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March 19, 2009

Country Mouse, City Mouse

Carl Hiassen exposes the Sunshine State's livestock and legislative underbelly, in all its darkness.

Sometimes it's not easy to admit that you live in Florida.

Last week, our state Senate boldly took the first step toward making it illegal for a person to have intimate relations with an animal.

Although such a law might thin the dating pool in certain counties, it should ultimately serve to protect household pets and domestic livestock, which evidently are at far greater risk than most of us had imagined.

The cry for justice first arose from the small Panhandle community of Mossy Head, where in 2006 a 48-year-old man was suspected of abducting a neighbor family's pet goat and accidentally strangling it with its collar during a sex act.

I wish I were making this up, but the story is true. The poor goat's name was Meg.



...More unwanted publicity came to Mossy Head when a local entrepreneur began selling T-shirts that said,

''Baaa Means No!''

...Shortly after the fatal encounter with Meg, the same man was arrested while trying to sneak off with another goat. This time he was sentenced to 364 days for theft.

...As Rich's bill was being amended to make sure that some common animal-husbandry practices were exempt, Sen. Larcenia Bullard of Miami spoke up in puzzlement.

''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?''

(I fully expect she'll ask about "violins on TV" eventually.) In the comments:

"All of us are being screwed by the donkey, now that Obama is in."

Perspective is everything.

Posted by tree hugging sister at March 19, 2009 07:42 AM

Comments

Found this at, http://www.popehat.com/

Edit: Cappy, a commenter over at The Agitator, points out that Bullard is the Vice-Chair of the Agricultural Committee and a former teacher. That makes this even more awesome.

Posted by: jon spencer at March 19, 2009 08:26 AM

''Baaa Means No!''

Haven't we been telling Ken that for years?

Posted by: Cullen at March 19, 2009 08:37 AM

Bullard is also a "Community Activist". Yet another endorsement for THAT "profession".....

Posted by: JeffS at March 19, 2009 09:01 AM

I never thought to make some doe on a shirt, though.

And jon (as well as a warm Swill welcome), lemme say this as politely as I can..."NO F*CKING WAY?!?!?"

That should do. And we are, indeed, in good hands.{8^P

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 19, 2009 09:02 AM

What's wrong with making doe on a shirt? Earning a buck these days is not to be sneezed at!

Posted by: JeffS at March 19, 2009 09:39 AM

It's a pity no one mentioned the proclivity of Welshmen for wearing oversized waterproof boots!

Posted by: Mike Cunningham at March 19, 2009 09:46 AM

Here's another genius (by way of the first comment here).

Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog.

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at March 19, 2009 09:58 AM

"What's wrong with making doe on a shirt?"

Nothing. It's something you can absolutely fawn over.

Posted by: Gunslinger at March 19, 2009 04:53 PM

Animal cruelty is already a crime in Florida, punishable as either a first-degree misdemeanor or a third-degree felony depending on the facts. So why exactly is this redundant bill necessary?

Oh, for my days and nights slaving away, tilting at windmills in futile attempts to get legislators to pay attention to reality rather than endlessly grandstand. Surprisingly, every now and then it actually worked.

Posted by: Dave J at March 19, 2009 10:48 PM

Animal cruelty is already a crime in Florida

I didn't seem them mention any BDSM. I thought they were talking about sweet, tender Bingley love. Or whatever he calls it.

Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at March 19, 2009 11:27 PM

SQUAWK SQUAWK IM REALY SWEET,CUDDLY,WARM AND IM VERY VERY NICE AND FRENDLY SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK HYUK,HYUK,HYUK

Posted by: Flu-Bird at April 23, 2009 02:10 AM