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September 24, 2006

In The Spirit Of World Peace

And understanding, I present some highlights from the following phrasebook guide so that we may build bridges of love and understanding to other cultures as we American tourists traverse the world:

General Expressions

How much is that in real money?
C'est combien en monnaie réelle ?
¿Cuánto es en moneda estable?
Wieviel ist das in richtigem Geld?

At the hotel

There's a corpse on the bed. Please change the sheets.
Il y a un cadavre sur le lit. S'il vous plaît, faites changer les draps.
Hay un muerto en mi cama. Por favor, cambie las sábanas.
Da liegt eine Leiche auf dem Bett. Bitte wechseln sie die Laken.

Making friends

I understand your language perfectly.
Je parle français comme une vache espagnole.
Hablo español como un gringo borracho.
Ich sprechen deutsch wie italienisch Fußballtrainer.

Don't "imperialist pig" me, my good man.
Fichez-moi la paix avec votre "cochon impérialiste", mon petit bonhomme.
¡Váyase usted al cuerno con su "cerdo imperialista", hombre!
Nenn du mich nicht "imperialistisches Schwein", mein Lieber.

A little romance

Girls with big mazongas usually can't rhumba so well.
Avec les roberts comme ça, ta rhumba est exceptionnelle.
Bailas muy bien, a despecho de tus enormes naranjas.
Mädchen mit viel Holz vor die Hütt sind meistens beim Rhumba nicht so gut.

You're very pretty for a foreigner.
Vous êtes très jolie [joli], pour une étrangère [un étranger].
Usted es muy guapa [guapo] para ser extranjera [extranjero].
Du bist sehr schön für eine Ausländerin [einen Ausländer].

Sightseeing

Your country has such lovely dirt.
Votre pays a une saleté vraiment charmante.
¡La suciedad de su país es tan agradable!
Euer Land hat so reizenden Schmutz.

Travel

Make sure my seat isn't next to any Frenchmen (Argentines, Austrians).
J'exige de ne pas être assis à côté d'un français.
No me siente al lado de ningún argentino, por favor.
Passen sie auf, dass ich nicht neben irgendwelchen Östereichern sitze.

Understanding directions

Where is the Cathedral?
Où est le bordel ?
¿Dónde se da masajes?
Wo geht's 'n hier zum Puff?

I know I'm naked, could you just tell me how to get back to the hotel?
Je le sais bien que je suis à poil; je veux simplement savoir comment rentrer à l'hôtel.
Ya se que estoy calato; sólo quiero saber cómo volver al hotel.
Ich weiß, dass ich nackt bin; könnten sie mir vielleicht einfach sagen, wie ich wieder zurück zum Hotel komme?

At the restaurant

Could I have some clean water?
Veuillez m'apporter de l'eau vraiment propre.
¿Podría darme un poco de su agua realmente potable?
Könnte ich etwas sauberes Wasser haben?

Intellectual exchanges

Impressed as I am with the New Wave in cinematography, I must say that this particular film seemed both pretentious and unsatisfying, and that the director's imagery, though compelling, is no substitute for a true cinematic message.
Mais c'est de la merde, ce navet.
A esto le llamo yo estiércol cinematográfico.
Der Film ist Scheiße.

Please do go and read them all; it is out duty as World Citizens.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at September 24, 2006 12:53 PM

Comments

I speak some German from my tour there, and "Ich sprechen deutsch wie italienisch Fußballtrainer" is a very loose translation of "I understand your language perfectly".

LOL!

;-P

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at September 24, 2006 01:18 PM

I lived aboout a year in Vienna, and it's as good as it gets, especially directions to the Cathedral, and don't seat me next to a damn Austrian! ;-)

Posted by: DirtCrashr at September 24, 2006 08:12 PM

Ach du heilige scheiße! I would NEVER talk like that!

Posted by: tree hugging sister at September 24, 2006 08:57 PM

Jeff, I was thinking exactly the same thing, though with me it's the Spanish. "Hablo español como un gringo borracho." es muy, muy loose.

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at September 25, 2006 10:44 AM

Jeff, you'll also get this one (even I got it). On a trip to Germany, on the door of a restroom at the company I worked at was a sign with a little cartoon character holding out his hands, with the large caption "Gewaschen?" (I can't remember the exact spelling). Right below it, someone scribbled "Ne, gesheissen".

And apologies for not putting in the correct umlauts and such.

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at September 25, 2006 10:51 AM

Good one, Ken! The spelling looks OK, but my German-Engrish dictionary is at home. But I got the joke instantly!!! LOL!

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at September 25, 2006 11:51 AM

And merely for the pedantic amongst us (naming no names, but some people use "ß" when "ss" will suffice), "gesheissen" should be "gescheißen".

Gotta keep the s**t straight, y'know!

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at September 25, 2006 11:54 AM

Posted by: tree hugging sister at September 25, 2006 09:01 PM

Jeff, oddly enough, Germany itself is moving toward "ss" to replace "the 'B' looking character whose name I can't remember". All of the street signs I saw in Mannheim were "ss", and many of the people I worked with used "ss". I suspect it's the computer/information revolution driving it.

Another funny thing I noticed in Mannheim: every other street is named "Einbahn strasse". Tres confusing.

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at September 25, 2006 11:07 PM