The Coalition of the Swilling

Now there's a reporter who should win a Pulitzer. What a great read!

My only quibble is that cocoa butter does have flavor; we taste it in the office occasionally. The cocoa butter that is in lip balms, etc, is deodorized (as is the cocoa butter in suppositories...though I'm not quite sure why they bother).

They are living the American dream, finding rich stupid people to overpay for a product or service that could be supplied for less but does not have to be because there are enough rich stupid people around to buy it. Brilliant.

"as is the cocoa butter in suppositories"

Because odor also often indicates activity with other nerves besides the ofactory ones. The phrase for the day is "sensation of chemical burn". Ever seen the idiots on a HS football team put Icy Hot in someone's jockstrap?

Oh yes, and people who buy Noka chocolates have more dollars than sense.

Thanks for the opportunity to talk about our company and its products. We are passionate advocates for gourmet chocolate who devote a great deal of time and resources to educating the public not only about the fine points of chocolate quality and purity but also about the optimal tasting experience. As such, we are grateful for any attention that is devoted to fine chocolate!

NōKA Chocolate is proud of the fact that owner Katrina Merrem is a "chocolatier" (person or company who crafts couverture and other ingredients into chocolates, truffles and other confections). We have never intentionally suggested that she is a "chocolate maker" (engaged in roasting, grinding and otherwise processing cacao into couverture). All of our communications, including our Web site and a small booklet included with every gift we sell, identify Katrina as our chocolatier.

We want to strongly re-state that NOKA Chocolate is "our chocolate." NOKA's couverture is made to our strict specifications. We specify the source ingredients, the region from which the ingredients are sourced and the process by which the couverture is made.

The quality and purity of our chocolates is outstanding. The food editors of TASTE agree...they recently ranked us the top luxury chocolate in the world.

However, a simplistic pound-per-pound comparison understates the value of NOKA Chocolates. A gift of NOKA Chocolate is a gift of the NOKA Chocolate Experience. The NOKA Chocolate experience ensures that magical moments and memories can be enjoyed by both the person who gives the gift of NOKA Chocolate and by the person who receives the gift. Each NOKA Chocolate gift is an experience that begins with the unique and elegantly designed packaging and encourages an appreciation by all the senses including the look, aroma, flavor and texture of our chocolates and truffles. The Optimal Tasting Guide and vividly descriptive Flavor Profiles included with each gift provide each gift recipient with the tools to enjoy his or her own chocolate tasting whether it be alone or a special event.

Thanks again for the opportunity to talk about our chocolates!

NOKA dude, you have got to be kidding. I’m in Marketing, and I know a load of BS when it’s served on a silver platter.

The NOKA experience releases the same alkaloids into your bloodstream as a Hershey Dark experience or (my preferred poison) a Dolfin experience.

“We specify the source ingredients, the region from which the ingredients are sourced and the process by which the couverture is made.”

Dude, so does McDonald’s. One of the biggest problems Mickey D’s faced in Russia when they opened the flagship store near Pushkin Square in the 1989 was finding farms that would supply ingredients that consistently met their quality standards on a regular delivery schedule. That says a lot about how poor the food distribution system was in the USSR, but McDonald’s being picky still didn’t turn a Big Mac into a gourmet meal. And the food editors of TASTE have a vested interest in keeping rich idiots paying more than they should for food.

There is nothing in this world you can do to a chocolate that justifies a 4 – 12 fold price premium over chocolates that, while good, are already over-priced. Top of the luxury chocolate heap you may be, but it’s a heap serving the seriously over-cashed. Dolfin comes in at about $20 per pound, and I’ve found few chocolates better, certainly none in that price range.

I’m pretty sure that your COGS are somewhere in the 30% range, with materials coming in at 10 – 15%, specifying the couverture notwithstanding. At most I’ll give you 30% COGS. Now, after having experienced socialism up close and personal, I am loathe to have the government what profit margin they should earn. That’s the customer’s job. And this customer wonders where else he can find a business with a profit margin that big. Because manufacturing, sales and marketing of a boutique product do not account for the other 70-80% of the price.

I’m betting that the NOKA experience consists mostly of the ugly realization that the customer has just encountered Dogbert’s marketing department: stick a vacuum in the customer’s pocket and suck until there’s nothing left but lint. You people and the $600 jeans people give marketing and branding a bad name.

Oh, John, you...you...SCIENTIST, you!

I have no idea why John's beautiful, dee-lish-y-us links aren't working but here is the "30%" and here is the "Dolfin" Chocolate link.

"Oh, John, you...you...SCIENTIST, you!"

That was the MBA talking. Don't try to BS a marketing major.

This is the same reason I don't buy Dawn dish detergent. The patents on Dawn are the same damn ones as on Joy. Look on the back of the bottles and compare the patent numbers. It's the same damn surfactants. It's just that Dawn was the very first detergent on the market years ago. And P&G knows that for household products such as detergents, people usually use the same products as dear old Mom. So they continue to blindly pay more than 20% more for Dawn, instead of switching to Joy (I think there are some dilution differences, but I dilute that crap anyway).

I always thought that was kind of underhanded of P&G Marketing. Caveat emptor.

John, you're soaking in it.

I finally read the whole thing. Holy cow is this journalist the antidote to spin. And those NOKA people are not marketers, they are flat out liars.