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April 24, 2007

I

...am a pissy monkey right now. Not ONLY do I HATE bloggers who rely on "blogger' or some other outdated, pain-the-freakin'-ASS Google security sh*t system to keep their super important contact information SUPER SQUIRREL secret from some poor ignorant, chatty FOOL like me, who might want to ~ GOD FORBID ~ CONTACT them ("Oh, a Marine major? major dad, too!"), BUT the MAN has shot down my dream of organic puppy cookie world dominating titan of industryhoodness. See, I make these delicious puppy cookies, full of tree hugging goodness and every doggie adores them. The little puppy accoutrement store in town buys them and sells them for a quarter each and they fly, fly ,fly out the door like the witch's monkeys off the castle battlements. Being greedy a free market capitalist, I bought a postage scale, glassine bags, twisty-tie doodles and then spent until midnight making a fetching label with snappy verbiage, thinking I would snag some of the retail action elsewhere for my ownself. Called the local tree hugger store, since they seem to be so fond of 'local' vendors, asked about someone checking out my soon to be world famous puppy pastries and got, "Do you have the proper permits?"

::silence::

"Que?"

"A business license, health permits, labeling in accordance with Florida health and commerce regulations, product liability insurance, you know...do you have all your paperwork?"

::thinkthinkthink::

"Um...que?"

"We'd love to see them when you do."

I use certified, non-Chinese organic ingredients for every morsel and the health inspector has to check out my kitchen ~ where dog hair is added protein ~ for someone who drinks out of toilets? Whatever happened to 'nothing says lovin' like sumthin' from the oven'? ENTREPENEURSHIP, for crying out loud?

Just frickin' crush my dream of Donald Trumpdom but better hair/mongrel munchie magnate mogulness like bug. And I didn't want to talk to that blogger anyway.

Posted by tree hugging sister at April 24, 2007 06:09 PM

Comments

Maybe you should have told them that you used ground up Republicans as the primary ingredient?

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at April 24, 2007 07:11 PM

To be fair, dogs need to be protected from non-tree-hugging rascals that use rat hides and road kill to make their lovin' from the oven treats.

I'll bet my doggy would like some. Are they small enough for a terrier?

I trust you, I don't need to see permits.

We just finished studying products liability in my Torts class. Any product, be it food or not, must be assumed to be safe by unsuspecting consumers. Retailers are often bypassed in litigation for products liability, but especially for a small company, they would probably not be bypassed in a tort lawsuit since the store has more assets than you do (you probably don't want your hard won retirement check garnished). I suspect that this permit is a good tool for the store to do due diligence in ensuring that you're not one of the not so benevolent, or incompetent, vendors that sell doggy treats with little regard for doggy health.

And with the big deal of so many dogs and cats being killed by bad dogfood recently it's not likely that exceptions will be made.

I'm not sure what blogger has to do with anything.

Posted by: Mike Rentner at April 24, 2007 09:34 PM

I can confirm that Bennie the beagle and Smedley the bulldog absolutely loved the treats and had no ill effects whatsoever. They both are will to take any excess inventory off you hands.

Posted by: Kcruella at April 24, 2007 10:29 PM

Well, it's easy to find me, anyway. Click my name under "contributors" and there's the addy. I just have to be a little careful lest I get seven pounds of spam every morning.

Posted by: Nightfly at April 25, 2007 01:05 AM

THS, it is unfortunately a reflection of the litigious world in which we live.

To many people, their cats/dogs are their children.

Liability for the sale of defective foodstuffs will always rest at first instance with the retailer. It is open to the retailer to join the supplier as a defendant in any action, and seek an order that the supplier be responsible for (i) the damages, and (ii) the legal costs of the retailer in defending the action, and joining the supplier.

Sorry, the retailer was just being commercially prudent in this instance. Not that supplying all of the permits etc. to the retailer would absolve you of any responsibility if anything went wrong.

And yes, they do drink out of toilets. That doesn't change anything.

Posted by: Kaboom at April 25, 2007 07:32 AM

I'm sure my guys would love delicious puppy cookies as well.

Posted by: Tainted Bill at April 25, 2007 09:05 AM

Do you put your puppies in a blender?

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at April 25, 2007 01:55 PM

"Are your cookies made from 100% Girl Scouts?"

Posted by: Nightfly at April 25, 2007 03:21 PM

Bingley and Nightfly were thinking along my lines...

I was interested until I read that they were for dogs.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 25, 2007 05:04 PM

Well, you traitorous cur, you would have had the people version had you NOT chosen to 'go straight home'...

Posted by: tree hugging sister at April 25, 2007 05:17 PM

Traitorous? (I won't argue the "cur..")

My feeling has been hurt. Hopefully it's not mortally wounded.

:)

Posted by: That 1 Guy at April 25, 2007 05:30 PM

I love ya, Sister, but you're selling food. Get your licenses squared away then try again.
Thanks for the warning that some pet stores are selling uncertified treats.

Posted by: Donnah at April 26, 2007 12:51 AM

It seems to me pets are dying lately from the CERTIFIED food, n'est pas? Keep buying that Ol' Roy, baby.

And I suppose your Miracle Whip-made munchie monitoring mania extends to the 5 year old with a lemonade stand in your area? As dogmatically adhered to regulations, in turn explaining the plethora of pre-schoolers in cop cars so iconic of SoFl in general? You DID that to CHILDREN?

Damn, Donnah. You're mean.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at April 26, 2007 11:44 AM

But surely, THS, you can see from the perspective of the store.

If they buy from a certified dog food manufacturer and there is a doggie plague caused by that product, they can argue that they took all reasonable precautions to prevent the plague. It would be solely the manufacturer's fault. It's relevent, but not dispositive.

But if they sell dog food from a manufacturer that isn't certified, when a certification process exists, then if there is a doggie plague then they are screwed. And since they have more assets than the non-certified manufacturer, they are going to be sued first.

Sometimes, that's just the way it goes. But the good news is that if your doggie treats are good enough, it's worth the money to invest in the certification.

It might be a great new business for you.

Posted by: Mike Rentner at April 26, 2007 04:40 PM