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February 22, 2006

A Little Preliminary Statistical Research

Just to set the tone for the argument. I will use "mayonnaise", since that is the subject of much ignorant derision, as well as including the brand we all know and love. Using keywords found in the ongoing contretemps, let's Google, shall we?

Miracle Whip cat piss
158,000 entries

mayonnaise cat piss
40,700 entries

Hellman's cat piss
12,400 entries


Hmmm....
Miracle Whip lesbian gorilla
26,900 entries

mayonnaise lesbian gorilla
10,700 entries

Hellman's lesbian gorilla
707 entries

One last shot at the negatives, shall we?

Miracle whip vomit
107,000 entries

mayonnaise vomit
60,800 entries

Hellman's vomit
12,100 entries

Reversing the poles...

Miracle Whip yummy

110,000 entries

mayonnaise yummy
227,000 entries

Hellman's yummy
13.500 entries

Miracle Whip American
980,000 entries

mayonnaise American
2,100,000 entries

Hellman's American
1,800,000 entries

Am I just another blonde-blue eyed-UnitedStatesMarine-American, or do I sense a trend? Somewhere in the neighborhood of a little more than 2 to 1 in mayonnaise's flavor favor?

I'm going to have to feed this into our data banks for further number crunching. Now, I was going to use the "Miracle Whip sucks" results, but they were so overwhelmingly in favor of...

"yes, it does"
...an ABSOLUTE vice a variable ~ I felt, in the best interests of the best science, that I must remove those results from consideration.

UPDATE: A note to a certain caterwauling Cracker ~ "All American" and "Southern" don't necessarily make it...

..."alright".

Posted by tree hugging sister at February 22, 2006 04:55 PM

Comments

GAAAAAAAHHHH! My eyes!

Posted by: Nightfly at February 22, 2006 05:47 PM

HSSSSSSS. Throwing Jimmeh in there is a low blow.

Posted by: Donnah at February 22, 2006 05:52 PM

Voulez-vous cesser de me cracher dessus pendant que vous parlez! Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?

Now go away, before I taunt you a second time.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at February 22, 2006 06:12 PM

Should have tried hellman's west coast brand

Best Foods yummy
1,250,000

Just sayin', is all

Posted by: Ken Summers at February 22, 2006 06:29 PM

I was trying to be even handed. One-hand-tied-behind-my-back-fair-American, even.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at February 22, 2006 06:32 PM

MUST BLEACH EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at February 22, 2006 06:33 PM

I have a "french condiment" that will cure blindness if you need some, Jeff. I would never knowingly cause you pain.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at February 22, 2006 06:37 PM

Ce n'est qu'une bataille, ma chere, et pas la guerre.

Posted by: Donnah at February 22, 2006 06:47 PM

Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the Best...

Posted by: Kathy K at February 22, 2006 08:29 PM

Don't you just love that song?!

Posted by: tree hugging sister at February 22, 2006 08:43 PM

Just in case you thought I'd gone soft on History's Greatest Monster:

Jimmy Carter eats worms: 211,000

Hey, I just report the facts.

Posted by: Ken Summers at February 22, 2006 09:53 PM

Even as we speak, er, type, it increases.

214,000 entries.

Man, that's a lot of worms.

Posted by: Ken Summers at February 22, 2006 11:01 PM

Well, nobody loves him, everybody hates him...

Posted by: Nightfly at February 23, 2006 12:08 PM

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...

Miracle Whip'll do that to you.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at February 24, 2006 08:10 AM