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June 29, 2005

Bless Their 'Lil Pointy Heads

MSNBC has video link on their home page called "Explaining Shark Attacks". I shall endeavor to explain it now, saving our gentle readers time. We will title this segment: Sister Knows Sharks
First, a basic equation.
+ +


Got that?

Now, for my helpful "Rules of Engagement":

1. It's their ocean, not yours. Never forget that.
2. The is your friend. NEVER EVER swim before/at dawn or close to dusk. Sharks like to feed when it's dark, since fishies can't see them. And, coincidentally, neither can you.
3. Do NOT swim near a guy with a pole and a handfull of bloody bait or rotting shrimp. That trail of goo is to a shark and he will be coming to find it, especially if the guy with the pole is reeling something in. The thrashing of that fish only energizes the
' for dinner' circuit in his little shark brain. You don't want to be in the way, 'cause he's coming in a big hurry with his mouth OPEN, to chomp the very first thing his fishwips touch.
4. Never EVER get in if the water is . Sharks have shitty eyesight and won't see your lilly white in the two feet of water next to the fish their nose tells them is there.
5. Should you see in the water, don't go splashing along to see what they are, or head off in a mad frenzy toward shore. is bad. Be calm, be vertical, be still, be not a , lest you become .

Okay. I've done my civic duty. Most shark attacks are cases of people visiting the area, getting in the water come hell or high..you know...because a vacation costs MONEY and they'll be damned if they're going to miss one second of time paid for. (Especially if kids are screaming 'but it looks okaaaayyyyyy, so why nnnooottttt???!!!!!') And, in all honesty, because they just don't know any better. Now you do. So be careful out there. Aloha.

Posted by tree hugging sister at June 29, 2005 10:06 AM


Our local paper carried the story of the beaches reopening. The (large) accompanying picture showed lots of people on the beach at the reopening, complete with A DAMN BULL SHARK SWIMMING RIGHT IN THE SHALLOWS. I can't find the pic online, unfortunately.

Posted by: Ken Summers at June 29, 2005 11:36 AM

That's always the way it is. If the red flag is flying (means "rip currents will drag your loser ass out to sea and someone will have to risk their life to save your worthless one") or the whistles are blowing to clear the surf because of sharks, there's the bunch who know it doesn't apply to them. Or rationalizes "if I only go in knee deep"... Ask Jesse Arbogast's family about 'knee-deep'. (And about wading at dusk, sadly.)

Our sheriff chopper runs up and down the surf and, even this past weekend, found sharks 8 ft and better right in the shallows. They use the PA to get folks/surfers out the water, but there's always the one guy who's pissed off he's being told what to do. Nine out of ten times, he'll flip the deputy off and stay put.

I've got about 5 more rules that are especially pertinent to our neck of the Gulf, post Ivan.

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2005 12:06 PM

This is why I don't swim in water where I can't see the bottom.

My vacays in Destin? Spent by the POOL, thank you very much.

Posted by: Lisa at June 29, 2005 12:22 PM

I love the ocean, but don't care to be anythings lunch.

Posted by: Crusader at June 29, 2005 02:40 PM

"I've got the middle o' the food chain blues....."

Posted by: The Real JeffS at June 30, 2005 07:18 AM

Bwhahaha, funny you said that, JeffS! 'Cause it's about exactly what the ballsy fellow who brought that sweet little girl in on his surfboard (AS the shark was still after them, no less) said. "I never realized how far down the food chain I was."

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 30, 2005 10:14 AM