The Coalition of the Swilling

Awww, bless his heart! We'll miss him. He was always a pleasure to watch and good natured as the dickens in interviews! My favorite Scotty quote? From "The Search For Spock". Someone is reeling off all the wonderous advances over the Enterprise in the newest generation Starship, the Excelsior, including transwarp drive. Scotty's answer?

"Aye and if my Gramma had wheels she'd be a wagon."

"I dinna know if the engines can take it"

"Well, I had a wee case a while ago, cap'n, but I'm fine now," says Scotty.

"Case of what?" asks Kirk.

"Err ... Shore leave," interjects McCoy.

This has to be laid out in full to get the whole effect. It's from that quintesential original series episode, "The Trouble With Tribbles."

KIRK: You were supposed to prevent trouble, Mr. Scott.

SCOTTY: Aye, Captain.

KIRK: Who threw the first punch?

SCOTTY: Um ...

KIRK: Scotty?

SCOTTY: I did, Captain.

KIRK: You did, Mr. Scott? What caused it, Scotty?

SCOTTY: They insulted us, sir.

KIRK: Must have been some insult.

SCOTTY: Aye, that it was.

KIRK: You threw the first punch.

SCOTTY: Aye. Chekov wanted to, but I held him back.

KIRK: You held -- why did Chekov want to start a fight?

SCOTTY: Um ... well, the Klingons, sir ... Is this off the record?

KIRK: No. This is not off the record.

SCOTTY: Well, Captain, uh ... the Klingons called you, uh ... a tin-plated, overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.

KIRK: Is that all?

SCOTTY: No, sir. They also compared you unfavorably with a Denebian slime devil.

KIRK: I get the picture.

SCOTTY: Yes, sir.

KIRK: After they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons?

SCOTTY: No, sir.

KIRK: No?

SCOTTY: No, uh ... I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.

KIRK: Oh, yes.

SCOTTY: Well, I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?

KIRK: What was it they said that started the fight?

SCOTTY: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow!

From an episode where Bones whips up a cure for their current predicament (I forget the name of the episode):

Bones: "This is best mixed with alcohol. But enough of it, and you won't feel a phaser set to stun."

Scotty: "How does it mix with Scotch?"

Bones: "I don't know, but it should work."

Scotty: (Grabs an entire bottle of the cure) "I'll let you know!"

==================

I actually met James Doohan many years ago, at an event sponsored by my college. No, not a Trekkie Convention (although we did have a number of people show up in Star Fleet uniform....this in 1977). He spoke, showed the infamous "Star Trek Bloopers" film, plus a film of himself acting live on TV.

He was a genuine character. His presentation was very good, and I quite enjoyed the evening. I have to wonder if he ever did stand up comedy, because he wast quick with the come backs!

One turkey asked this question: "The doppler effect described the apparent shift of sound as the source of that sound moves towards you and then away from you. The same effect is also true for satellites. Is there a similar effect for sub-space radios on ships under warp drive?"

(Please note -- my college was an engineering college. Every student in the room knew this was a bulls**t question.)

Mr. Doohan's answer: "Yes, it's called the Dippler Effect!"

He brought the house down.

God keep you, "Scotty".

"I cannae change the laws o' physics, Cap'n!"

I also remember that, in an interview, Doohan was asked if he really played the bagpipes as shown on screen in Wrath of Khan. "No," he answered, "but I fingered it nice, didn't I?"

He'd been ailing for some time; God bless him - especially for being an old-school Canadian. The headline reads "Scotty Dies" but the important stuff is in graf three: The Canadian-born Doohan fought in World War II and was wounded during the D-Day invasion. And you get the details way down.

The Canadians crossed a minefield laid for tanks; the soldiers weren't heavy enough to detonate the bombs. At 11:30 that night, he was machine-gunned, taking six hits: one that took off his middle right finger (he managed to hide the missing finger on screen), four in his leg and one in the chest. The chest bullet was stopped by his silver cigarette case.

Thanks, Mr. Doohan.

Just to complete the quote..

"I cannae change the laws o' physics, Cap'n.. I've got to have 30 minutes"

Laddie. Don't you think you should... rephrase that?"

"Just before they went into warp, I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all." -- Scotty, explaining how he got rid of the tribbles (The Trouble With Tribbles)

From "the quest for Spock," after it's revealed he disabled a newfangled starfleet ship by pulling four lug-nut-sized components out:

"The fancier ye make th' plumbin', the easier it is t' clog th' drain."

Let's not forget "I bet that Klingon bitch did it."

A line that was probably beneath Scotty.

Scotty was probably my favorite character.

RHJunior, the followup is priceless, too, as he puts those little pieces in McCoy's hand:

"Souvenirs, Doctor...from one surgeon to another."