« I Think They May Have Left a Couple Words Out | Main | Blame It On Whitey Nuance »

March 20, 2008

Osama and the Pope walk into a bar

...the door knocks the hat off the old Catholic's head and an ex-con at the bar asks, "Who dropped the pope?"

Yeah, so, crap jokes aside, it seems `ol Obama, err, Osama, thinks that our current Church Overlord® is enticing all ye wee christians to a new crusade -they seem to think we start one as quickly as they announce jihads-.....


But that ain't how ya do it, damn it! First, the pope has to promise remission of sins, before, after, and during the blood letting of thy pagan enemies.


All who die by the way, whether by land or by sea, or in battle against the pagans, shall have immediate remission of sins. This I grant them through the power of God with which I am invested.

Then you gotta bitch a bit about your woes and stuff, yo!

O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!

And uh, here's the rest of Urban II's speech that led the opening kickoff of Crusade v1.0

With what reproaches will the Lord overwhelm us if you do not aid those who, with us, profess the Christian religion! Let those who have been accustomed unjustly to wage private warfare against the faithful now go against the infidels and end with victory this war which should have been begun long ago. Let those who for a long time, have been robbers, now become knights. Let those who have been fighting against their brothers and relatives now fight in a proper way against the barbarians. Let those who have been serving as mercenaries for small pay now obtain the eternal reward. Let those who have been wearing themselves out in both body and soul now work for a double honor. Behold! on this side will be the sorrowful and poor, on that, the rich; on this side, the enemies of the Lord, on that, his friends. Let those who go not put off the journey, but rent their lands and collect money for their expenses; and as soon as winter is over and spring comes, let hem eagerly set out on the way with God as their guide."


And lets face it folks, it ain't the book that makes the religion, it's the people that "follow" the books of the religion.


Posted by Ebola at March 20, 2008 01:20 PM

Comments

"...it ain't the book that makes the religion, it's the people that "follow" the books of the religion."

Amen. This is what drives my agnostic beliefs.

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at March 20, 2008 02:55 PM

Just to clarify the time line, sweet child: for the uninitiated who may swoopeth in and see sweet Benedict's face against Urban's (insert "Obamaism") controversial remarks, in WHAT year spaketh he?

I don't want 'Presbyterian youths' rioting.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 20, 2008 03:06 PM

You think Osama might be sore at Benny over quoting that Byzantine Emperor, but over the cartoons? If I remember correctly, the Church was voicing platitudes about sensitivity during the whole affair.

And if the Pope did call for a new crusade, how many Europeans does Osama think would follow? Hell, I bet more Italians would point and laugh rather than sign up.

Posted by: Tainted Bill at March 20, 2008 03:25 PM

I was thinking that, too, Bill. I hardly expect Christiandom to erupt because Ebola has posted Benedict's evil twin Palpantine, but if was Mo and his turban morphing? Stand the flock by.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 20, 2008 03:43 PM

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 20, 2008 04:19 PM

THS, that would be 1095, I believe.

Posted by: Dave J at March 20, 2008 06:49 PM

Very good and thank you, Dave. (But it's still recent enough to piss them off, I'm afraid.)

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 20, 2008 07:05 PM

I thought the Pope/Emperor photos were as hilarious as the Mohammad cartoons, myself.

But then, I'm not a Muslim, so what would I know about the Religion of Pieces?

Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at March 20, 2008 07:49 PM

Well, if he means by respecting life and not blowing ourselves up, well then, sure. . .

Posted by: Kate P at March 20, 2008 09:04 PM

All I know is, the above pair of pictures strike me as quite funny. You don't want to be anathema when Darth Vicar comes around. And to say a little something on behalf of us Papists, we (and Christians of other brand loyalty) are encouraged to be of good cheer; our God has overcome the world. (And that is in our book - following it tends to lead to good times.)

Posted by: Nightfly at March 20, 2008 11:32 PM

I'd pay money to see him say Vader's line "I find your lack of faith disturbing".

Posted by: Tainted Bill at March 21, 2008 08:15 AM

"Darth Vicar". Oh, Diptera, I'm crying here...

Posted by: tree hugging sister at March 21, 2008 09:44 AM

The pope seemed to think that he won't be the target of Al Qaeda if he is nice to them. I wonder if he understands yet.

Posted by: Skyler at March 21, 2008 11:35 AM