru.hu, workers in Szeged in the south of Hungary tried to move the barrel after they had drained it, only to find it was surprisingly heavy and were shocked when the body of a naked man fell out.


And some people bitch about a worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle. (He always had a problem keeping his clothes on, even as a child...)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:15 PM | Comments (5)

For Sir Rob of Crabbe, Appleton

Football drama.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:44 PM | Comments (5)

Never, EVER Do

...THIS.

Ronald Bergeron wanted to put on a show when he came across a nearly 8-foot alligator while giving guests a tour of his private nature preserve. The alligator had another idea.

Bergeron, a South Florida real estate tycoon, was bit on the hand while trying to wrestle the animal and dragged into water 15-feet deep Sunday.

Those who witnessed the event spent the weekend at the 5,000-plus-acres by donating $10,000 to the Boys and Girls Club.

"Couples donate a lot of money to charities for the weekend and I always tell them I'm going to wrestle an alligator," Bergeron, 62, said Wednesday. "It's part of my Florida cracker culture. My grandfather was a game warden in the Everglades and I grew up around alligators."


The "Florida Cracker" line explains quite a bit.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:22 AM | Comments (13)

Gosh

...the stuff he says? He's strange.

[...Howard]Dean took a swipe at the Republican Party, saying the Democratic Party is one of inclusion and religious freedom.

"I was recently asked about the difference between the Democratic and Republican parties," Dean said. "When it comes right down to it, the essential difference is that the Democrats fundamentally believe it is important to make sure that American Jews feel comfortable being American Jews."

Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman, who is Jewish, addressed the group on Tuesday.


UPDATE: I guess Mr. Dean's happy to have the Jooz, but he seems to have a bit of a problem with staffer's significant others questioning him.
Democratic Party Chair Howard Dean on May 2 fired the party's gay outreach advisor Donald Hitchcock less than a week after Hitchcock's domestic partner, Paul Yandura, a longtime party activist, accused Dean of failing to take stronger action to defend gays.

... "This is retaliation, plain and simple," said Yandura. "This shows what they think about domestic partners."

Yandura said Tuesday night that Dean was using Hitchcock as a "scapegoat" for problems of Dean's own making.

"All I did was ask questions about what the party and Dean are doing about its GLBT constituency, Yandura said. "I have yet to see any answers."


Yeesh. I can feel the love. Old Tah-rayzah Heinz Kerry shot her mouth AND her foot off for months, but it's hard to sh*tcan the bankroll, huh?


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:18 AM | Comments (8)

May 01, 2006

The Swilling

World wide, acknowledged experts standing by 24/7. You ask, WE answer.

DIY Network ~ bite us.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:26 AM | Comments (3)

BREAKING NEWS

Speaking of...the effects on the male anatomy of pesticide and...age...

Supreme Court backs Anna Nicole Smith in dispute over husband's fortune.


Justice(s) ain't BLIND, baby...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:15 AM | Comments (14)

Well, At Least It Won't Have Any Bugs

I guess John Holmes wasn't from New Jersey:

A renowned U.S. scientist who has documented fertility and sex changes -- including decreasing penis size -- due to environmental contamination says he wouldn't apply pesticides on his own lawn...Penis size of the animals from the polluted lake was smaller than animals from the less-polluted lake.

Remember, girls don't care how big your yard is but rather how well it's mown.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:35 AM | Comments (5)

Happy Birthday, Baby!

You carry 75 years...

...like it was nuthin"!!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:19 AM

April 28, 2006

Damn Your Tax Cutting, Chimpy McEyes!!

GDP growth strongest in 2-1/2 years
Bastard! (Scottie mug, anyone?)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:30 AM | Comments (3)

April 27, 2006

Everything You Never Ever Wanted to Know

...about Cynthia "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!" McKinney. Just like novel, it builds to a climax.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:10 AM | Comments (4)

April 26, 2006

Heh

...sounds like they need a Swill "Bush Kills Puppies" mug to me!

I Blame Bush For [Fill In The Blank]

Did rain ruin your weekend? Blame Bush's environmental policies! Did your ball club lose? I'm not sure why that is Bush's fault, but I know it is.

And danged if I don't know right where to get one...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:56 AM | Comments (8)

April 25, 2006

Maybe We Should Legalize Drugs...

If it will lead to more stories like this:

A man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's home was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, police said.

Police say Michael Urbano, 23, locked himself out of the house early Saturday morning and decided to get in on a cable TV wire through the chimney. But the wire broke and Urbano fell, getting stuck about three-quarters of the way down. He was freed when a firefighter pushed him to safety.

If, for some reason, you feel the urge to go outside when you're nekkid, for gosh sakes don't lock the door!

And don't try to play Santa.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:00 AM | Comments (3)

April 22, 2006

Oh, PUH-LEEZ

First Tiger says "spaz" (like any of us might ~ Bingley lives the dream that is 'spazdom') and now it's frickin' ICE CREAM.

Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry’s have apologized for causing offense by calling a new flavor “Black & Tan” — the nickname of a notoriously violent British militia that operated during Ireland’s war of independence.

The ice cream, available only in the United States, is based on an ale and stout drink of the same name.

Any reference on our part to the British Army unit was absolutely unintentional and no ill-will was ever intended,” said a Ben & Jerry’s spokesman.

I dunno ~ upon reflection, that cross section of a pint of ice cream looks like the ATOMIC BOMB,
...you insensitive BASTARDS!!!

Send me TONS of black and tan ice cream immediately
(THIS ...is a suitable substitute.)
or I'm calling Reverend Jesse 'Rainbow' Jackson down on your ass.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:41 AM | Comments (8)

April 21, 2006

Happy 80th Birthday, Your Majesty


We'll raise a glass in your honor.

Swillers ~ The Queen!

Brilliant!

Thank you ma'am and I think I'll have another!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:01 PM | Comments (6)

Mr. Summers, Your Dancin' Shoes Are Ready

... or "Cut a Rug", Part Deux. (Suitable for the George Michael fete FEET...?)

-A caged russet toe trimmed in green leather piping is paired with a captivating feathered ankle strap aloft a 4" wooden heel. Velcro closure.

"CAPtivating" ~ gah-rrrowlll. Velcro, too ~ so you can kick them off in youthful exuberance any time the fancy strikes you! (But, even on sale, at this price? I would counsel gentle flinging...)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:34 AM | Comments (11)

Makes It Easier to Post Bail, Though

A Florida Lotto jackpot winner who waited weeks to claim his money so he could first finalize his divorce was shot and wounded by police Thursday after authorities said he refused to drop a handgun.
Stoopid goober.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:14 AM | Comments (4)

April 20, 2006

I Hate to Tell You

Sometimes the old folks get the worm.

A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

Or at least more action than the average guy. Sounds pretty "on your toes" to me.

UPDATE: I HAD to share the MSNBC headline.

Beware the door-to-door free breast exam guy

76-year-old Florida man arrested after two women take him up on the offer

GOD, I hope they weren't blondes...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:52 PM | Comments (8)

I'm Sure Drudge Did This on Purpose

...these two links, one over the other.

33%: Bush Approval at New Low...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
STOCK MARKET BULL: DOW HITS 5 YEAR HIGH...
There's a curious disconnect.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:47 PM | Comments (1)

April 18, 2006

If You Say So...

"This is not something that just the lunatic fringe does."

"The Iraq war...was kind of a boom for our company."
-Steve Rhodes, president of Sinulate Entertainment


Oh, I'll betcha. His firm sells what, you ask?

That would be Internet-connected sex devices for $200, Alex.
A blow-up doll's...
...gonna cost you these days.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:28 PM | Comments (22)

April 15, 2006

For Diptera

...because I love him.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:15 AM | Comments (4)

See This Little Fishie Here? He Called a Red Snappah


And his little protected tail fins are why I'm gonna be cookin' breakfast for major dad and the Squid Terrorist at 0430 Central time (That's 4 1/2 hours from now.), since his little fishie fishin' season open fust thang tomorrow moanin'. And the sharks are circling.

And salivatin'.

And ah am a good wife ~ I don care what the bathroom wall says.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:48 AM | Comments (2)

April 14, 2006

Slip of the Puddies?

Our football post had me waxing nostalgic, so I went a Googling. Found this gotickets.com page and had to read it thrice before I was sure...

The past few seasons haven’t been the best when it comes to purchasing New York Jets tickets. Due to an uncanny string of injuries to, most notably, their quarterbacks, not to mention other key players, the Jets haven’t been able to develop consistent on-the-field success and Jew York Jets tickets haven't pleased the fans. But the 2006 New York Jets schedule looks good for a team searching for a new identity. Thanks to new head coach Eric Mangini, the youngest head coach in NFL history, and the return of their star starting quarterback, Chad Pennington, the Jets fans are getting excited for a promising season at the Meadowlands.

...that I did! I did see a puddy-tat!
UPDATE: It wasn't about Chad Pennington, Rob. Must be a nod to Passover.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:07 PM | Comments (8)

Iguana Get Really Pissed

...if you don't do something about these lizards...

Death and taxes may be life's only certainties, but for folks in this upscale island town, add iguanas. And another tax.

During the last three decades, the resort community on Florida's Gulf Coast has been overrun by the black, spiny-tailed, nonnative lizards that demolish gardens, nest in attics and weaken beach dunes with burrows.

..."They eat your flowers and their feces is everywhere," she said, adding that she's killed dozens. "Some people toss them in the canal and the hermit crabs feed on them."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:11 AM | Comments (2)

April 13, 2006

On ESPN's NFL Draft Preview

...Sean Salisbury and Mike Golich were "talking" about Brett Favre holding the Packers hostage and/or vice versa. And then it was stated that "c'mon! He's one of the top five quarterbacks of all time." major dad and I were off and musing/debating/arguing fiercely. Consensus reigns and herewith, our top five, with worthy top five candidates noted in the fifth position.

1. Joe Montana
2. Johnny Unitas
3. Roger Staubach
4. John Elway
5. Bart Starr, Dan Marino, Sammy Baugh, Fran Tarkenton

*major dad adds: No grousing about "he never won a Super Bowl". It's a team sport.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:58 PM | Comments (12)

Snippet of the Day

...Her overtures to the blogs, even ones like Daily Kos where the largely liberal crowd finds the San Francisco representative too accommodating to centrists...
They're talking about Pelosi !

Whew! Brain freeze.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:40 AM | Comments (5)

April 12, 2006

HAH!!

Knew it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:09 PM | Comments (12)

April 11, 2006

A Belated But Heartfelt...Happy BIRTHDAY

...you big ape. Now, pucker up.

Cheeta the chimp, star of a dozen “Tarzan” movies in the 1930s and 1940s, celebrated his 74th birthday with sugar-free cake.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:56 PM | Comments (5)

April 10, 2006

I KNOW This is Piling On

...the NY Post and their gossipy problems, but dang. For what these people get paid over and under the table, they could get the simple things straight.

OUR PAL Charlie Rose, of the talk-show biz, is one lucky man. When he experienced shortness of breath while working in Syria, he was helped quickly on a plane to Paris and out of the Middle East by Syria's king himself!

Syria's KING?! You mean the guy Rose was interviewing when he got sick? THIS dictator's son who got to be dorctator when his daddy the murdering old bastard died? THAT "KIng of Syria"?

Liz Smith. YOU are a moron. An overpaid, over the hill, gossipy, ignorant, pretentious old biddy moron.

(And who the F*CK is your editor?)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:34 PM | Comments (5)

That's About How Much the Bill Was

...when we moved here and Earthlink gave Ebola a 'local' number for our internet access. At the time, he was a world famous Jedi Knight and hours online were the norm. Thanks to Earthlink, they were long distance hours online.

A Malaysian man (Pensacola Mom) said he nearly fainted when he (she) recieved a $218 trillion phone bill and was ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution, a newspaper reported Monday.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:03 PM

April 07, 2006

The Unthinkable is Being Thought ~ The Rumors Are True!!


They may finally bury Lenin.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:21 PM | Comments (4)

I'm #1!

We just had a visit by someone who found us via this Google search.

Yessssssss!!!!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:40 PM | Comments (19)

Uncensored and Exposed

The real tree hugging sister.

The political description that fits you best is...

LIBERAL

LIBERALS usually embrace freedom of choice in personal matters, but tend to support significant government control of the economy. They generally support a government-funded "safety net" to help the disadvantaged, and advocate strict regulation of business. Liberals tend to favor environmental regulations, defend civil liberties and free expression, support government action to promote equality, and tolerate diverse lifestyles.

The RED DOT on the Chart shows where you fit on the political map.


Talk about out in LEFT field! Blame all those years I spent in California, then. (Liberals don't accept responsibility very well either.)

Have at it, kiddies. Find the real you.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:11 AM | Comments (27)

April 06, 2006

Wonder who he'd rescue first in a farm fire....

One wonders....

Posted by Crusader at 01:36 PM | Comments (7)

April 05, 2006

It's Masters Time!

Tiger Woods to David Feherty:

One day, out of the blue, Tiger says to Feherty: "What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?" "Umm, I don't know." "A pilot, you f---ing racist."

Go Tiger! Win it!

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:48 PM | Comments (9)

Jeez ~ Those Porkie Guys in Congress

...are real pissers.

Some of the spending included $1 million for a water-free urinal conservation initiative and $13 million to partly fund the World Toilet Summit.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:54 PM | Comments (23)

But Was It Plastic?

And did Cheney shoot it?

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (AP) -- Fossils discovered in southern Utah are from a new species of birdlike dinosaur that resembled a 7-foot-tall brightly colored turkey and could run up to 25 miles per hour, scientists said Tuesday.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 01:00 PM | Comments (7)

There's a Reason Momma Told You

...to keep your hands to yourself.

...The 38-year-old jogger was heading south on the wide shoulder of tree-lined West Village Drive in Carrollwood about 9:30 a.m. Saturday.

As she neared Burrington Drive, a 1994 Ford Thunderbird pulled alongside her, driving in the wrong lane. The jogger was nearly knocked to the ground when the driver reached out and grabbed her buttocks, a Hillsborough County sheriff's report states.

...Vanfossen, who works as a cook at a nearby KFC restaurant, borrowed the car from his mother. The woman he is accused of groping happens to be a sheriff's deputy.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:40 AM | Comments (7)

April 04, 2006

A Useless Fact

...via Kcruella.

On Wednesday the 5th of April, at two minutes and three seconds after
1:00 a.m., the time and date will be:


01:02:03 04/05/06

UPDATE: ::sniff:: Even World News Tonight mentioned it, BINGLEY.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:52 PM | Comments (23)

April 03, 2006

Yankees

7-1 over Oakland in the 3d. I can't stand the suspense. Kcruella's right ~ I'm going to bed, leaving two words to linger on the midnight air...

A

Rod.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:16 PM | Comments (3)

There is Mucho Joy in Casa de Major Dad Tonight

Our cardinals have returned. They finally came back post-Ivan for a brief few weeks last summer, only to be driven away by Dennis and Katrina. We've been faithfully keeping the feeder full this past 18 months hoping they'd find their way home.

This is the first chirp chirp in the backyard. (Integrity Alert ~ stolen picture...)

I will have a drink.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:25 PM | Comments (8)

"Slither" Might Well Be Worth Seeing

...if just for this reason alone.

...The first-time director, who wrote the screenplay for the 2004 remake “Dawn of the Dead,” also has assembled a far finer cast than the genre typically presents, led by Nathan Fillion of the cult TV series “Firefly” and its big-screen spinoff “Serenity.”

As Bill Pardy, the police chief in a hillbilly town overrun by killer slugs and flesh-munching zombies, Fillion expands on the droll flair he mastered as skipper of the rickety spaceship Serenity.

“Slither” also lets Fillion cut loose and get really goofy, all the while maintaining his boyish rogue’s charm. This guy deserves to be a major star.

Agree whole heartedly. The movie review's pretty darn good, too. I don't know that I could get over my inherent squeamishness about such things to watch it though, droll or not.

By the by, Major Dad and I just finished watching the "Firefly" boxed set ~ Ebola had a charitable moment and lent it to us ~ and we are completely hooked. It was dynamite viewing. We're also pissed that it was so poorly marketed when it was on. Who had any idea a) what it was about and b) what a treasure it was ?


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:07 AM | Comments (6)

April 02, 2006

Raise a Cheer and a Beer

It's

Opening Night !!




Bay-sah-bah-roo ~ yeah, buddy!
Yan-kees at Oakland tomorrow night.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:16 PM | Comments (16)

March 29, 2006

Upsetting the Apple Cart

The long-running legal tussle between The Beatles' company, Apple Corp, and technology giant Apple Computer returned to London's High Court on Wednesday - this time, focused on the latter's move into music services through its iPod player and iTunes download system. Apple Corp is accusing the US company of breaching a trademark agreement, by effectively "selling music" through its online music store and using the Apple name and logo in connection with this.
In Penny Lane, the barber shaves another customer and the little children laugh at him behind his back.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:53 PM | Comments (16)

Color Me Shocked! A Parasite?

Ga. Stores Ordered to Stop Selling Puppies


Talk about your "cruelty to animals"...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:24 PM | Comments (4)

March 28, 2006

Like We Need Another Eff'n Poll

...to tell us Bingley's a rude one.

HOW MUCH PROFANITY: About three-fourths of people, 74 percent, said they frequently or occasionally encounter people using profanity or swear words in public. Just over four in 10 of those polled, 42 percent, said they frequently run into such people.

Almost nine in 10 people from age 18-29, 86 percent, said they encounter people who use profanity at least occasionally, compared with 56 percent of those 65 and older. The amount of profanity people encounter tends to drop steadily as age increases. People who make more than $50,000 a year were more likely than those in lower income groups to say they encounter profanity at least occasionally, 81 percent, than those who make less than $25,000 a year, 66 percent.


I got yer #*&%*@ poll results right here.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:00 PM | Comments (3)

March 27, 2006

I Woulda Bought It

Happy 20th Birthday, Shoebox.

And the drawing of a couple cuddling on a living room couch with a friendly bearded man, wearing a robe, sandals and a turban. The woman blurts: "Honey, this Afghan your mom gave us is really warm!"

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:30 PM | Comments (1)

I Feel Safer

...already.

FEMA to Prep Gulf Coast for Hurricanes

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:29 AM | Comments (1)

March 25, 2006

Be A Bollywood Star!

Your stardom begins here.

Here's an example.

(h/t ROTA)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:44 PM | Comments (13)

March 23, 2006

Conducting Whiny Child Stereotype Research

First question: If you were presented with this photo of a significant political personage, would you guess him to be a "confident, resilient, self-reliant kid" who grew up to own a man-purse and vote LIBERAL ?
Or would he be the whiny kid who nows votes CONSERVATIVE and whose backpack has jets?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:43 AM | Comments (3)

March 22, 2006

The Way We Were

Cold War-era survival supplies found at Brooklyn Bridge

In 17 years of working in the darkened nooks and crannies of the city's bridges, Joe Vaccaro has made some unusual finds: a 100-year-old copy of a newspaper, sepia-toned photographs. But none of them matched the level of intrigue generated by another discovery he and his co-workers made in the Brooklyn Bridge.

As they made their way through the musty, dusty and dark structural foundations on the bridge's Manhattan side last week, they discovered a Cold War-era cache of provisions to have been used in the wake of a nuclear attack: some 350,000 packaged crackers, paper blankets, metal drums for water and medical supplies.


Cool.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:31 AM | Comments (7)

March 21, 2006

Yup, That's Mine and Right Where I Left It, Too!

Thank you very much.

Trista Wright was spending her spring break cleaning out hurricane-damaged homes when she discovered some unusual papers among the moldy plaster board and debris.

"I started raking it out of the air conditioner vent. I thought it was garbage and I was going to shovel it up, but I bent down to pick it up, and it was a stack of $100 bills, and then more and more kept coming," the 19-year-old said Tuesday on CNN.

By an unofficial count, it was more than $30,000.


And just the right amount, give or take a dollar.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:04 AM | Comments (3)

March 20, 2006

Don't Try This at Home

...or at the county fair.

Tiger Bites Man at County Fair in Florida

A trucker who transported a tiger to the Putnam County Fair was bit in the arm after he apparently stuck his arm in the big cat's cage, officials said.

The man was drunk when he was bit Sunday, his sister, Heather Bass said.


This brings up another question ~ the trucker was DRUNK? Did the 'drunk' happen before or after the tiger delivery?
Anyways, thank God Fish and Wildlife have their heads about them.
"This was strictly human error and poor judgment," she said. "These are wild animals, and no matter how tame they are, they're still animals."

Normally there'd be screaming to put the tiger down. (You know ~ destroy the animal instead of the jack-a$$ who offered the a la carte munchie.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:03 AM | Comments (1)

March 18, 2006

Good Job, Tom!

The question at hand is, did Tom threaten to derail his own movie in order to have a Scientology spoof taken off the air?

...The episode first aired in November and was scheduled to re-air on Wednesday night, March 15. But Comedy Central (which is owned by Viacom), abruptly pulled a repeat of the episode.

But why?

Reportedly, because Tom objected, threatening not to promote the Paramount film “Mission: Impossible III” if the episode wasn't pulled.

The connection between the two? Paramount is owned by Viacom.

...In true “South Park” form, show creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker issued the following statement:

So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies.”


Pitiful man body, indeed. And what a dope.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:56 AM | Comments (9)

March 16, 2006

I.......Did NOT......DO THIS

...so help me, God. They were sent to us.

Yup. Pointed in the right direction.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:50 PM

Oh

...yeah.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:00 AM | Comments (9)

March 15, 2006

King of the Musher People!

This makes Iditarod victory number four for Gentleman Jeff and his pugnacious pack.
Bravo, team!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:00 AM

A HUGE HUZZAH!! HUZZAH!! HUZZAH!!!!

...for sweet Sister NJSue's college team!!

Monmouth Lets Its Play Justify Its Place in Final 64



Joy on the faces of the Monmouth Hawks on Tuesday belied the atmosphere of debate and rancor that has cloaked the N.C.A.A. tournament since its field was selected and seeded Sunday.

Monmouth provided a respite from the rhetoric with a simple reminder of what makes this postseason event enthralling.

The Hawks basked in the glow of winning an N.C.A.A. tournament game for the first time since its founding in West Long Branch, N.J., in 1933.

"To this date, this is Monmouth's finest moment," Hawks Coach Dave Calloway said.

Monmouth, 19-14 and champion of the Northeast Conference, officially became a No. 16-seeded team by defeating Hampton University, 71-49, in the opening-round game at the University of Dayton Arena.


Ahhhh...the little team that could. She'll be high-fiving and trash talkin' with all her students this morning ~ if anyone made it to class after last night. (Bingley was positively giddy when he called with the news last night and he hasn't posted yet...)

Now, about that game on Friday. Don't sweat it Monmouth ~ I've already got a close friend workin' it for ya...


+


+


=


Don't worry about a thing.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:45 AM | Comments (5)

March 14, 2006

Well, That's Just Great

We're been annointed the duty experts all of a sudden. (Yeesh. Maybe Diptera was right to worry about us and our eeeee-ville influence.) But no matter. It's a burden and so we carry it.

It is beyond our control.

UPDATE: Martha Stewart, being the obliging sort of gal she is, has just sent me a lovely salmon recipe for St. Paddy's Day. Salmon is as Irish as potatoes bah-DAY-does, so celebrate and keep Lent at the same time.

See? We are the resident experts. Google knows what it's doing.
UPDATE: So does MSN Search. I guess.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:02 PM | Comments (7)

Weeellll, If Bugs Has to Go

...I guess you need a way to take him.

Maybe I should caption this "Easter Bunny in CHAINS!".

Nah.
Don't want to upset Ebola.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:32 PM | Comments (9)

Right, Left ~ I Think He Got the Horse Angle

...completely wrong.

Hugo Chavez wanted to make a political statement with

his new Venezuelan Chavista Coat of Arms, but the joke turns out to be on Hugo.

"...'A Coat of Arms' because they are derived from the front painting of a shield are always read from the point of view of the bearer of the shield.

In other words, previously the horse pointed to the left and looked back at the right opposition left behind. Now, the horse is not only pointing to the right, it is galloping frantically away from the left (where Chavez stands politically)."

I say scrap the whole thing, Hugo. Instead, to make it right, may I suggest...
...? It works.

A warm Swill Salute to The Gateway Pundit and Venezuela News and Views.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:38 PM | Comments (2)

I Guess She Has to Spend Her Money on Something

...since she gave up drugs last week.

Moss bought a limited-edition, Jimmyjane "Little Something" vibrator in 24K gold for $350. The buzz-worthy bauble comes inscribed with choice of endearment ("Sugar," "Be Mine," "Sweetie" or "Flirt") and is guaranteed not to get you in trouble with the law.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:40 PM | Comments (2)

On March 12th

...a certain young man turned 5...
...for the 55th time.

He had a belated birthday cake in our comic section today, complete with Dennis saying "It seems like only yesterday I was just FIVE YEARS OLD!" Happy Birthday, Dennis.

Now that the congrats are out of the way, I have to admit to an immediate sense of the creeps when I saw the cartoon this morning, as would any Harlan Ellison fan. Jeffty is Five, too.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:52 AM

March 13, 2006

Today in 1781

...they found Uranus.

No Klingons were sighted.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:30 AM | Comments (4)

March 09, 2006

A Wee Bit 'O Guidance Concernin' St. Paddy's

...and Lent.

A St. Patrick's Day tradition is up in the air as the holiday conflicts with the strict observance of Catholic Lent.

...The Omaha Archdiocese said that although the archbishop isn't granting a general dispensation this year, any person or group within the church is welcome to write the archbishop and ask for an individual dispensation. The Archdiocese said it is not asking for anything out of the ordinary this year. It would just like to see all the faithful abstain from red meat, including corned beef, on St. Patrick's Day

"In this day and age, there's precious little the church asks of us," said the Rev. Ryan Lewis.

...In the Midwest, the bishop of the Des Moines Diocese granted a dispensation to parishioners, allowing them to eat meat on March 17, but he asked that those who chose to do so to perform an act of penance as an alternative sacrifice.


See what happens when the Pope's a German? No nasty corned beef ~ more's the pity. Try the colcannon instead ~ I'll be thinking bacon doesn't count as "meat" and eatin' cabbage of a Friday ev'n is sacrifice enough for ten men. But it'll be a cold St. Paddy's before I turn loose of my pint!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 06:00 PM | Comments (19)

Thought We'd Forgotten Our Favorite Pin-Up?

Nope. He's bbaaaaccckkkkkk...!

Wife accuses Hasselhoff of domestic violence

Former ‘Baywatch’ star also pleads no contest to drunk driving charge

And he's been busy, knocking back a few brewskies and the little woman while he was at it.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:00 PM | Comments (14)

The Potato Liberation Front in Co-operation With TOWACA PRESENTS...


POTATOES ARE A PRODUCT OF NATURE


The tragic story unfolds to the plaintive and authentic strains of real cowpierogie ballads, sung by generations of cowpierogies standing their lonely range vigils.
(music cue)
"Whoop-ee ti-yi-yo git along little pierogies...

It's your misfortune and none of my own."

Share the heartbreak...share the TaterTot tent...share the spud.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:38 PM | Comments (23)

March 08, 2006

If the Truth Hurts

...don't cash it.

After motorist T. Allen Morgan got a speeding ticket in Coopertown — a town known for its heavy-handed traffic enforcement — he tried to pay his ticket like a good citizen.

But he added a little note on his check that angered Mayor Danny Crosby. The mayor refused to accept the check, sparking the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation to launch an investigation Monday.

Crosby told Morgan that he had to either write another check that didn't have the words "for speed trap" written in bold letters or face the charges in traffic court.

..."As mayor of this city, if I accept that check from that gentleman, I'm admitting we run a speed trap, and that's a bald-faced lie," Crosby said Tuesday.

Coopertown lies about 20 miles northwest of Nashville on a state highway used by motorists to travel between interstates 24 and 65. The town generates nearly 30 percent of its revenue from traffic tickets.


It's a free country ~ he can write whatever he wants in that "For" section of his check, as long as it's not threatening or obscene. The truth must be painfully obscene in the Mayor's eyes, since it sure sounds like they've been cashin' in to me.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:10 PM | Comments (13)

Lego Fun

Via the ever fun Ken.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 12:47 PM

Dancing With Himself

Channeling Billy Idol at 7500 feet beneath the sea.


Divers have discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur, French researchers said Tuesday.

Of course French researchers could find a blonde anywhere...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:46 AM | Comments (4)

The Spud Lobby

...has their eyes on the prize. Tempers reached a boiling point before the hopes of Walla Walla onion crowd were mashed.

Resistance came from the state's spud growers, who weren't happy with an official endorsement of another crop.

As Finkbeiner put it, the fight with "Big Potato" was on.

Another Senate committee changed the bill to designate Walla Wallas the state's "edible bulb," while naming the russet potato the "official tuber."

The students were taken aback by the resistance.

"At first, I was like, `Nobody will oppose it,'" said Katey Callegari, 15, who made three trips to Olympia to testify for and monitor the bill. "But then, there were all these potato people."

Newspaper editorials blasted the Washington Potato Commission over the legislation's compromised status.

"I think it just kind of hurt our growers' feelings when the bill first surfaced," said commission director Chris Voigt. "It's funny how we just got portrayed as these big monsters, beating up on these ninth-graders, and that wasn't the case at all."


Oh YEAH you were, you big, buttery, baked potato head palooka, you.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM | Comments (25)

Sounds Like a Pile of Elephant Dung to Me!


So maybe the Loch Ness monster was actually a circus elephant.

Neil Clark, curator of paleontology at the Hunterian Museum in Glasgow, sees striking similarities between descriptions of Nessie and what an Indian elephant looks like while swimming. And perhaps not coincidentally a traveling circus featuring elephants passed by the misty lake in the 1930s at the height of the monster sightings.


While an elephant is verra large beast indeed, there nae way it's greater in size than Urqhuart, as ye can clearly see Nessie is!

The daft dolts. Leave the monster huntin' tae them's that's the stomach fer it, ye pasty white haggis hamsters.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:48 AM

In The Year Of "Brokeback Mountain"...

You just knew that Oral Roberts would make the NCAA tourney...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:59 AM | Comments (2)

March 02, 2006

'Nuff Said

'BROKEBACK ABUSED SHEEP'
I don't even want to know what that's about.

Fixed the link ~ I hope you don't have to register if you absolutely, positively have to know more...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:21 PM | Comments (3)

Someone Needs to Pay More Attention to the Swilling

...since we see it as our public duty to warn everybody about everything.

SANTA ANA, Calif. - A renowned psychiatrist lost up to $3 million over 10 years to a Nigerian Internet scam, his son alleges in a lawsuit.

Dummy.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:44 PM | Comments (10)

And Since Crusader HAD to Bring Up the Oriskany

...I'm blaming Bush for this one, too...

Oriskany sinking set for May 17


If all goes according to plan, the Oriskany will sink to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico on May 17, and scuba divers could be allowed on the decommissioned aircraft carrier as soon as two days later, local and Navy officials said Wednesday.

...when it doesn't happen AHgain.
The only thing sinking in the Gulf these days are oxygen levels and tax dollars.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:10 AM | Comments (1)

Since Bingley Had to Bring Up Katrina

...I thought I'd add a Mardi Gras pop quiz.

One of These Things is Not Like the Other


One of these knows what a PARADE deck is and
the other was a fool in a PARADE.
Guesses?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:14 AM | Comments (6)

So I'm Driving To The Ferry This Morning

Listening to the radio, as they run down the list of school closings ahead of the snow storm we're supposed to get. And they announce on the radio that the "Manhattan School For The Deaf" is closed...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:58 AM | Comments (21)

March 01, 2006

Shamelessly Stolen From Sir Rob

...of Crab Appleton. A jelly donut to you, sir!


bingley --

[noun]:

A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com


Unnerving. (The quiz's accuracy, not Bingley.) (Well, okay. Bingley too.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:42 PM | Comments (7)

Sorry, Science

These...

Tyrannosaurus rex
Length: 40-50 feet
Weight: 6 tons
Fear factor: teeth up to 13 inches long
Lived: 65 million years ago Where: North America

Giganotosaurus
Length: 47 feet
Weight: 8 tons
Fear factor: 8-inch-long serrated teeth
Lived: 95 million years ago Where: Argentina

Spinosaurus
Length: 55 feet
Weight: 8 tons
Fear factor: long, crocodile-like jaws
Lived: 100 million years ago Where: Argentina, Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria scale)


...all pale in significance next to the dreaded

Ebolasaurus Wrecks


Length: here to there
Weight: 8 tons (of filched food and gasoline a week)
Fear Factor: long, crocodile-like jaws in a gaping maw announcing "Hey Mom, I'm home!"
Lived: in dark, dank, foul smelling, goo-encrusted, cave-like...wait. Where: That's his room.

Lisa? Cindermutha? CRUSADER??? Take heed. And be afraid...be very afraid...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:00 PM | Comments (4)

Whatever It Is

...it ain't the 'bird flu'.

Flamingo Deaths Spark Bird Flu Probe in Bahamas

And we all know it. We've seen this sort of thing before...

The bastard. Hiding behind a pandemic like the wussy little squid boy he is.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:26 PM | Comments (3)

Rumble, Bumble, Stutter, Boo

Tell me, tell me, tell me do.
Magic mirror tell me today,
Has Chimpy done pissed this country away?
Um...not this month.
The Institute for Supply Management said its index of national factory activity rose to 56.7 in February from 54.8 in January, beating economists' forecasts for a rise to 55.6.

A reading above 50 indicates growth in the factory sector, and the ISM index has held above this level for about three years in a row.

The new orders component, a gauge of future growth, rose to 61.9 from 58.0 in January, while the employment index rose to 55.0 from 51.3.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:44 AM

February 28, 2006

MacBeth, Jersey Style

What bloody man is that? Macbeth, 1. 2

What are these So wither'd and so wild in their attire, That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth, And yet are on 't? Macbeth, 1. 3
Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts! unsex me here, And fill me from the crown to the toe top full Of direst cruelty; make thick my blood, Stop up the access and passage to remorse, That no compunctious visitings of nature Shake my fell purpose. Macbeth, 1. 5

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 03:14 PM | Comments (6)

And Happy Mardi Gras, Swillers!!

Kick back, flash somebody if you're up to it, parade about in your beads and feathers, then eat some red beans and rice wahed down with a VooDoo Ale or Abita. We're doin' dryrub baby backs, cornbread and red beans tonight. That is what...

Laissez les Bons Temps Rouler !!


...is all about.

Now. Drink up, Shriners.

Swill Salute to New Orleans' premiere poster artist Mousie.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:47 PM | Comments (10)

He Taught He Saw a Puddy Tat

And he did! He did!


A dead cat in Germany has found to be infected with the H5N1 bird flu virus.

That's what you get for swallowing Tweety Bird, Sylvester.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:21 AM

February 27, 2006

I've Done That

...a time or two myself.

...But Weir missed a change in the bus schedule, got to the arena later than planned, and, when he got on the ice, discovered he had left his “aura” back in the Olympic Village.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:15 PM | Comments (5)

There's Truth In NOLA At Last


(hat tip to reader timb. who saw it on Michelle Malkin)

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 09:17 AM | Comments (6)

Congratulations, Ken!

On your wedding this weekend:

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal. The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

The happy couple is registered online if you are thinking of sending a gift.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 08:37 AM | Comments (5)

February 24, 2006

Close

...but no cigar.

Maidstone's Medway Golf Club refused former president Bill Clinton a round of golf on Thursday because the crowded course was hosting its midweek championships.

..."We can't deprive the paying members of their golf, even for an ex-president," said 62-year-old member Wendy Alley. "But it would have been a buzz for the ladies. There's no Monica Lewinsky here -- we're better."

Ms Alley's regular golf partner, Lorraine Bramley, agreed: "We would have played with him -- golf, that is."


What saucy, naughty minxes!

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:55 AM | Comments (3)

Major Dad Helped It On It's Way

...to No. 1.

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - The tale of a rambunctious puppy is proving its staying power in the dog-eat-dog world of U.S. best-sellers.

With more than 1 million copies in print, "Marley and Me -- Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog" has struck a chord with dog lovers who are laughing and crying over author John Grogan's account of his yellow Labrador retriever.

How wonderful a real dog story can make it to the top in this world of James Freys.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:42 AM | Comments (3)

The Things You Learn

Take some normal soil, add a handful of charcoal, a bunch of leaves and a dollop of cow poop.

You've got modern-day terra preta, called bio-char.


Tree hugging, Swilling style.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:29 AM | Comments (5)

February 22, 2006

A Little Preliminary Statistical Research

Just to set the tone for the argument. I will use "mayonnaise", since that is the subject of much ignorant derision, as well as including the brand we all know and love. Using keywords found in the ongoing contretemps, let's Google, shall we?

Miracle Whip cat piss
158,000 entries

mayonnaise cat piss
40,700 entries

Hellman's cat piss
12,400 entries


Hmmm....
Miracle Whip lesbian gorilla
26,900 entries

mayonnaise lesbian gorilla
10,700 entries

Hellman's lesbian gorilla
707 entries

One last shot at the negatives, shall we?

Miracle whip vomit
107,000 entries

mayonnaise vomit
60,800 entries

Hellman's vomit
12,100 entries

Reversing the poles...

Miracle Whip yummy

110,000 entries

mayonnaise yummy
227,000 entries

Hellman's yummy
13.500 entries

Miracle Whip American
980,000 entries

mayonnaise American
2,100,000 entries

Hellman's American
1,800,000 entries

Am I just another blonde-blue eyed-UnitedStatesMarine-American, or do I sense a trend? Somewhere in the neighborhood of a little more than 2 to 1 in mayonnaise's flavor favor?

I'm going to have to feed this into our data banks for further number crunching. Now, I was going to use the "Miracle Whip sucks" results, but they were so overwhelmingly in favor of...

"yes, it does"
...an ABSOLUTE vice a variable ~ I felt, in the best interests of the best science, that I must remove those results from consideration.

UPDATE: A note to a certain caterwauling Cracker ~ "All American" and "Southern" don't necessarily make it...

..."alright".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:55 PM | Comments (14)

I Would Suggest They Start With the City Council Board of Supervisors*

...and then work their way down to street level.

San Francisco:City officials are hoping to harness the power of dog doo...

...The droppings will be tossed into a contraption called a methane digester, which is basically a tank in which bacteria feed on feces for weeks to create methane gas.


Aw, hell. Just plop that methane Rube Goldberg thing in the council chamber and no one will have to chase Fido holding a poopie bag. If ever there was a more excrement laden environment than San Francisco, I'd be astounded. Honestly ~ those moonbats could light the world without breaking a sweat.

*A thousand thank yous to DaveJ for the terminology correction.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:33 PM | Comments (2)

Programming Note: Tonight PBS Earns My Tax Dollars


I could kiss them. Six glorious, magical hours sprinkled over three Wednesday evenings...

"I don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."

(JARRING CHORD)

(The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain (Palin) enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles (Jones) has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang (Gilliam) is just Cardinal Fang)


NOBODY expects

the Spanish Inquisition!


Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise....
Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....
Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...
and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....
Our four... no...
Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry...
are such elements as fear, surprise...
I'll come in again.

(Exit and exeunt)

OY! I'm giddy with excitement! (Say no more, say no more, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:58 AM | Comments (9)

February 21, 2006

"They Just Can't Get the Rock in the Right Spot."

I'm watching curling right now: USA vs Canada. I've never seen anything more incomprehensible...or hilarious. Listening to the guys talk 'aboot' their next move is like eavesdropping on a scene from "Fargo". But...

Go USA!!
...anyhoo, okey dokey?

And to completely lower the tone ~ those chunks o' granite aren't the only hunks on that ice...
Gah-rrrrowlll...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:43 PM | Comments (9)

How's Yer Mum? Cuppa Tea?


Thank you, yes.

The Supreme Court ruled unanimously Tuesday that a small congregation in New Mexico may use hallucinogenic tea as part of a four-hour ritual intended to connect with God.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:05 PM | Comments (1)

Being a 'Hottie' Means

...never having to say you're sorry.

When it comes to big concerts these days -- with the escalating tickets prices leading to escalating tension -- you don't have to worry about the tattooed bad-ass biker screaming for Freebird anymore. Oh, no: It's the tan, toothy former sorority girl who knocks 'em back and then rocks out as if she owns the joint. Talking on her cell phone. Spilling her beer all over the joint. Bullying down the aisle, thumping people left and right. I go to shows all the time -- whether it's Snoop Dogg or Springsteen -- and the nastiest folks to deal with are the young white hotties who pounded too much in the parking lot. Eeeevil, I tell you.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)

For God's Sake People!

You want a pet, buy a frickin' hamster!


PINELLAS PARK - One by one, the three cats died, inexplicably. No evidence of anything.

First it was Kellie Cat, then Momma Kitten and finally Gray Kitty, all in a month.

On Monday, the prime suspect emerged from a mound of dirt behind the National Auto Service Center.

It was black, 7 inches long with eight legs and a long stinger.

...The genus is not native to Florida but was imported here about 80 years ago, he said.

This one is "on the big side," he said. "They probably have no problems killing a cat."

Emperor scorpions have become increasingly popular as pets, he said.


And when you decide you don't want the one you already have, crush and flush.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:59 AM | Comments (6)

February 17, 2006

Mr. Summers, Your Danish Cheese is Ready

Organic, no less.

Here in Bangla-Cola, Third World Country that it is...


...we are pret-tee "Buy Danish" challenged, so I will be doing some fancy footwork to approximate a Danish evening meal. I may have to resort to a cheezy "in the spirit of..."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:49 PM | Comments (8)

A Viewing Suggestion for Saturday's DANISH Dine-In

Babette's Feast.

Simply awesome. Get the subtitled version and you will understand how...

"Boil It"
...came to be a much loved, oft repeated phrase at Casa de Major Dad.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:39 PM

Ya Know? At This Olympics

...we just plain suck. Buncha lily white losers.
UPDATE: Seems we get a gold medal even though I never said it precisely THAT way...
UPDATE: It's not just me

Quote of the Day: And they just talked about someone who'd...

"overcome alchoholism and Tourette's syndrome.."
Holy SH*T!!! They had to be the meanest drunk on record..

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:54 AM | Comments (5)

February 16, 2006

God Forbid Someone Mentions

...the paucity of white athletes in certain sports, like Bryant Gumbel feels free to do about blacks in the Winter Olympics. They'd crucify him.

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying ... Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."

"GOP convention". Hmmm. I guess the lack of a Jamaican/Haitian/Honduran bobsled team ~ there's only a lily white granny representing islands of any description this year ~ is Bush's fault, too.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:17 AM | Comments (12)

"Focus on Their P-Buckle"

*If you occasionally drop a capital letter into the middle of a word, it means you have no problem showing off your body. "These people vacuum in the nude," McKnight said.

*If you get someone's name on a bar napkin, study the loops of their lowercase E's to figure out where to go on a first date. Big loops suggest the person is a risk-taker. If there are no loops, pick something more conservative.

*People who write in both cursive and print are highly intuitive, with an appreciation for music. People who almost always print are intelligent, independent thinkers. Donald Trump's a printer.


From a teleclass called the "Nine Secret Sex Traits Found in Handwriting."

Armed with such knowledge, I wouldn't want to see Mr. Long Hot Summers' exercises in script.
It would ruin everything.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:41 AM | Comments (5)

February 15, 2006

Ebola

...finally showed up.

(We're waiting, Jeff...)

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:47 AM | Comments (2)

I Guess Han Solo

...is starting to look more 'Millenium' than the Falcon and rougher than wookie hide.


"Firewall. " For the audience that prefers its aging action stars a la flambe.

I sniffed when I heard Virginia Madsen saying a film wife 21 years younger than him was 'more realistic' than someone Katie Holmes' age. (Don't even say it ~ I know Virginia would be the wife of choice over TomKat for any of you.) Of course, this is the same bunch who wonders what Ralph Fiennes could have possibly seen in a gorgeous woman 18 years older than him.

Hypocrites.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:18 AM

February 14, 2006

This Year's Mardi Gras

...Queen of Fools.


Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan staged a protest at one of the city's shuttered housing projects Tuesday, a day after 12,000 families left homeless by last year's hurricanes were forced to leave their federally funded hotel rooms.

With her back to the boarded-up St. Bernard Housing Development, Sheehan criticized President Bush's response to the storms, saying, "Everyone in America needs to come down here and see how unsafe, how insecure he's made our world."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:09 PM | Comments (8)

How Exciting!!!

The magic red glove seems to be working!

-Robert Laberge / Getty Images

Johnny Weir leapt into second place, but was still more than 10 points back.


UPDATE: Great column today backing up Lisa's point in the comments.
The thing is, for all of Weir's outrageousness, there is a sincerity to him, an ability to giggle at his own glitter. It is a tone that is missing from the bombast of, say, Bode Miller, the skier who wants to have it both ways when it comes to fame and fortune. When is the last time you heard Miller laugh at himself?

Yet, here is Weir, the guy who answers to the nickname "Tinkerbell." The guy who admits he is "princessy." The guy who referred to himself as "the prettiest flower on the pond."

Yeah, him.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:26 PM | Comments (6)

Some Medical Studies

...save lives and money.
So if someone should refer to you as "that LITTLE d*@khead"...

...just leave it alone.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:45 PM | Comments (10)

The Blogfaddah's

...little quiz reminded me of something I meant to share with ya'll.

Seems they're looking for a little encouragement for a Season Two.

UPDATE: As for my score?


Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Babylon Five and how weird is that. Why, you ask? Because the debonair guy in the left hand corner looked like this...

...when we were Catholic high school seniors together ~ all he wanted to be was a "bah tendah". He's done quite a bit since.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:35 PM | Comments (8)

February 13, 2006

HAHAHAHAHA!!

A headline from the Sydney Morning Herald.

Cheney hunts quail and everyone else ducks

Now THAT'S a hilarious headline. A warm Swill Salute to jennifer in the comments at Iraq Now.

Bingley Update and bump: Rob in the comments asks

Anyone know what the bag limit on lawyers is?

Evidently Cheney may have exceeded his daily limit:

...the state Parks and Wildlife Department issued Cheney a warning for not possessing a required stamp on his hunting license...
ths UPDATE: Bingley, Rob ~ that answer would be $7 and 1 per day.
Michelle Malkin has some additional HAHAHAHAs to share. Maybe those lighthearted pranksters at CNN should've...
...used a circle.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:42 PM | Comments (12)

Don't Forget

Westminster tonight.

-Mary Altaffer / AP

A Chihuahua named Mouse sits on an English Mastiff named Sherman while their owner checks in at the Hotel Pennsylvania on Sunday in New York. Sherman will be competing in the 130th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show which begins Monday at New York's Madison Square Garden.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:55 PM | Comments (14)

People!! Have We Learned NOTHING

...from the James Frey embarassment??!! Huh? HUH?!

Greenspan in memoir talks with NY publishers

Alan Greenspan is in talks with major publishers about writing a memoir, which could net the Delphic former central banker more than $1 million, sources familiar with his proposal said on Monday.


I'd like to think the aging Fed Chairman is on the up and up, but his jacket photo proof is throwing a big RED FLAG...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:46 PM | Comments (6)

Les Bons Temps Savoureux

KBON streams their Loosiana patois, blues, swamp pop, classic country and some bitchin' Zydeco music 365 days a year. I love listenin' around Mardi Gras, especially the Zydeco/Cajun/Creole stuff. Clifton Chenille and Beausoleil, cher.

My only beef is the fade in and out of the transmission, but, with my affinity for all things internet, it's probably my fault.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:57 PM | Comments (4)

Something I Thought I'd Never Say

...but KUDOS aplenty to whoever locked on NBC's analysts for the Olympics. They borrowed Dick Button from ABC ~ how fabulous is THAT?! NO ONE calls it on the ice like him, never has and never will again. It is a complete and utter relief (and pure, unadulterated) pleasure hearing Dick and not Shrilly Hamilton.

Major Dad was asking plaintively "Where's Peggy?" over and over again. I gently reminded him we need to be thankful for what we got. It could have been a whole lot worse ~ damn near unbearable, in fact.

Yeesh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:08 AM | Comments (3)

February 12, 2006

As Much As I Adore

...Susanna and wish to support all things Danish, I'll pass on the purchase of an (admittedly snazzy) aubergine onehunnertfortyninedollah Danish toilet brush.

While I appreciate her sending it along ~ and thought maybe one of ya'll could use one ~ I'll stick to Lurpak butter.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:33 PM | Comments (8)

February 10, 2006

Admission is the First Stage of Recovery

My name is Sister.

And I have a thang...

...for bowls.

If it wasn't for that jailbird Martha Stewart and her happy little magazine, I'd have more. Bitch.


No, I wouldn't. I can be strong.

Not.


The Kitchen Chronicles continue...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:24 PM | Comments (12)

A Scene From "Sin City"

...come to life.


The police version of the 2006 Dodge Charger is seen in this photo provided by DaimlerChrysler Corp. The New York Police Department said Thursday, Feb. 9, 2006 that it plans to purchase 15 Chargers for a pilot program. Some of the new cars will be unmarked and others will be painted with NYPD colors and logo. (AP Photo/DaimlerChrysler)

Or was it "The Fifth Element", "Bladerunner" or "The Island"?
WHATever. They look B-A-D, bad.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:38 AM | Comments (4)

February 09, 2006

I Live for These Stories

Johnny Weir(d), everybody's favorite guy blade, has arrived in Torino.

He's looking for the pea.

"I am very princessy as far as travel is concerned and having a nice room and things like that. Sorry to say 'princessy,"' he added, laughing, "but that's what we do."

Known for his outspoken manner, the three-time U.S. men's champion isn't afraid to declare that the Olympic Village "is not very comfortable."

"It's a little dusty, very underdecorated, the beds aren't very soft," Weir said Tuesday, "but I'm enjoying it!"


Major Dad's apoplectic with...amusement. Seems Johnny wants to write a book when he retires.
"I've been through the wringer and I know everything and I've seen everything that goes on. There are so many skeletons in the closet in figure skating, and there's a lot of stuff that goes down that people don't know about," he said.

Goes DOWN? Oh, we've got an idea, trust me.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:12 PM | Comments (7)

Programming Note: Clear Your Viewing Schedule

...for the Dog Days of Winter.

New York gears up for ‘yappy hour’
City embraces Westminster Dog Show as true institution

This Monday and Tuesday. Be there.

We got dibs on "Best in Show".

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:40 PM | Comments (4)

Whine of the Day: Blogging's Light

...'cause Mardi Gras orders are kicking my butt. Not knocking any of the excess off, but one can always hope.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:23 PM | Comments (3)

February 08, 2006

Wher's Pat Robertson on This Sign From God?


Katie Couric's new Poopie-Do.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:57 AM | Comments (4)

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Yak (Not to be Confused With 'Goats') Fest

...to bring you a calming Zen moment of winter...

...Scottie Blogging.

We now return you to the Swilling.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:14 AM | Comments (9)

Guess I've Got to Dump the Dasani

...in order to stick to my tree hugging principles.

Tap water comes to us through an energy-efficient infrastructure whereas bottled water must be transported long distances--and nearly one-fourth of it across national borders--by boat, train, airplane, and truck. This ''involves burning massive quantities of fossil fuels,'' Arnold said.

By way of example, in 2004 alone, a Helsinki company shipped 1.4 million bottles of Finnish tap water 4,300 kilometers (2,700 miles) to Saudi Arabia. And although 94 percent of the bottled water sold in the United States is produced domestically, some Americans import water shipped some 9,000 kilometers from Fiji and other faraway places to satisfy demand for what Arnold termed ''chic and exotic bottled water.''

More fossil fuels are used in packaging the water. Most water bottles are made with polyethylene terephthalate, a plastic derived from crude oil. ''Making bottles to meet Americans' demand for bottled water requires more than 1.5 million barrels of oil annually, enough to fuel some 100,000 U.S. cars for a year,'' Arnold said.

Worldwide, some 2.7 million tons of plastic are used to bottle water each year.

Once it has been emptied, the bottle must be dumped. According to the Container Recycling Institute, 86 percent of plastic water bottles used in the United States become garbage or litter. Incinerating used bottles produces toxic byproducts such as chlorine gas and ash containing heavy metals tied to a host of human and animal health problems. Buried water bottles can take up to 1,000 years to biodegrade.

Of the bottles deposited for recycling in 2004, the United States exported roughly 40 percent to destinations as far away as China--meaning that even more fossil fuels were burned in the process.

Meanwhile, communities from near which the water came in the first place risk running dry.



But I LOVE the stuff!! Even if it's just super pure TAP-water, it tastes better than the toxic crap around here. Do you know Bangla-cola water actually ate holes through the tinfoil I had covering a stockpot full for a hurricane? I thought it had just changed the foil's color, but oh no. Tiny pinholes, like a tin lace foil doily.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:38 AM | Comments (7)

February 07, 2006

Happy Birthday to One of My Favorite

...guys.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:45 AM | Comments (6)

February 06, 2006

Hilarious

...just frickin' HILARIOUS.

The Anonymous Muslim Man Complaint Box.

Dear Muslim Man Complaint Box,

My daughter was raped by my neighbor and we burned her alive because she was tainted. My issue is that I think I should be able to rape his daughter back instead of having to burn my perfectly good daughter. So she was raped, so what? All of her parts still worked. She could still cook a meal. She could still find a good husband. She could still catch a beating like a net. I think this situation is unfair.


America is the Great Satan, Death to Israel and a Swill Salute to Blogfaddah for finding this, before we burn his Infidel Body in effigy for linking to such disrespect.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:35 AM | Comments (1)

February 04, 2006

On This Day in 1789

...the first George got the job.

When the new Constitution was ratified, the Electoral College unanimously elected Washington President

Lucky thing for us, huh?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:59 PM | Comments (2)

Great Job Containing Inflation There, Greenspan

You musta missed Bangla-cola, where Major Dad is still in shock,

SHOCK, I TELL YOU !!
Why, you ask? Well, two days ago, the 1.75L size bottle of this much loved juice of the juniper berry was a fairly-expensive-but-still-doable $32.

Today it was...
$47.50

Do the math on that one, Alan.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 07:21 PM | Comments (14)

February 03, 2006

I'll Take "Because They Don't Have One?"

...for $500, Alex.

Why the French don't get as much heart disease


Q : What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France?

A : Linoleum blownapart.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes, "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."


I'd love to take credit for these, but I can't.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:55 PM | Comments (7)

When I Saw This Headline

Hasselbeck 'jealous' of Polamalu's wild hairdo
...I though they meant this guy. GAH-RRROWLLLL. Made my liver quiver for a second. Then I realized I had the wrong studmuffin.

Back to sniffing paint.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:56 AM | Comments (9)

ChimpyMacLimping Along

The monthly report showed the January unemployment rate dropped to a 4-1/2-year low 4.7 percent from 4.9 percent in December. The last time the rate was lower was in July 2001 when it was at 4.6 percent.
Yeesh.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:47 AM

February 02, 2006

Happy GroundHog's Day!

This is the audience-participation number, so everyone sing along!

Update:


NEWS ALERT

Bundle up! Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, which according to legend, indicates six more weeks of winter.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 06:35 AM | Comments (1)

January 30, 2006

THIS

...is SO me and my luck. I'm cringing and had nothing to do with it ~ it's THAT familiar a sequence.

The incident happened last week at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge, England, which for decades has displayed a group of Qing dynasty Chinese vases on a window sill.

A hapless visitor tripped on a loose shoelace, tumbled down a flight of stairs and crashed into the vases, smashing them into smithereens.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:58 PM | Comments (8)

January 27, 2006

Blame Bush

Because there are

NO ATOMIC Fireballs*


in Iraq.
BUMP
And you can blame him FOR:
Hurricanes

The West Virginia Coal Miners' deaths

Provoking the Iraq War

WTC Health Hazards

New Orleans flooding

NOT the 1978 Congress (?)

Undermining China's North Korean negotiations

(Whew. They tried to blame him, but he gets a break on the flu vacine poll.)

9/11

Violating a 'sacred trust'

Small Businesses

Oil prices

Excessive police force in Jacksonville, Oregon because he skipped his broccoli?

California's fiduciary missteps.

Newsweek's 'Koran in the Potty' story

The Swift Boat Vets

California's water problems

The China trade imbalance

Black Hawk Down Oh, WAIT! Wrong Bush.

Afghan prisoner abuse

The London bombings

Failed coup in Venezuela (Like, they couldn't possibly want Chavez out on their own, right?)

Dirty Florida water

This Guy could use a mug.

Jason at Iraq Now has something else to blame Bush for...you guessed it. The Cheney hunting accident. Sounds good to us!

New MUGS and lousy T-SHIRTS available at Swill Stuff**.
UPDATE:

(Production Note: Ebola will be seen modeling it, as usual. Best we could do. He works for beer. In the meantime, a dear family friend has stepped in to help out.)

*Or in Iran...YET

** Designed and printed LOCALLY in Pensacola, FL ~ no CafePress outsourcing cheap communistas here.


If we've missed anything YOU PERSONALLY blame Bush for, please! Feel free to add your own catalogue of his insidious infamy and ee-ville intentions in the comments.

PETA DISCLAIMER: NO SCOTTIES were harmed during the making of this mug.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 05:15 PM | Comments (25)

Le Filibuster d'Alito avec Don John Kerryote

Tilting at windmills, or just tilted?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:42 PM

AND Happy Birthday

...Amadeus!

He sure was a cute little guy.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:55 PM | Comments (1)

This Headline Begs the Question...

Woman Accused of Driving Bloodmobile Drunk
..."on what?"
A little slice of the macabre for your Friday afternoon.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:54 PM | Comments (2)

Why, Zank You Doktor!

Tampa sets a reasonable police intervention standard for a festive occasion.

Interesting legal fact: To make an arrest for baring breasts for beads, police must have a complaint from someone who is offended.

Related fact: Almost no one ever complains.


I'm more interested in the Guiness sales stats. Now that's impressive.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:09 AM | Comments (3)

January 26, 2006

Quote of the Day

Hugh Hewitt to John Podhoretz, via Radio Blogger, concerning the interview noted by Tim.

You're referring to Joel Stein. You were very kind over at the Corner last night. Frankly, I didn't think it was all that difficult. But if he wanted to bleed out on my show, I was happy to let him.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:13 PM

A CNN/SI Headline I Can Agree With

Gay, No. 1 UConn too much for St. John's

Heheheh. I can't stand UConn.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 11:41 AM | Comments (8)

On the Economic Front

The latest weekly jobless numbers also painted a picture of a healthy SPUTTERING underlying economy.

The Labor Department said initial claims for state jobless aid rose 11,000 in the week ended January 21 to 283,000 from an upwardly revised 272,000 the prior week.

Wall Street economists had forecast initial claims would rise to 305,000 from the initially reported 271,000 the previous week.

The four-week moving average of initial claims, which smoothes weekly volatility for a more reliable indication of underlying employment trends, fell by 10,750 to 288,750, the lowest level since July 2000.


Damndamndamndamndamn! Durable goods orders were up, too.

Dead puppies everywhere.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:35 AM | Comments (2)

January 25, 2006

Does Science Finally Have an Explanation

...for Teddy Kennedy's outrageous public comments?

Sex helps calm nerves before public speaking
Full sexual intercourse offers the best results, psychologist says

For obvious reasons, I choose not to dwell on the matter.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:05 PM | Comments (12)

This Party

...(Tampa's version of Mardi Gras) could get ugly quickly.

If you want to drink a cold beer at Gasparilla this year, you better bring your own.

For the first time in recent memory, beer will not be sold at tents along the parade route.

...Instead of beer, revelers will be offered mixed drinks: Seagrams 7 with Lemon Lime; Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum and Cola; Smirnoff Vodka and Lemon Lime Soda; and George Dickel Whisky and Cola.


Blech. ONLY mixed drinks? Sure glad I'm not part of the city clean-up crew afterwards.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:20 AM | Comments (5)

Science at It's Finest

For some male bats, sexual prowess comes with a price — smaller brains. A research team led by Syracuse University biologist Scott Pitnick found that in bat species where the females are promiscuous, the males boasting the largest testicles also had the smallest brains. Conversely, where the females were faithful, the males had smaller testes and larger brains.
All they had to do was ask Major Dad's favorite question when confronted by...say...the Coors Twins:
"Why are men pigs?"
He wants the answer to be "because the trough is full", but that's a lie. The simple truth is:
"Because they are."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:00 AM | Comments (19)

January 24, 2006

FLASH : A TOWACA Press Int'l© Exclusive

SECRET, startling insider testimony about supply shortages in Iraq:

The Atomic Fireballs will come in handy. Not sure if you were aware of the Atomic Fireball deficit in Iraq, but it’s a real tragedy. I check the candy stash on Lt Plummer’s desk periodically with no luck. She said she was going to fix that.

Damning stuff, people. Damning. Only YOU can right this national wrong. Email me for a Marine if you don't have one. Or send your jarhead another package. (Mention Lt Plummer and the Swilling if you do.) We must do everything we can to hold them until they get home.

She said she was going to fix that...
It doesn't get any more heartrending...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:10 AM | Comments (7)

January 23, 2006

Quote of the Day

Whadda hoot.

"The mayor just sent you a box of chocolates."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:18 PM | Comments (3)

Yo Soy Pi$$ed Off

Let's review: Don't eat a damn thing anybody TELLS you to. Just don't eat too MUCH of anything you want to.

Study casts doubt on soy's heart benefits

So ~ I will tell the scientific foodie community to bite me because I'm sick of them and their track record, the sum of which seems to be as follows:.
10 years from now, whatever they told you was great for you NOW will kill you by THEN.

And what they tell you will kill you NOW WON'T kill you by then.


Got eggs?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:29 AM | Comments (8)

A Breast or Thigh Man?

Well, feel guilty no longer. You can't help yourself.

Cannibals in the Closet?
...In a paper in Science, Mead argued that the prevalence of these two forms, and a mathematical analysis of other mutations on the same gene, showed there was strong evolutionary pressure for defense against prion disease for much of human history. But how were people exposed to it? The spontaneous form is very rare, and mad-cow outbreaks are an artifact of industrial agriculture. That left cannibalism.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:37 AM | Comments (13)

January 22, 2006

Susanna Has No Clue

...how many merlot snobs frequent this blog, the bilious buggers. But her comment in the post below did remind me to note the merlot ::GASP:: we enjoyed Friday evening. Suffering for a good cause cleanses the soul, believe me.

A miserly $12.99 a bottle and it were yum.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:56 PM | Comments (3)

My Two Favoritest Things ~ Tree Hugging and Swilling

...are at odds in the real world.

In the fog-shrouded forests of California’s remote North Coast, winemakers believe they’ve found the perfect terrain to grow the notoriously fickle pinot noir grape prized by connoisseurs.

Vineyard developers are snapping up thousands of acres of redwoods and firs in Sonoma County, with plans to clear the trees and plant the once-obscure varietal made famous by the wine-fueled road trip film “Sideways.”

Environmentalists and residents in Annapolis, a tiny town about 85 miles north of San Francisco, are trying to rein in the pinot lovers.


Damn that stoo-pid movie! Of course, I said the same thing about Martha Stewart when she started collecting yellowware kitchen bowls and had to tell everyone about it in her damn magazine. What had been $10 bowls skyrocketed to over $60 for the chipped/cracked/encrusted with 50 years of kitchen goo variety. All it takes is one knuckleheaded big mouth to ruin 'a good thing' for the rest of us.

This is like my worst nightmare. Sasquatch homeless for a varietal that'll be out of favor in five years. I mean, 'White Zinfandel' was the 'next big thing' just a while ago. Gack.


Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:11 AM | Comments (10)

January 20, 2006

It Appears There is Historical Precedent

...for the Coors Twins.

An ancient brewery from a vanished empire was staffed by elite women who were selected for their beauty or nobility, a new study concludes.

The finding adds to other evidence that women played a more crucial role in ancient Andean societies than history books have stated. It may also in some ways reflect modern drinking traditions in the Andean mountains, where women get drunk as much as men, researchers say.



Dear God.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:39 PM | Comments (6)

Speaking of Things Academic

First: can you take a study done by a guy named "Pierre Pica" (Well, okay, Cullen could.) from "Paris VIII University (...and WTF is that?)" seriously. Even if you could, it raises some nagging questions...

We’re hard-wired for geometry

Tests with Amazon villagers hint at innate geometrical sense

Even if you never learned the difference between a triangle, a rectangle and a trapezoid, and you never used a ruler, a compass or a map, you would still do well on some basic geometry tests, according to a new study.

Using a series of nonverbal tests, scientists claim to have uncovered core knowledge of geometry in villagers from a remote region of the Amazon who have little schooling or experience with maps and speak a language without the mathematical language of geometry.


...regarding their testing methodology.
During the test, each participant was shown 43 sets of six images — and asked to choose the one “weird” or “odd” image out of each set of six. A correct answer required the person to choose the image that did not follow the same basic aspect of geometry illustrated in the other five images.

Having closely studied the images...

Which one doesn't belong?


Which is the "odd" image?


Which triangle is most unlike the others?

...I think the exercise results are irreparably skewed.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:57 PM | Comments (2)

Site Stats

...are amazing. I never knew there was a 'Nude Auto Mall' online.

I do now.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:13 AM | Comments (10)

January 19, 2006

Bless Beer Brains' Little Green Heart

He made me laugh by mentioning one of my all time 'stupid' funny favorites.

"This is my BOOM stick!"

We had a place in New Orleans that sold all sorts of AOD/Evil Dead and Nightmare Before Christmas stuff you couldn't find anyplace else on earth. We would always pick up Ebola a little souvenier ~ a "Bad Ash" bobblehead doll here, a DVD encased in squishy foam Book of the Dead there ~ as a thank you for not killing the dogs while we were gone.

::sigh:: From such small gestures are the cherished memories of childhood made.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:01 PM | Comments (9)

D'oh!: See Noggin, Ray

When it rains, it pours.

(Anderson) COOPER: Sean, thanks for that.

It was here on the program that we expected to speak with Mayor Nagin, even though getting the mayor to come on the program is only a little easier than herding cats. When we -- when he last appeared on 360, which was about four months ago, shortly before Hurricane Rita, he promised he would be back.

Since then, we have put in dozens of requests for interviews. He's always declined them. Twice, he has agreed to appear, then canceled shortly before airtime, as he did tonight.

This morning, he agreed to appear. And, then, around 6:00 p.m., he confirmed he would appear. Then, shortly after, his office told us the mayor had an emergency to deal with. They said he would not be showing up.

Now, they didn't say what the emergency was. And we're not here to judge a person's emergencies. But, last we checked, the mayor was eating dinner at a restaurant called Bourbon House on the corner of Bourbon Street.

And Sean Callebs is actually standing outside the restaurant right now.

Sean, is the mayor still inside having dinner?

CALLEBS: Well, as best we can tell, Anderson, he is, indeed.

I can you how this evening played out. After we got the call that the mayor was going to cancel the interview, we had a crew out here. Somebody went upstairs to the second floor in a private dining area. They saw the mayor greeting members of the Commission to Bring Back New Orleans.

Now, we had people out here the entire time. There are still a number of city vehicles out here. We went up a short while ago to check once again to see if Mayor Nagin was upstairs on the second floor. This time, those doors were shut, and the mayor's press officer is standing out in front -- Anderson.

COOPER: Well, tell her I -- I left her a message as well. I would love to talk to her, when she gets a chance.

To your knowledge, are there any emergencies happening in Bourbon House right now?

CALLEBS: No.


This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 10:20 AM | Comments (5)

Helmut Kohl Ring a Bell?

“You don’t get whales coming to Berlin too often,” said Berlin police spokesman Bernhard Schodrowski.
Short memories there.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:39 AM

Chimpy, Chimpy, Chimpy...

Damn.

Jobless claims fall 36,000, lowest since 2000

Posted by tree hugging sister at 08:41 AM | Comments (2)

January 18, 2006

First Rule of War

Never give a Marine a can of spray paint and say:

"Camouflage that thing."




All cherished memories, war remembrances and Desert Storm photos © Major Dad, riding with the Wolfpack of HMH-466.

EDITOR'S NOTE: These are two different airplanes. And they brought them home to MCAS Tustin that way. We all thought it was a great tragedy when it had to be stripped off and painted air superiority blue. Major Dad adds:

"Those weren't the only two that were painted. One had a silhouette of Foghorn Leghorn and sundry other silhouettes. We had 16 planes..."

Posted by tree hugging sister at 02:22 PM | Comments (12)

Capitol Crimes

...have been recorded.

Tucked away in the basement of West Virginia's gold-domed Capitol, state officials say, an office was secretly transformed into a taxpayer-funded studio that may have been used to pirate DVD videos and music CDs.

Administration Secretary Robert Ferguson said his staff stumbled across the office after finding evidence that government purchase cards were used to buy $88,000 worth of computers and related equipment over three years.


I guess "Capitol Records" really IS defunct now...

Posted by tree hugging sister at 12:37 PM | Comments (2)

Major Dad is NOT, Repeat NOT

...EVER getting one of these cars. Fuggedaboudit, pal.

Woman Poses Naked on Car at Auto Show

DETROIT (AP) -- City officials are trying to figure out how a woman sneaked into the North American International Auto Show after closing time to pose naked atop the new Dodge Challenger.

It happened around 2:30 a.m. Monday when only workers and security guards were supposed to be inside Cobo Center.

Guards found the woman and about a dozen gawkers taking photographs with camera phones, workers told The Detroit News.

"We heard they were all over the Challenger," said Jason Vines, a spokesman for the Chrysler Group, which earlier had tried to give its cars more sex appeal by bringing in fully clothed "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria to pose at its exhibit.

Cobo Director Glenn Blanton said disciplinary action will be taken if employees were involved in the security breach.


I'm not walking out to a scene like that first thing every morning.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 11:45 AM | Comments (7)

At Least We Can Still Celebrate Here

...unlike the state next door.

Bill would end keg parties in Alabama

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) - Keg beer parties may soon come become illegal in Alabama because of problems with underage drinking, and it will be with the support of the beer industry.

The Alabama Senate voted 30-0 Tuesday for legislation that would ban the sale of draft beer in kegs of five gallons or more to individuals. The legislation would still permit draft beer to be sold in restaurants and bars in the 24 counties where it's legal.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:13 AM | Comments (14)

Mr. Bingley


On this day in the...mid 1960's...he first began scoffing at the world.

Little has changed since. Only now more people know about it.

Happy Birthday. Have a drink.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 09:01 AM | Comments (27)

La La La La La Laaaaaa...

Posted by Mr. Bingley at 07:55 AM | Comments (8)

January 17, 2006

Oh Right

I can't wait until he insists on being called Kingley Bingley. You know it's going to happen as soon as he reads this.

Irish king left a wide genetic trail

Scientists say 3 million men are descended from Niall of the Nine Hostages

He's such a poser.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 01:00 PM | Comments (9)

January 16, 2006

Whaddaya Think?


Anyone up for one?

Posted by tree hugging sister at 03:13 PM | Comments (15)

January 15, 2006

Hey, Rob?

Told ya. Sorry man.

Posted by tree hugging sister at 04:23 PM | Comments (4)

QUICK, QUICK, QUICK!!!

Bingley's cable's out ~ a communication vacuum courtesy of the lovely weather he photographed ~ so say whatever you want while you can!

No 'P' or 'C' words, though, or I'll splash ya.