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April 21, 2009

Weigh-a The Gaia Slay-a

Finally, science has shown us the true cause of Gorebal Warmening: Shoney's buffet

THE rising number of fat people was yesterday blamed for global warming.

Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production — a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet.

Overweight people are also more likely to drive, adding to environmental damage.

They are also more likely to break chairs and couches when they sit down, and to replace this furniture requires vibrant young trees to be cut down in the prime of their youth.

See, we need to cut global food production; all these people hurt Mother Terra!

Remember, people don't matter.

Posted by Mr. Bingley at April 21, 2009 08:53 AM

Comments

Dude. "Shoney's" LMAO

Posted by: Val Prieto at April 21, 2009 09:47 AM

Al Gore had better watch out, then. Dude had better lose 100 pounds, or he might lose his oracle status.

Posted by: JeffS at April 21, 2009 10:34 AM

"...to replace this furniture requires vibrant young trees to be cut down in the prime of their youth."

Oh, the heartbreak!

Next we'll have the garbage police calculating how much damage we're doing to poor mother earth based on the amount of food we throw away. And the UK will probably institute fines on the tossers.

Posted by: Retread at April 21, 2009 04:36 PM