The Coalition of the Swilling

If I can break out a Conan the Barbarian quote: "Contemplate this on the tree of woe."

Try a toothpick! :)

Um, try pouring them ONTO the spoon?

You were expecting sympathetic snark instead of practical solutions, weren't you? Sorry. Try a smaller spoon, one of those infant spoons ought to do it.

I don't have a smaller spoon! Whaaaah!

And when I try and pour them out the darn brine spills everywhere.

I can't reach the little bastards with a toothpick...I think I'll just take a hammer to the bottle.

Use a straw to siphon out what you need?

I don't know; I bought an extra-small fork just to be able to extract pickled vegetables from a jar with a too-small mouth. It irritates me a bit that the producers think that looking stylish trumps their customers' actually being able to get the stuff out of the bottle...

If you look around you can find excellent, smaller capers preserved in sea salt crystals rather than in that briney swill. These, unfortunately, seem to prevail from France but the most commonly encountered ones I've used come in a smallish plastic tub that a regular teaspoon fits in easily. 3 tsps to a tbsp, a snappy rinse in a sieve to wash the crystals off, a few well-placed F words and you're Gordon Ramsey!

I feel the same way about the crushed garlic bottle! I use a butter knife for that.

Stretch, you're my new hero!

Seafood fork, dork.

To be my usual pedantic self, THS, what's called for here is not a fish fork, which is usually just a shorter fork with a bit of a "Neptune's trident" styling to it, but a lobster fork, very narrow with two tines.

You don't have a 1/2 teaspoon or 1/4 teaspoon measuring spoon? (That sounds wrong but it's the only way I can figure out to say it.)

Borrow my coke spoon?